


On the Road Again

by captainangua



Series: The Road [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alpha Castiel, Alpha Sam, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM attempt, Body Modification, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Depression, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, F/F, F/M, Impala Fic, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kid Fic, Kidnapping, Knotting, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Marking, Mates, Mating, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, Omega Dean, Omega Verse, Parent Fic, Parent Sam, Road Trips, Sam gets so done with everyone, Sex in the Impala, Suicidal Thoughts, a/b/o dynamics, at times close to endverse Cas, some world building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:37:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 109,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1432147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainangua/pseuds/captainangua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has an escape plan from his marriage, and it's pretty damn simple. Take his car, and drive across the country to his lawyer brother's place.</p><p>He figures that just because one of his alpha brother-in-laws is already driving the Impala having newly purchased it for himself shouldn't make a load of difference. After all, Dean's found his old gun, and he can be pretty persuasive with it now he needs to be. </p><p>What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time for a Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> So this is getting written mainly because I should be studying or writing my other chaptered fic and I am a chronic procrastinator, but also because I needed more Omega Dean in my life. This is going to be pretty plot-driven, but also driven (aha, driven) by my need for more impala sex fics too...  
> Will probably involve some (past) dub-con and a lot of self-worth issues for Dean.  
> Enjoy! :D
> 
> On the slight chance that anyone is here for/really wanting to avoid the minor ships, there is Sam/Ruby relationship fluff scattered through, and though there's some low-key set-up/follow-through for the meg/anna, it really only appears in ch20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has his first taste of champagne.

_Prologue_

 

It was the first wedding Sam had ever attended and it was absolutely beautiful. Well, aesthetically at least. He doubted there’d be many damp eyes through this ceremony. But there really had been no expense spared on this whole event, he thought again to himself as he walked through the doors of the hotel lobby. They weren’t even standing in one of the rooms being used, but already signs of the Novak family money were everywhere.

“Sam! Did you know about the ice sculpture?” Jess exclaimed beside him when they walked through the main reception hall. “It’s _incredible._ ”

Even knowing it wasn’t going to be as incredible as the girl pointing it out to him, Sam turned to look, and… felt like someone had twisted a knife in his gut.

“It’s a damn near perfect likeness,” John muttered appraisingly, forcing Sam to nod tightly in agreement. It was – it was actually so detailed, so perfect that the sculptor had even managed to capture the lie. That was Michael Novak alright. A broad shouldered, tight jawed man of about thirty, looking sharp in a suit, with everything about his pose just screaming the assurance of an alpha from a rich home. But there was a certain softness in his expression that didn’t seem to sit quite right for Sam, it wasn’t something he’d ever seen on the real face of his soon-to-be brother-in-law. And then… there was Dean. Yeah, he looked pretty close to life too, Sam supposed, though he didn’t want to admit it to himself. But the hair for a start was all wrong. Dean never used to let it sit so flat, so tamed. And the sculpture was arranged oddly too – it made it look as though ice-Dean was just… waiting for ice-Michael to pull him back towards him. He didn’t have any of the same assurance in his stance as his mate, nor even the relaxed sort of pose he normally stood in: a little slouched, with his hands in his pockets. This Dean didn’t seem to have any pockets.

Jess curled her fingers around his arm. “Sam… Your Dad’s gone through already…”

Sam tore his eyes away from the sculpture and smiled down at her. “Yeah, we should, we should probably head in, right?”

She grinned back and gripped at his rented suit, pulling his head down to meet hers and kissed him. For just a moment, Sam was able to relax a little. She always had the power to give him that. And she smelled like home now… did she smell like _mate_ , yet? He kept smiling as he pulled his lips away, keeping one hand laced through the golden curls of her hair, because yeah, she was starting to. Hell, they were still too young, really, to think about that. But he wanted to think about it. He was only nineteen, sure, but he was also sure that he was in love. Maybe it wouldn’t have to be all that long until they could enjoy a – far more modest – wedding of their own…

“C’mon, dummy,” she laughed at him, dragging him out of his dreams again while literally dragging him through into the room set up for the ceremony. Sam was immediately hit with the overpowering scent of flowers the moment they walked in – it just about drowned out the scents of everyone in the room. Roses and lilies _everywhere._ Oh, Dean had to just _hate_ this.

There wasn’t any issue in getting into their seats – there was plenty of room on Dean’s side of the seats. Where Michael’s side was crammed full of relatives young and old, and colleagues and old college friends, Dean had only filled up the first three rows. There were a few old workmates from his mechanic shop, and Ellen and Jo had made it. Bobby was there already, sitting next to John… But that was about it. They’d moved about too much their whole lives to make a forge many lasting friendships for themselves. And, of course, they were Winchesters. Their whole family was either long dead or not speaking to them.

“…So,” Bobby was asking John roughly, “You approve of this boy coming in and sweeping your first-born off his feet? I mean, he’s got money, sure, but don’t you think he seems a bit of a cold fish?”

John shrugged, and Sam forced himself to bite back his frustration at his father’s stubborn disinterest in the whole decision.

“They’re mated now, Bobby. The deal’s done. Who else’d take an omega kid after he’s got a bite on his neck as big and obvious as that?”

Jess, listening quietly beside Sam, squeezed down on his hand to stop it shaking in anger. She knew him so well sometimes.

“… And Michael seems like a decent enough guy – ambitious, too. He’s going places, beyond his family money, and he wants to take Dean with him. So I’ll take that as a good thing.”

Unable to bear it any longer, Sam stood up. “I’m gonna go find Dean,” he muttered, and started making his way out of the seats again. Jess followed him. “Sam, there’s only another twenty minutes until it all gets started…”

He turned back and gave her a smile, almost walking into one of Michael’s elderly relatives as he continued his intended course, backwards. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back in time.” But she kept on walking to catch him, frown furrowing her brow. “What difference is it going to make, talking to your brother now, Sam?” she asked softly as she grasped his hands again. Sam gave her fingers a short squeeze and released them. “I’ve gotta try one more time. I’ll be back in ten, alright?”

He kissed her quickly on the cheek and left her standing there, feeling a little guilty at leaving her there, when the only other person she knew was his father. Although he liked Jessica, John Winchester wasn’t exactly the most gifted conversationalist. But right now Dean had to come first in Sam’s mind. Hell, for a long time Sam had been the foremost of Dean’s priorities, he was well aware of that. And now, Sam thought to himself, hardening his jaw as he was finally directed towards his brother’s dressing room, it had to be time for someone to care about Dean.

Trouble was, Dean wasn’t usually so good at _letting himself_ be cared for.

“Door’s open,” Sam heard with relief when he knocked on the door, and was even more pleased to find that his brother was the only one in the small room.

“Heya, Sammy.”

“Hey, Dean,” Sam replied, having to smile as his still-topless brother walked over and threw his arms around him.

“Dammit Sammy, I thought you’d stopped growing,” Dean mumbled into his shoulder.

“Maybe you’re shrinking.”

“Very funny,” Dean muttered, whipping him playfully with the shirt in his hand. _The_ shirt, Sam remembered. Silk, and bright green. Green for fertility. Green for omega.

Noticing Sam’s gaze, Dean pulled it over his head, a little self-consciously.

“Matches your eyes,” Sam commented scathingly, but really, it did – Dean looked handsome in it. Another pretty, perfect novelty for Michael’s family to gawk at and gabble their approval for. Actually, Dean really was looking _pretty…_

“Are you wearing _make-up_?”

Dean scowled and sat down on the bed. “I know, I know, I’m a painted whore. It was Michael’s idea.”

“I’ll bet.”

Dean looked up sharply. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sam sat down on the twin bed across from him, remembering for a moment all the countless motel beds they’d grown up in, side-by-side. They hadn’t lived like that in a long time obviously. Not since Sam had left for college, and Dean had almost immediately taken up with his new boyfriend…

“Look, Dean. Tell me honestly. Are you… happy, about this whole…” Sam waved his arms around a little “… thing?”

“You really think I’d be sitting here if I wasn’t?”

“Well, Dean you don’t smell happy.”

“Maybe that’s wedding jitters.”

“And maybe they’re there for a good reason.”

Dean eyed him coldly. “Listen, Sammy. Sure, I might not smell happy. But you can smell that I’m mated, can’t you?”

“That doesn’t change-”

“It changes everything, Sam,” Dean cut him off firmly. “The man waiting down there? He’s put his mark on me. He’s changed my scent. That’s me. Nobody else is ever going to look at me again.” There was no forced happiness in his face, in his voice now. Sam was seeing exactly what he’d suspected was the truth and it hurt something fierce to see it confirmed.

“Dean, you are twenty-four. Dude, you’re _young_.”

“And now I’m claimed by someone,” Dean finished, shaking his head at the floor. “You’re never going to understand this, Sammy, and I’m glad you’ll never have to. But believe me… alright I might not be over the moon about all this fucking pompous ceremony. But I’m _relieved_ over what it means. Because yeah, I’m twenty-four, but I’m already tired. I’m tired of having to think about protecting myself from any horny alpha who’s decided they like the smell of me, and I’m tired of having to think about how many more years I’ve even got before my window for kids is gone.” He shrugged again. “And Michael cares. No, he does,” he continued as Sam opened his mouth to try saying something. “He cares.” Dean’s expression softened for a moment. “And hell, he’s fucking loaded, right?”

He’d fallen back into his Big Brother mode again, Sam realised sadly. His mode that meant that the most important priority of the moment was making Sam smile.

“He is that,” Sam admitted.

Dean through a light punch over at Sam’s arm. “You don’t need to worry about me, alright? No need for any overprotective alpha posturing bullshit. I’ll be fine.” But his smile wasn’t quite succeeding in meeting his eyes, those eyes that matched his beautiful wedding shirt so well.

“Now go on, get back down there. You need to go save your girlfriend from all the leering old men downstairs.”

Sam smiled slightly, and reluctantly started moving towards the door.

“So I… uh… I look alright, yeah?”

“You look great, Dean.”

It was the self-conscious way that Dean smiled back at him that had Sam ready to open his mouth in protest at the whole thing all over again. Dean had lost weight for this wedding for fuck sake. And he always looked great. But now, for the first time, he smelled _nervous_ about his appearance.

“Yeah, I should… I suppose I should get back down there,” Sam said awkwardly, as he turned the door handle again. Because if he didn’t leave now, he was going to end up trying to come up with a really stupid plan to rescue his older brother. Who had already stated pretty clear that he didn’t want to be rescued.

“See you down there then.”

“Yeah… Good luck, Dean.”

*

Dean needed that good luck, Sam thought to himself as the ceremony seemed to drag on for a small eternity, with all of the old fashioned vows being employed. Even the old subservience vows part for Dean to awkwardly stutter his way through. That had got Sam and Jess exchanging unhappy glances. It was all so… _archaic,_ disgustingly so. Sam was at college for law, and he knew something about where the country was supposed to be on omega rights within mating and marriage. This was way, way, below that minimum standard.

And it wasn’t just the wedding vows. It was the whole damn night – Sam just couldn’t stop noticing things, only ever small details, that continued to frustrate him. It was the way that there was no question over which of them was taking the lead on the dancefloor, although Dean, clearly, had not had any kind of rehearsal for this dance. It was the way that Michael had cut Dean’s slice of cake a half-size smaller than he cut everyone else’s. Sam had gotten so angry about that one he wasn’t even able to leave his table to pick up a slice for himself when the time came. Because dammit any mate of Dean’s had to know that Dean, though he might have preferred a slice of pie instead, had been looking forward to that masterpiece of a cake. In the end it was Jess who had to slip back on the heels she’d tired with after too much dancing to fetch them both some. “You say you’re not hungry, Sam, but I’m not letting you _not_ get any of your brother’s wedding cake.”

He smiled begrudgingly at her as she stood up and walked away, grateful for her hand which lingered on his arm a few moments longer than it needed to. And then he was alone at the table, except for an alpha man a couple of seats along from him who he hadn’t spoken to yet. He looked about Dean’s age, maybe older, and he seemed more than a little drunk. He’d just swiped himself another glass of champagne from one of the servers still wandering around with platters of them, but seemed to be thinking better of it now. “Would you like this?” He asked, turning to Sam.

“Thanks, but I’m underage, I probably shouldn’t.”

The man’s laugh wasn’t kind but it seemed sympathetic, somehow. “It looked like you could use one.”

Sam smiled tightly. “I guess so. It’s… it’s weird, my brother getting married.”

“You’re the brother of the omega groom? Sam, isn’t it?” The man put down his glass and held out a hand. “I’m Castiel, I’m one of Michael’s little brothers. I didn’t expect to see you at my table.”

“Why not?” Sam frowned, searching to see family resemblances. Castiel Novak seemed softer where his brother looked sharper, and there were more laughter lines filling his face, but they did look alike.

“Because this is the table for the people that Michael and my mother don’t want to have to talk to. There’s me, the black sheep embarrassment of the family. That was my mad aunt Hester over on that chair, before she went up dancing again, and over there was that woman with the young children, and I’m guessing that those guys in the shabby suits were some of Dean’s old friends?”

Sam nodded, reluctantly.

“So I’m thinking that if you’re over here with us, it means that you make Michael nervous.”

“But I’ve barely ever met him before.”

Castiel smiled, a little sadly. “Tell me, Sam, are you and your brother close?”

“I guess so. I mean, yeah, we are. He basically raised me.”

“And now you’re an alpha. Another alpha with a possibly even stronger hold on Michael’s mate’s affections.” Castiel laughed again, and the sound was even more hollow than before. “Oh, no wonder he doesn’t like you. Michael never did like people touching his things. Now are you _sure_ you don’t want this drink, kid?”

Unhappily, Sam took the drink, and downed it in one.

It tasted much more bitter than he’d expected.

*


	2. Going to California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas meets his brother-in-law for the first time and learns about the first rule of road tripping.

_So this is what Michael calls home,_ Cas thought, whistling low as he arrived at the gates to Michael’s house. Well, no one could call it a house. It was far too large to be a house, but _mansion_ didn’t really fit for Cas with the modern architecture – all unnecessarily large windows and painted white brick, towering over the generous green lawn. The garden really was impressive, Cas allowed as he walked through it towards the house, keeping off the grass as instructed by the sign at the front gate. Though none of it would have been tended personally by Michael himself, of course. Cas’ brother was probably able to afford several teams of gardeners these days. The parents were very proud.

And sure enough, when he knocked on the door, it wasn’t Michael answering, nor even his mate, but a different man – what looked like an actual _butler._ Cas only managed to stop himself laughing at the sight of the man with great effort.

“Won’t you please come in,” the probably-not-an-actual-butler told him coolly, extending his arm into the house. Cas tried to smile only respectfully and walked inside after him, onto the marble flooring that made his footsteps echo through the wide reception room. It made Cas feel _unclean_ even to walk through its hallway, wearing his slightly grubby trenchcoat, and his shoes which had become coated in mud on the walk over from the bus station. Cas was sure the not-butler thought so too, but decided to pointedly ignore that.

“So is my brother around today?” Cas asked eventually.

“He’ll be in his study. I’ll take you along there now.”

Feeling as though he was still being scrutinised for a dirty animal that had somehow avoided the rat poison left out, Cas started walking up the stairs after him, glancing at the photos lining the walls as he did so. There was one of Michael with some of his golfing buddies. There was one of Michael opening a new company building, cutting the red ribbon for it with a small private smile of ownership. There was one of Michael and their parents… Oh and _there_ was some sign Michael wasn’t living alone here, Cas noticed eventually, doing something of a double-take at the wedding photo. It had been about… six years ago now? Cas didn’t remember everything about the night. He’d been fairly inebriated for most of it, in defense against the assault of relatives he’d known he’d be facing. But he remembered how gorgeous his new brother-in-law had looked in his new wedding shirt... But then, _of course_ Michael would find a mate in possession of the most perfect bone structure – it didn’t matter what background the boy had come from – and from what Cas remembered it hadn’t been a wealthy one – it only mattered that people looking at him saw immediately that Michael had acquired what was, physically at least, the best available. And together they did make a striking couple.

But their wedding photo was the only one of Dean Novak on the wall.  As he tore his eyes away from it, Cas wondered whether the couple’s continued lack of progeny had anything to do with that slight. It didn’t matter that Cas scarcely knew his brother – he knew enough about him to know that Michael would want a complete set of a nuclear family. He would want a child – or more likely several children to inherit all that he was building.

The house was certainly big enough for more than two, Cas mused as the corridor along to Michael’s office seemed to stretch on and on. And there was another thing. What sort of man wouldn’t come and greet his own brother himself?

A man like Michael, Cas answered himself as the not-butler knocked on the door to the study.

“Come in!”

Michael was still signing a last flourish on some paperwork as Cas walked into the room. “Castiel! It’s wonderful to see you again. It’s been a long time…” He smiled and got to his feet, giving the not-butler a nod. “That’ll be everything, thank you Zachariah.”

Inclining his head, Zachariah left the room. The name was the last straw for Cas, who now had to bite down on a laugh as he watched the man walk away and Michael walked forward for what Cas wondered might be a hug. But no, he was only holding out his hand for a handshake. Obviously. Even as a child Michael had liked to avoid displays of physical affection as much as possible.

“You’re looking well, little brother,” Michael told him appraisingly, as he released Cas’ hand, and Cas could hear what he wasn’t saying – that he wasn’t looking _well_ as such, but that, to Michael, he was looking _better_ , more _respectable_ than he had the last time he’d seen him. Cas thought about the last time he’d met Michael – the wedding probably. Back then he’d been very much in his Peace Corps convert and recreational junkie phase. In comparison, he really must look ‘well’ to Michael.

“Thanks,” Cas said with a small smile as he sat in the chair offered to him. “You’re also looking… well,” he added, meaning it. If it wasn’t for the clothes and desk and mannerisms that all seemed to belong to a much older businessman, Michael certainly wouldn’t look as though he was approaching forty. His handsome face still didn’t seem troubled by lines and he hadn’t yet acquired the slight paunch that Lucifer, the closest brother in age to Michael, had already.

“So how have you been keeping these days? I hear you’ve finally given your wandering a rest now.”

Michael’s tone was revealing of just what he thought of Cas’ ‘wandering.’ Cas smiled tightly at him. “Not quite, no. But I’ve decided to confine my wandering to the country, for now. That’s actually why I called after Anna told me you were selling your car.”

“You’re planning a road trip, little brother?”

The _little brother_ irked fiercely. It had never been a term used in affection with Michael, only in condescension. “That’s right. I’ve already got everything I need with me,” he added, nodding to the backpack he’d brought with him, and set down on the floor.

Michael’s eyes went wide when he looked at it, as though he weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry. “Are you sure that’s everything you need in there?” he spluttered eventually. “I’m sure I can spare a few towels, or _something_ for you…”

“Thank you, but I’m certain this is everything I’ll need. After backpacking down South America for a while, a drive up to Portland from Miami seems like luxury. I’ve left the rest of my things at Anna’s place.”

“Christ, Castiel, what are you doing driving up to Oregon? What on earth’s in Portland?”

Cas shrugged, enjoying his brother’s obvious discomfort. “Not sure yet. I suppose I’m tired of seeing everywhere in the world except my own country. So now that I’ve decided to settle down, I haven’t the faintest idea where to start looking.”

Michael continued to stare at him like he’d gone mad, although he was clearly now trying to mask that response under a more professional expression. “Does our mother know?”

Cas suppressed a sigh. He was thirty-two years old, and still considered the babyish brat of the family, whatever he did. There were a lot of good reasons he’d taken such a long time to come home. “Not directly, no. Although having told you I can now be sure that she will soon find out.”

Michael’s jaw clenched slightly, but then he relaxed his face, determinedly, into an easy smile. “I hope then if the car’s so important to you that the price of gas isn’t going to be an issue. It’s a fairly old make I believe.”

“I’m sure I can afford it well enough. But what is the mileage?”

Michael frowned. “I’m not entirely sure. It’s… it’s actually not really my car.”

“Oh?” Cas was interested. There was something very close to _shame_ in the smell Michael was giving off now.

“It’s my mate’s really. He had it when we were married. But we really don’t have the space for another car around now,” he asserted. “It’s entirely impractical for us to keep.”

“Where is Dean today, anyway?”

Again with the clenched jaw. “He’s not been well. He’s recovering in his room.”

“Ah.”

There was a jarring silence for a few moments as both alphas stared each other down, both keeping their expressions perfectly composed, but Cas was very aware that if Zachariah walked back into the room he’d smell a load of distrust and frustration.

“So would you like to see the car?”

Cas assented and followed his brother down to his garage. He decided that hey, Michael’s marriage was his own issue. Cas was just here to get his hands on a good looking car and get going, an open road ahead of him… No family, no responsibilities. Just himself, alone at last. It wasn’t that he wanted to take the trip to do anything so twee as try to _find himself_ , but… yeah. Actually that was probably the most concise summary of what he was trying to do. That, and fall in love with his own country again. He’d missed it, but since he’d got back he couldn’t quite remember why, not really. He’d figured that if he couldn’t remember again on a trip like this, then maybe it was time to get back to Brazil.

…But it certainly was a beautiful car, Cas thought to himself as Michael showed it to him. Sleek, black and looking well cared for, right down to the polished silver words _Chevrolet Impala_ down the side. “I don’t know a lot about cars,” Cas murmured, “But it looks as though you’re selling me your best, Michael.”

Michael snorted. “I assure you, it’s neither the fastest, nor the best looking. And the leather seats are infuriating.”

“How’s it to drive?”

“I’ve actually never driven it before,” Michael said with a frown, as if only just realising this detail. “Dean mainly used it to go shopping in.”

“Not to go to work or anything?”

Michael brushed a hand over the hood of the car. “Oh no, Dean doesn’t work. He worked as a mechanic before we were engaged. Obviously now he’s married to me he doesn’t need to continue working.”

“Obviously,” Cas agreed, fighting to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. He had genuinely been curious to see how his older brother had fared over the last few years since he’d seen him, but the more he continued talking with him, the more desperate Cas was becoming to escape his company. He was just a disgustingly classic model of the alpha male WASP, and it made Cas feel uncomfortable about _himself_ knowing how similar he was to him – biologically at least. His whole life he’d basically been running from the fact of his own privilege. Standing here with Michael, talking about his mate as though he was just another glorified possession, it felt like it was all being slapped back in his face.

“So how much are you wanting for it?”

*

It was another hour or so until Cas was finally able to throw his faded backpack into the passenger seat beside him and get ready to start up the engine of his new car. And what a satisfying noise it made. Michael himself stayed with him to open up the doors of his garage and let him out, waving him away with an insincere, “Let’s not leave it so long until next time, little brother.”

Cas strained his mouth into a smile and managed an awkward little wave before driving the car out into the driveway, past the perfect garden and out onto the road. He let out a small sigh of relief. Finally alone with his own thoughts… His nose was just tricking him into thinking that he wasn’t - likely because Michael’s mate had been driving the car only that day or something. He frowned a little to think of Dean Novak, who he hadn’t seen the whole time of his visit. _Not well._ Cas shook his head. He didn’t envy that poor omega, likely trapped and ordered around a lot in this archaic til-death-do-you-part agreement with his domineering older brother. No fun at all.

As he moved to try and turn on the radio, Cas paused and nearly stopped the car. Because, yes, that was the unfamiliar scent of an omega, with the slight hint of familiarity which let him know who it belonged to. But it really _wasn’t_ a residual smell. It was a very _living_ smell – and it was full of emotion, of energy – it was fearful and agitated and perhaps even a little _insane._

And, _oh God,_ that was breathing. Someone was breathing in the seat behind him. He really wasn’t alone in the car.

But just as he’d steeled himself to turn and look around, he was stopped by another sound. The click of a gun, coming right from the back of his head. And then the gravelly voice of a very angry man.

“Alright, Peach Fuzz. Stop the car, and switch seats. Because there is no fucking way I am driving around in the backseat of my own fucking car.”

*

Apparently Dean’s stranger brother-in-law was smarter than he looked. Without a word, the car slid in next to the sidewalk and ground to a halt. Trying not to breathe too heavily as he spoke, Dean started growling at him again, hoping he sounded and smelt like he meant business, and not like he was making this up as he went along.

“Alright. Now open the door on your side, then take your backpack off that seat and switch over.”

Castiel – that was the name, right? – turned to look at him for the first time, blue eyes wide and only vaguely judgemental.

“Anytime this week’d be perfect. That’s awesome,” he added as the man opened the door and reluctantly moved over. Keeping the gun fixed at his head, hand not shaking in the slightest –although he couldn’t stop thinking that it was the first time he’d ever had to train it on a human – Dean got out of the car and quickly slid into the driver’s seat beside his prisoner.

His _prisoner._

Shit, this really was the worst idea he’d ever had in his entire life.

Why the fuck hadn’t he done it five years ago?

“Ok, I’m going to start driving,” he said slowly, “And you’re going to sit tight beside me. I am not planning on using this,” he continued, nodding at the gun, “But I am quite happy to if you don’t do as I’m asking you to. If you try and roll out onto the road, you are not going to be looking all that pretty tomorrow, and you might even end up dead. And that won’t even be my fault.”

Well, directly.

“Alright,” the other man said eventually, after staring at him for an unnecessary length of time.

 Dean tried not to breathe out too obviously. “Awesome. It _is_ Castiel, right?”

“Right. But my friends and kidnappers usually call me Cas.”

“I’m not a kidnapper, dude.”

“No, you’re just holding a gun to my head to try and brighten my day.”

Dean forced his mouth into staying as a straight line. So the sonofabitch thought he was funny. Perfect.

“I’m holding a gun to your head so I can talk to you and make sure you don’t do anything stupid here.” He waved the gun a little. “This is prevention. It doesn’t have to be cure.”

“So talk to me.” There was the ghost of a smile playing on Cas – Castiel’s lips now, and Dean felt the anger rise up again. He wasn’t about to let himself be mocked, not by Michael’s hippy little brother, not by anybody. Not anymore - not after he’d decided himself on that and a few other things at about eleven that morning.

Dean pursed his lips and increased his grip around the pearl-handle of his gun. “This is how it’s gonna go, alright? I drive, you shut your cakehole. I heard something about you needing to drive out to Oregon. Well this,” Dean had to pause for a moment and beat down the voice of his mate that was still echoing loud inside his head, “this is _my_ car. I get that you paid money for it, but this wasn’t ever for sale. So this isn’t a kidnapping, this is an American citizen trying to reclaim his own property. But hey, you want a road trip to the other side of the country away from everybody you know for a while? That’s fine. That works out well for me. Turns out I’m aiming for California. It’s not all that far from where you were headed anyway.” Dean took a deep breath and tried for a smile, trying to remember how he’d used to be able to charm people. “You can see it as a win-win situation. You promise not to contact anyone about this, and I promise to get you as far as Cali. When we get there, I’ll pay you what this baby is actually _worth…_ And then you leave me and the car there and head on up to Portland, or wherever the fuck you’re really off to.”

“Except now I have to take on a rather erratic travelling companion.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “That’s the only deal going. But I promise you, I know a lot about road trips. Dude, I was raised in this car. I know how to drive.”

“So I get myself an expert on road tripping and you get to flee your unhappy marriage without my brother knowing where you’ve gone for at least a few… days,” his shotgun stated drily.

_Your unhappy marriage._

_Dude, you haven’t got a fucking clue, do you?_

But then, Dean reminded himself, this guy was an alpha, and he’d never needed to have a clue.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” Dean said eventually, straight-faced, holding the other man’s gaze. “Just one more thing. Open up that drawer.”

Cas’ brow furrowed in confusion. “Drawer?”

“In there, idiot.”

Slowly, a little suspiciously, Cas opened it up.

“Now pick up one of those cassette tapes.”

To his credit, the guy wasn’t mocking him over this – he even wiped the top layer of dust off of them with an almost reverent air of quiet respect. Dean wanted to thank him for that, for handling them like he knew what they meant.

Slowly, Dean put the gun down into his belt holster. “Now put in one of those and press play.”

“Which one?”

“Any of them. Doesn’t matter. First rule of road tripping,” Dean told him sternly as he revved up the engine, and felt the car’s pur roll through him like the first wave of an orgasm. “Always drive with a kickass soundtrack supporting you.”

Obediently, Cas eased one of the tapes into the machine.

_“Hey, hey Mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove…”_

Dean grinned and rammed his foot down as the guitar solo burst in. For a moment, he was going to ignore the alpha sitting next to him, and he was going to fucking enjoy himself. Because for the first time in almost seven years, he felt _free –_ Hell, he probably felt more free than he had his entire life. At the end of this journey he was going to have a fuckton of things to stress over, but right now, right here in this moment… he could do whatever he damn well pleased. So he was going to turn up the volume of his favourite music, and he was going to sing along, even though Michael had told him that it wasn’t seemly and that he didn’t have much of a voice. And if he wanted to, fuck yes he was going to swear. And whenever he felt like it, he was going to stop for a burger, and he wasn’t even going to consider how many pounds that meant he’d be piling on.

Fuck the mark on his neck that told the world that somebody owned him. From now on, or at least _for_ now, Dean was going to be owning himself.

And if anyone asked, the last name was Winchester.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone taking an interest in this story - especially to all of you lovely people who commented. I hope this is going in a cool direction for you so far :) I probably won't normally be able to update so fast, since I really should be working on the other fic or reading Congreve... but I will try!


	3. Free to be You and Me(?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally gets his burger, while his brother gets a very unexpected phone call.

They’d just passed by the Palm coast and finished up on what Cas thought might be their fourth cassette tape when he spoke up for the first time. It wasn’t that he was particularly frightened or nervous around the omega in the driver’s seat – really he was finding it amazing how well he was taking his entire situation he’d been thrust into at gunpoint. No, it was more that he… wanted to pick his words carefully. He didn’t want to sound like a helpless idiot, and he’d prefer if he could to sound… well, _cool_ – interesting, if possible. But after hours of mulling it over, the best conversation starter that Cas was able to come up with was, “So what’s in Cali?”

Dean started and turned his head, as though he’d forgotten he had someone in the passenger seat. The omega had let stress set in over the last couple of hours, Cas had been noticing. He’d stopped singing along to the music, and his tapping at the steering wheel was no longer along to the beat, but had changed into another small agitated tell. And his smell had changed too as the sun had started falling in the sky. That exhilarated smell of mild insanity and freedom, which, admittedly, had been stupidly attractive, had faded.

“My brother’s family,” Dean grunted eventually, after staring suspiciously at Cas for a few moments.

“Your brother? I… I think I may have met him once. At the wedding,” Cas explained, and watched Dean’s eyes momentarily widen in fright before he settled his expression once more. He clearly didn’t want to be reminded about their connection to each other – about his marriage, about Michael. Not for the first time, Cas wondered what on earth his brother could have done to his omega to put that look in his eye, to drive him to _this._

“Oh yeah?”

“Tall, lanky teenager. Spoke well. Had a little blonde beta girl with him at the time.”

“Yeah. Yeah that’s right,” Dean murmured, a soft little smile tugging at his lips.

“So does he know you’re coming?”

Dean took his eyes off the road again – something he seemed to do with frustrating persistence – and raised his brows. “Dude. You really think I planned any of this out? Seriously?”

“It all does, admittedly, seem to lack a certain design and structure…”

Dean pouted slightly and ignored Cas pointedly.

Cas shifted in his seat slightly, wondering if he should leave things there. But then he thought better of it. If he was going to have his trip hi-jacked so completely he wasn’t going to just let it go. And as the youngest in his family, he was well aware of his talent for being able to _annoy._

“So when was it you came to the realisation that armed robbery and kidnap was your smartest lifeplan?”

“Again,” Dean growled, determinedly _not_ looking over at his passenger this time, “it’s not robbery. It’s reclaiming my own property. And since that actually makes _you_ the thief, I am being pretty damn generous taking you almost all the way to where you’re headed.”

“California is hardly Oregon.”

“C’mon, they’re right next to each other! And what the Hell’s in Oregon anyway?”

“I was going to try and find out.”

“Let me tell you, I have been all over this country, and there is zero going on up there.”

They sat with only the music playing to fill the silence once again, until Cas spoke up again.

“You know, I doubt the cops would see it that way.”

“What, about Oregon being Nowheresville?”

“No,” Cas said, crossing his arms childishly. “About me being the car thief. I bought this car from your Alpha. I’m sure that’d be good for any Florida police cruiser driving by.”

Dean turned to look at him again, and for a moment Cas felt a giant lump grow up in his throat, rendering him unable to speak. Those extraordinary green eyes blazed with rage, though the expression on Dean’s face hadn’t obviously changed. The effect was a little terrifying.

And. Of course Michael had found himself the prettiest omega out there…

“You believe that’s right, alpha?”

Cas felt himself withering under the omega’s glare, and was suddenly desperate to look anywhere else, but didn’t even know how to start tearing his eyes away.

“Of course I don’t. The law is frequently archaic in its prejudices, and wrong. Even in this country.”

“ _Even_ in this country? What the Hell is that supposed to mean?”

Cas shrugged, admitting to himself that he felt on edge now. He’d remembered about that pearl-handed gun nestled in Dean’s holster.

“I only meant that I’ve been all over the world, trying to help omegas in other countries. And I have… I’ve seen just how bad things can get in some places.” He bit his lip, remembering the smell of that shelter in Kampla; remembering the case of the woman in Buenos Aires who’d tried to kill her own child when she too presented as an omega, saying that she was only trying to save her from the same life she’d had to lead…

“So what, other places have it worse so now America’s some kind of saint? Are you fucking kidding me? We’re still living in a goddamn rape culture, where alphas especially can get away with every crime ever thought of on the pretext of biology. Couldn’t _possibly_ have been able to control themselves.” He practically spat out the last word, and continued looking ahead as though something in front of them in road was the cause of all his troubles, and he had a mind to run it over. Then he looked over at Cas, a cruel smile that didn’t suit him playing on his perfect lips.

“Have you ever done it, alpha? Just gone ahead and taken someone just because you can?”

Cas stiffened, “I’m not an animal, no.”

“And I bet you think you’re so special because of that, right, alpha? You’re not one like the rest of your sex, oh no, you’re a _good guy._ You go out to Africa and you _help_ people like me right?”

Cas stared back at him unwaveringly. “My name’s Cas.”

Dean sneered, his good mood obviously long spoiled as he at last turned back to face the road. “Whatever.”

*

The alpha didn’t try talking to him again until Dean stopped the car for food, some five hours after he’d first ‘kidnapped’. Oh, alright, maybe he had kidnapped him. Just a bit. Whatever. Admittedly the dude hadn’t complained once, not over anything outside the principle of the whole thing anyway. There’d been no whining for food or drink or toilet breaks. It had been Dean who’d eventually given in and admitted to himself that he was starving. He hadn’t eaten anything since early that morning, and that had only been a couple of pathetic little breakfast bars. And then came the fight with Michael, and he hadn’t been able to focus on any more than, well, this.

But now he really could kill for some fast food.

They stopped before they got near the state line, somewhere about twenty minutes past Jacksonville. Dean couldn’t help finding it a little annoying – he’d really been hoping to have made it out of Florida by now. He hated Florida, _hated_ it. It was partly listening to that accent all day. It made everyone sound so goddamn cheerful, even when they were using it to bitch and whine and needle. And the heat was infuriating too, to say nothing on the bugs that came with it. It used to amuse Sam when they were kids, Dean’s determination to keep everything clean, keep all the windows closed. He didn’t want ‘roaches. He didn’t want mosquitos. He didn’t want Sammy growing up in filth.

But that had been back in the day when it was Dean’s job to look out for Sam. It really did sting, running to his brother’s not just because he hadn’t been allowed to see him in years and he missed him, but also out of a basic need for protection. Because people would take him seriously for no better reason than his status as an alpha. And, if this whole kidnapping shit did go belly-up, Dean might actually just need his help as a lawyer…

They were sitting in the gas station/cafe car park for about good few minutes before Dean let his hands slowly start sliding from the wheel. He hadn’t realised just how tight he’d been gripping it. Apparently Cas had noticed too – he was looking at him now with something close to concern for a moment as Dean let out a long breath.

“So. You want food then?”

“If that’s what the road trip expert would advise for me.”

Dean snorted, feigning mild amusement. Inside he was slowly feeling anxiety rise. This was the first real test – did he trust this guy, this brother of Michael’s, to come inside without shouting for help or trying to make a dash for it? If not, should Dean, what, keep him tied up in that car? That was a whole other level of crazy… Hell, he’d just like to let the guy go really. He was just an alright dude, a little too smart-mouthed, but he seemed nice enough and he obviously had an excellent taste in cars. He probably didn’t deserve anything like Dean and all the poisonous baggage he had following in his wake.

 _But neither do I,_ Dean reasserted to himself. Although the fiery resolve that had burned so fiercely in him that morning was being worn down by growing doubts, that certainty remained. He couldn’t let himself end up back home. If he ever saw Michael again…

Cas was still waiting patiently for Dean to tell him that it was ok to move, blue eyes staring patiently at him. Right. The gun. Dean was definitely the one in charge here. And if he wasn’t, well, he told himself as he finally slid his feet off the pedals, they were hardly going to make it all the way across the country without food.

“Ok,” Dean started in, “Let’s see if this place has any pie.”

As it turned out, they’d ran out of all their pie at lunchtime. “Dammit,” Dean muttered under his breath at the counter, making Cas, who was still obediently sticking right behind him, smile slightly. The guy really had to be seriously messed up, Dean could almost swear he was finding the whole thing a big joke so far, he thought again to himself as they sat down in a booth to wait on their food. He must really hate his older brother or something.

“So you and Michael ever been close?” Dean eventually asked him after their food got brought over. Cas laid down a napkin on his lap and looked back at Dean in apparent amusement. That was another way he was different from his brother, Dean noted. He smiled a lot more. Both Novaks were indisputably good looking, but on Cas there was less of a chiselled handsomeness in the way he wore it, and more of an amiable softness to his features. It made him look far more… approachable.

“Dean, I’m sure if you’ve spent much time with my family you’ll have realised by now that none of us are terribly close.”

“I guess. I’ve never even met them all.”

Cas smiled. “Well, of course, you won’t know Gabriel. He’d long severed contact with the family by the time your wedding rolled around.” He took a large satisfied bite out of his burger. “He still calls me sometimes, letting me know what he’s up to in Vegas, or Paris, or Hong Kong.”

“What’s he do?”

Cas shrugged. “Last I heard he was trying to open up nouveau Moulin Rouge, right across the road from the original. That was about… two years ago, maybe?”

Dean raised his eyebrows and wiped some mustard off of his lower lip. “No wonder Michael never mentioned him.”

“There’s a lot Michael prefers not to talk about. For instance, he told me he was selling the car because you’d no space.”

“You believed that?”

The air seemed to still for a moment again.

“No,” Cas said eventually, looking into the restaurant, away from their booth at the window. “Why did he do it?”

“Why was he selling?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” Dean deadpanned, picking up the last crumbs of his burger, “he was mad at me.”

“That’s pretty mad. He’d never have hurt you… physically, would he?”

“You met your brother? Michael’d never do physical. Not if he didn’t have to. Nah, Michael likes… he likes getting at you where it matters. And he knew Baby mattered to me more than anything else that was left. So.”

“Baby?”

“The car.”

“Ah. You, uh, you said you ‘grew up in it.’ How did that work?”

“My Dad was always a bit of a drifter, and he brought me and my brother around with him wherever he went. Meant a lot of living in shitty motels mostly.”

“So is that what you’ve planned for us now? Shitty motels?”

Dean hesitated. He hadn’t really though that far ahead. And back in that day he’d always shared a room with his brother, sometimes with his father as well. Could he trust this alpha to share a room with him? Could he trust him to stay put in a separate room? And he was due a heat this month, and soon… he needed to get hold of some of those suppressants Michael had never let him use.

Fuck, he really hadn’t thought this out at all, had he?

“Pretty much. Sleeping in the car if we can’t make it to anywhere on time. We’re going as fast as we can. Why, what was your plan, before me?”

Cas frowned at his empty plate. “I hadn’t really thought. I was going to stay with friends on the way… and yes, I suppose I was going to try staying in a few hotels, but I hadn’t booked anything.”

Dean smiled, but not, he thought, unkindly. _Ho_ tels. Yeah that sounded about right for a moneyed, eternal gap-year dude like this one.

“Would you like me to get you the bill?” Their cheerful beta waitress was, of course, addressing her question to Cas. _She probably thinks he’s my alpha,_ Dean realised with a jolt. Betas tended to notice less of the nuances in smell, and she’d have seen by now that Dean was mated to _someone._

“That’d be wonderful,” Cas told her, without missing a beat. “Dean, would you mind getting that? I was just going to go to the bathroom before we left…” He slid smoothly out of the booth and started walking away towards the toilet sign. Dean just managed to restrain himself from clutching at his heart in panic. His sort-of prisoner was running away from him. Dean hadn’t even thought to try taking his phone off of him. He’d just watched him walk into the men’s room, but for all Dean knew he was calling Michael, or the cops, or climbing out the window and making a dash for it.

He really did suck at this whole kidnapping business.

“Sir? The bill?”

*

As Cas zipped up his pants his considered carefully his next move. He really had been left with his cell phone in his pocket – leaving the question on whether his kidnapper was an idiot, or really not much of a kidnapper at all. Admittedly Cas didn’t feel terribly forced into anything yet. So far he’d just somehow ended up with a driver and had his first meal paid for.

But it was the _principle_ of the thing really, wasn’t it?

Opening up his contacts list, Cas hesitated over calling Michael. But… he didn’t particularly like his brother. And by the sound of things, he deserved to have his mate run off from him. Cas would have found it all very funny, second-hand from Anna maybe a few months later, the way he normally heard about any of the new family dramas. Now that it was him in the car with the crazy omega he wasn’t quite so able to find it funny. Although… he couldn’t deny that he was probably having a better time with someone next to him for the ride. And Dean was, well, he wasn’t just a pretty face. He was interesting, and it had been a while since Cas had genuinely wanted to learn more about a person.

But then maybe that was Stockholm Syndrome setting in already. Because he already was feeling as though calling Michael or the cops now would somehow be a betrayal. Which was ridiculous of course. But still Cas couldn’t shake it. He didn’t want Dean sent back to Michael, he didn’t want to feel complicit in marital abuse every time his mother mentioned Michael’s continued lack of children, or every time he tried to take a drive in his own car.

No, he couldn’t… he couldn’t just walk away from this situation he’d ended up in. Somehow, Cas decided as he walked out the toilet door, he was going to have to stick with this, to see where it all ended up. Wasn’t this why he’d bought the car in the first place? For something like a last idiot adventure before he made himself pack it all in and do something real with his life… and then when he came out of the door and walked back into the restaurant, he saw Dean. He was staring wide-eyed at him, with red cheeks and looking out of breath, like he’d just ran over from their table. And when his face slid into that picture of relief when he saw Cas walking towards him… Yeah. Cas knew that, for whatever mad subconscious reason, he was doing the right thing.

*

Sam had just finished making lunch for his little boy when the phone rang out with his new ringtone. He never got tired at watching that little face light up in concentrated surprise and confusion at an unfamiliar new sound, or sight, or smell. And then there’d been the other day, when he’d been allowed to stroke the neighbour’s cat for the first time – and Ginger’s fur obviously felt a lot softer than their own retriever’s at home. It had been like Christmas for him.

“Hello?”

As Sam continued to make faces at Davey who was now clapping in his high chair, he heard a voice crackle through on the other end of the line.

“Sam, it’s Michael.”

“ _Michael.”_

“Michael Novak, yes.”

Sam almost dropped the phone. Dean’s country-club-member dick of a holier-than-thou husband calling him now? He hadn’t heard from him, or Dean in… well. A long while. Dean had never even met his nephew. And it wasn’t like the Novaks didn’t have the money to fly out and see them.

“Well… hi.”

“I’m calling to talk to you about Dean.”

“Is he alright?” Sudden terror clutched at him. What if Dean was ill, injured, dead? Sam hadn’t seen his older brother in so long now…

“He was fine the last I saw of him. But the last time I saw him was this morning, Sam. I’d like to know where he is now.”

“You think I know where he is?”

“Do you?”

“ _No_.” _And I wouldn’t tell you if I did._ “Why would he leave?”

“I have no idea. That’s why I’m calling.”

“You’ve not… if you’ve hurt him, Michael…”

“I’m his husband. I’m not trying to hurt him. I’d just like to have him back.”

 _Have him back._ As though Dean was some sort of toy he’d misplaced.

“So if he does try to contact you, or if he flies out to see you, I expect you’ll let me know.”

Sam took a deep breath and looked back over at his son, the son who hadn’t yet had a chance to meet his Uncle, his godfather.

“I think Dean will give you a call whenever he wants to talk to you.”

There was a short pause on the other end of the line. “I’m asking only out of concern for my mate’s wellbeing, Sam. I’m sure you’d be the same.”

“Actually, I respect the fact that she knows her own fucking mind, Michael. So no, I wouldn’t be. And if Dean does turn up and he tells me that he needs a lawyer to help him sort out a divorce, believe me, I will be more than happy to help him with that.”

“Not meaning to offend, but you’re not the only number for a lawyer in my contact list, Sam.”

“Well feel free to delete mine,” Sam growled and practically threw the phone back on its hook.

His baby started clapping again.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dean's opinions on certain American states in this chapter do not reflect mine, promise :D*
> 
> Seriously though, thank you to everyone that's been giving me all these lovely comments. It's like lots of people giving me justification for not studying and having fun writing instead...


	4. Ramble On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean hasn't finished with using his gun yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sam/Ruby are staying very much the peripheral pairing, I just like talking about them*
> 
> Sorry this one took a bit longer than I thought it would to get finished, but here it is eventually :D

Ruby got home from work at around half five, since she’d been walking that day and leaving the car with Sam so that he could take Davey to his swimming class. Ruby had laughed at Sam originally for wanting to try and make sure their eighteen-month old would get to ‘experience the water’, but had eventually given in, saying, “hey, it’s your Saturdays.” And Sam enjoyed being able to watch his kid splashing around in the water with the other little ones. He had his parents’ dark hair, but sometimes Sam really thought he could see a lot of Dean in him – already he seemed to be able to turn on some of that unteachable natural charm when meeting new people.

“How’s he been all day?” Ruby asked him as she laid down her bag and eased some of the tension out of her back. They’d so far been managing to arrange their working hours around their child, but it wasn’t always easy to find a lot of time to spend with each other. To anyone who tutted at them that they’d been too young, too early into their respective careers to handle a child, Sam would fiercely deny everything. And of course he’d never regret having Davey – David Dean, they’d called him, which Ruby hadn’t been overly fond of, but she’d known what it meant to Sam, and allowed it – but sometimes he missed the hours they’d never used to have to share, long lazy hours Sam could spend _unwrapping_ his wife…

He tried letting some of his thoughts creep into his touch as he went over to give her a hug. “Sam…” she groaned, pushing him away, but letting him see the small smile creeping over up her face. “So what have you been doing with yourself all day?”

“Well, I got a phone-call.”

“Uh-huh?” she said, raising an eyebrow as she picked up their son. “Who’d want to be calling you?”

Sam perched on the arm of their couch. “My brother-in-law, apparently.”

“Wait, wait, wait. The same dick of a brother-in-law that basically moved almost totally unnecessarily across the country so that your brother wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.”

Sam shrugged. “Not that he put it like that at the time… but, yeah, basically.”

“So why’d he call you?”

“He thinks Dean’s ran off.”

“Good riddance by the sounds of things.”

“Only... I thought he might have called me if he had. If he was thinking about it even. Hell, he’d know I’d be here for him, and I doubt he’d wanna go back to Dad…”

Ruby started laughing as she continued to jiggle Davey up and down in her arms. “And here I was thinking it was only me John Winchester had such a problem with.”

Sam snorted, before biting his lip and looking back at his cell phone. Wryly regarding the look in his eye, Ruby’s face softened. “Look, Sam. If you want to talk to your brother, go ahead and call him.”

“I’ve been trying all afternoon and he’s not picked up.”

She bent down and gave him a peck on the forehead, the baby in her arms looking up at his parents in abject confusion. “Try again one more time while I put this one to bed.”

“Kinda early for bedtime isn’t it?”

“Nope. I need him asleep so that you can fuck me several times over all night.” She smiled down at her son. “I want another, and I want you to give me one, Winchester. So don’t you be long.”

Sam exhaled a laugh and watched her walk up the stairs away from him, as always amazed that he’d been lucky enough to find someone to share his life with after everything that had happened with Jess. Someone who, against all odds, was absolutely perfect for him.

If only his brother could have been so lucky, he thought to himself, and pressed the redial button on his phone once more.

*

They’d finally got back on the right track after Cas had liberated a map from underneath Dean’s heavy box of cassette tapes. Apparently Dean wasn’t such a great navigator, or he’d just been so desperate to get out of the South that he’d been ignoring the fact he’d been driving in the wrong direction for the last few hours.

“See, it really is all in the name of it that’d give you a clue, Dean. To go to California is to _go west._ Now I’m not the _expert,_ but I’d imagine that it only makes sense that to go west, you’d be trying to _drive west_.”

“Alright, alright, I think I’ve heard enough from you, Chekov.” But Dean spoke with a begrudging smile now.

“Chekov?”

“He was a navigator for a while in… Hey, hey, wait. You’ve not seen Star Trek?”

“I wasn’t aware that was any sort of grave issue.”

“ _Wasn’t aware…_ what the fuck did your parents even raise you guys on? Michael was always weird about that sorta thing too…”

Cas noted the past tense in Dean’s use of Michael’s name and felt bizarrely pleased about it - he’d started being far more analytical of his own feelings as this day had rolled by.

It _had_ only been one day so far. Wow.

Looking out the window at the now darkened sky, Cas smiled to himself. “Maybe you’ll have to get me to watch them all at some point.”

“Hell, they’ll probably still be running reruns of them on all the motel TVs.” Dean gave Cas a first real glimpse of what a real, genuine smile from him looked like. It was… well. Affectingly charming. “Maybe we’ll catch one tonight.”

“So are we stopping in Tallahassee?”

Dean screwed up his face again into a more familiar scowl. “I was going to try and get us outta Florida by the time we needed to be bedding down.”

“Dean. It’s already getting late, and I’m hungry. So I think we should stop in Tallahassee.”

“Stop talking to me like I’m a fucking child.”

“So start treating me like I have any say in this journey if you want me to stick on it with you.”

Dean breathed out heavily and went back to staring moodily at the road. “Fine. We’ll stop off in Talla-friggin’-hassee since it makes you so happy.”

“Thank you. I know you wanted to get as far away from Michael tonight as you could…”

“Don’t you Freud me,” Dean muttered as he pushed his foot down harder on the accelerator. “You saying I’m afraid?”

“Perhaps. If you were there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that. You’re not a machine, Dean.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him, but said nothing, and for the next hour until they reached the first motel they could find in town, they saying nothing in the darkness, listening to what had to be one of the only albums they hadn’t already listened to in the car. Cas thought it was probably AC/DC. It was high, and loud, and Cas thought he could remember having friends who’d used to play their songs all the time back in his college days. He’d liked those parties.

The motel was a garish shade of pink that looked worn out from the dark stains that dotted over it obviously, even in the dim light. Dean's reaction was more pleased than Cas thought the place deserved, until he realised, that, like everything Dean seemed to be enjoying, it was out of reaction to what his mate would want for him. And then Cas realised that it was therefore something that would also upset his mother and he felt better about the whole thing.

When they were signing in at reception, they were instantly taken as a mated couple, just like back in the restaurant. Dean seemed more prepared for that this time.

“No, no,” he laughed off. “We’re brothers.”

“Ah, ok. So will you be wanting a twin bed room, or two separate ones?”

Dean bit his lip. It would be easy for Cas to take the opportunity to say something first, but he was interested in seeing what Dean would decide. Had he chosen to trust him yet?

“We’ll uh, we’ll take the single rooms. Thanks.”

Cas glanced over at him in pleasant surprise as Dean looked away, with his cheeks starting to turn a darker shade of pink.

“Alright… I’ll put you along in rooms… Ah shit, sorry. We’re actually more full up than I thought tonight, guys. We don’t have another room free… Would the twin bed room be alright after all?”

Dean’s face fell as Cas spoke up. “Twin beds will do fine, thank you.”

It was worth it for the look on Dean’s face.

“I’m sorry about all this. I’m sorry I… abducted you, kidnapped you or whatever the fuck I did,” Dean eventually managed to choke out when they made it inside their room.

“Well you haven’t been going about it very well.”

“We’ve been over tha-at,” Dean groaned as he flopped down onto his bed.

Cas stood over him for a moment. “Aren’t you going to change out of your clothes?”

“With you watching?”

“No, I mean are you really going to sleep in your jeans?”

“That’s right.”

Cas sighed and went to the bathroom to get changed into his own sleeping clothes, and brush his teeth, trying not to think about the omega sprawled out over the bed next to his in the other room. Dean, his brother’s mate, his abductor… well. It wasn’t quite that way any longer, now.

He thought Dean might already be asleep when he re-entered the room, but after he got into his own bed once he’d turned the light off, the sheets uncomfortable and stiff to the touch, Dean spoke again. “Look Cas, I know…  I know I’ve really screwed this whole thing up. But I just… I wanted to say thanks, alright? You’re… you’re a good guy.”

Cas smiled softly to himself, grateful that Dean couldn’t see his face at this point. “It’s fine, Dean.”

“And you’re… you’re not like Michael.”

While Cas was still trying to figure out how he was supposed to answer that, Dean apparently did manage to get to sleep. Cas fell asleep listening to the low growl of his breathing, concentrating on the rhythm of it in an attempt to stop focusing on the overpowering _smell_ of Dean

Now that he was asleep and none of those barriers he’d kept up in waking life were around, Cas could really smell the fear in him, and it was so… pungent.  He was probably having a nightmare, Cas realised with a pang, and resisted for all he was worth the urge to go over to him – wake him up if he had to and… comfort him, somehow.

Cas had always, always resented the idea of his own biology having some sort of monopoly on his thoughts, his feelings. And now what? Now he felt like he owed this guy something, and why? Mating instinct met Stockholm syndrome. Beautiful. Psychologists would love this.

 _But of course now you know you’d be free to go at any time_ …

 _Shut up,_ he told himself angrily, in response to the logical little whisper at the back of his head.

He’d be fine. He’d get to sleep, he’d continue to leave Dean alone and everything would continue to be fine.

*

Cas finally managed to persuade Dean into turning on his phone after they’d grabbed themselves breakfast the next day.

“Dean you’ve been taking it out every hour to look at it since we’ve left and you’ve never even switched it on. This is becoming ridiculous.”

“I was thinking… I was thinking about calling my brother,” Dean said eventually, as he leaned back against his car for support.

“It sounds like a sensible idea, considering in a few days you’ll be arriving at his home.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah. Yeah, I should. Yeah…” Trying not to turn it into any more of a big thing, Dean turned on the phone, a fancy glassy model that Michael had picked up for him about a month back. It was all touchscreen and fancy apps and Dean hated it.

As expected, there were six missed calls from Michael, and several texts and voicemails. But also… “Sam. He’s uh, he’s been trying to get in touch with me.”

“Well I should hope so. If Michael’s called to tell him that you’re missing he may be very worried.”

“You think… you think he’d have called Sam about that?”

Cas shrugged and kept on staring at him. “Why don’t you ask Sam yourself?”

“Dean!” Sam shouted at him when he picked up the phone. “Where the Hell have you been, I’ve been calling you since yesterday, I was starting to think you were _dead_.”

“Nice to hear your voice too, Sammy,” Dean laughed. _God_ it really was. He hadn’t heard the sound in… well, a long while.

“So have you called your mate yet or are you avoiding that?”

“I’m uh, I’m gonna hold out on that for now. I was actually…” Dean had to stop and swallow. “… I was actually gonna ask if it’d be alright if I crashed on you and Ruby’s couch sometime soon?”

“You know that’s always fine with us – and Davey’s going to love you…”

“Uh-huh, how’s he doing anyway? You’ve still not squashed him by accident then?”

Dean let Sam’s conversation wash over him for a little while – he liked hearing anything about his nephew, and he hadn’t been able to get any news on their lives for a long time now. It wasn’t so much that Michael would have been able to forbid him from calling or anything ridiculous like that - although he did make a lot of noise about how expensive calls to California could be. It was more that Dean hadn’t wanted his little brother, who, even after presenting had always looked up to him, to hear how he’d turned out. He’d preferred Sam forgetting about him to knowing how much he’d really just… faded out.

After making sure he had the address right for where he was going, Dean started trying to bring the phone call to a close. “…So I’ll be seeing you in a few days, alright?”

“Alright, Dean. But… you’ve not said. Why’d you do it? Why’d you finally get out?”

Dean was about to feed Sam some bullshit about Michael selling the car, when he remembered that Cas was right there next to him, watching him with that weird mixture of understanding and curiosity, and suddenly he didn’t have the heart for bravado anymore, or to try and explain how Cas fit into this story. Not yet. “Aww, y’know. I guess I just couldn’t deal with it all anymore. And I remembered that you’d never stopped believing I’d try and leave him one day, and… I guess I wanted to give that a go, to prove you right about something, I guess.”

Sam was quiet for a moment. “Well, I’m happy for you anyway. Are you gonna stop off at Dad’s on the way over?”

Dean bit his lip, trying to ignore Cas’ face still watching his carefully. “…I’ll figure that out when I’m closer. Anyway. Say hi to the kid for me, alright?”

“I will do, Dean.”

Dean hung up the phone and looked over at Cas smiling at him. “What?”

“You sound… different when you’re talking with your brother.”

Dean snorted. “Huh. I guess so. Anyway, we should get back in the car.”

“But you’re not quite so fond of your father,” Cas continued as Dean revved up the engine.

“Hell, Cas, the guy’s my Dad, things were always gonna be messed up between us. I mean, I think he always liked Sammy better since, after Mom died, he was the closest thing he had next to her. Sammy was hers, y’know?” The words were harder to get out than Dean had expected.

“You mean…”

Dean nodded sharply. “Yeah, she was the alpha Mommy, and she carried Sammy. Dad’s omega, he carried me. But having Sam wasn’t such a good idea for her, and, yeah.”

“Childbirth isn’t always advisable for alpha females.”

“No.”

It had almost destroyed his father, losing Mary like that. And Sam had been forced to grow up with two grieving family members.

“So yeah. I tried making sure Sammy turned out alright after that. After he left for college there was a long time when I wasn’t so sure what I was supposed to do with myself, really.” Dean tried to laugh it off, but he knew it was coming off all wrong and false sounding.

“And then there was Michael.”

“Yeah.”

It was damn near unbearable, that ability Cas seemed to have to just _look_ and let you know that whatever you were trying to explain to him, he found it completely understandable.

“I think I can sympathise, with that need to feel some sort of purpose.”

“I’d never have guessed, Mr-road-trip-solo.”

Cas narrowed his eyes at him.

“So you any closer to finding said purpose then, Columbo?”

Cas huffed out a sigh. “No. I just know that I enjoy helping people.”

“What like all your charity shit abroad?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t all shit. Some of it was truly worthwhile…”

They managed to get through the whole day just by talking on about Cas’ travels, which really did seem pretty interesting now that Dean was hearing something more about them. The dude had basically been everywhere, and not just the pretty tourist flytrap parts. He’d been inside all the real  heart of all of these countries Dean had only ever heard mentioned before, or seen in movies. Dean ended up enjoying asking him about all these adventures so much that they managed to avoid bringing up Michael for the whole rest of the day. Which was awesome, because whatever he was _talking_ about Dean still wasn’t able to stop thinking about him, with his dream from the night before still uncomfortably reverberating around in his head.

“…So all those nutjobs dressed up like polar bears. That was you too?”

Cas raised his beer and nodded his head slightly with a sheepish smile before taking another drink from his bottle. The bar they’d stopped at was just across the road from a few different motels so Dean didn’t feel as though he had to worry about being safe driving anymore. It felt like a familiar sort of bar to Dean, and so very different to any fancy bar or club he’d ever had to accompany Michael to over the years. Which was of course one of the main reasons he’d picked it out.

He nodded, chill as anything, at Cas after Cas finished his third beer and told Dean he was going to try and find the toilet. Cas had basically proved himself a few times over now, and if he still couldn’t be trusted, then it felt like there wasn’t anything Dean could really do about it. And, dammit, he just wanted to trust him. He just wanted to be able to talk with _anyone_ really, but this guy was so different to his brother – he was genuinely a good guy trying to help people out. Although it wasn’t as if Dean wanted to be just another one of the strays Cas had tried taking in as a kid, or another cause for him to champion. No, he wanted Cas to see him more like… Well, not like that.

“Hey baby, this seat taken already?”

The alpha creep who’d been watching him and Cas from the other end of the bar had just settled himself down on Cas’ seat.

“Yeah, sorry buddy but yeah, that’s taken already.”

“Oh really?” _God, the guy’s breath stank worse than a dog just finished rolling in garlic._ “Well, I don’t see anyone’s name on it. I see a mark on _you_ alright,” the guy added, nodding to Dean’s neck, “but since it’s not the same as the guy next to you’s, I figure I’m looking at a common little slut here.”

Dean sat up in his chair. _Ah, just like old times._ “Alright, douchemonkey…” But the guy ignored him and leaned forwards to rasp at him, “So how d’you like it best, slut?”

“Oh, let me tell you how I’d like it. Because I think I’d like it best shoving a chainsaw up your sorry – Cas!”

Cas had found his way back from the toilet, and apparently he wanted his seat back. His presence there was enough to jolt Dean back into the present. He wasn’t the twenty-three year old tearaway he’d been after Sam had left anymore - he knew better now about how to deal with the dickbags of the world.

The creep turned around in his chair and glanced up at Cas. “You don’t mind me having a little chat with your friend here, now do you?”

“C’mon, Cas, let’s get outta here,” Dean muttered, “I’m sick of this fucking place. Cas?”

The look in Cas’ eyes wasn’t what Dean had been expecting. It was almost eerily familiar to the expression he’d read on Michael’s face a hundred times – there was something cold about it, a sort of shut down in the blue eyes - which in Michael had been mostly combined with arrogant assurance, but with Cas it was more like… rage. Unalloyed rage.

“I think you should finish your little chat by apologising to him for being so rude,” Cas intoned lightly, raising his chin.

“Rude?” The guy started laughing. “Oh no, I think he was enjoying himself well enough.”

Dean ignored the guy’s leer back at him and glanced over the bar. Why _now_ did it have to be empty of any of the damn staff? But then he was forced to look back at the alphas when the creep’s face slammed into the bar beside him.

“As I said. Apologise to my friend, and I’d appreciate it if you would move out of my seat.”

Dean stood up and got off of his stool. “Cas, let the guy up and let’s go, alright? Quit with the posturing bullshit.”

“You should probably listen to your friend and let him up, y’know.”

Dean closed his eyes briefly. _Of course_ , the douchebag had friends. Obviously. When he opened his eyes again everything seemed to be briefly paused, like that moment in the kung-fu action flick where everything was frozen before all the serious shit went down. The first guy with his head pressed down on the tabletop was silent but for his ugly heavy breathing; Cas was in the middle of it all, eyes flickering around to the three men surrounding him. Two betas, one other alpha, from what Dean could tell.

“Cas…” Dean growled, and then all hell seemed to break loose. Cas’ elbow shot out and hit the first beta who ran at him on the nose, splaying blood everywhere, while simultaneously knocking his knee up sharply to hit the first alpha’s backside. He tripped another one of them up, but then the first guy he’d sent sprawling to the ground gripped onto his ankles, while the other alpha went for his eye, punching him so hard that his back arched backwards, propelling his head into the vacated bar stools.

“Alright, tough guy, let’s just finish you off outside then,” muttered Cas’ most successful attacker. Then they all stopped moving when they noticed the pearl-handed gun cocked and aimed at his head.

“Actually,” Dean started, grinding his teeth. “I think you should let the man up there. Then you’re going to let us leave the bar like we came in, and we’re going to get into our car and go, alright?”

There were slow, reluctant nods given one-by-one to him in response. And then one of them finally gave Cas a hand up, not too gently, but Cas gave Dean a half nod, one-eye still open, letting him know he was able enough to walk. Dean reached out to grip his hand, keeping his gun hand steady as they started to back away out of the place. The few other customers who hadn’t been involved looked up dozily. _Some help you were,_ Dean thought savagely at them all.

Nobody followed them out to the impala. Dean let Cas lean on him as he hobbled his way to the passenger seat, the weight of him a comfort to still Dean’s still frantically beating heart.

It wasn’t until they were three miles out of town, back into the middle of nowhere in the night, that either of them spoke up.

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Yeah, well, you fucking should be. Your alpha bullshit nearly got us both royally fucked up.”

“That’s not what I was apologising for,” Cas said softly as he dabbed at his bad eye with a tissue. “I was apologising for not being successful in my attempt to protect you.”

“Dude, there were four of them - what the Hell do you think you are, fucking Bruce Wayne?”

Cas sighed. “No. But I’m a black belt in judo and karate. If I’d been more in practice…”

_Okay, well. That was pretty fucking hot._

“I was handling things fine without you.”

“It didn’t seem that way when I arrived.”

“Wow, ok. Well thanks for the compliment, knothead. Now shut up, if you’d like to get to anyplace civilised before tomorrow.”

Cas’ only reply was a moody silence. That was kind of annoying too. Dean had told him to shut up, sure, but he hadn’t really wanted Cas to actually do that.

And everything was just feeling that much more annoying because he’d been feeling a bit _off_ for a few hours now. Just a little bit uncomfortable, a little more irritable. Fidgeting now, Dean turned on the radio, and shifted about in his seat. And then he realised.

_Oh, no way in Hell was that coming tonight. No fucking way._

But the smell was already starting to fill the car. Dammit, he could even see Cas sitting up straighter as he tried to work out what it was. Any second now and he’d know.

They were miles from anything, and Dean didn’t think he was going to be able to drive for much longer. Because of course nature would have picked _this_ moment to send him spiralling into his heat.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered quietly at himself.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...So the next chapter may or may not be almost entirely porn...


	5. Heat of the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the problems of not forward-planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It makes me really happy posting up this chapter with this name on the Tuesday so I had to do it...

Cas had _heard_ the phrase ‘drunk on a smell’ before, but he’d never literally felt the effects of it. Well, there’d been that odd instance with that orgy in Thailand when he was in his early twenties, but he’d always attributed what he could remember of the night to the drugs. But now… goddamit that _scent_ … it was perfect, and it was _everywhere_. Cas almost as felt as though he was suffocating in it, drowning, going under, like he was desperately clawing for his every breath while he tried to repress that deep-set inevitable need for _release_. And in the intoxication of that moment, it was so easy to forget the pain still thundering in his eye, his knee from the fight. There were for more important priorities that his brain owed attention, owed its entire function…

“Son of a bitch,” he heard Dean snarl.

 _Dean_.

That smell was coming from _Dean._

Cas tried his utmost to keep his voice as controlled as possible, but was worried it only ended up sounding strangled. “You’re… You’ve ehm…”

“I’m going into heat, genius.”

Cas took a deep breath to steady himself. It didn’t help. Dean’s smell was still all he was capable of tasting in the air. “Did you know that…”

“Of course I knew! But funnily enough I had a few things on my mind other than planning ahead for this over the last couple of days to think about.”

Dean was gripping the steering wheel like it was some sort of lifeline.

“Dean… you’re not… it’s not safe to drive…”

“Goddamit Cas, _I know._ ”

“We could… Dean we should _really_ turn around…”

Dean shot him a crazed, disbelieving glance. “And go back to a motel in creepsville? I don’t think so. We’ll just…” Dean swallowed. “We’ll just keep on driving. And any minute now… we’ll get to another town, we’ll find someplace to bed down, and I’ll pick up some instant suppressants for the road and we’ll get going again. Ok?”

“…Alright.”

It was a few seconds later when the signs appeared in the Impala’s headlights in front of them, and Cas spotted them first.

“Dean…”

“Aw, _C’mon_.”

_Road Closed._

“…gotta be fucking kidding me,” Dean muttered, shaking his head as his fingers shuddered, hovering over the wheel. Roughly, he shoved a hand back through his hair. “’S’alright. We’ll, uh. We’ll keep driving and, uh, we’ll…” Dean sounded as though he was trying to convince himself most of all. “…We’ll make it to _somewhere_ tonight, alright?”

This would add another half an hour at least. “Dean…”

“ _I can do this._ ”

“Ok.” _But I’m not sure that I can._ Cas shook himself slightly. Of course he could do this. He was fine. There was no reason this couldn’t be fine for him. Dean was the only one struggling with anything physical here – everything Cas was feeling was all in his mind. It wasn’t real.

But Dean. Dean might actually crash the car and kill them both if he kept on driving. And Cas would prefer if the eventual outcome of his trip to go and figure out his life didn’t end in his death. “But if we’re going any further, I’m going to have to ask you to stop driving.”

Dean held his stare angrily for a few moments, upper lip trembling, before letting his fingers slip from the wheel. “Fine,” he grunted, turning the engine off.

“And…”

“What?”

“Look Dean, if you need to try and… tend to yourself, feel free to… you know. Sit in the backseat.”

Dean looked as though he wasn’t sure whether to thank Cas or punch him.

Cas stopped himself from rolling his eyes in frustration. “Dean, it is too dark for me to see anything and I’ll be watching the road in any case. And if you don’t do something to help yourself through this you’ll be going insane. Trust me. I worked as a doctor’s assistant for almost a year in Uganda.”

“But-”

“But what, Dean?”

“But the _smell_.”

 _Can hardly get any worse,_ Cas thought with a tinge of hysteria. “Will be endurable for the short length of the car ride.”

Clearly torn between a desperation to give in to his body’s wants and figuring out a comeback or a more dignified sort of plan, Dean got out of the car and then back in at the back seat, where Cas heard him lie down, groaning slightly. Cas fought the urge to close his eyes at the sound, as he turned the car back on, and started blasting the radio as loud as it would go. If he was forced to smell everything Dean was doing to himself back there, surely he didn’t need to hear whatever small noises Dean was making as he moved against the leather seats. Maybe then he could stop imagining that it was _him_ pressing inside of Dean’s body, and not just the omega’s fingers.

Cas breathed in and out, slowly, as he turned off the road. It still wasn’t helping. Neither was the music.

_“One look at you and I would fall from grace, and that would wipe the smile right from my face…”_

Alright. The music wasn’t really helping.

He put his foot down harder on the accelerator. There was no one on the road, it really didn’t matter how fast they went. And what was it about really gripping tightly onto the steering wheel that really seemed to help? It was the longest he’d driven the car yet since he’d bought it, and it did seem to drive nicely. What was it Michael had told him when he’d bought it off him?

_“…the leather seats are infuriating.”_

NOT helping.

No, no it was Dean that had been right about the car. There was something that just felt right about it. It really was a quality car. But then perhaps that was simply Cas talking with Dean’s emotional connection to the car in mind. Would Dean even have trusted Cas enough to drive his ‘Baby’ without such extenuating circumstances? Strange that Cas should think of that as the more difficult trust for Dean to place in him as oppose to sitting in a confined space with him, an alpha, and dealing with his heat. But then they had already shared a hotel room. _“…you’re not like Michael,”_ Dean had said then. Had that been a compliment on his personality or… or somehow a slight reflecting how Dean really saw him? Perhaps he found it easier to trust Cas because he didn’t at all view Cas in a sexual light… Which would be fine. Of course.

But Cas had always been a poor liar, even to himself, and he could be honest in remembering the feeling that had overtaken him back in the bar – which, for Cas, had been something very, very different. It had felt almost as though he’d been deaf and blind to _everything,_ everything but the need to protect Dean, and prove that he was able to do that. It had been instant and consuming and… terrifying, for that. Hell, he barely even knew the guy in the back seat. He knew he liked his car and listening to classic rock and drinking good beers. He knew that he still saw his brother, a lawyer and a parent, very much as his child sibling. He knew that he had a more complicated relationship with his father and a relationship with his mate so poisonous he’d been left unable to communicate it. He knew that he found it easy to charm people but difficult to talk to them. He knew that he made bad jokes and made rash decisions and was scared of so much but that his nerves were of undented steel… Well, maybe he did know him. A little. But that still didn’t justify his reaction to finding Dean insulted, endangered. That had been the irrational reaction of an alpha with their mate threatened. The sort of reaction that _his brother_ could be justified having over Dean. Not Cas.

Just like his reaction now to Dean’s heat was also unexpected. Because Cas had been around omegas in heat before, and ones he’d found attractive too – out in many of the places he’d travelled, suppressants hadn’t been easy to come by. Cas had thought that after all that he was almost immune to the effects of human scents. Admittedly this was in a far more confined space, but that still didn’t justify anything enough. In fact, this feeling was getting beyond what Dean’s smell was making him think, this was becoming something more to do with what his own body was doing – he’d gone hard already, as he was driving, and he even almost felt as though…

Cas frowned, as he hurriedly began to count weeks backwards in his mind. Now that _would_ be unlikely. His last rut hadn’t been that long ago. For it to come now would make it almost three weeks earlier than expected, and Cas had always been regular in all of his bodily functions. Three days difference wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, but three weeks was almost impossible. That was the sort of strange reaction Cas had heard of occasionally in mated alphas, to have their bodies sync in a complementary rut pattern to their mate’s needs. But obviously Cas had no mate. So obviously this was something that was all in his head… But now Cas could feel his knot…

No. This was not in his head. This was weirder than that.

He couldn’t possibly drive like this. Not even for another few miles. Clenching his teeth, Cas pushed his foot down for the breaks and drove them off the road.

“Cas,” Dean shouted as Cas heard what was probably him rolling off of the back seat. _Sorry Dean,_ Cas thought as he forced himself to ignore the fire spreading everywhere under his skin, biting at him, _burning_ him, worse than he’d ever felt it before. Dammit he was not a teenager anymore, he was supposed to be able to exercise some kind of control over his own body…

As the car ground to a stop, he let out a long breath and slumped back in his seat. He could hear Dean sitting up again.

“Cas. Uh. That smell…”

“Is me. Yes.”

There was a pause for a moment. “That’s gotta be like one in a million chance, right? Your rut and my heat arriving at the same time…” Dean trailed off with a strange sort of choking laugh. “Like… like a _zillion_ to one. Did you remember and not mention?”

“I guess like you it slipped my mind when all this got in the way,” Cas said, the lie coming easier off of his tongue than he’d expected. If Dean knew that this had likely only come on in response to Dean’s heat… then this could become even more awkward a situation, if such a thing were possible.

“Hey, uh, well that’s the number one problem for novices in the whole road-tripping, uh, thing.” Dean was trying to recover his bluster, but it wasn’t quite working out for him. “Not… not planning ah… ahead.”

“Right.”

Cas bit down hard on the inside of his lower lip. _What were they supposed to do now?_ They could hardly keep driving, neither of them were safe for that. Cas’ ruts usually lasted for at least three days, and he was guessing that Dean would be at least the same with his heats. Of course after the first wave of it hit, Cas would probably have a short respite, and although he wasn’t certain that this would give him enough time to stop being lost in the dark, he was hopeful that he’d be able to _try it,_ at least.

_Oh God, this was impossible._

Cas was still, just able to speak when he had his idea. “I… I have a friend who lives… a few hours away, I think? I could call her…”

“Nnng,” Dean groaned in approval.

Hands barely functioning, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. It took far longer than it should have for him to open up his contacts list and make his way down to Meg’s name, and then when he finally managed to click to call her, the phone just seemed to ring on endlessly. Cas tensed his face desperately. It was the middle of the night, she might not even pick up…

“Hey, loser.”

“Meg!”

“Twenty points to Gryffindor, dumbass, you just called me. Is this a pocket-dial?”

“No, no! Meg, I’m… I’m in trouble, and I’m not too far from you…”

“In trouble? No, no, no, wait… I know that voice.  You’re going through a rut, aren’t you? Well, I’m sorry, Clarence, but I’m not just the one you call when your hormones start saying you need to knot something…”

_Dean. Need to knot Dean._

As Cas tried to tell his subconscious or whatever was inwardly shouting at him to shut up, he almost snarled down the phone as he interrupted her again. “No, Meg, listen, _please_. I’m stuck on a road with a friend and neither of us are able to drive… And we could really, really, use your help. He needs some heat suppressants…”

“Ok, fine. Look, where are you, Cas?”

Cas gave her a brief description of where he thought they might be and she sighed heavily. “Jesus Cas, you’re a couple of hours drive away, and I’ll need to take some kind of detour if I’m picking up any supps on the way - I’m in the middle of nowhere up here. But I guess I owe you one so…”

Cas held his breath, which only increased the feeling of _build-up_ all through his body.

“…Yeah. I can drop by early tomorrow.”

“Not fucking ok,” Cas heard Dean mutter in the back of the car.   

“Meg…”

“Cas, I’m sorry. But I can’t just race off into the night to save you a bit of inconvenience. And anyway I’ve been drinking tonight, I’m not safe to drive either. But don’t move and I’ll see you for breakfast.”

“Wait, Meg…”

She’d hung up already.

“Got any closer friends? Either literally or figuritively’d do fine…”

Cas took a deep breath in… dammit he needed to stop doing that, because everything he ended up tasting on the air wasn’t calming, it was only _DeanDeanDean_ in a steady hammering rhythm coursing through his veins…

“Dean… I…” It was getting more and more difficult to talk. “…I’ll go outside. And I’ll, I’ll sort myself out for now out there, and you… you can have the car…”

“What, just get yourself through this out in the dirt on your own?”

“…Yes.”

“Cas it is cold and dark and dirty out there. No.”

“We’ve not got a lot of options here, Dean.”

Dean breathed in and out slowly, loudly. Cas thought he might be done with that line of argument. Cas needed him to be done with that. It may not be ideal, but all Cas was able to think of now was getting outside, getting space and privacy enough to ride out the storm of his rut alone. To finally shed the confining clothes clutching at the area around his dick, his knot…

“Well you could come back here and fuck me.”

For a moment Cas was certain this was part of some waking daydream, some hallucination brought on by the intensity of his rut combined with the intoxication of Dean’s scent.

“Dean…”

“Cas.” Dean’s voice was wavering, but Cas had never heard it sound so certain. “If you don’t get your ass back here right now and knot me, I’m going to have to get the fucking gun out again and make you.”

“You know technically,” Cas said, resisting the urge to fling the door wide open and get back there inside the back, inside Dean, immediately, his thoughts of the wrongness of doing anything with his brother’s mate buried deep now, “that threat of violence could change this to being classed as rape.”

“I swear to God Novak, don’t you dare try making a fucking rape joke now. Now get back here and…” Dean drew in a long ragged breath. “Please, Cas, I need you.”

It almost broke Cas, hearing those words that Cas knew were coming out of the most beautiful pair of _fuck me_ lips he’d ever seen, and suddenly he wasn’t able to wait in the front seat any more.

In Dean’s attempts to help himself through his heat without any toys, he’d already rolled his jeans down far enough so that he could get his underwear down and get his fingers inside himself. But it wasn’t enough for Cas, he didn’t want there to be _anything_ between them now. In the dark he could already feel the slick covering his fingers as he put his hand down. So Dean was still lying almost face-down on the seat.

“Jeans off,” Cas growled, as he finished tearing off his own pair and started frenziedly pulling at thed denim lining to Dean’s. Damn. Shoes. But apparently Dean had no desire to sit up and help Cas with those. Cas considered pulling them off, but then he felt the impatient wriggle of Dean’s hips beneath him, felt Dean arch his back up and press himself up against Cas’ balls. “Hurry Cas, need you.”

It took all the dregs of all the self-control Cas never knew he’d possessed to not immediately start fumbling around to fit himself on the seat with Dean and try to mount him, and instead, breaths shuddering out of him, lower his mouth to Dean’s ass to kiss, to lick his tongue at the hole that was so enticingly ready for him. “Do you still need me, Dean?”

Oh God, it was going to drive him insane, leaving himself so untended to so long. Every sense he had was being used to scream at him for holding back. Although there was still a tiny, almost voiceless part of him that was a little worried about moving forward. He hadn’t had someone help him through a rut in years, and this had to be about Dean too, he couldn’t just greedily do whatever he wanted.

Dean forced out a strangled snarl of “yes.”

“But do you _want_ me Dean? Is this what you _want_?”

Because although it all had him so screwed in the head he was barely able to think, Cas was sure that he would want Dean if he didn’t have his rut, if Dean wasn’t in heat, if Dean wasn’t an omega…

“It’s everything I want.”

The answer was low and gruff, but Cas heard every word, and unable to restrain himself for longer, he moved himself on top of Dean and inside of him.

*

Dean had never enjoyed being in heat. He hated what it did to him, and more than once he’d thought about trying to convince Michael that he should try suppressants for a while. He hated feeling so… out of action, pathetic, brought low at the mercy of the pheronomes pounding through his body. It made him feel… horribly vulnerable, every time. And so fucking _needy._ But now it felt like… like it was ok to feel needy, because Cas was here, and he was going to deal with it, he was going to give Dean _exactly_ what he needed…

His cock was hard and curved upwards between his torso and the leather of the car seat, already dribbling out the pre-come. A bout of near-hysteria took him as he felt Cas put one hand on his waist to shift himself up so that he was kneeling behind, on top of Dean. One, he was going to need to get the car cleaned, and two, he felt like a fucking mermaid, pinned down as he was with his jeans at his ankles, kept there by his boots. So he let out a short awkward bark of a laugh as Cas brought his mouth down on Dean neck, his teeth brushing over the skin, but not clamping down. For one crazed moment, Dean wanted to ask him to do it, wanted to scream at him to make it all real, wanted to get Cas to mark him as his own. But… no… no, there were good reasons why that was a bad idea. And if only the haze of his heat wasn’t everywhere clouding his thoughts he might remember what they were. But then he forgot about trying to remember them when he felt Cas possessively wrap his hand around his cock, moving the foreskin up and down in rhythm with Cas’ own movements in trying to retain control over his knot, as he finally brought himself inside of Dean.

Dean couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from his mouth as they started to move together, awkwardly retaining their balance on the car seat through Dean’s grip onto the back of the front seat like it was keeping them alive. In a way it was. Dean honestly felt like if they fell off this seat now, if their movements climaxed before Dean could, then his whole body might just implode with frustrated need. But really, he wouldn’t need long now…

“Cas,” he gasped out, “Cas, I’m so close…”

And now Cas’ hand was there on his shoulder, steadying him. Dean could feel the alpha’s breaths raggedly panting out their rhythm, growing quicker and quicker by the second, there on his neck. And he could feel his own cock pulsating underneath him, so very close to release…

Maybe it was simply because by the end things had been so stilted between him and Michael, or because when Dean had left Michael had been going through a phase of wanting Dean to be tight when he took him, but still, Michael had been his _mate_ , and Dean was sure that it had never been this way between them. Not anything like this feeling of Cas’ knot moving inside of him, a feeling so all-encompassing he really wondered if he might explode when he finally came… but when he did, it only felt like it, when Dean cried out the alpha’s name and almost collapsed into the car seat with the sheer force of it, thundering its way through him like a tsunami wave. But even as he was barely able to see from it, he was able to get himself moving again, nails digging into that front car seat, feeling his own come slick around his other hand, and hips still moving up and down with Cas, in the frantic pace he was keeping for him. When he felt Cas follow him into sated oblivion, he allowed himself to slump down on the seat, Cas still knotted inside of him.

Moments later Dean smiled weakly to himself in the dark as Cas’ hand, now gentle, stroked its way down over Dean’s thigh, pulling him closer.

“Y’know,” Dean said, voice hoarse, “I really hope this friend of yours thinks to bring food. Because by morning I am gonna be so damn hungry.”

The air from Cas’ exhaled laugh tickled against Dean’s back, against the beads of sweat formed there.

“Think we can keep this up for a whole night, alpha?”

“Just let me know when it becomes too much for you.”

Dean relaxed into Cas’ arms. “You’re a posturing sonofabitch, y’know that?”

“And you look very hot when you’re sleepy and mussed up.”

“Shut up.”

“Worst kidnapper ever.”

“What did I say about shutting up? Dammit Cas, pillow – car seat talk over now, alright?”

Dean heard Cas still chuckling at his ear when he started drifting off to sleep. Sleep. They were going to need that if they were going to have the energy for another round in a few hours. So screw consciousness. And then when Cas woke him up soon he’d be able to screw Dean like that all over again. Yeah. That’d be good.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a million other things I should have been doing with today so I sat writing this instead and my dog has totally been judging me.


	6. All Screwed Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Meg.

Dean woke up to the feeling of something buzzing at his leg. Slowly, he opened his eyes, one after the other and looked up at Cas’ chin, which was hanging open in his sleep. As the vibrating continued, Dean gave Cas a knock in the ribs. “Dude. Wake up, your phone’s going off.” He wasn’t sure why he’d felt the need to whisper that. Maybe because it was daylight now, and he was aware that, hey, if anyone did happen to walk by or drive _their_ car off the road too, then they’d see a couple of mostly naked guys tangled up in the backseat of their car.

Cas groaned, and, still apparently not fully conscious, tried tightening his grip around Dean’s waist and pulling Dean closer towards him. Dean screwed up his face. Oh no. This guy wasn’t Michael. If Dean wanted him to wake up, then he wanted him to wake up.

“ _Dean,_ ” Cas groaned as Dean got him harder, in the stomach.

“ _Phone_. Pocket. Now.”

Awkwardly, they managed to pull themselves apart, with Dean falling onto the floor of the car, where he realised he had a hair in his mouth.

“Dude, I’ve got your hair in my mouth. _Why_?”

“What makes you think it’s mine?”

Dean managed to extricate it from his mouth and looked at it as Cas finally sat up and answered his phone. “Too dark for mine…”

“Meg!”

_“Heya, Clarence. So I’m on that dingy backroad you told me about. Is that you down there off-road in the black chevy?”_

“Um, yes. Eh… give us a few minutes and we’ll come up and meet you.”

_“Sure know how to make a girl feel welcome. I’m still to hear a - hey Meg, how’s it hanging for you these days? Thanks for helping me out at such short notice…”_

Dean snorted from his nook between the front and back seats.

“Meg, I am sorry about this. I will make it up to you at some point.”

_“You bet your knot you will. But… I guess I do owe you one. So if you could just get your pants on and  try not to leave me standing up here by the road like a weird ass hitchhiker for too long, that’d  just make my day. I’m half in my pyjamas here, Cas.”_

“I really do appreciate all this you’re doing, Meg,” Cas told her as he tried pulling his jeans on, knocking Dean at his feet as he did so. But then Dean heard the line go dead on Cas, and started snickering at him, earning himself a light kick on the leg. Dean rolled over onto his back, still laughing. _Dean Winchester, this is your life_ , he thought to himself as he stared up at the car ceiling, the same ceiling that had been the only constant roof over his head his whole life. How many times had he sat in the back of the impala with Sam, pushing each other off the seats, until their Dad would come back from buying gas or food and find his boys still rolling around laughing? _“What the Hell are you doing with yourselves?”_ Which would usually so quickly be followed up with a grunted, _“Thought you knew better than this Dean.”_

But apparently twenty years on John Winchester’s oldest son still didn’t know better. But today, he found he didn’t care. Why should he care? Sure he’d had sex with someone not his mate last night. And that was probably going to come with some consequences.

But he’d had _fun_ , too. And dammit, he’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

“Dean. I’m sure you wouldn’t like to meet my friend for the first time without clothes. After all, I was hoping we’d be able to stay there a few days.”

 _…while you finish your rut_ , Dean finished in his head while aloud he groaned. “I don’t even _know_ where my clothes are, dude, you like, scattered them, or something…”

Dean half-heartedly started putting his head up, when his, slightly soggy, pair of boxers were tossed over at it. “Thanks,” he dead-toned, breathing in the smell of them as he did so. God they _stank_. He didn’t even want to think about what his Baby had to smell like to anyone who hadn’t been sleeping in her all night.

 _Awful_ to just anyone, no doubt. But even knowing that Dean couldn’t help thinking about how amazing the scent was. And he didn’t want to break that atmosphere they’d made together. He didn’t want to leave the car, didn’t want to meet this other person Cas knew, that was important to him. Wasn’t, for the first time, gagging to take the instant suppressants he knew she’d come offering. He didn’t want someone to rescue them, because he didn’t want to admit that they needed rescuing. He’d never felt less in need than he did now.

“Dean? You alright?”

The note of concern was back again. Apparently Dean had stared into space for just a little too long there.

“’M’fine,” Dean growled as he started on the awkward task of trying to clothe himself. “So who is this chick anyway? An old Amnesty International buddy?”

“Greenpeace, actually.”

Dean fought his way back into his t-shirt, smiling. “So she was out there in Polar Bear costumes with you?”

“On occasion, yes.”

Dean fought to urge to ask for more details. What was it to him what this woman had been to Cas a load of years ago? Nothing. Obviously. But if he hurried up and actually got the rest of his clothes on he’d probably find out soon enough anyway.

*

“Your hair’s changed,” Cas noted as he embraced Meg at the top of the hill, back at the side of the road. “Nice spot there, Clarence.” she drawled, giving him one of her shades of sardonically amused. “So,” she continued, turning to look at Dean, who was still hanging back, “You the omega needing some supps?” At his nod, she tossed him the box she’d been keeping in her jacket pocket. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

Dean smiled and thanked her, but Cas could see the confusion on his face at Meg’s words. They indicated some kind of omega solidarity, which her smell would not be confirming for him. And of course, Meg was not the type to make it easy and come right out to explain. She was probably enjoying Dean’s not-knowing-what-to-make-of-her. “So. Thought you were road-tripping along on your own, Clarence. Where’d you pick up your hitchhiker?”

Dean met Cas’ eyes and shrugged, which Cas took as an OK to say whatever he felt. Funny how far they’d come along – a couple of days ago, and Dean hadn’t trusted him to go to the toilet on his own. But then, circumstances had changed rather dramatically since …

“Well. Uh. I guess I stole his car. From a certain perspective,” Cas added hurriedly at her raised brows. “I paid money for it!”

“Right, and then I kidnapped him, from a… certain perspective.”

“And… and then last night Dean went into his heat…”

“…and Cas started rutting.”

“So you fucked in the car. Romantic, boys. And so somehow mating happened.”

Dean’s mouth fell open, Meg apparently catching him at the rare moment he was unable to respond with a quip of some sort. Then he composed himself again and pointed aggressively at the mating mark on his neck. _“This_? Is not his, alright lady?”

One side of her mouth lifted up into one of her pre-coffee smiles. “Oh this just gets better.”

“Actually,” Cas muttered, “That’s my brother’s.”

“You dumb fuck,” she breathed, shaking her head up at Cas fondly. “Well, it’s got even better for you because you fucking _smell_ mated. It reeks. Jeez.”

Cas tried to stop his face into the first instinctive expression it wanted to move into. Which was… pleased. Proud even. But he knew that Dean wouldn’t be thinking the same way. As they’d just explained, he was already mated. It was rare for someone who’d been mated to really seek another in their life. Last night, Cas reminded himself sternly as he watched Dean pout moodily at Meg and gulp down the suppressant pills, was just two people who’d been forced together making the best they could of an impossible situation. That was all it had been. When they finally made it all the way West, Dean would be trying to build a new life for himself, the life he’d earned. And Cas… Cas would get back to heading towards wherever he’d been heading, getting back into the old-new life he’d yet to get started. Whatever that life was going to be before Dean had it so ineffectively, yet so thoroughly hijacked.

They’d known each other for just over two days.

Meg was watching him. She was one that was always trying to pretend that she didn’t care, that she didn’t notice things. Sometimes Cas wondered if she just cared too much.

“So,” she started again, breaking the silence that was threatening to become awkward. “I guess you guys are looking for a place to shack up for the next few nights then?”

“That would be wonderful, Meg,” Cas told her, sincerely. He wouldn’t have all that long before his rut returned with earnest, and if he had to deal with it alone this time, he’d like to have the privacy of a locked room to deal with it in.

She smiled up at him, arms still folded. He _had_ missed her. He’d missed her barbed little comments and her constantly masked concern. And no one made fried PB and J sandwiches half as well as Meg Masters could.

Dean coughed.

“So if you want to ride with me on the way, your not-mate can follow us in the chevy, and we’ll get all the twee how’ve-you-been’s out of the way before we get there.”

Dean shrugged, making a blatant pretence at not-caring, as Meg started addressing him again. “If you lose us, I live up around the Ivie Lake, at a place called Scarecrow’s Ranch. Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t come up with it.”

Dean looked as though he wanted to make some sort of smart comment, but thought better of it eventually and closed his mouth. “Alright, Scarecrow Ranch. Guess I’ll uh… see you there.”

Before Cas could say anything to him, Dean had turned around and started walking back down the hill to where they’d left the Impala.

“What did you do to him last night anyway Novak? He’s walking all bow-legged now.”

“He always walks like that.”

“Huh. Weird.” She smirked and turned to look back at Cas. “So. You want the seat next to me or d’you fancy perching in the back of the truck? Y’know. If you’re running out of time again on your clock, I’d hate to put you in some kind of embarrassing situation.”

“The front seat should be fine, thank you.”

“I’m afraid it’s not much better standards-wise than any of those rusty pieces of shit we used to drive back in Alaska,” she warned him as she led him over to her red truck sitting at the side of the road. “But hey, at least I’m bringing a driver that’s blissfully been freed from the most dramatic effects of hormones. So although the car’s not so safe, the drive should be better,” she added with a smile as she hopped up into the driver’s seat. With a glance to see whether he could still see Dean from this vantage point, Cas opened his own door and followed her into the car.

“So how long should this take us?” he asked as she started up the grumbling engine. Meg shrugged in response. “Meh. I’m still new here, so I think it took me longer than it should have done. And it took me just over a couple of hours.”

“How long is it you’ve been in Texas now?”

“Since I left that fucking cult.”

“Ah.” Cas smiled. “Yes. Your _commune_.”

“It was disgusting. Everyone was so fucking _happy_ all the time, they all basically barfed organic marshmallows.” She shuddered to herself. “I thought I just wanted to get away from society, but it turns out it really is just people, period that I can’t stand. As a species we really suck.”

“Glad to hear you’ve kept cheerful, Meg.”

She snorted. “So what about you, you finally given up on all your roaming around, trying to _help_ people?”

“I thought I’d start taking it in a more settled direction, yes.”

“Bet your Mom’s happy to hear that.”

“I haven’t told her yet. Since I got back from Brazil I just saw Anna, and then, well, briefly, Michael.”

She glanced over at him, apparently mulling over whether to get at him over the issue of his older brother, and his brother-in-law in the car behind him. “So. How’s Anna doing? Still smoking hot?”

“My sister’s appearance is, as always, perfectly fine.”

“Aw, c’mon Clarence, you gotta give me more than that. Details please. What’s she doing these days?”

Cas was well aware that a couple of years ago, at one of the few birthday parties he’d ever tried to throw in his life, _something,_ which he was quite happy remaining ignorant of in the specific, had occurred between his older sister and his erstwhile best friend and occasional lover. He’d never asked, but he was happy enough to answer Meg’s questions. After all it wasn’t like his sister currently had anyone in her life, and if anything did ever happen between the two women again, Cas would quite happily give them his blessing. Not, he was sure, that either of them would be asking for it…

As they finally made the turn at the bend in the highway, Cas turned back automatically, and started waiting to see the front of the Impala on their tail. Any second now surely… just any moment now… And suddenly Cas remembered what it was like at five years old to lose his mother in the middle of a department store.

Meg exhaled a long laugh when Cas finally sighed out his relief as he saw the car again, saw the familiar figure at the wheel. “You have it so fucking bad, Clarence.”

“Have what?” he asked absently as he turned back around in his seat to sit straight again. She stared at him, one eyebrow raised, as though she’d never seen anything so stupid in her whole life. “Dude. You’re in love. With your brother’s mate, too. So you’ve got everything bad.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous? Cas, you’re at about the age most alphas have at least _tried_ to find the right mate by. And there’s pretty boy in his pretty car and he’s that special toy of your big brother’s that you’re not supposed to be playing with.” Her eyes were hard as she looked back at the road. “And hey, I haven’t even talked about Stockholm Syndrome yet…”

“Dean’s not some toy that belongs to my brother.”

“And wouldn’t you just love to prove that to him?”

“I think Dean’s already managed that.”

She turned her neck lazily as she turned back to the road, her short legs barely reaching the pedals. “Has he? I don’t know the story yet, but what I see is someone who ran, not someone that stuck around to win his point.”

“You’re right. You don’t know the story yet.”

Meg smiled at him, and it was sad, and only a little bitter. “Clarence, I’m thinking I probably know a Hell of a lot more about it than you do, even not knowing anything.”

Cas breathed out slowly, feeling his hackles drop again. “I’m sorry, Meg. I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re obviously gonna be defensive when you’re rutting and you think I’m getting at your sort-of-mate.”

“We’re not mated.”

“I’m gonna trust my nose on this one. Anyway. I said sort-of. So lay off, knothead.”

Cas scowled, but it was a sort-of fond scowl. It was nice being back with someone he knew where he stood with. Because with Meg he had never really known where he stood anyway.

*

Scarecrow Ranch was further up than Dean had been hoping for. This was taking him well off of the main highway now – well away from his road to Sam. But also, he remembered, away from the main road that Michael might think to look out for him. This certainly wasn’t the sort of place Michael would expect him to turn up. It was an actual fucking _ranch,_ there was even a horse. Admittedly, just one horse, that Dean could see - a handsome black stallion - but he still couldn’t help expecting Robert Redford to walk out of the front door.

Meg was standing looking under her car’s hood when Dean drove up to park. Cas wasn’t anywhere to be seen. “Alpha boy had to go deal with his hormones upstairs,” she explained, without looking up at him.

“Right,” Dean said, eyes flicking unconsciously to the upstairs windows that were visible. Both had their curtains drawn.

“So you gonna go up to help him out with that?”

Dean shifted uncomfortably, trying to think up a suitable response. He could admit, if only to himself, that he wanted to. But there was no real reason for it. He might want… something, from Cas, but he knew full well that for the alpha last night had been partly a pity fuck, partly the alpha’s own desperation from his rut, and hey, Dean had been told enough times that he had a pretty face and a good ass. The spell and fantasy of the night, the morning, had passed.

Meg smiled at him, but it wasn’t a pleasant smile, and it was altogether too knowing for Dean’s liking. “I was just wondering. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, but really, why are you sticking around to wait on this idiot to be ready to come along with you? Do you really need company on this dash to freedom of yours?”

Dean ground his teeth together. He’d already decided he wasn’t thinking about that. Eventually, he inclined his head slightly, in what he hoped made him look nonchalant. “We made a deal. I drive him as far as California. I pay him what the car’s worth, which is more than he paid for it.”

“Okay,” she agreed, still smiling.

He coughed awkwardly at her. “So there something up with your engine?”

“Wouldn’t stop growling at me for the last twenty miles,” she told him as he walked over to stand behind her.

“I could probably give it a look later. We’ll call it even for getting me those supp’s.”

She eyed him suspiciously, blonde cloud of hair falling away from her face. “Michael Novak’s mate knows how to fix a car.”

Dean stiffened slightly before forcing himself to relax. “Actually I was a mechanic, and honey, I was the best in the state.”

She shrugged, and stood up, gesturing to the space she’d left for him. “Well feel free to have a look.”

Dean smiled and bent over. People were so messy but cars, yeah, cars he could get. Machines got updated and they broke down, but they never really changed – they made sense.

“So. Castiel never mentioned you before. Did you know him well before he took your car or whatever and you fucked?”

Dean gritted his teeth together. This Meg chick was starting to get on his nerves – he was praying that Cas’ rut wouldn’t last long. And then they could head off again. “No,” he said shortly. “Never really met him before this.”

He could _hear_ her smiling as she muttered to herself, “Clarence, you trope.”

“Why’d you call him that?”

“What?”

“That,” Dean said, standing again. He’d tell her in a minute about the car. “Clarence, whatever.”

She crossed her arms. “Because he turned out to be the angel I needed to talk me out of something pretty stupid, one night, oh, five years ago.”

“ _Angel?_ ”

Her eyebrows raised in amused frustration. “You too? Apparently no one watches the greats anymore… _It’s a Wonderful Life_ ,” she clarified, at Dean’s continued blank expression. “Plucky angel named Clarence basically talks this dude out of suicide...”

“Oh, wait.” Dean leant against the front of her truck. “I think I saw a Muppets version of that on TV once. Pretty… dark, for puppets.” _Pretty real_. There were good reasons Dean hadn’t wanted to watch the whole thing. “…Kermit was serious. Ha - wait. _Kermit_ suicide…”

“You’re funny,” she said in a voice that sounded like she thought he was anything but. “And to answer your question, that wasn’t exactly what he was trying to talk me out of.”

“What were you trying to do?”

“Hurt someone else. Believe me, they deserved it,” she added, apparently the only justification she was interested in offering. “I was quite the activist back then. So, you say you were the king of mechanics back in your day. Tell me then, what’s up with my Baby?”

Dean bit down on a smile. Maybe she wasn’t so bad, this friend of Cas’.

*

Cas had a long shower after his body gave him another break from his rut – he hadn’t had a good one since leaving Anna’s, since he’d only stood in the motel one from the other night for as short a time as possible, in an attempt to avoid the cockroach he’d found hiding there. It was wonderful, to feel this clean again. And Cas suspected that very soon he’d be feeling back to normal entirely. After all, his traitorous body seemed so determined to sync its habits with his travelling companion, and now said companion was no longer going through his heat… Yes, Cas thought to himself as he rubbed his face dry with the towel he was borrowing from Meg. This would be one of his shorter ruts. Maybe things would be different if Dean had come upstairs to see him when he’d found his way to the small farm. Cas had heard the Impala roll up in the drive, but Dean had not appeared. Of course he hadn’t. Cas was being extraordinarily selfish even hoping that he might come up to join him when he was no longer in heat, and feeling as though he needed him.

Cas didn’t just want Dean to need him. He wanted Dean to want him.

 _“But do you_ want _me Dean? Is this what you_ want _?”_ And Dean had told him it was. But then he had not appeared.

But of course it wouldn’t be practical for Dean to be there for him at all hours of the day, even if he really did want him. So if Cas wanted to see Dean again to try and understand then he would need to toughen up and go downstairs, he told himself as he pulled on the only shirt he hadn’t worn yet. If only it had been someone like Balthazar that had lived nearby, Cas thought wistfully as he looked down at his only pair of jeans. It would have been useful to have stolen some clothes… but then the borrowed clothes probably wouldn’t have been worth the far less muted enjoyment Balthazar would have taken from sharing his home with Dean and Cas together.

As Cas started walking back down the stairs towards the kitchen, he paused for a moment to listen in to Meg and Dean’s conversation. It wasn’t eavesdropping. He was just walking very slowly down the steps. “…So that’s Clarence finished up another round.”

“You got a pretty sharp nose for a beta.”

Cas relaxed. This was very quickly becoming a conversation that was definitely not about him, he decided as he walked down the rest of the wooden steps much more quickly to find the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, steaming mugs of coffee in their hands. Dean’s fingers were stained black, slick from what looked like car oil.

“Oh you think so?” Meg said, apparently ignoring Cas’ entrance. “Well that might be something to do with me not really being a beta. Coffee’s in the pot, Clarence.”

“What are you on, some sort of ultra suppressant shit?”

Meg’s lips curled upwards. “That, after a fun little operation.” She placed a second elbow onto the kitchen table as Cas obediently started pouring himself a mug of coffee. Thank everything for Meg Masters. No more of that terrible instant stuff.

“I’m a woman, and I was happy with that. But I wasn’t so happy with the scum of the world thinking they had two self-lubricating reasons they owned me.” She shrugged. “So I changed it. Makes for a bit of an easier life. Can’t think of anything I miss about not being bottom of the food chain.”

Dean snorted into his coffee, but he was shaking his head at her with obvious admiration as Cas sat down beside him. “That’s pretty badass. Lady, you really were an extremist.”

Cas froze for a second, expecting some sort of sparks to go flying. But after a few seconds all Meg did was smile her bitter little smile. “Not in that way. If I had, I’d have done more to change the world up before I tried changing me.”

*

Sam came home from work to the impression that all hell was breaking loose around him. Ruby was trying to hold the dog away from their son by holding both by their respective leashes, when she saw Sam walk in and started shouting at him to help her… which is when the phone went off. Her face fell, her eyebrows narrowed. “Help me first, phone second,” she growled as she watched him eye the phone while he put his briefcase down. “But it might be Dean…”

“I don’t care if it’s the fu… dging Queen of Sheba on the line Sam, my arms are about to pop out of their sockets…”

In one long swift movement, Sam reached out for the phone and the dog’s lead at the same time. But the dog was stronger than he remembered, and by the time he’d clicked on the answer button he’d almost fallen flat on his face.

“… Hello?”

“Sam, hey.”

“Dad! Eh, hi… Do you,” he tried adding at the Devil’s glare his wife was shooting him, “do you mind if I call you back in a little while?”

“Really only going to take a second Sam. You get a call from Michael Devas already?”

“Uh, yeah… _SIT BOY_ … yeah, I did… _good boy now STAY…_ ”

Davey started wailing and reaching out for Sam as Ruby picked him up off the floor just as the Max the dog finally decided to plonk his bottom down on the ground.

“…Yeah, he was asking me about telling him if I see Dean. You heard anything from your brother yet? Michael says he has no idea…”

“No, I’ve… I’ve not heard anything. I got Michael’s call. But Dad, I’m never calling that douchebag again unless Dean himself makes me.”

His son’s wails started intensifying into screams, and Sam missed most of what his father was trying to tell him. “…but I just don’t know, Sam, it might really be for his own good…”

“ _What_? Dad you can’t really be serious. You wouldn’t take Dean’s side over Michael’s. That’d be ridiculous.”

“ _DADDY…”_

“…and sometimes it’s not about what’s nicest, but what’s best.”

“Dad if Dean’s running from his mate, then sending him back there isn’t going to help anything.”

John’s tone suddenly deepened. “Sam, when Dean met Michael, you were away at college. You don’t know what was going on with your brother…”

“You know what, Dad? It doesn’t fucking matter.”

“ _Sam_ ,” his wife and father chided at him in unison.

“I don’t care what was going on when they got together, or how perfect things were for Dean then. I care about Dean _now_. So if I find out where he is, no, I’m not going to tell his mate. Not unless he asks me to.” And for the second time almost in as many days, Sam hung up on a family member more rudely than he could ever remember doing in his life before. And turned back to his own major issues at hand. Foremost, the fact that in trying to hang up the phone as dramatically as possible he’d dropped the dog’s lead.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got back after work and just really, really didn't want to think about studying, so this got written up instead. Hope everyone's still enjoying :)
> 
> Also. You may have noticed I've really taken to the idea of Anna/Meg as a new favourite crack ship. I'm sorry. I don't know where it's come from. And it just keeps making me absurdly happy today thinking about the fact that even when Meg just wanted to see the whole world burn and the devil rise she like took time out to watch a shmultzy Christmas movie.


	7. Gimme Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas continues to surprise Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a little longer coming - had two exams this week, and a bit of work to do so it was a little hard to fit time in for this... but I ended up writing it anyway because there's some things that are coming up soon that I'm really excited to write about but I can't because I haven't got there yet :( So yeah, more coming pretty soon because obviously that's what exam leave is for, right? Right.

The first thing Dean did when he woke up on Meg’s couch was go looking for his phone charger. His cell had died just after he’d made it to the ranch and it would be nice knowing he’d be able to call Sam whenever he needed to. But apparently, that was one of the things on a very long and growing list of things that he’d apparently forgotten to stuff in a rucksack to bring with him, in those mad few hours when he’d made all those idiotic snap decisions that had landed him here. But hey, he reminded himself as he rolled his duvet back, here really wasn’t so bad. The couch was comfier than any motel bed, and it was nice sleeping alone in a room for the first time in years – to have his own space, even if that was in someone else’s living room.

When he wandered bare-foot into the kitchen, he had to work to avoid the chaos of spilt flour that was covering the floor. Meg’s shoulders slumped as she heard Dean’s reaction to putting his foot down on an eggshell. “Sorry about the mess. I thought I’d try putting together some pancakes since I, y’know, have _guests,_ but I’m not exactly Martha Stewart.”

“’S’alright. I, uh… appreciate the thought.” Dean scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he regarded the interestingly coloured batter in Meg’s mixing bowl. “But I guess I could give you a hand, if you’re uh, wanting one.”

“The mechanic cooks too. Interesting.”

“Well. I _was_ kinda the closest thing you’re ever gonna find to a house-omega in this day and age, y’know, up until the other day,” Dean reminded her as he walked over to take her wooden spoon from her. Glancing at it, he wondered if it might be safe to give that a wash first, maybe even start the whole thing from scratch again, if that didn’t offend Meg, anyway.

_How did anyone manage to screw up pancake batter this badly?_

A few moments later, and Meg was smiling at his loud groans of near-pain. “You alright there?”

“Fine,” he lied, as he attacked the mixing bowl again. “Just, uh, headache playing up,” he added, remembering that this part was true. Closest to a migraine he’d had in years, coming on sporadically since the night before.

“That’ll be the suppressants I gave you. They can hit you hard when you’re not used to them.”

“Well that explains it then,” Dean muttered, gritting his teeth together as he kept on with his mixing.

“How long’s it been for you?”

“Not since I was, uh, early twenties. Before I was married.”

“Guess Michael wanted kids then?”

“Oh,” Dean said, laughing bitterly, “you bet.”

“What was it that made you leave?”

He appreciated the fact that she asked not why he stayed, but why he’d eventually left. “I’d… I’d embarrassed him at this work mixer thing. So he tried to sell my car, well, he _did_ , sell my car. Hence, uh, this.”

“Gotta protect the wheels, sure, I get that. But… was that really the worst thing he’d ever tried to do?”

She was trying to get him to talk about _abuse_ or some shit. Huh. “Excuse me, have you _seen_ my car? Now I think this _might_ just be edible now…”

“Alright, let’s fry these things, I’m ready.”

“Right, so turn on the stove. The _stove_ , Meg, that’s the grill, what are you doing?” Dean moved in to take her place around the stove and oven, eyeing her suspiciously as she crossed her arms in a grump. “You weren’t kidding about not being Martha Stewart.”

“They used to call me the kitchen demon back in the Greenpeace team. Get a reputation for being bad in the kitchen and let me tell you, you never need to cook a thing for yourself.”  

He snorted. “Alright, it’s working, I’ll fry the pancakes.” As he poured the first lot of batter into the pan, he turned to ask casually, “Am I making enough for two or three?”

“Better make it two, I guess.” She winked as she leaned back against the sideboard. “Heard the bed rocking in the room next to me when I got up, so I think Clarence is still trying to deal with his own… _large_ problem.”

“Right,” Dean said, keeping his eyes intently fixed on his sizzling batter as he rolled the pan about unnecessarily.

“You know I really don’t mind at all if you want to scram away and help him out…”

“Why don’t you?” Dean put in childishly.

She shrugged. “We have definitely been there and done _everything_ together, let me tell you. But I’ve known the guy for years now, I really have seen it all, and I’m not fussed about seeing it again. But he knows I’m here for him, and he’s, well, on my shrinking list of people I’ll tolerate to have around. Clarence was one of the people who helped me through when I went for the surgery and bit that bullet, so I guess I’m always waiting for a chance to help him out just as well.” She smiled, but there was a slightly protective glint in her eye that sent Dean turning around to focus on flipping his pancakes over. “His sister however… Well, she’s something different…”

“What, Anna?” Dean inclined his head slightly, conjuring up a picture of the pretty redhead. “Yeah, she’s pretty hot, I’ll give you that.”

“Hot, and according to her knothead brother upstairs, still single. You wanting syrup or something with these? ‘Cause I am needing sugar in my life.”

Dean started loading his first small batch out onto a plate. “Yeah, I’m with you there,” he started muttering, but then he heard another, rougher voice, overlap his from the back of the room.

“Meg, I hope that’s not your cooking.”

He wasn’t actually in the middle of a rut right now or he wouldn’t be down here, but _dammit_ he smelt good. Well, not _good_ exactly. Dean, objectively, could identify the smell as not altogether pleasant. But when Dean didn’t think about it, Cas smelt enticing. Yeah. That was the word.

Reminding himself that he was just a mess that’d been lucky enough to get laid by the hot near-stranger who’d happened to be at hand, Dean turned around and placed the plate down on the kitchen table, giving Cas a quick smile as he did so. He thought Meg might have been trying to wink at him, but he didn’t risk a look.

“Don’t you worry, Clarence,” he listened to her sing as he turned back to the hob, exhaling quickly as he did so, “Turns out we had a veritable chef sleeping on the couch. Man of many talents this one.”

“Well. He’s a little too voracious a driver for me to be altogether comfortable with being driven by, but his pancakes do smell nice, I’ll admit it.”

Dean tried to think of a smart remark as he spun around to face the table again, but by the time he was looking at Cas, he realised that he wasn’t being insulted. Cas was… _teasing_ him. So Dean stood there for a moment, pancakes probably starting to burn behind him, with his mouth hanging open like a fish. Charming. “Well you’re… voracious,” he managed eventually, and turned back to his pancakes, which, happily, hadn’t burnt yet. Awesome.

“Oh is he?”

“Shut up, Meg,” Dean snapped, hearing Cas echo him as he filled his second plate of pancakes and turned the stove off for the moment, and went over to sit at the table, next to Cas.

Filling himself one of the plates Meg had left out, Dean concentrated on pouring syrup over everything on it as the other two started on another line of conversation.

“…You remember when you used to have that stupid long hairdo?” Meg gestured to about halfway down her neck as she smiled at Cas. “And you never used to fucking brush it so it always ended up stuck in whatever you were eating…”

“I liked that haircut.”

“You were alone on that one.”

Dean looked around at Cas as he tried to chew down on his large forkful of syrupy pancakes, mouth full. Michael never liked it when he ate like that, said it made him look undignified, and a little ridiculous. But sometimes Dean liked looking a little ridiculous, he was remembering. “Wow, you really were living the hippy dream,” he managed as he swallowed. “The drugs too?”

“Not really...”

“Oh, that was all we did,” Meg contradicted, nodding. “Don’t let this one fool you. He was the biggest modern day hippy I ever met in my life. Free love, free drugs, always had a cause… Rich parents mad at him while still paying for his travels to boot.”

“Actually I paid for everything myself,” Cas corrected her, eyes narrowing as he cut out a small portion of his own pancake pile. “It seemed to annoy them more when they didn’t have that to guilt me over.”

“What age were you?” Dean asked. “When you left home?”

Cas thought for a moment as he chewed on his food, fingers curling neatly around his fork. And dammit, they were nice fingers but that didn’t mean Dean had to keep staring at them, he reminded himself as he dragged his eyes back to Cas’ face… which didn’t help much either. He had the same eyes as his brother, almost. Cas’ seemed brighter, and a somehow warmer shade of blue.

“Well, I left for college after school, and after that I ended up in Ecuador on a teaching placement… it really all went downhill from there, with some…” he nodded his head about a bit. “… _help_ from all those anarchist groups I joined back in college.”

“So you were a twenty- what, twenty- _two_ , year old anarchist kid off to see the world?” Dean laughed. “That’s pretty badass, dude. When I was that age I was, uh…” He had to think for a moment. When he was twenty-two he was working, trying to make sure _Sam_ got to college… and then Sam had left. And Dean had kept on working. “I was uh, I was working. Working a couple of jobs in this small town in New Mexico where we ended up after my Dad finally decided to settle down. He’s still there actually.”

Cas looked at him sideways. “How do you feel about dropping in on him now it’s a little more on our way?”

“I’m… thinking about it. I guess if you’re not in a rush or anything…” The last thing he wanted to do was see his Dad. But it was also something he felt like he _had_ to do, or else he’d never be able to move on from Michael, to believe he’d even left. And if Dean was honest, he’d rather do that with someone by his side. With Cas there by his side.

“Seems kinda early to be meeting the parents already, but hey...”

Cas twisted into an irritable smile as he turned back to look at Meg. “Oh yeah? If you want to go there, let’s talk about the time you met _my_ parents, shall we?”

Dean smirked. “Oh, I’ll bet Mrs Novak just loved you, Meg.”

“And that was just when she thought I was after Clarence. Once she realised I was a double threat on the children front…”

Dean had to laugh. He could always thought of Naomi Novak as a sort of older female carbon copy of Michael, and Hell, she would not be amused by her youngest son bringing home an omega – or whatever she was by then – like this one.

Of course, she’d approved of Dean. Reminded of him of his place now and then, but she’d approved of him.

“…Oh, your family’s the best kind of screw up, Clarence - TV really couldn’t buy this shit. Not to mention that other older brother of yours…”

“Gabriel?”

“No, no, the one in jail.”

“Lucifer,” Dean answered for him, smiling. “Yeah, your family… really are special.”

“Tell me about it.”

*

Dean had never been so near a horse before although Sam had ridden one once, he remembered. He’d been sent a photo, of Sam riding a horse right beside Jess’, a few months before his wedding. Sam must have made her laugh at some joke, and he looked like he thought he was king of the world for that moment, stupid hat to boot. They’d been a stupidly sweet couple. Dean had really wondered there for a while after her death whether Sam was ever going to make it out the other side again. For a while Dean hadn’t been able to imagine Sam finding someone else out there for him. But now, there he was, out in California, living the dream – up-and-coming at work with a smoking hot wife and a cute kid. Somehow Sammy had made it through. Dean would love to know what his secret was there.

“No, no, no, you gotta let him get a sniff at you there – that’s all he’s after,” Meg chided behind him as Dean uncertainly left his jacket sleeve out under the black horse, approaching as ordered from the side so that the animal could see him. Ugh. Weird.

“He seems to like you alright.”

“Oh yeah?” Well that was… pretty cool.

“Maybe if you’re still around tomorrow I’ll show you how to ride him,” she told him, smiling crookedly as she linked her arm through his and started dragging him away from the small stable.

“Not sure we will be. Cas seemed to think he’d be uh… finishing up, soon.”

“Funny that, don’t you think?” she remarked as they walked out into the dim light of the early evening.

“What?”

“When we were in Alaska he used to be out of action for the better part of the week when it was that time for him. Pathetic, I’m telling you. But now… this hasn’t even been a couple of days yet, has it?”

Dean grunted, uncertain where she was taking this. He liked Meg, but she knew how to make him uneasy.

“It’s almost like he’s teetering out now he’s not got his hormones exploding over your heat anymore.” Hands in her back pockets, she started walking backwards in front of him towards the house. “Don’t you think?”

“Huh. Or he’s just, y’know, getting _older_.”

“He’s thirty, not fifty. And you do know that’s a pretty good sign someone’s syncing up to someone they feel is their true mate…”

Dean groaned. “Not this shit again, please. I’ve known him all of a few days. And like I told you,” he growled, pointing angrily at the mating mark on his neck, “ _this_ isn’t his. I’m mated already.”

“And there’s more to finding your true mate than grabbing and biting something,” she snapped as she stopped moving to stand in front of him, cutting an imposing figure for such a small woman. “You’d know that if you’d been ever been mated properly before.”

“Mated _properly_?” Dean opened his mouth and gaped out a mock smile. “Lady, I was married for six years. I think I know-”

“Oh yeah? Then where’s your wedding ring? Dude, you left this mate-husband of yours without so much as a note left behind and went on to sleep with his brother, who, I quote, you’d ‘known all of a few days’.”

Ignoring the intensity of her glare, Dean navigated his way around her to make his own way back to the house, calling over his shoulder, “The wedding ring _was_ the note.”

*

In the last wave of his rut, Cas came thinking of Dean. Dean’s eyes laughing at him, Dean licking at his lips, Dean groaning violently beneath him as Cas tried to delay the moment… The feel of his hips… the roughness of his voice when they’d finished, when he’d finished calling Cas’ name because no one had been around to hear them – those few preciously alien hours when it had felt as though they might be the only souls in the whole world…

When he’d finished, he knew that was it. And for some reason the thought saddened him. Normally all he felt when his ruts were over was relief, but now there was something close to… disappointment, really. And almost loneliness, he realised as he drew his shallow breaths at a slowing pace, basically coming back to himself as he lay across Meg’s spare bed. It felt far too large. He wasn’t used to double beds, and certainly not to sleeping in one on his own.  Cas sighed into the bedcovers. He should… get up. Have a shower. Something. It was only still evening. He could go downstairs, and talk with the other two – who seemed to be getting along well, but Cas still felt a little bad about forcing them together like this. He hadn’t been able to really spend time with Meg in a long time, and he enjoyed talking to Dean. So he should get up. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He enjoyed spending time with Dean – maybe too much. Certainly more than he had the right to.

Cas resolutely kept his face smushed into the covers as he thought over, far more clinically, now that his head was entirely clear, the events of the other night. Dean _had_ certainly well, propositioned _him_ , hadn’t he? But… perhaps he had taken advantage somehow, even so. He still wasn’t sure how badly his brother had treated Dean, but surely it _had_ to have been bad, because in the end Dean had run from it, and in a manner that had been both ridiculously dramatic and covert. And then he’d suddenly been placed in the most vulnerable position possible with someone who was still a near-stranger, and he had every reason to fear as a threat… Dean had probably thought that despite what Cas had said he would have come back there into the backseat _anyway_ – all of his experience with alphas hadn’t seemed very positive. As if he’d been taught, if not to be obedient, to run from them, to defer. That’s certainly what Meg thought he was doing. But Cas wasn’t quite so sure… Dean wasn’t exactly the type to run from something that frightened him. Even back in that bar, Dean had been the one to get them out of it – out the gun had come again…

The knock at the door had him finally lift his head up from the bed.

“Hey, Cas, you decent?”

“Uh…” The first word Dean spoke had Cas standing up to frantically search around for the dressing gown Meg had left him lying around somewhere. “Yes,” he shouted as he roughly tied up the navy piece.

Dean entered the room with a few slices of meaty pizza on a large plate. “Figured you might be hungry after a few days of… all this.”

“Dean… Thank you,” Cas breathed as he took the plate from him and started draping a first slice into his mouth.

“You have any idea how expensive it is to order out when you live in the middle of nowhere? A fucking bomb,” Dean told him conversationally as he sat down on the sheets beside him, pointedly ignoring the stains in the middle of the bed – which Cas had promised himself that he would wash out himself before they left. “So I made our hostess downstairs help me put together a couple from scratch. She had all the ingredients right there so I thought, why not?”

Cas almost choked. “Meg made this?”

“I was there. But yeah, it can be taught, apparently.”

Cas smiled as he kept on with eating his pizza. Dean really could cook. But of course Michael would look for an omega who could cook, even if he did hire in one most of the time. He wanted the good little house-omega his mother had always dreamed of for them, and  - it that cookie-cutter model Dean didn't quite fit within. Although Cas imagined that he would have made a good father, had he been given the chance. There was a lot of warmth in Dean…

“Dean,” he started again, slowly, as he finished his second piece of pizza.

“Hmm?”

“The other night we didn’t… I didn’t think…”

“What?”

“Well we weren’t _safe._ ”

Dean snorted, and looked away, reddening slightly. “Not exactly the sort of thing we had the space of mind to think on at the time. But no harm in it.” He shrugged. “I mean I’m safe. And… I guess your free love hippy times were a while ago, you’re safe now, right?”

Cas pursed his lips. “Dean I didn’t even think about the risk of pregnancy-”

“Cas,” Dean cut across, soft smile hardening into a more solemn expression. “Cas, I can’t ever have kids.”

“You sure about that?”

Dean’s eyelids fluttered as though for a moment he was trying to pretend Cas wasn’t really there sitting in front of him. “Yes. I’m sure.”

“Ok then. So. So there was no harm in any of it.”

“No harm at all.”

Cas chewed at the crust of his last pizza slice, wondering how to phrase what he was trying to say. “Dean, it was… it was fine for you wasn’t it? It wasn’t…” He still didn’t quite know what he wanted to ask. Dean didn’t seem sure either.

“Well the way I remember things, _I_ was the one…”

“I _know_ , but, it was, it was what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

Dean stared at him like he was an idiot. “Eh – Duh? Look Cas, you did something pretty… pretty awesome. You asked me that then at the time. And I know… I know you would have listened whatever it was I’d told you. But you’ve got to get the point – that was my choice then – you don’t need to cheapen that choice by keeping on questioning it.”

“I wasn’t trying to-”

But Cas had his words cut away from him as Dean pulled his face roughly towards his own. For a moment Cas felt as though the omega was trying to swallow him whole, but then he relaxed his own mouth, and felt Dean’s tongue against his. Gently now, Dean was wrapping his arm around Cas’ waist, pulling him towards him as Cas started raking his fingers up through Dean’s hair. “Dean,” Cas managed as he felt Dean’s teeth nip lightly against his lower lip, felt his fingers fumbling with the tie to Cas’ dressing gown.

“Yeah Cas?”

He was grinning as well, goddamn the man, with his perfect face that looked even better when that smile started spreading across it.

“How would you feel…”

Dean was ignoring him – having opened up the dressing gown, he was pushing Cas down lightly against the bed.

“…about fucking me?”

Dean stopped with his face inches away from Cas’ chest. “Wait, what?”

“Would you be interested in fucking me? Because I haven’t been able to get the thought out of my mind.”

Dean continued in his attempt to straddle Cas’ chest, although his face was now a picture of confusion – he seemed to be trying to discern whether Cas was joking with him.

“You’re saying you’re an alpha that likes taking it up the ass.”

Cas shrugged, lazily leaning himself back into the duvet. “Didn’t you hear Meg’s rants about what a deviant I am? I enjoy sex. I’ve never held a particular preference as to how I enjoy it.”

Dean smiled, a little uncertainly. “I’m uh… I’m not exactly _practised_ in this area… like, I mean like… I tried it once in high school, y’know? Actually,” Dean made a face, “there was that _one_ time…”

“Dean, I don’t mind. I’d like to try it if you would, but if you don’t, tell me.”

Cas found it a little distasteful, if not altogether surprising, that Michael hadn’t once given this offer to his husband over a seven year period.

Dean still seemed to be struggling with himself. “I don’t exactly…” He coughed. “I’m not carrying any lube with me.”

Cas smiled up at him, and chirped, “But I am.”

“You _are_?”

“Sure, there’s a bottle in my bag over there.”

“Dude, what the hell kind of a road trip were you planning on?”

“I like to be prepared,” Cas muttered defensively as Dean shook his head at him and crossed the room to his rucksack. “Dean?”

“What?”

“You’re still wearing too many clothes. Far too many clothes.”

“Feel free to do something about that whenever you fancy, alpha,” Dean drawled as he swayed his hips slightly, without looking up from the bag, as another voice called in at the door.

“If you boys are doing what I think you’re doing, first of all thank any and every deity listening, and secondly, lock the fucking door, would you?”

Dean grinned over at Cas where he still lay, flat out on the bed. “I’m locking the door, Meg, but I don’t know if I can promise anything about noise…”

“Well I don’t know if I can promise you’ll ever be getting invited back, even if your pancakes are good.”

“How about I make some more in the morning.”

There was a long pause, and Cas actually started to wonder if Meg had gone to bed.

“Will you fry me some bacon too?”

“Diner special for the suffering hostess, 9am. Got your order ready ma’am.”

“Hmmph. Alright. Deal. Continue.”

*

Dean may not have had much experience or confidence, but the space the bed gave them in comparison to the cramped environment the back of the Impala had been enough to make the night everything in comparison to their previous on spent together. When it had been over, Dean had played little spoon, and had groaned at Cas softly all night as Cas continued to plant kisses all down his neck. Remembering the sound wistfully, Cas smiled over at Dean as they drove down the highway the next day, catching his eye as though to remind him somehow what exactly it was he was thinking on now. Of course all Dean did was screw up his face into a disgruntled smile and look back at the road again.

They’d left Meg’s shortly after Dean had cooked them up his large, promised breakfast. Cas maybe should have thought to warn Dean that Meg had yet to develop any shame in asking after details, but Dean had seemed to handle the whole thing a lot more smoothly now he seemed more used to her ways. Cas had even thought he’d seen Dean almost tear up when he’d hugged her goodbye, although that might simply have been the glare of the sun playing tricks. When she’d given Cas his hug, he’d had Meg hissing in his ear.

“You’re gonna ‘fess up, right Novak?”

“About what?”

“Don’t leave it too long to say what you’re feeling, I don’t want you back here in a month annoying me because you’re dealing with getting your heart broken.”

“Meg-”

“You’ll be in Cali in another couple of days. You’re on a countdown.”

Cas was tempted then to remind her that even if what he felt for Dean really _was_ love, the idea of him trying to claim Dean as a mate was absolutely ridiculous considering his family, but, realising they were already lingering for far too long on this one embrace, he released her, and satisfied himself by frowning down at her.

“Look after yourselves, boys,” she’d told them both as she’d watched them get back into the car. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

“That really doesn’t leave us with very much to avoid…”

Smiling with pursed lips, Meg had held up her middle finger at them as she’d watched them drive off together, the other hand being used for waving at them.

“She’s a charmer that one,” Dean had commented, starting off what had ended up their easiest day of driving conversation yet. They hadn’t been speaking much, but somehow things felt… simpler, happier between them, as though for a while they really were just an ordinary pair of friends, or lovers on their way to visit family. Family visits that would, Cas had to remind himself as they started driving through Guadalupe Country that evening, now be including a stop-gap drop in with John Winchester. For some reason, it was easy to forget the fact. Dean had hardly been reminding him, in fact he’d seemed determined to pretend that it wasn’t already what he’d decided to do.

“So, uh, we’ll be there soon anyway.”

“Okay.”

Dean sounded more nervous now than he had all day. And his fingers had started tapping at the steering wheel again. “He’s… he’s a good guy, Dad. He did his best with us after he lost Mom, with me and Sammy.”

Cas nodded, thinking that Dean sounded as though he was trying to convince himself more than Cas.

“I don’t think I ever met him at the wedding. How did he feel about Michael?”

Dean shrugged, but it ended up looking more like a shudder. “He respected him, and he… he was happy, really pleased when he found out we’d be getting married.”

“Do you think… do you think Michael might have called him? He did, after all, call Sam…”

Dean turned to look at him sharply. Clearly this wasn’t something he’d considered. “It’s possible. But, hey. I’m not going to avoid my Dad for the rest of my life, even if he does think I’m an idiot, and a coward and a bad husband.”

“Well he’d be wrong on all counts,” Cas told him stoutly, thinking to himself that no, Dean wasn’t someone who ran.

The small town Dean drove them into and announced as “Home,” didn’t look like all that much. There didn’t seem to be a lot going on – not a lot of cars or people about, and barely any lights on by the time they were driving through it. It didn’t seem like the sort of place Michael would ever spend a lot of time in, and yet Cas had always been under the impression that Dean had met him while working in his hometown. He wanted to ask Dean about it, but stopped as he saw the glazed, nervous expression on his face. Dean looked as though every street they turned down revealed new ghosts arrived to haunt him. So Cas added it to the growing list of things he was filing away in a mental list of questions he would ask Dean about his past before they reached his brother’s home, and, he supposed, they parted.

_“You’ll be in Cali in another couple of days.”_

And Cas had already wasted a whole day just staring at Dean, and enjoying listening to him sing along to his music, and teasing him over the slow, deliberate way he ate his burger when they’d stopped for lunch. Well, perhaps wasted wasn’t the right word. He’d _indulged_ for a day, carelessly pretending that, aggravating as driving was becoming, that this might be all there ever was. Just the road, and being driven down it by someone he… cared about.

John Winchester’s home was a little outside the main town, and it seemed a little more lopsided than much of the rest of the town architecture. So this was where Dean had lived when Michael had arrived into his life… Michael, sophisticated, worldly, handsome Michael, must have seemed like a whole other world away.

“I would have called ahead, but I forgot my phone charger of all things,” Dean muttered apologetically with a smile as he stopped the engine. "But I bet you anything he knows the car’s out here just from listening to her from through the door.” He smiled a little.

“It was your father’s car?”

“Best thing he’s ever given me,” Dean said, patting the steering wheel affectionately before opening up the car door for himself. Cas followed his lead up to the front door where Dean hopped up onto the porch and rang the door, apparently excited. But when he turned to look at Cas to say, “Here goes nothing, right?” Cas could see the strain his face was going through to maintain that smile. And so before the door was answered, Cas grabbed a hold of his hand on impulse. Just trying to communicate in the simplest way possible that whatever happened now, he’d be there next to him.

The door opened and a man Cas assumed had to be Mr Winchester saw who they were and conjured up an exhausted smile. But his eyes were hard. “Wondered if you’d be showing up soon,” he grunted, raising an eyebrow. “Who’s this guy?”

Cas stopped himself from offering a hand – he should wait first for Dean to introduce him. “This is a friend I met on the road here.”

“Well I’d guess you’d better come on in then,” he told them both. Dean started following him quicker than Cas had expected, and slowly Cas let his grip on Dean’s fingers slip and drop away.

“If you’d let me know you were coming I might have bought something in – all there is in the cupboard’s a couple bottles of Jack.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean told him as he sank down into one of the couches and looked around the room like he wasn’t quite sure it was real. Cas sat down beside him and watched as John continued to pace slowly around in front of them, a cell phone in hand.

“So I suppose I’d better call your mate, then. I guess I’ll stay quiet on this alpha you’ve got travelling with you.”

“Dad…” Dean looked visibly crushed as he stared up at his father. “Dad, I’d… can you not do that? I’d prefer if he didn’t know where I was for now.”

“Seems to me you’ve got someone there that cares about you, someone who, more than anyone else, is going to be afraid for you now.”

“Dad, I _know_.”

Cas clutched for Dean’s hand again – less to lend support and more to steady himself.

“Dean you belong with your mate, that goes for anyone, and you more than most, as you damn well know.”

“Dad-”

“Don’t you think your own mate deserves to know that this time you haven’t left because you’re trying to go jump off another bridge? Show some goddamn gratitude.”

Dean looked as though he’d just been punched in the gut, but that the attack had been expected. He looked like a kicked dog. Almost unconsciously, Cas’ hand started to move around Dean’s waist. Getting a grip at last around what he’d trying to get a hold of, Cas stood up. “Mr Winchester, I must ask you not to make that phone call.”

"And why's that?"

“Because I’m Michael’s brother, and I’m advising you not to. And because I’m currently holding a loaded gun.”

Dean leapt to his feet. “Cas, what the fucking hell are you trying to do here?”

 _You hypocrite_ , Cas thought at Dean, as he kept his eyes on John.

Because it didn’t matter what he’d tried to tell Meg, to tell himself. All he was able to hear pounding through his head was a soundless rhythm of _protect the mate, protect Dean. Protect, protect, protect._

_Mine._

*


	8. Making This Up as We Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cas finally has some things explained to him, and finally takes advantage of having Gabriel for a brother.

John Winchester nodded slightly, as though unimpressed, as he regarded the gun Cas clutched in his hand.

“So you’re Dean’s brother-in-law. What the Hell do you think you’re doing with my boy?” He exhaled a bitter laugh. “You know I’ve just about had it up to here with the posturing of rich kid alphas. You think you can just walk into my home and start-”

Dean snarled an interruption to his father’s tirade. “Cas, Goddammit, gimme back my fucking gun!”

“-like you’re trying to lord it over the lesser folk and put them back in their place – right?”

“I plan to - as soon as your father puts away his phone.”

Dean growled slightly in frustration and clawed his hair back. “Dad, look. I’m not planning to leave Michael hanging forever. I’ll call him myself. But you gotta understand, I needed to leave.”

Cas felt as though his heart was breaking in time with Dean’s voice.

John sighed heavily. “Dean, what you need is for someone to look after you. Now your husband was doing that for you. Hell, he’s been doing that since he met you – if it wasn’t for him-”

“I wouldn’t be here, I know.” Dean stared back at his father that eyes that seemed… dead. As though behind them he wasn’t thinking anything at all. Cas’ brain of course was whirring away. “But it just wasn’t worth it anymore Dad, I couldn’t do it any longer.”

John shook his head viciously, looking on the verge of tears. “No. No.”

Dean took a long breath in. “It’s not that I’m saying I’ve given up. It’s that I couldn’t keep living… like that.”

“So what, you run off with your mate’s brother and drove across most of the country without telling him where you are?”

Cas cleared his throat. “The… ah, my participation wasn’t entirely planned…”

“Do me a favour and put a sock in it, kid. And try holding that gun like you mean to fire it if you’re using it to threaten someone.”

Cas clenched his jaw, but said nothing as he waited for Dean to stop holding in whatever was on his tongue.

“Look, Dad. I’m still not well. I know you get that. But you have to stop treating me like I’m an idiot. Because I’m not.”

“Then please tell me what part of this here plan sounded smart to you when you thought it out.”

“Dad, look…” Dean suddenly looked infinitely tired. “We were never like you and Mom, alright? Michael… He never really wanted me to get better. Not in the ways that mattered.”

“But you…” John seemed at a loss for words. “You _acted_ better again. You seemed… _happy._ ”

“Doesn’t me standing here do enough prove I wasn’t?”

John almost smiled. “I guess so.” Deflating slightly, he threw his phone down onto the couch. “You can give that gun back to Dean now, kid,” he told Cas, while still staring at his son. Cas blinked, and, momentarily tightening his grip on the handle, held out Dean’s gun to him. As Dean took it from him, their fingers momentarily brushed against each other, and Cas tried unsuccessfully to catch Dean’s eye. He knew he’d messed up again. Just like back in that bar, Cas had overreacted over a threat to Dean, and it had been left to Dean to get them out of the situation. As a first meeting with Dean’s sole parent, it hadn’t gone well – had Meg been here, she probably would have slapped him. Or at least teased him over it - for in the end just being another possessive, posturing alpha.

And yet Cas still hadn’t calmed down enough to regret it. For the first time in his life he didn’t resent the fact that he was letting his biology rule him.

“Great,” Dean groaned, glancing between them. “Everybody’s calmed down now. Starting over, this is my Dad, John Winchester – Dad, this is Cas. Yes, he’s Michael’s brother. No, he didn’t try and lure me away, it was sorta more the other way around. And I will happily take that whiskey now, thanks.” Treating them both to moody glares, Dean slumped back down into the seat he’d recently vacated.

John twitched slightly, before muttering about leaving to get glasses. Cas eyed him steadily, ensuring that the phone was being left on the couch, and letting the realisation sink in again that the person he was trying to protect Dean from was his own brother. That really, he had something potentially more concrete to lose – the last of his family’s regard – should John Winchester have made that phone call, and yet his only motive when he’d stood up like that had been for Dean, not himself. Dean, whose father had been worried for beyond the state of his marriage…

“Dean. Can I ask…”

“No you can’t,” Dean snapped, forehead resting on one hand, as though he might be nursing a migraine. “Not here,” he added, softly, as he let out a ragged breath.

“OK.”

So they sat there together, not touching, not speaking, not even looking at one another – just listening to the sound of the other breathing until John got back.

*

Dean couldn’t make himself stay longer than it took to finish a drink. He couldn’t do it. It was all he could to stop his hand from shaking as he drank, trying to keep the awkward flow of conversation moving between the three of them. Because it was now, finally, sinking in, after driving almost two thousand miles away from home. Of course he probably would have had a chance to think on it a hell of a lot sooner if it hadn’t been for Cas in the seat next to him the whole way, causing trouble, being a jerk, being a sexy as all hell piece of ass, and someone that actually seemed to give a damn about Dean.

But a two minute conversation with his Dad would obviously kill the buzz, would destroy that illusion fostered in Meg’s spare bed the night before - that Dean actually had some measure of control over his life. And now here was reality again, slapping him around the face. He’d… he’d fucked up. He’d done nothing _but_ that from a long time before he’d met Michael and now, like his Dad kept trying to remind him, this great runaway endeavour wasn’t the way to sort that mess of a marriage out. And then there’d been Meg, with her needling after how he felt for Michael, how that wasn’t really anything next to how he’d started to think about Cas…

All he’d been thinking on when he’d left was seeing Sam – Sam, in his happy picket-fence life. Sam, the one thing he apparently hadn’t screwed up beyond repair. Just… he’d known seeing that would make him feel better.

But it wasn’t going to be enough. How was it supposed to be enough? He hadn’t even thought about what he was going to do once he made it to Sam’s. His brother had made it clear on the phone that he was welcome for as long as he liked, but the fact was, Dean had nowhere else to be, nothing to move on to. How could he just walk in and mess up his brother’s life like that?

He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.

But he couldn’t go back.

And he couldn’t stay here, he reminded himself every moment that he took to glance around the room. The room that hadn’t changed at all since before his Mom’s death, and the walls that Dean could still remember as a tasteful cream colour grown into a sickly yellow. Choosing to stay here would be like a first step in choosing to return to Michael, which was why Dean hadn’t originally considered stopping here on the way to Sam’s. Because he hadn’t wanted to run the risk of changing his mind.

“So you’re going to see your brother then?”

“That’s the plan. Haven’t met the nephew yet, so there’s that still to do.”

Dean was aware of Cas looking around at him quickly at that. He hadn’t mentioned David _Dean_ yet, had he? But he didn’t meet Cas’ eye. Couldn’t do that yet.

John smiled. “He’s uh… he keeps their hands full anyway. He’s an energetic little rugrat.”

“Who’s he take after more these days? He just looked like your atypical baby in the first load of photos.”

John shifted in his seat. “Well, I think Sam, but I think he _wants_ her to look more like that mate of his…”

They stayed for a full hour, with his Dad looking like he wanted to kill Cas every time the guy spoke. Well, fair enough really. He had held a gun on him for a good few minutes there. But it didn’t exactly make for an easy time of conversation, which Dean wasn’t much in the mood to encourage anyway. “So uh, if you are wanting to stay, Dean, you’re welcome to the bed upstairs. And I suppose if your…” He cast another sidelong look at Cas, “friend, is sticking around, then he’s welcome to the couch.”

“Uh, thanks. Thanks, Dad. But…” Without meaning to, Dean’s eyes flickered to Cas’ face. “But we’ve uh, got a schedule to keep to. Cas here needs to get to Oregon… soon, so we should really be heading off. Might stop somewhere, but we might just keep on driving until we make it to Sam’s. Roads seem quiet. Could probably get away with going a bit above the speed limits.”

John frowned as he got at his feet again. “That’s crazy…”

“Dad – it’s, it’s fine. I’d just like to make it to Sam’s now.”

“He know you’re coming?”

Dean hesitated slightly as he stood up, before nodding. John snorted in response, though there was hurt in his eye. “And neither of you trust me with that. What does that say?”

“Rather more about you than your sons, I’d be forced to imagine.”

Cas had said it quietly, but the look in his eye still held a challenge. Dean was close to slapping him.

John took a deep breath in, letting it fill out his chest, as Sammy was also prone to do. “Once you’ve given fatherhood a go, kid, _then_ I’ll maybe let you pass judgement on the way I raised my boys. But right now you don’t have any damn right. No right at all.” His jaw clenched slightly as he turned away, saying, “Maybe you’re right Dean. Maybe you should go.”

“It was good seeing you.”

“Say hi to Sammy for me.”

*

They managed to make it out of town before Dean couldn’t handle it any more. Cas hadn’t said a word since they’d left, and Dean wasn’t sure if he was just playing the penitent, but he suspected it was more to do with the fact he was still waiting on Dean’s answer to his half-formed question. His question over everything he’d half-found out about over the course of the disastrously short evening. But even if he hadn’t worked it out yet, Cas was smart, he would on his own, soon. And Dean was tired of hiding.

But dammit Cas had been the last person he’d wanted to know anything. Cas, an alpha, that talked to him like a person, that had taken it as expected that Dean was in charge of most of the decisions they’d been having to make this whole time. Who’d let Dean fuck him, who’d got Dean to pay for that first meal on his own, the dick.

The dick who kept on looking at him like he wanted to help him, wanted to hold him.

What a douchebag.

Dean ground the car to a stop, and turned the engine off. Then he took a deep breath and focused his eyes squarely on the steering wheel. “I didn’t… I didn’t know what I was supposed to do when Sam left for college, alright?” He gripped onto the steering wheel again, seeking some support. “When we were growing up, Dad was busy – Sammy had to be my responsibility. And that was alright, I could deal with that. I liked that. I had… focus. I learnt to cook so that he had some sort of… a balanced diet. I kept up with school for so long because I didn’t want to seem like a bad example for Sam to follow. I took two jobs so that the money Sam was making was all going to his college fund, and not the rent. I…” Dean furiously ignored the lump swelling in his throat, the tears nipping at the corners of his eyes. Not yet. He was only going to say this once, he had to get through it in one. “That kid was my life. Almost twenty years I took care of him, I fed him, I washed him and I made damn sure he got into the school he deserved. But then…” Dean took another deep breath, tightening his fingers around the wheel. “Then I didn’t know what to do. There’d never been anything for me but being what my little brother needed me to be that day, and suddenly he didn’t need me anymore at all. He was acing his classes, he had this hot new girlfriend, he was out having a fun time. He was making something of himself, like I always hoped he would, but…”

Dean was so grateful for Cas then for just staying quiet and not trying to touch him. He thought if Cas touched him then that would be the end of it. Determined now to race on, Dean cleared his throat, but it came out sounding more like he was fighting down a sob. “I started drinking. Never really drank that much before Sam left, and then there I was, every night leaving the bar only as it closed. And then eventually, just on my own around the house. Dad saw but…” Dean smiled bitterly. “Well, you saw. We’re not exactly the talking-about-our-feelings kinda household. But then I started getting these thoughts, and, and I started going on all these long walks around town on my own. And there’s this bridge in town – pretty high, goes over the river – we drove over it on the way in. And I always seemed to end up there on the end of these walks just… just thinking about it. Thinking about what it might feel like to hit the rocks down there, how long it would take anyone to find a body if nobody saw you go, and the current was moving…” Dean bit down on his lip. “I never quite managed to make the step. I mean there must have been dozens of people who saw me, drink in hand staring down into that – dozens of people who had to have wondered. But not a single one of ‘em ever asked me what the hell I was playing at. Not a single one of ‘em cared. And I… I couldn’t blame them, because I really didn’t care either anymore either. So eventually this one night I… I stood up one the stone wall of the bridge. This time… this time I really think I would have done it. But…” God it was only getting harder to keep talking. Though Cas might not be talking, he was still reacting to the story – the car was starting to fill up with the stench of anxiety. And it was getting more and more distracting. “But then this guy saw me standing up there and stopped his car, shouted at me.”

“Michael,” Cas murmured.

Reluctantly, Dean looked over at him. “Yeah. Michael. He was only passing through on this business trip thing. Then he’s driving over a bridge, and sees this loony omega trying to make a jump. And… and somehow he manages to talk me down. He tells me I shouldn’t do that to Sam, to my Dad, that maybe all I’m needing is for someone to show me… another side to life, to myself. That I was being selfish, being a coward. So in the end I got down off the damn bridge, and he gives me a lift home, tells my Dad what happened. And I guessed I wasn’t ever gonna see the guy again. Why would I?”

“But you did.”

Dean nodded fiercely, looking down at the gear stick. “Next day… I…” He smirked to himself, remembering. “I get this delivery to the house. And it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world. There’s this designer suit in a box – more expensive looking than anything I’d ever owned in my life, and there’s this note with it saying that I should wear it, and that he’ll be picking me up the next day, that we’re going someplace nice. That he was gonna show me this whole other side to life he’d talked about, this other side to myself.” Dean laughed slightly. “I thought the guy was crazier than me, I really did. But the next day I ended up putting the clothes on, and there he was in his flashy car outside the house, and he drove us into Albuquerque. And the whole way along he’s talking like the night before hadn’t ever happened, just trying to make me laugh. Saying how good I looked in the clothes, and what I could do to make myself look better. If I did my hair better, if I found myself a pair of smarter shoes…” Dean closed his eyes lightly. Even right at the end, no matter how well Michael had schooled him, he’d still ended up disappointing him every time. He’d never quite been good enough. “Anyway, he, uh, he took me out to this nice restaurant. And then we went out to this fancy bar. And then he drove me home again, gave me a lot of  tips on how I could start looking better, talking smarter… that there were ways I could actually end up being someone. And then he said he’d look me up again next time he was back in the area on business…” Dean looked at Cas, who was staring at him with those big, soppy eyes. But… they weren’t judging, they weren’t pitying. They were just… listening.

“I mean, say whatever about your brother. But he’s a charmer. And he charmed me with that one night.” He smiled grimly, shaking his head slightly. “Dad was right. I was happier again. I had something to work on again – some _one_ to work _for_. To have someone to impress again, to not let down… But I don’t know. I think after so long it got to the point that I realised that yeah, he saved my life. But it really wasn’t _mine_ anymore, I wasn’t really… me.” He laughed sourly, feeling the first of the tears starting to flow. “And then what do I do soon as I leave him? I try running back to Sammy. Because I need _him_ to help _me_ , and I just assume he’ll have some sort of purpose for me again but… he _doesn’t_. He doesn’t need me now any more than Michael ever did.”

In the dark of the car, he felt Cas’ hand grip around his, and the tears were coming even quicker, even worse, and fuck he was _pathetic…_ And then Cas was pulling him towards him into a tight embrace, and Dean just collapsed completely, because he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had held him like this – like whatever he did now, they wouldn’t let go.

Eventually Cas spoke, his voice rough with emotion. “I don’t know whether your brother needs you, Dean. But he wants to see you, he wants to know you’re alright. And that’s… surely that’s more important. That, need or not he wants you there anyway.” Keeping a firm grip around Dean’s arms, Cas pulled back and stared at him squarely in the eye. “ _I_ didn’t need you in my life Dean. I was going to take your car and drive it across the country, very possibly giving up half way along. But now… Now I don’t want to do this if you aren’t here with me. Which means there’s nothing I want more now than to help you feel better about yourself.”

Dean curled his mouth up like he was trying to laugh, but he couldn’t make a noise. “Cas, I’m not something you can come along and fix. I’m… Fuck, I must be beyond screwed in the head. I’m… I’m poison.”

Cas smiled gently. “I’m not trying to say that me being here is going to act as some kind of cure-all for you Dean. But everyone needs someone there sometimes, a hand to hold, a voice on a bridge, a… shotgun on a long drive. And if I owe Michael anything in my life it’s for saving yours. And if I hate him for anything it’s for… encouraging this misplaced feeling of inadequacy in you. Because more than anyone else I’ve ever met, you don’t deserve that. I think you’re amazing, Dean.” Dean looked away. This wasn’t right. Cas shouldn’t be saying something like that.

“…You don’t owe Michael anything. Just like you don’t owe me anything. But… I’d like to help, if you’ll let me.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean smiled, trying not to seem like this more than anything didn’t make him want to have a full on breakdown. “And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

“Well for starters,” Cas told him solemnly, “I think I’m going to kidnap you, Winchester.”

Dean snorted, pulled back as he made a face. “What?”

“You say Sam lives in Palo Alto, yes?”

“Yeah…”

“Good. Then this is on our way. Sort of. We should probably find some place to rest up for now, and then we can drive on there tomorrow.”

“And _where_ are we driving?”

“Vegas, of course.”

*

Cas had never before taken up Gabriel’s offered free pass into any of his establishments. None of them had ever really sounded like his sort of place – all very theatrical and garish and a little insane. All very Gabriel. But now here he finally was, going to Las Vegas, to stay Gabriel’s crowning achievement – _Trickster Turn._ It may not have been one of the largest of the casino-hotels on the street, but it was almost certainly the one which had the most colours flashing in its neon sign.

“Seriously, dude,” Dean said as they rolled in the next day. “What the fuck are we doing here?”

“I am here to abuse my brother’s credit and make sure you’re feeling better before you get to _your_ brother’s.”

“Dammit, Cas, I didn’t tell you all that crap so that you’d wind up babying me.”

“I’m not babying you,” Cas told him firmly, knowing he looked a little taken aback. “But last night was terrible for you, and part of that was my fault. You deserve to have a little fun, or at least some rest.” _And I don’t want to have to reach Sam’s and say goodbye to you,_ he finished in his head. _Not yet. Not when I’m this worried about you._

“And there’s no reason for us to waste a free hotel when it’s practically on our way.”

Dean glared at him unhappily and slouched his shoulders over the wheel. Despite the fact he had no idea where they were going, he’d insisted on driving, and Cas had been happy to let him maintain that control. Perhaps that was why, after everything that Michael had ever subjected him to, Dean had snapped only when his car had been sold. Because here, where it was safe and familiar, he’d always felt in control. It was his car, and he’d be the one to drive it.

As they walked into the hotel, Cas could hear the sounds of the casino, and a noise that sounded like it might be an elephant. This was what he needed, he thought to himself. Distraction. Distraction from the need still coursing through him to drive all the way back to Florida just to be able to punch his brother in the face. And then keep punching his brother in the face.

“How long is it you’re planning on staying, sir?” The receptionist asked, once Cas had explained who he was. Cas glanced over at Dean. “Perhaps a week…?”

“A _week?”_

“We’ll be able to find you a phone charger, Dean. We won’t leave Sam hanging.”

“Fine!” Dean said eventually, making a face and throwing his hands up in the air. “Make it a week! Why not?”

He was much happier with the idea of a short holiday once he saw the size of the room Gabriel’s name had wrangled them. The mini-bar really wasn’t so mini either. And the size of the bed was ridiculous, as Dean displayed when he flopped down in the middle of it, suddenly looking like a very small man.

“Ok, I take it all back. This place is kind of awesome.” His eyes flicked open and looked up at Cas. “I guess I could do this a week.”

“What would you like to do first?”

“Dude, this is your kidnap.”

“But I want this to be your holiday,” Cas insisted, smiling slightly as he sat down on the bed beside him. “I want this to be whatever you want. And if…” He bit down on his lip. “If what you want is separate beds, a separate room-”

He was cut off rather abruptly by Dean grabbing at his head and pulling him down towards him. “You talk too much, alpha.” Smiling devilishly, Dean pushed his legs off the bed and wound them around Cas’ waist. “Right now what I _want_ is to not leave this room for a good… day.”

Cas leant down, inhaling in Dean’s scent, trying to convince himself that Dean really was fine, that Dean was safe, here with him, here where no one could find him, no one could hurt him. If he never did anything in this bed with Dean other than hold him, and try, somehow, to make him feel cared for, he’d be satisfied.

“I think that if that’s what you want…” Cas ran his fingers lightly, lovingly back through Dean’s hair. “…then I could manage that. I think I’d like that a lot, Dean.”

*

It had been over a week since Sam had received the updates from his family – first, the call from his Dad, warning that Dean was on his way, and was travelling with one of Michael’s brothers, of all people. And then had come the even stranger call from Dean a few days later – well, calls, none of which Sam had actually been awake to answer. They’d all been a varying level of happy drunk phone calls announcing that he was in Vegas and having an… interesting time. In one call he’d definitely sounded high on something. Sam had tried calling him back during the day, but never got a reply.

Sam was officially worried about his brother and it was beginning to drive his wife insane.

“He’s going through the break-up of his life, so he ships himself off to Vegas to get wasted and… whatever,” she explained to him again as she tried feeding a restless Davey in his high chair. “It’s not exactly unpredictable behaviour thus far, c’mon Sam.”

“But, Ruby,” Sam said through gritted teeth as he continued to pace the floor, “he’s run off with _Michael’s brother._ And he didn’t tell me that! Why wouldn’t he tell me that before?”

Ruby didn’t look up from the spoon she’d just succeeded in pushing into Davey’s mouth. “Hmm. Maybe he just realised that you’d freak and he’d have to use all his phone minutes explaining what that was about.”

“Or maybe he doesn’t even want to be there!”

“Sam. Did you even _listen_ to those voicemails? I haven’t heard a guy sound happier since you when Davey tried walking for the first time and you decided that you needed to call… oh yeah, _everyone_.”

Sam ran his hands back through his hair in frustration. “I just… I don’t like it. I’m…” his hand went digging into his pocket again for his phone, “I’m gonna try calling him again.”

“Good luck with that. But that’s your third time this hour.”

Sam aimed a scowl at the back of her head as he scrolled down his contact list for his brother’s name, for what was actually the fourth time this hour. But then he stopped, listening to the noise coming from outside the sound of the house, his finger hovering over the number.  

He knew the sound of that engine.

“Dean,” he said quietly to himself, slowly starting to smile. Almost not sure what leg to move first he was suddenly so excited, he ran out of the house and out into the front lawn.

There was the Impala. And standing outside of her was his big brother. There was Dean, grinning that big _stupid_ grin of his and looking absurdly proud of himself. But Sam managed to knock that off his face along with the air from his lungs when he attacked him with a hug, and aggressively threw his arms around him.

“Long time no – alright, alright Sammy, you got me,” Dean jabbered, and finally returned the hug, clinging to Sam’s shirt just like Davey would sometimes. Like he wasn’t ever letting go.

It was certainly a while before either of them did.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if I have an iota of sense left, this shouldn't be getting updated for another week because I have another exam next Monday, which really sucks. So hope everyone liked this chapter, and that everyone survives this next episode of the show, because the sneak peek has already killed me today...


	9. Communication Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean takes the dog for a walk, and Cas takes a drive.

Dean had expected to love his nephew on sight, and he had. But he hadn’t ever really got the idea of how incredible it could be to hold his little brother’s pup in his arms until he did. Although Davey had been a little uncertain around Dean at first, by the third day after he and Cas had rolled in from Nevada, the kid was lighting up whenever he saw him walk into the room. Which made Dean unfailingly melt every damn time.

His Dad had been right. The pup even had Sam’s dimples. And he was smart, too – Dean could tell already. Hell, he was even starting to manage to work out jigsaws that Dean had to squint at for a good few minutes before he found anything that would fit in together. He’d always liked games like this – working out how to put things back together in working order again. It was just like fixing a car, or, he thought, remembering Meg, like re-making someone else’s pancake batter. There was a right answer there somewhere, if you worked at it.

“Hey, that’s my little man,” Dean crowed softly as Davey put the jigsaw piece that was almost as large as his hand down inside another one and grinned a wide gap-toothed smile up at Dean.

“He smiles like you do.”

Dean turned, too sharply, and saw Cas walking into the room holding two steaming mugs of coffee.

“Y’think?”

 Cas nodded with solemn certainty as he sat down beside them on the floor. “He gives a lot of himself.”

“I think all babies do that, Cas.”

“Perhaps. But I think some people keep that… brightness.” 

Dean held his gaze, a little uneasily, before dropping his eyes with a rueful grin. “So pups make you soppy, huh?”

“This one is somewhat sweeter than any I’m used to.” He frowned. “Not that I’ve been around many, considering none of my siblings have ever had any. Yet. I think my Mother pins most of her hopes on Anna, now.”

“You mean after I ended up a bit of a disappointment in that area?”

Cas jerked his head as though stung. “Dean-”

Dean waved his words away with a hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Hey, you guys ready for something to eat now?” Ruby leant against the doorframe, one arm crossed across her chest.

Cas held up his coffee mug. “I think we’re probably fine for now.”

“Good because I only put food on enough for this one,” she said, her eyes laughing at them as she crossed the room and bent down to pick up her now squirming son. She was a beautiful woman, Dean thought briefly to himself again. But very, very different to Jess. Dark haired where Jess had been blonde, an omega where Jess had been beta. But, Dean supposed, as he watched her leave, that was probably a good thing. Sammy didn’t want to spend his life with someone that made him think of what he’d lost every time he looked at her.

But physical similarities weren’t everything. For some reason, it was only rare moments for Dean – like now, when Cas had actually brought it up, that he ever remembered the connection between Cas and Michael. Yes they looked fairly alike. But Dean only occasionally remembered that he even had a mate when he was around Cas.

Which, he reminded himself sharply as he picked up his coffee and got to his feet, was a whole other problem. Because now of course the main issue was trying not to think about the last night in Vegas. Vegas, where everyone had assumed they were a couple, a mated couple…

“I offered to cook tonight,” Cas told him as he stood up as well. “I feel a little like I need to earn my keep while I’m here. Sam and Ruby have been so kind.”

Dean snorted as he started to walk through into the kitchen. “Should I be worried? I mean you can cook right?”

“Well I’m a fair amount better than Meg.”

“That’s not exactly-”

“Saying much, I know.”

Dean smiled into his coffee as he took another gulp down. Cas always made his coffee with sugar, though he never asked for it. He’d just seemed to figure that since Dean had a sweet tooth, it only made sense. It did - dammit he loved a sugary coffee.

As they walked into the kitchen the dog tried jumping up on Dean again. Yellow slobbery mass of muddy fur everywhere. Ew.

“Sammy…”

Sam rushed over and pulled down on the retriever’s collar. “Down, Maxie!”

“You need to get that thing trained. Don’t wanna end up like Owen Wilson.”

“What?”

“Dude. _Marley and Me._ ” Dean pouted defensively as he tried wiping the stray strands of fur off of himself. “Modern classic.”

Sam smiled and put his hands on his hips, eyebrow raised. “Uh-huh?”

“Shut up.”

“So you want to take him out on a walk with me? I was just about to leave…”

Dean was about to wrangle himself out of it, but then he caught the look in Sam’s eye. He wanted to _talk_. Awesome.

To be fair to him, Dean reminded himself as he they got the mutt leashed up, Sam really had been good about leaving him alone, about _everything_ since they’d got there. Hadn’t really asked about why he was travelling with his brother-in-law, why he was happy sleeping in the same spare double bed as said brother-in-law, or why they’d taken a week’s pit stop in Vegas en route. Yeah, thinking on how nosy Sam could be, he’d practically been silent. Hadn’t even brought up Michael once. So Dean probably owed it to him to say _something_ in explanation…

“So,” Sam started, almost as soon as they’d made it out the front yard. “You bring this guy along for his cooking?”

“Nah, I brought him along for the car. For all I know he’s going to poison us.”

Sam looked at him like he’d made a joke that he couldn’t decide whether or not he was insulted by. “Dean, it’s your car, and last time I checked you can drive it fine.”

“Actually,” Dean sighed as he kicked at an old soda can, “it’s technically his car now. Michael sold him it for like a ridiculously low price. Like I don’t know if he was just trying to be nice since Cas is family or if he just didn’t have a clue-”

“Wait, Michael tried to _sell_ the Impala?” Sam was gesturing so wildly with his hands that he had to jump to catch the dog lead as Max caught a scent of something on the pavement and picked up a sudden speed. “Dean that’s like-”

“Probably a bit illegal. Thanks for the heads up, lawyer boy.” He scratched the back of his head and looked out at the street. Cutesy neighbourhood this. Practically suburbia. “But I made a mess of this fancy dinner of his, and it was pretty important to him.”

“What the hell did you do?”

“I threw my glass of champagne at his boss.”

Sam’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he apparently tried to remember whether it was appropriate to laugh.

“He had a bad sense of humour. And I… got sick of it.”

“What a hellraiser.”

Dean started laughing, tried biting his lip to stop himself, but it didn’t work, and the laugh kept on rolling out. God that felt good, even better to have Sam laughing along with him. When was the last time he’d got to make his little brother laugh?

“So wait,” Sam managed eventually, “does that mean Cas’ll take the Impala with him when he leaves?”

Dean had to pause to think about that one. Cas leaving. Well. Of course Cas would be leaving. If Dean couldn’t stay here forever… well. Honestly it was weird Cas had stayed as long as he had. Which was probably what Sam was starting to get at.

“Uh, I guess.” He’d told him he’d buy it back, but he didn’t want Cas leaving with nothing. And he didn’t have any money to pay for the damn thing. Sam’d probably give him the money, and Cas’d probably give him the car for free if he asked for it, but that wasn’t what Dean wanted. He’d been living off someone else’s money for too long.

He’d get it back in the end. It would be a good reason to go out and find Cas again, someday.

“Honestly? You didn’t want Michael to sell it, but you’d let his brother just roll off with it, just like that.” Sam shook his head at him, smiling uncertainly. “Are you _sure_ you’re not mated?”

“Ha. Funnily enough I think I just mighta noticed that one.”

“So the _only_ reason you were travelling together was because you wanted to get your car back that he was driving this way anyway.”

“Yup.”

“And so you stopped to get wasted in Vegas… just because?”

“Driving gets tiring after a while Sammy.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “So. Pretty sure you don’t want me to ask, but… what _did_ happen in Vegas?”

“Stays in Vegas.”

“Very funny. Oh, Max, _no_ ,” Sam groaned as his dog tried giving an enthusiastic hello to an old lady’s white poodle. “I’m so sorry-”

“Get that thing castrated young man!”

Dean whistled as the woman turned the corner. “Ooooh Maxie, better keep an eye on your balls, boy.”

“Shut up,” Sam muttered, as he determinedly wrapped the dog’s lead tighter around his hand. “So. What are you guys anyway? Like… a couple?”

“I don’t know, alright?” Dean snapped. “Just… leave it, Sammy.”

“Dad seemed to think you were.”

“Dad called you?”

“Yeah. Said he decided not to call Michael, which I guess is one less thing to worry about right?” Sam snorted. “I’m certainly happy that asshat doesn’t know you’re here. When he called me after you left-”

“Don’t, don’t talk about him that way,” Dean muttered.

“Like what? Dean we’re talking about the abusive douchebag who sold your car to _punish_ you for something.”

“Well it wasn’t exactly like I didn’t deserve it, Sam.”

“ _What_?”

“He could have lost his job and I’m – I was – I was his mate – his _omega_ mate, and I should have been there to _support_ him, not tear down everything he’d worked for.”

“So what, you think if Ruby _embarrassed_ me at some work thing I’d dragged her along to I'd have the right to push my weight around and-”  

“That’s not the same thing at all…” Sam just wasn’t getting it.

“How?” Sam outstretched his arm, almost tripping over again as Max tried to move. “How is that any different? Ruby’s my omega, but if you think for a _second_ that I’d ever do something to hurt her…”

“Just forget it, alright? Leave it alone. I’m here now – I got out, remember?”

Sam huffed out his frustration as they continued walking. “Sure, physically you did.”

“Well like I say, we’ll be out of your hair soon.”

“You’re leaving with him?”

Dean shrugged. “Nah, I don’t think so. I think he said he might be leaving tomorrow or something.” Cas hadn’t exactly said that, but whatever.

“Well, good, ‘cause we could sure use you around. Davey likes you, and we spend a fortune on babysitters every week on nights we both can’t get home from work.”

“You want me to be your live-in nanny?”

Sam shifted uncomfortably. “I guess…”

Dean grinned, and shoved at him. “Got yourself a deal, boss.”

*

Dean was quiet over dinner, Cas noticed, and he was sure that it didn’t have anything to do with the food. Cas’ risotto attempt had gone well, even if it had been a while since he’d made it and Ruby hadn’t had any parmesan in for him to use. He liked Ruby, he’d decided. She reminded him a little of Meg, all brittle sarcasm. But here, with Sam and her little boy, he got to see her soften. But mostly looking at the pup made him ache, because he knew how it hurt Dean, to see this future he wouldn’t ever be able to have.

Cas had been thinking a lot about futures over the last few days.

He didn’t need children in any of the fantasies he’d started nurturing, he really didn’t. But he couldn’t see a solo end to the open road any longer. He didn’t want to hit the road again either… not if it wasn’t Dean sitting there beside him. Watching Sam and Ruby in their very ordinary marital apparent bliss… it made him yearn for things he’d never thought he wanted before. And they all seemed inextricable from thoughts of Dean.

Dean… together with him properly, in ways more concrete than simply lying there next to him on a bed. For Dean to be _his_ , for him to be Dean’s…

As Dean glanced at him briefly then looked quickly back down at his food, Cas tried not to sigh. He knew why Dean was being so quiet, so awkward, ever since they’d left Vegas. Because Cas hadn’t given him what he’d asked for that last night, when Dean was scarcely able to walk back to their hotel room with him in the morning. And however much Dean had shrugged off the night as a drunken haze the next day in the drive to Sam’s, Cas knew he remembered as clearly as he did. At least, the important parts.

_“We did Vegas, Cas,” Dean had told him proudly as they’d stumbled out from the elevator, with Cas still trying to let Dean lean all of his weight on him. “We did the… the whole thing. I won money-”_

_“And then you lost the money…”_

_“Shut up, I’m awesome. And we fucking conquered the strip-”_

_“I’m not sure conquered is the appropriate word-”_

_“Sure it is. But Cas,” Dean added earnestly as Cas fiddled with their roomkey and they lurched into the room together. “We didn’t really finish the Vegas thing. Where’s our shitty marriage in front of some drunk witnesses we pulled in off the street? Where’s the fucking chapel of love, let’s go find one!”_

_“Dean,” Cas told him solemnly as he laid him down on the bed, biting down on a laugh, “We can’t have a shitty marriage because you’re already in one. You can’t have another one, Dean. That would be very illegal.”_

_Dean leant up, reaching his arms up around Cas’ back, eyes wide and laughing. “As illegal as stealing someone’s car or kidnapping a guy?”_

_“Oh, definitely more illegal. The illegalist thing-”_

_“Mmm, dirty talk,” Dean grinned as he toyed with Cas’ lips with his teeth. “I like it.”_

_“We could probably go to jail. Alcatraz. Guantanamo. Bad, very bad places.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Dean licked his own lips slowly in the way he had to know destroyed Cas every time, before pulling Cas down with him onto the bed. And fingering the buttons on his shirt._

_Cas leant down to kiss Dean softly on the nose, on the mouth, all over his neck…_

_“Cas… please…”_

_“What?”_

_“I need – I want you to have me. Mate me, please, just… just bite me.”_

_“Dean…” Cas pulled back staring. Not because he doubted Dean’s sincerity, or questioned the wisdom of it. Yes, they might have only known one another for less than a fortnight, but… things between them were different, so different to what Cas had ever known before – he’d accepted that. In both his body and his mind he’d never… reacted to anyone like this. It was disorientating, terrifying, wonderful._

_“Please Cas, make me yours.”_

_Without meaning to, Cas felt his eyes drawn to the light mating scars on Dean’s neck. A warning, from his brother, that this man was already claimed._

_But people could mate again, could love again, of course they could._

_Although Dean making that stand, while drunk, after running away from his husband, that would look bad. Particularly to Cas’ family. His mother would never speak to him again…_

_Dean’s lips wavered slightly as he kept those bright green eyes wide and fixed on Cas’ face, looking like a startled child. As though he’d suddenly sobered and realised he’d left too much of himself wide open._

_“Dean… Dean, we can’t…” Not here, not like this, he wanted to add, but Dean’s jaw had already tightened. Cas’ hesitation had made him suspect, fear, this answer coming._

_“Fine then. Whatever,” Dean mumbled and turned his face away. Cas had lost him._

_“Dean-”_

_“I said whatever, Cas.”_

_And that night they slept side by side in the bed that was too big for four, with Cas watching Dean’s breathing, and trying very hard not to touch his hand. Just to let him know he was still there…_

“Cas?”

Cas sat up straighter and blinked to see Sam smiling awkwardly at him from across the table. “We, uh, we lost you there for a second buddy.”

Cas nodded sheepishly. “Apologies.”

“So uh, Dean was saying you were thinking of leaving tomorrow. Where is it you’re heading?”

Cas’ eyes narrowed in confusion and shot to Dean, who was staring into his half-finished plate of food. It wasn’t like Dean to leave food.

“Um. Portland. I have friends there,” Cas said eventually, deciding to roll with this for the time being. But later, when they’d left to get into bed, Cas cornered Dean about it.

“Dean, why does Sam think I’m leaving tomorrow?” He asked as he sat on the bed, watching Dean change into the old tee that Sam had lent to him as a pyjama top. “Do you want me to leave, Dean?”

“I dunno, I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Dean, I-” _Don’t want to leave you._ “I don’t even have a car.”

“Sure you do,” Dean told him, smiling as he sat down on the bed. “The Chevy sitting outside’s waiting for you man.”

“Dean…”

“What?”

“Dean she’s _yours._ We agreed already that-”

“I know, I know. But I’m changing things. I do that.” His smile widened, though not quite up to his eyes. “I want you to have her, Cas. For now. And then I can track you down in a while and buy her off you, give me the excuse to see you again.”

“You don’t need an excuse to come and see me, Dean.”

Dean’s smile hardened, but he nodded. “Thanks.”

“And… Dean, I need to know before I leave… Have you told your brother yet?” Because Cas had worried, back on the road, that Dean hadn’t gotten over his depression at all. That all he was really holding onto was the thought of seeing his brother, of fighting to keep his car, and just, maybe, for Cas sitting there beside him. What would he be with those things gone, without anyone who knew about his problems around him, to protect him?

“Told him what?” But the look on Dean’s face told Cas he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“About your suicide attempt in the first place. About your struggle with depression.”

“That was a long time ago, Cas,” Dean intoned as he stood up, not looking at him. “Anyway, I told you before, I don’t need or want you babying me.”

“I’m not trying to baby you, Dean. I’m only worried about you, and I’m worried because I _care._ ”

Dean turned slowly, his face chiselled stone. “And what gives you that right, Cas?”

Cas breathed in slowly. “Dean, I-”

“You what, Cas?”

“I…” He sighed and looked away. “You’re right. I don’t have a right, I just, I care anyway. You matter to me, Dean.”

“And you… yeah, matter.” Dean smiled half-heartedly. “Dude, d’you really think I’d loan you my car if you didn’t?”

Cas smiled to himself. Dean was happy here, he knew that. And it wouldn’t be right to try and ask him to leave that behind, for him.

“Now get in and warm up the bed for me.”

“I can do that.”

*

Cas left not that long after lunch the next day. Sam and Ruby hugged him and coaxed a wave out of Davey, and then the dog essentially attacked him, and… and then he hugged Dean, trying to breathe in his scent for the last time.

“Say hi to Portland for me,” Dean said, smiling without feeling.

“And you look after yourself. Don’t be getting into any more fights.”

“Aw, c’mon, “ Dean groaned, grinning sidelong at the curious audience, “All the fights were your fault.”

There was a lot more Cas wanted to tell him. Important things, he was sure of that. But when the last moment came to say goodbye he couldn’t remember any of them. So he got into the Impala, and for the second time in two weeks tried to drive off in it.

No one was crouched beneath the back seat to hold a gun to his head this time. He was definitely alone, like he’d wanted to be in the first place.

But it was awfully quiet.

Trying to fill the silence, Cas pushed in one of Dean’s old cassette tapes and tried to relax, to remind himself that he was doing the right thing. He _was_ doing the right thing. Dean had wanted to get to his brother’s home to recover, to retreat from Michael somewhere that felt far enough away. And now there he was, somewhere he actually felt happy.

And obviously, Cas would feel the same, once he found whatever it was he’d been trying to reach, before. Although it had started occurring to him that maybe he’d already found it.

_We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,_

_Running over the same old ground, what have we found,_

_The same old fears? Wish you were here…_

Cas found himself having to stop the car to have a moment to himself to get his breath back. Not because Dean was there, in heat, distracting him. But because Dean wasn’t there at all and it physically _ached_.

*

Ruby had rounded on Dean the moment Cas had left when she’d seen the look on his face. “Why the fuck did you let him leave?” she‘d asked. “Isn’t it obvious he wanted you to stop him?”

But Dean had ignored her, Sam remembered, and simply glared at her to slouch off to his room. They hadn’t seen him again till dinner, when again he ended up leaving them, this time for a walk by himself.

“Idiot,” Ruby had muttered to him after Dean had left the table.

“What?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “You just mentioned how we’re trying to have more kids.”

“So?”

“So maybe that’s a sensitive topic of conversation for an omega who can’t have them, dumbass.”

“Oh.” Sam’s face fell. “Maybe I should go after him…”

“I’ve a feeling he might have had enough of people for one day, don’t you think?”

So Sam didn’t go after his brother, but he did try waiting up for him to come back after they’d finally got the baby to sleep. Davey was a good pup, but something had made him all antsy and he just wouldn’t settle for hours. When Ruby finally emerged from his room her face was stony and her hair everywhere. “I’m going to bed now. You’d better be doing the same, or you’re sleeping on the couch,” she told him with a pointing finger. “Because nothing is waking me up tonight.”

“I was thinking of going out looking for Dean. He’s still not back…”

“He texted saying he was alive, right?”

Sam sighed. “Yeah, he did…”

“And he’s got a housekey. So he’s fine.”

“I guess so.” Sam huffed out a smile for her. It felt weird trying to look after his older brother.

*

It was the smell that woke Sam that night. A scent he remembered all too clearly.

“Ruby,” he murmured, shaking his wife. “ _Ruby.”_

“Get the fuck back to sleep,” she mumbled back at him. “It’s like 2am dumbass.”

“But Ruby,” Sam grinned wide, unable to stop himself. “We did it. Again. Ruby - you’re pregnant.”

“What?” She opened her eyes only to narrow them at him. “I think I’d know if I was pregnant, alright? So leave me the fuck alone. I was sleeping.”

Sam’s face fell in confusion. “But I…” He could definitely smell that, although admittedly not as strongly as he might have expected it considering he was lying right there in the bed next to Ruby. “I can smell…”

Ruby lifted her head half-heartedly off of the pillow. “Pregnant omega. Yeah, yeah, I smell it, alright. But I’m not the only damn omega in this house,” she reminded him sleepily as her head slumped back down again as Sam caught his breath.

Stumbling out of bed through the darkened room, he found that someone had left the hallway light on, and he got his answer to why when he heard the toilet flush and his brother walked out, looking a little green, and holding something in his hand.

“Dean…”

Dean threw the pregnancy test down onto the floor. “It’s not fucking _fair_ , Sam.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one’s coming later than usual since exams got in the way AGAIN but that’s me finally done with university for the year so HOORAY. Now I can finally see the friends and get drunk - hence why the chapter might feel a little messy or rushed (sorry). Thanks again for sticking with this.  
> And also hey well done to everyone who was angling for/suspicious of the lack of parent!Dean. I honestly didn’t originally start it as an mpreg fic. BUT then I changed my mind…


	10. I Can't Quit You Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam continues to have a hard life, and Cas finally makes it to Portland.

Sam smiled down at his son as the pup gave one last little stretch in his crib before yawning and settling down at last. It had been a long day at work for Sam, so yes, the baby was going to sleep now if he knew what was good for him. A good chunk of his day had been spent on the phone to Dean, making sure he hadn’t changed his mind about… anything. He hadn’t really talked much during the night, and Sam had been tempted to call in sick from work just so that he could talk it over with his brother. Because this wasn’t anything small…

Quietly backing out of the room, Sam almost walked back into his wife, who’d been waiting at the door. “Is he asleep?”

Sam put a frantic finger up to his lips, and she shook her head at him, smiling tiredly.

“So I gave your brother all my how-to pregnancy books,” she told him in a softer voice as she started leading him towards the stairs.

“ _All_ of them?”

“Yeah, he did look a little intimidated…”

Sam touched her arm gently, frowning slightly. “Ruby, what we were saying earlier…”

She stopped and leant back on the banister. “He’s your brother, Sam. And right now he’s stuck between a lot of rocks and hard places. I’m not going to ask you to kick him out. You know that. The spare bed’s his as long as he needs it.”

Sam breathed out heavily. “You’re the best.”

“I know. Now get down there and talk to him, he’s looking a bit ‘80s action hero again. Sorta grumpy, and a bit like he’s gonna try and blow something up soon.”

Sam grinned. That sounded like Dean. Leaning down to kiss Ruby briefly, he hopped on down the stairs into the kitchen, where Dean was chopping up some carrots for dinner, looking exactly like he wanted to blow something up. Or use the knife in his hand for something other than root vegetables.

“So how’s it going?”

Dean grunted at him without looking up. “Peachy.”

Sam sat down across from him, automatically starting to reach for the unpeeled pile of potatoes on the table. “Dean. You’re allowed to not be fine. Pregnant without your mate around? That’s not easy to deal with. Especially when you’ve not got the divorce settled yet – I’ll get on to that for you, by the way. But I just want you to know that whatever you decide to do, me and Ruby-”

“It’s not Michael’s.”

“What?”

Dean looked up, lowering the knife momentarily. “The pup. It’s not Michael’s.”

It took Sam a beat or two to register. “ _Cas_?”

Dean nodded testily and picked up the next carrot.

“Why… why weren’t you on any kind of protection…”

“Because I didn’t think I needed it, alright? I thought I _knew_ from Michael that I couldn’t have any kids…”

“Did, did you guys ever take a test?”

Dean inhaled and bit down on his lip, eyes still fixed on the table. “No. Not exactly. But we were married six years Sam. That’s a long time of no success, don’t you think?”

“Well then… how did you know it wasn’t Michael that was infertile?”

“I didn’t, ok? I just… I had whatever Michael… _implied_ , alright?”

Sam nodded. One day, he decided, maybe whenever this divorce had to be all sorted out, he was going to punch Michael Novak in the face, and he was going to enjoy it.

“So… have you called Cas yet, telling him the news? Unless,” he continued quickly, catching himself, “unless you don’t want the pup, in which case you, well, you obviously don’t-”

“I’m keeping it, Sam.”

“Ok.” Sam smiled encouragingly, thinking on the fact that his son might just soon be getting a little cousin to grow up with. “So… Cas? What’s… what’s happening there?”

Dean looked up again. “Cas already decided he didn’t want us to be in any kind of… relationship.” He smiled grimly. “Can’t really tie that one down, sort of a crazy hippy free spirit type, y’know?”

Sam found the description a little ill-fitting with the man who’d stayed with them. “Ok, but-”

“…So no, I don’t want to do that to him and drag him back here.”

“You can’t say that you already know you’d be-”

“Sam, I do,” Dean snapped, voice breaking slightly, and Sam understood just how much his brother had been thinking over this all day. “I know him, alright? He’s… he’s a good guy. Bit weird, bit dorky, but he tries his best. And the thing is… is that he’s always got some sort of cause. That’s why we stopped off in Vegas on the way. Guy felt sorry for me, wanted to cheer me up. But the thing is, he’s… he’s _such_ a good guy that’s he’d have done that for anyone. And I…” Dean breathed out, steadying himself to look straight at Sam. “I can’t do that to him. And I don’t want to. So I’m not going to.” Dean gave a little half smile, one that his heart wasn’t quite in. “’sides. I’ve known the guy all of like a few weeks. Who says I want him as a Dad for my pup?”

Though he felt this was his brother trying to unnecessarily martyr himself again, Sam thought as he bit down on everything he wanted to argue back with. Because this had to be Dean’s decision, or no one’s. “Cool. So anyway, whatever it is you’re doing, you know my deal’s still standing right? Me and Ruby still want you to stay for as long as you want to, and hey,” Sam exhaled, “It… it’s been really, really good, getting to actually _see_ you again.”

“Missed me, huh?”

“Yes! I missed you. So having you live with us for now…” He grinned, hopefully. “That could be seriously awesome.”

Dean smiled slightly at his carrots as he pushed the chopped pile over to one side. “It could be… yeah, it could be Sammy, and that,” he laughed, “that means a lot, y’know? But, uh… I’ve been thinking today that it might be best for the pup if I head home.”

“Wait, I thought you weren’t getting on with Dad when you saw him…” Dean looked up, eyes tired. “Oh, no. No. You can’t just go back to Michael. Not after all this. You can’t, you were just telling me the other day Dean, you _got out_.”

“Did I though?” Dean laid down the chopping knife. “I dunno, Sam. I think, mainly, all I was trying to do was just get away from everything, for a little while, y’know? Things had been a little tense the last while…”

“Yeah, Dean, he tried to sell your fucking car. And God knows what else that you’re not telling me.”

“…But things have a chance to be better now, Sammy, they do.” Dean broke momentarily from his steely demeanour to breathe out a smile. “All this time we couldn’t have kids – and that was a major issue for Michael. But now-”

“But now you’re pregnant with his brother’s pup - and you think he’s not going to suspect a thing and that this is,” Sam waved his arms around, lip curling unhappily, “that this is magically going to fix everything for you. That you being pregnant is suddenly going to… to transform you into the submissive omega that he wanted the whole time?”

“I’m not expecting you to understand, Sam…”

“You’re fucking right I don’t understand! Dean, you _escaped._ This wasn’t just a rough patch for you guys, this was your entire marriage and it was abusive as Hell-”

“Michael never laid a hand on me.”

“So?” Sam leaned forward on the table, eyes pleading. “Dean, you’ve gotta know there’s more to it than that. And… and what’s Castiel gonna think after he finds out you’re back with Michael and passing off his kid as his brother’s?”

“It’ll be none of his damn business,” Dean growled. “And he won’t have to know. There’ll be no reason for him to know.”

“You’d do that to him? Really? I thought you cared about this guy, Dean.”

Dean shut his eyes for a moment, lips pursed tightly together. “I care enough not to drag him into all this. I’m doing this for the pup, Sam.” His voice was breaking a little again. “You’re a lawyer. You know the kind of bullshit legal maelstrom this would turn into if I tried to keep Michael from his pup, you know that.”

“But if he didn’t know-”

“He’d find out eventually, Sam, we know that. He’s raking it in, he’s important, and he’s an alpha. He’d win any damn case.”

“And a strong case could be built on the fact that the DNA would prove it wasn’t his.”

Dean smiled, raised an eyebrow. “Like I said. I care enough not to get Cas involved.”

“Winchesters. You all care too fucking much,” Ruby muttered as she marched into the room and turned the oven on. “Altruistic jackasses.”

“Look, Dean, just… just promise me you’ll think on this for a while before you do anything about it, alright? Like you say, I’m a lawyer. I can start putting some sort of idea of what we might be dealing with here…”

“Sam, I already called Michael.”

“You _what_?”

Unamused, Dean popped a few pieces of carrots in his mouth and chewed them down slowly. “I said,” he continued after he’d swallowed down, “I called Michael, and he’ll be coming by tomorrow to pick me up.”

*

Cas hadn’t been lying to Sam when he’d told him he had friends up in Portland, it had just taken him until that time to remember it. Well, friend. And of course, calling that friend for a catch-up inevitably was going to result in copious quantities of alcohol, but by the time Cas had crossed the border he’d already been craving some kind of oblivion.

Balthazar was usually dependable for providing that.

“So. Cassie. The great American road-trip. How’s it been treating you?”

Cas gulped down on his drink, a colourful one with a long name which Balthazar had ordered for him. “Fine, I guess.”

“Just fine?” Balthazar smirked at him. “I can imagine that travelling alone stops being romantic and starts being rather pathetic all too quickly.”

Cas took a tentative slurp from the straw this time.

“…Unless you weren’t driving it all alone…?”

Cas smiled weakly. “Most of the way there I didn’t even have to do any driving.”

“Oh? What did you have to do for such a service then? Did you pick up a hitchhiker on the road?”

“No, nothing like that. Actually I was carjacked.”

“ _What_?”

As Cas finished giving Balthazar the briefest of summaries, the beta whistled at him low and meaningfully, before catching the waiter’s eye and ordering them another round of drinks. “So. You’re practically mated now with your _brother’s_ mate-”

“We’re not-”

Balthazar waved a dismissive hand at him. “Oh, sure you are. I’m seeing lovehearts popping out of those big blue eyes whenever you talk about him. And now that I think on it you do smell different.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, honestly. Something more… mature, complete.”

Cas frowned suspiciously at him as he finished his drink off.

“...But then after everything you leave him behind. Why?”

Cas narrowed his eyes unhappily. He should have known better than to bring this up casually in conversation. “He asked me to leave, Balthazar.”

“Ahhhh,” his friend sighed, leaning back in his chair, looking smug. “He pushed you away. Would you allow me to take a guess as to why?”

“Be my guest.”

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m only trying to help, Cas. I’m going to guess that he pushed you away, yes, but that he did it because you pushed first. And that you did that because, at heart, Castiel, the family rebel, has never been able to stand the idea of standing up to his family.” Balthazar contorted his face into a gleeful expression of mock horror. “The baby of the family running away and mating with his brother’s husband? Oh, the _shame_. And whatever would _Mother_ say?”

“You’re wrong,” Cas said, but his voice was wavering treacherously. He remembered Dean asking him that night in Vegas, asking Cas to mate with him, and Cas had not, admittedly with the thoughts of how it would tear his family apart running through his head…

“Am I? Oh, you’re happy enough doing everything under the sun to spite them when you’re far away, we all know that. But have you ever even sworn in front of your parents before? You’ve campaigned for omega rights but had you ever talked with your brother before about how he treated his mate?”

“That’s enough,” Cas snapped. “I’d only known Dean a couple of weeks, and he was in an incredibly vulnerable position – I would have been taking advantage.”

“Of course. Honour and all that important bullshit. _That’s_ what should be focused on in love and war, obviously.”

Cas glared at him sullenly as their drinks arrived. He was going to respect Dean’s decision to send him away, he was. Only, if he was honest, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do instead. He’d reached his point of destination, but there was no reason he couldn’t keep travelling, maybe even cross into Canada… But then again there was no real reason for him _to_ keep on travelling either. It was hard now to remember what had made him leave in the first place, in the time before Dean…

“Are you needing a moment alone with your thoughts, lover boy?”

“No…” Cas looked up at his friend, who was smiling over at him with his eyebrows raised in deep amusement. “Balthazar, what would you do?”

“Me? Oh I’d have gone back to Vegas. Alone. All sounds like rather too much hassle and commitment for someone like me to handle.”

*

“You’re sure about this. You’re _sure_ ,” Sam asked Dean one last time. Dean forced a smile, again.

“Sammy, I’ve been sure the whole damn time. You’re the only one fretting. I mean c’mon I’m pregnant, I’m not dying. And I’m going back home, I’m not joining the army.”

Still Dean’s words appeared to be having no effect and Sam continued to frown down at him. “I’m _fine,”_ he tried again, as he started pacing about the floor again. Michael would be here soon. Michael, turning up all the way from Miami just to pick Dean up. The strangest thing was that on the phone Michael had sounded… well, he’d sounded, frustrated and cold at the first sound of Dean’s voice, but when Dean had told him about the pup, well… suddenly Michael sounded more compassionate, and more pleased to hear Dean speak, than he had in years. He was an alpha who’d just had his paternal feelings kicked into gear. And Dean had made that happen.

When Michael had assumed on the phone that Dean had left _because_ of his feeling insecure about the pregnancy, Dean had let him. It seemed like the simplest, neatest explanation for the whole thing, and not the mess of impulsive emotion that it had been.

A car rolled up outside the house and Sam’s eyes flicked to Dean’s, still asking the question. A lump in his throat, Dean smiled firmly and clapped his hand around Sam’s arm. “Right. That’s my ride. Say thanks again to the wife from me,” he added as he pulled his brother into a hug. Any luck, and it wouldn’t have to be quite so long until he saw him again. “And you, you just stay in here.”

“What?”

“Sam, I’m just gonna get in the car and leave. And it’ll probably work out best for everyone if you and Michael avoid talking again. I don’t want the two of you puffing your chests out at each other or whatever.”

Sam pulled away, and, still looking unhappy about it, nodded. “Take care of yourself Dean. And if you need anything…”

“I’ll call. Yeah, I know. And, y’know, thanks.”

“See you, Dean. Davey’s gonna miss you.”

“He’d better,” Dean threw over his shoulder as he walked out the door and out towards the navy car sitting on the street. Michael hadn’t gotten out to see him. Which was fair. Dean had gone running off, Dean could walk back in on his own.

And he’d get through this.

But dammit, he was already missing the driver’s seat…

When he opened up the car door and slid into his seat, he was amazed to find that Michael was smiling at him.

“Let’s get you home,” he said, as he started the engine.

“Michael – I just - I just wanted to say, that I’m - I’m sorry for-”

Michael turned to him, slightly, not taking his eyes fully off the road and smiled. He’d had his eyebrows done again, Dean noticed. They looked good. “Don’t worry about that now. It’s over and done with. What’s important now is that you, and our pup, are kept safe and well. It’s natural that you might feel some shock and react irresponsibly, but if I’m honest, Dean, I was originally worried that this was an overreaction from you over my selling the chevrolet.”

Dean forced a laugh. “Yeah…”

“Well. You’ve lost one ‘Baby’ and gained another now, haven’t you?” Michael’s smile widened at that. He always looked at his most handsome when he was finding one of his own jokes funny.

“I guess so,” Dean exhaled. It was going to get easier, this - conversation. It had to.

“I decided to read over some dietary plans that would suit you on the flight over-”

“Oh, right.” Dean smiled nervously. “We’re flying. Obviously.” And he was stupid fucking idiot to think they could be getting back to Miami any other way.

“You’re not going to make a fuss about that, are you Dean? Frankly, it’s a little embarrassing…”

“’Course not.”

But oh God, he was already feeling his heart rate speed up at the thought. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t do it…

But then he saw Michael’s eyes flick to him as he continued to watch the road. Eyes that were so like Cas’, and yet so different, and that were warning him he couldn’t disappoint Michael again. Not again. He’d already been too much of an embarrassment over the last few weeks, and life back at home would be damn near unbearable if he’d just made a ‘scene’ in a very public setting.

Funny, but he’d never really thought of the Miami house as home. It didn’t feel very… his. It felt like Michael’s house that he’d been temporarily allowed to stay in, like a housekeeper. Like Zachariah, and oh, wasn’t he going to look like such a smug bastard when they got back. He never listened to anything Dean said, or told him to do, when they were alone in the house during the day, although technically Dean was supposed to be his employer. Zachariah didn’t listen to the omega of the house. Self-important asshole.

No, whenever he’d thought of home, privately he’d always held onto this image of sitting in the Impala, in the backseat annoying Sam, until his Dad would turn around and shout at them both.

Yeah. Simpler days, when he’d known what he was supposed to be doing, who he was supposed to looking after. Unconsciously, Dean felt his hand drawn to cradle his stomach. This baby, this would be his new something to look after. Finally he was going to be making his own family to work to hold together, and not just clutching at the mess his parents had left behind. His own home, properly this time.

But that word, _home_. Still what he thought of at the sound of it was the Impala, only the picture had changed now. It was a recent one, that sunny morning when he’d driven it out of Miami, Zeppelin as his soundtrack, finally taking some crazy kind of control for himself.

With Cas sitting there next to him, just a stranger to him then…

What _would_ Cas think when he heard – from Anna, or his Mom maybe – that Dean had gone back to Michael, that they were having a pup together at last? Would he wonder if it might be his? Would he care? Cas hadn’t seemed like the type to care all that much about babies but what did Dean know anyway… Well, he vowed silently to the little squiggle of a pup growing inside him, your _omega_ Dad, he’s always going to care. He’s going to think that everything about you is the most important thing in the whole world.

Besides, Dean hadn’t wanted Cas to come running back just because of the pup.

If he was honest with himself, he really wanted Cas to come back to him… just because. For no good reason at all. Suddenly all of the corny movies he’d ever seen to end in dashes through airport terminals flashed through his mind in a weird little montage.

And when they actually checked themselves in for the flight, it was getting even worse, the knowledge that Cas wasn’t coming, that of _course Cas isn’t coming you dumb dickbag you sent him away, remember?_

He could tell Michael was unhappy as they didn’t check Dean’s slightly ratty rucksack in as luggage – it would be coming on the plane with them, and people were going to see them with it. “Really, Dean, did you have to bring this one with you? What were you thinking when you left?”

“Not a whole lot,” Dean muttered, raising his eyebrows as they walked over to a cafe. Michael would be wanting his afternoon coffee. Right.

“One more thing… Your brother _was_ lying to me, wasn’t he, about having not heard from you, the day you left?”

Dean swallowed. “No, he wasn’t. I kinda… surprised him when I turned up on his doorstep.”

“Hmm. Well, he was very rude to me about it over the phone. I’m not sure he’ll be getting a Christmas card for a good while,” Michael said, frowning. “And I’ve been thinking that it might be a good idea if we booked you back in with that psychiatrist…” He smiled, a little mockingly. “Don’t look at me like that Dean, there’s no shame in it whatsoever.”

“Yeah, I get that, but…” But he didn’t want to go back to that particular psychiatrist. He didn’t want to be sitting in some stiff leather chair having some alpha dick leer at him while asking about his childhood and prescribing him more drugs that made him feel less and less like himself.

“It’s the best thing for the baby, Dean. I can’t possibly leave you alone in the house with our pup if I’m worried you might be a danger to yourself,” Michael cut through smoothly as he moved up the queue to order his drink, and then Dean’s. Black Americanos for them both, and Dean knew that if he reached for the sugar, Michael would give him _that_ look.

“Why don’t you go and find us a seat, Dean.”

“Sure, right.”

Automatically Dean looked around for a two-chair table. Michael didn’t like couch seats, he thought they always felt a little unhygienic, and they were too difficult to sit up straight in.

Dean tapped his fingers lightly on the table as he waited on Michael to return with the coffees. It had been a long while since they’d been on any kind of coffee date together. He should be focusing on that, thinking on that, and not letting his eyes continually flick out over the terminal, scanning the crowds of people for a familiar trench coat, a shock of untidy black hair…

“…I’m not sure they made these hot enough,” Michael said, frowning, as he sat down and pushed Dean’s coffee over to him. Dean nodded, sympathetically, opting to not say anything with Michael if he couldn’t come up with an appropriate response.

“Well. Anyway. I brought something with me for you,” Michael continued as he reached into his pocket, and pulled out Dean’s wedding ring. He smiled, reaching for Dean’s hand and taking a grip on it, with the same firmness he might use to pull Dean back towards him by his hips in bed, to let Dean know he hadn’t finished.

For some reason Dean was convinced that the ring wasn’t going to fit him anymore, that it wouldn’t be pushed onto his finger… but it slid on as easily as it always had. Right. Of course it did.

“I know that you understand now that there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done to get you back, Dean,” Michael told him, stroking the cold metal of the ring on Dean’s finger. “I don’t need to know what you’ve been doing since you left. You know that I always hold onto what’s mine.” He met Dean’s eyes. “Always, Dean.”

Smiling, he leaned forwards and drew his fingers slowly along the lines of Dean’s mating mark. Shuddering slightly, Dean leaned in towards his touch, and let Michael draw him towards him. The kiss came as a small surprise. Michael wasn’t usually tolerant towards public displays of affection, but, Dean supposed, this was a new sort of circumstance. And besides, it wasn’t like there was anyone they knew in this coffee shop.

Michael was wearing that lip balm again – for the sun, Dean guessed, because it tasted medical. And then Dean tried, Dean really tried his best to relax into the kiss, and not think about the way tugging at Cas’ lips had seemed like the most natural thing in the world, but that with his brother that would feel entirely ridiculous. But it was so hard… was this what it was going to be like now, Dean wondered, a lifetime with someone you couldn’t keep from wishing was someone else? A hell of a lot of forced smiles, faked orgasms and cold embraces.

When they broke away Dean couldn’t help it, his eyes went scanning the airport again.

“Looking for someone?

“What? No, I just… yeah.” Dean shrugged, as Michael’s lips raised slightly into a smile. One of those smiles given when Dean was amusing him instead of embarrassing him with his awkwardness.

“Well. We should get these coffees finished with. I can’t miss this flight – they need me in a meeting early tomorrow…”

“Yeah, great,” Dean said, taking another gulp of his coffee. Michael had been wrong – it was anything but too cold. Dean could feel all of the taste buds burning off of his tongue. Sighing quietly, he looked one last time out at the people, and realised that Cas wasn’t coming. Cas wasn’t going to come and fight for him… no, if Dean wanted anyone to stand up and fight for him, it was going to have to be himself.

“Michael…” he started quietly as he watched his mate finish off his coffee. Mate. That wasn’t really what he smelt like anymore, not really.

“Dean, if this is about the airplane, please… just don’t start. It only makes you sound a little pathetic, and I thought you didn’t like to be ‘babied,’” Michael snipped as he stood up from his seat, without waiting on Dean to finish his coffee. Dean stood up and followed him out, trying to catch up to him. Michael was almost Sam’s height, and it took effort to keep up with him sometimes.

“Michael, I just… I’d like to know how you thought I got here.”

Michael whipped his head around, like he’d just heard a fly buzzing at his ear, but continued walking. “Dean, I told you already, none of that matters to me. If you wanted to take a short holiday to yourself as some strange show of independence, that’s entirely your business…”

“But you… you’ve got to know I wouldn’t have flown here. Not on my own like that.”

“I know you didn’t fly here, Dean, I already checked with the airport at home, had them tracking all the credit cards,” Michael said, a little distractedly as he tried reading the signs above them for directions.

“Because I drove all the way here.”

“Dean, I’m really not in the mood for games…”

“And I guess I’m not in the mood to get on a plane.”

Rolling his eyes, Michael finally turned around to look at him. “Dean, this is childish, now,” he hissed. “I’ve flown all the way here just to take you back with me – you left me with no word, no anything, and now-”

“And now… now I’ve changed my mind,” Dean told him, trying to draw himself up to a fuller height. This felt as though it was going against _everything_ , all those instincts that went so much deeper than any submissive omega biology. All those times he hadn’t believed he was worth anything more than what the people he loved thought of him, had trained himself into acting accordingly. All those times Michael had laughed at him for trying to do something just for himself, had punished him for it…

“Dean, what on Earth are you talking about.”

“I’m not leaving. I’m going to stay here with Sam and his family.”

Michael threw his eyes skywards, as though asking the heavens for strength. “Dean, you can’t possibly do that. I’m your mate. And you’re carrying my child. You belong at home with me, especially when you’re as vulnerable as you are.” Michael stepped forwards and put a calming hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You’re not well, Dean, but we’re going to do our best to fix that.”

“I’m not well, but I’m not an idiot,” Dean growled.

“That’s not what I said, Dean.”

“Yes it is, though. Because that’s all you’re always saying, what you’ve been saying right from the start. That’s what you end up making me feel like every time and it’s only going to make me worse.”

“Dean. We’ll find you a new psychiatrist after we get home. And once we’ve made it through security, we’ll find you some drugs in the pharmacy to help with the flight.”

“I told you already, I’m not getting on the plane. You’re not _listening._ ”

Michael sighed heavily. “I am listening, Dean, but you have to understand that you’re talking complete nonsense. There’s no way you could imagine I’d allow you to be on the other side of the country when you’re carrying my pup.”

“Actually it’s _my_ pup, and it’s _not_ yours.”

“Dean-”

“Are you _listening_ now, Michael? It’s not your kid. It’s someone else’s.”

To Dean’s shock, Michael didn’t seem entirely fazed by this. “Dean. You’re my mate. Therefore however it happened… you are carrying my pup.”

“I don’t _belong_ to you, I’m not another fucking car that you own,” Dean snapped, feeling lightheaded with the force of the adrenalin pumping through his body. “Just because you put a mark on my neck doesn’t mean you’ve got some sorta holy claim on me.”

He tried to turn away, but felt Michael’s fingers clutching at his wrist.

“Dean,” he muttered, leaning in, his face a blank mask. “Don’t make me have you forced on this plane.”

He could probably do it, Dean knew. Dean was obviously his omega, they would listen to Michael if he tried to say that his mate was simply unhinged.

“You wouldn’t,” Dean told him confidently, a small smirk creeping over his face. “The embarrassment would kill you.” And he pulled his arm away, hearing Michael call out his name just once, but he didn’t turn around. He kept on marching until he made it out of the airport doors and into the last sunlight of the day.

Fuck, he’d… he’d really done it.

Suddenly Dean could no longer stop himself smiling. He’d really stood up and… said something he’d needed to say, he hadn’t just run from it this time. He tugged the ring off his finger aggressively and shoved it into his pocket. It was over now. He’d really gotten away… and oh God, he’d really gotten away. No more Michael, for real this time. Because whatever Michael tried to do next, Dean would be ready. He was never going back, and his pup was not going to grow up in fucking Florida. No damn way.

His pup…

He made himself call Cas only when the taxi had almost brought him all the way back to Sam’s. Dean was embarrassed, he should have told him before… And then the dialling tone just kept on going and going, and for a minute Dean was afraid that Cas had already moved on, that maybe he wouldn’t even answer the phone…

“Dean?”

“Cas! Listen, I… I shouldn’t have told you to go like that…”

“I should never have left.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Look, I’ve… I’ve got some stuff I need to tell you,” he said in a rush as he paid the taxi driver and jumped out of the cab. “You…” he laughed, “you might need to be sitting down for this…” And then he saw the Impala, back on the curb outside of Sam’s house. And there on the doorstep… there was Cas on the phone, stupid big eyes staring at him, and his mouth quivering slightly.

“You’re… you’re here.”

“I’m here, Dean.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This WAS going to be up last night, but considering I ended last night falling asleep fully clothed with the lights still on, everyone should be very happy that drunk!Jenna did not try updating then. It would have been a very, very messy chapter to read through.  
> If the finale doesn't destroy me too greatly (ahahaha who am I kidding) I should have the next one up by like Wednesday.  
> Thanks again to everyone commenting and leaving kudos - you are all super amazing.


	11. Bring it on Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean and Cas try something new, and Sam is still trying to pick up the pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise solemnly to bring proper post-finale tooth-rotting fluff in the future in the following chapters (sometimes) but I hope this helps for now! (I know it's a little short, but I need to go vote, and be a good citizen or whatever)

“I’m here, Dean,” he told him, but it wasn’t until after the taxi had driven away that Dean started to look as though he might believe him, and hung up the phone. And even then, the two of them seemed incapable of movement, and spent another few moments just staring at each other, before beginning to grin together, like idiots, in synchronism.

“How was Oregon?”

Cas shrugged, still smiling. Smiling because there was Dean again, as though nothing had ever happened. Although… did he smell different? It was difficult to tell with the windy evening air between them. Taking long strides down the steps and towards Dean, Cas nodded his head back and forward, as though thinking hard. “Oregon was… far. It was too far.”

Dean’s smile seemed to waver a little as Cas drew closer to him, so it was with some awkward trepidation that Cas gathered Dean into his arms. And after that he was sure everything was fine, as Dean mostly relaxed into the hug, burying his head into Cas’ shoulder. Suddenly everything felt as though it was all… clicking. As though whatever reason they’d been apart, now they fit together so well, they smelt so complete together, like a _family_ … Almost like…

“Dean, how…”

Dean pulled away slowly. “I wasn’t lying, before, Cas,” he told him, swallowing. “I really thought…”

Cas didn’t even know how he was supposed to react to this. His brain felt as though it might be completely shutting down on him.

A _pup._ Dean’s – _his_.

He could… he could be a _father?_

And they weren’t even mated, and Dean was still married, and married to Cas’ own brother and…

…and glancing to Dean’s eyes, frozen in worry, Cas hugged him again, harder this time, and feeling painfully aware that his jaw was obviously still hanging open. He would… he would do something about that, whenever he stopped feeling as though his knees were about to collapse on him.

The weight of Dean’s arms around him helped bring him back to himself. Drawing in another deep breath through his nose to confirm it was all real, Cas allowed himself a shaky smile. “Dean… When did you know?”

“Just after you left.”

“Dean, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left, I should never have left you…”

“Don’t be such a dork, this is my fault. I’ve been so fucking stupid, you don’t even know, man…”

The front door of the Winchesters’ house swung open, and Cas turned to see Sam standing there, shoulders sagging. “Guys – what? What the hell?” He looked caught between a grin and a frustrated scream. “What happened – what happened to Portland, to _Michael_? Like – what? Did this guy just go and Drew Barrymore you Dean?”

Cas blinked several times. Everything was moving a little too fast for him today…

Dean laughed awkwardly as he finally let his arms drop to his sides. “Nah, I, uh, I changed my mind about that. Apparently I just have awesome timing.”

Sam’s eyes darted between the two of them, before he ran both hands back through his hair. “Right. Cool. Just… you guys can come back in then? I guess…”

Backing himself into the house Sam grinned finally and started laughing like he’d just had all of the breath knocked out of him.

“I don’t know what’s into him,” Dean said fondly, shaking his head. Then he turned to look at Cas. “Cas… just, thanks. Thanks for coming back like this. But if… if you…” he swallowed, “if you don’t want to stay, that’s, that’s fine too – but I want you to know that I’m keeping this pup. And I’m not changing my mind on that.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cas murmured, eyes flickering down to Dean’s belly, one that he knew would be round in only months. Round with _his_ child.

“Thanks… I, uh, I don’t know that I could have done this on my own.”

“What was that Sam was saying before? About Michael?”

Dean’s mouth flattened as he started walking to follow Sam. “Yeah. I uh… I kinda freaked a little when I found out about the pup, y’know? Like I was saying I… I just wasn’t sure I’d be able to manage. Y’know, _alone_. And I suppose… I still had some things that needed saying to Michael and – well, I’ve done that now, so there’s something.”

 _You could have just called me,_ Cas wanted to say, but stopped himself, and nodded, in a way he hoped looked encouraging. “So you called Michael.”

“But I didn’t leave with him, alright?” Dean hopped back up the stairs into the house. “And I basically told him to shove it.”

“…did you tell him about me?” As he said the words, Cas could almost immediately hear Balthazar’s voice still ringing in his head, mocking him. _And whatever would Mother say?_

Dean gave him a strange look, and Cas wanted to kick himself. He’d messed up yet again, put himself first even when his mate was telling him about his own distress. Wait… he’d just thought of Dean as his _mate._ Which… which wasn’t right yet, _technically_.  But it was becoming harder and harder to remember that, when Dean was so close, and smelling like he did, and all Cas’ brain wanted to do was turn him into a crazed ball of protective asshole.

“No, I left that one open. But, I guess he’ll find out soon enough since he’s, uh, he’s not exactly letting this go.”

“So we looking at a trickier divorce than y’thought?” Sam asked as he turned the kettle on for some coffee, after Cas and Dean had followed him through into the kitchen. Dean sat down, staring at his hands. “I… guess you could say so. I don’t really know what he wants right now, not yet, but… I think he’s still trying to stop me leaving at all. I think he’ll want custody, Sam.”

“What? Why?”

Cas and Sam had spoken together, and they looked at each other a little defensively from across the table as Cas sat down beside Dean, trying to resist the urge to gather his – to gather _Dean_ , towards him and hold him, make him feel safe again.

Dean sat back in his chair. “He uh – well. Michael likes, _keeping_ things, y’know? And he – he does care about me – he cares a whole lot, really, but he’s just… he’s not all that good about knowing what to do with that. I don’t think he’ll see the pup as a problem because it’s obviously something that’s _mine,_ and – and well to him…”

“He sees you as his,” Cas murmured.

“Yeah.”

“But you’re not – you’re not some kind of _possession_ he has any legal authority over,” Sam spluttered, arms wide. “The guy’s a nutjob…” Then Sam sighed heavily. “Although I guess _legally,_ things could get a little tricky since well… He _was_ your mate at the time you conceived, so in some senses he can claim that it kinda is his child. It’d be kinda easier to defend against if…” Sam screwed up his face. “Well, if you guys were properly mated – since, well, that’d really throw a spanner in the works.”

Cas had to catch his breath as Dean continued to smile, a little sourly, down at the table. Of course all this… it was probably still too soon for Dean. He couldn’t just force another mark on Dean after he was still suffering the effects of the last one.

“Right,” Dean said, getting to his feet again, “well I am going to go for a lie down for a while. Didn’t exactly get a lot of sleep last night, and I’m not sure the pup’ll be ok with that y’know?”

“Sure, Dean,” Sam told him. “Whatever you need we’re here.”

Cas watched him go, uneasily. Dean – he still wasn’t well, whatever he tried to say. Perhaps this baby wasn’t even what was best for him, at this point in time – but it was what Dean wanted, Cas reminded himself firmly. And of course it had also become something that _Cas_ wanted, in these short minutes he’d known of its existence. He’d never particularly thought about children before this, but now it seemed he was unable to think of anything else…

Sam cleared his throat. “So you wanting coffee, Cas?”

“Coffee would be wonderful, thank you.”

“I suppose you might be needing it for the shock, right?” Sam grinned. “When Ruby told me about Davey – God, I needed a drink.” Cas smiled back weakly in return, and while Sam stood up to reach for the coffee pot, Cas thought to himself for a few moments. “Sam,” he asked eventually, “forgive me, but Dean mentioned something before that I was… meaning to ask you about… before you met Ruby, you were mated, is that correct?”

“Uh, yeah, Cas - that’s right,” Sam managed, his back still turned away from Cas. Then he turned to look at him, briefly, his eyes looking a little clouded. “Her name was Jess. You met her once – I think. Dean’s wedding.”

“I remember,” Cas said, nodding. “She seemed like a very… happy sort of person.”

Sam’s mouth quirked upwards from one corner as he nodded stiltedly. “Yeah, she was. She was… yeah. Jess, she… she made everyone feel like, I dunno, _better_ people just by talking to them. And she liked talking to people.”

“You couldn’t have been very old when you decided-”

“We didn’t exactly _decide_ , Cas – it, it happened.” Sam smiled down at him, only a little sadly, before turning back to the half-brewed coffee. “I’d known how I felt for a long time – and sure we were young, but I knew enough. I knew that the two of us – fit. And then one night it,” Sam shrugged, “it… happened. You taking milk with that coffee?”

“No, thank you.”

After Sam had set a mug down in front of him and sat back down, Cas thought on his question. This was Dean’s brother, and currently the man, the alpha, who was letting Cas sleep under his roof. The last thing Cas wanted to do was offend him.

“Sam – after, after Jess… How did you know? How did you know that you were ready, again?”

Sam smiled into his coffee. “I wasn’t, Cas. I didn’t. I didn’t know anything. After Jess I thought I’d never be able to feel that much again for anyone – not in the same way. But then suddenly there was Ruby.” He shrugged again. “I’m really not sure that if it had been up to me that I would have ever really committed to someone again the way I had with Jess. But it wasn’t all up to me.” Sam raised his eyebrows ruefully, biting down a laugh. “Ruby had something to do with it too – y’know? And she wasn’t about to wait around forever for me. She gave me the shove I needed…” He met Cas’ eyes again, seeming to understand. “You’re worried about Dean.”

“Well, he did just try and return to Michael. You were about to let him-”

“I don’t get to _let_ my big brother do anything, Castiel. I’m not saying I liked it… but yeah,” he sighed, “that’s what he said he wanted. What was I supposed to do? Knock him out and stop him leaving?” He snorted.

Cas nodded. After everything Dean had still _wanted_ to return to Michael, to his _mate._ The only real question, Cas supposed, was why had he come back?

“I don’t know why he didn’t end up leaving, Cas,” Sam said, his tone softer now. “All I can do is guess. And I’m guessing that I’m looking at the reason right now.”

Well, Dean _had_ called him, obviously… was Cas just reading all of this wrong again, just like before? Before, when Balthazar had told him that Dean was only pushing Cas away because he’d seen no proof of commitment from him…

“I need to… I need to go make a few calls,” Cas said slowly, taking another measured sip of his coffee.

*

Dean did try and sleep – after all he honestly hadn’t got any rest the night before. But sleep felt impossible when all his stomach kept doing was churning and churning away, and he knew that it had nothing to do with the pup. Cas had… he’d seemed pleased, hadn’t he, when he’d found out, right? He’d, well he’d sort of looked more dizzy than anything else, but Dean was sure he’d been pleased, or at least pleased enough to see Dean.

Pleased enough to come back for Dean.

That… that was nice. The thought that Cas really did care, even with no sort of biology or sense of duty tugging at him. Dean rubbed at his temples. God, he’d started this whole thing with Cas by holding a gun to his head, and now, just when Cas might have thought he was safe, _wham,_ there was Dean again, not threatening him now, no, just telling him that he had a responsibility now to look after his progeny by cutting ties with practically his entire fucking family. Wow. Dean really sucked.

He could hear from the weight of the footsteps walking along the corridor that it was Cas himself walking towards the bedroom. Funny what you picked up about a person after knowing them so short a while. But then, Dean guessed that there was a lot about Cas he felt he probably shouldn’t know anything about, probably didn’t really have the right to knowing. Like Cas’ soft spot for soppy power ballads, or hot he liked his showers, or what he liked on his pizza… and then the bigger things, like the sound of the little groan he made every time Dean got his fingers around his balls, like the shape of the belated smiles he gave whenever he was late to getting one of Dean’s bad jokes, like the face he’d worn that Dean had told him he was going to be a father…

“Dean.”

Obediently, Dean opened his eyes, and looked over, amused at the exhilaration in Cas’ voice. “Hey…”

“I did it, Dean. I’ve done it.”

“Done what? Dude, learn to finish a sentence already…”

“I called my Mother.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dean breathed, sitting up now. “You called _Naomi Novak_ to tell her…”

“About us.”

Dean tried really hard to keep it together on that _us._

“Ok – so you’ve just started world war three in your family because-”

“Because I thought she’d want to know that I’ve found the love of my life, and that I’m about to make her a grandmother. And she did,” he continued, still smiling idiotically as he sat down on the bed next to Dean, “she just wasn’t so happy after she found out who you were.”

“Cas,” Dean sighed. “Cas, I’m – I’m sorry about this. I’m not worth this trouble. We could have got around this…”

“No we couldn’t have. Because I don’t want to pretend that this isn’t real, isn’t happening my entire life. I want – I want to proud of us, Dean. Proud of us and proud of…” Tentatively, Cas’ hand went to gently lie on Dean’s belly. “Proud of what we’ve made.”

Cas was staring at him like he was a kid at Christmas and Dean was not about to well up, he wasn’t _crying_ goddammit. Angrily, he rubbed quickly at his eyes anyway. “And here I was thinking you weren’t all that big on commitment. Hell, it’s not like there’s ever been anything you’ve stuck with for long in your life before…”

Cas shook his head at him. “I’m not saying it doesn’t terrify me – that the thing that means the most to me in the entire world, and I have seen a lot of it – is right here in front of me, and I’m still only just getting to know him. It really is _terrifying_ Dean, and I never expected to feel this much about anyone – I – I’m not even sure that I was aware that a person _could_ feel this much, but you-”

“’Nough talking,” Dean told him as he pulled Cas’ lips towards him, all too aware that his eyes really were leaking now.

 _God,_ why had he ever made him leave? Dean wondered, as he fell back on the bed, bringing Cas down with him. Cas was… Cas was everything, he decided as he ran his fingers up and down Cas’ back and over his ass, lovingly remembering the shape of him. Playfully, Cas broke away to kiss at the tip of Dean’s nose, but Dean wasn’t ready to be playful yet. He wanted to be made to forget that he could have ever thought of leaving, of returning to Michael and all the long chill of feeling that would have meant – Dean wanted fucked into oblivion.

Roughly, he tried pulling Cas’ lips back to his, but for some reason Cas was no longer interested in kissing him. As he drew away, Dean, in confusion, tried to sit up with him, but Cas only smiled and pushed him firmly back onto the bed, while he started to fiddle with the buckle on Dean’s belt. Dean tried stopping the little whine which escaped as Cas started gently stroking at the hard shape of him beneath his boxers, but it was _difficult._ As Cas started pulling Dean’s underwear down, he leaned up again, and kissed at Dean’s stomach, blue eyes staring up at Dean. “You’re so beautiful, Dean,” he murmured, his voice low. “All of you – every part to you.”

And Dean was still _not_ crying – definitely _not_ crying.

“And I love you for all of it,” Cas told him, as he drew his mouth carefully over the head of Dean’s cock, building a rhythm up which grew quicker and quicker, and _God_ the guy even knew how to use his tongue, taking a moment to pause and lap up the pre-come, before letting his Dean feel his teeth, too… And Dean had somehow forgotten how good this felt – to have the blowjob, yes, but to be _looked after,_ like this.

_And to have someone say that they loved him…_

After a while his back was arching in rhythm with Cas’ movements. “Cas… Cas, I’m close…”

Immediately, Cas pulled off, and looked up at Dean again with a smile. “You know Dean, I still don’t know how it feels to have you riding me… Do you think…?”

“We could try that,” Dean managed weakly, sitting up again, and reaching to bring Cas back next to him on the bed, where he started kissing him again, pulling him up to Dean by the neck of his collar. “You have,” he muttered, “too many damn buttons. And you button them too fucking high,” he added.

“Oh?”

“Makes you look like you’ve got a stick up your ass all the time.”

“And what _kind_ of stick might that-”

“Godssake shut up, Cas,” Dean laughed, kissing him again, rolling his leg around to straddle him, and pushing the shirt away. Staring at all the unblemished skin…

“Dean,” Cas said quietly. “You can do it, you know. Mark me. That’s what I want, Dean.”

Dean was surprised to find that he was actually shaking. “I just – where?  Where, Cas?”

Cas shrugged, and spread his arms over the bed. “Wherever you want, Dean.”

“Are you absolutely _certain_ you’re an alpha?”

“I’d have thought you’d be in the prime position to testify on that.”

Shuddering out a laugh, Dean leant in towards him, and, not thinking anymore, just thinking about how _wonderful_ Cas smelled right now, he bit down, at the bottom of Cas’ neck, feeling Cas’ arms gathering him closer to him even as Cas held back his chin and moaned. Then his eyes flicked open again, and Cas grinned at him, his eyes looking so damn bright and alive all of a sudden. “I’m yours, Dean,” he told him softly.

It wasn’t quite the same _momentousness,_ for an alpha to be marked – but looking at Cas’ face, you wouldn’t know it. He looked so damn _happy_ , and _changed._

“You gonna do me now, Alpha?” Dean asked, leaning down with his neck bared, smiling even as he remembered the last rejection… But Cas smiled, and stroked at his neck, but didn’t do anything. “Take off your shirt,” he told Dean, and, puzzled, Dean did so, rocking back on the bulge in Cas’ pants. Cas’ fingers were warm enough as he pulled Dean in towards him again, and brought Dean’s shoulder towards his mouth – and at the top of Dean’s bicep, he bit down.

“Shoulda known you wouldn’t have gone for anything normal,” Dean laughed. “Now hurry up and get your pants off, you dork.”

 _Mate,_ Dean thought, staring down at Cas. Never mind that he still bore someone else’s name, he was Cas’ now. But more than that, he had _chosen_ this, not like with Michael, when it felt like he’d sleepwalked into everything they’d ever done together…

Dean straddled Cas’ torso tightly as Cas kicked off his pants, and kept on kissing him, and kissing him everywhere – on his new mark, all over his face, and nose, and lingering on the lips… “Want you inside of me, alpha,” Dean growled at his ear, as Cas pulled him tighter towards him. “Want you to knot me and _Cas…”_

Still with his eyes locked on Cas, Dean guided Cas’ cock, his swollen knot inside of him, and gradually feeling secured now, they started to move together, a little awkwardly at first, but eventually with easy rhythm that had Dean gasping out for every shuddering breath.

“I’ve never – I’ve never done this before – like this, Dean,” Cas managed.

Dean breathed out a laugh. “I think we’re doing alright so far… _Cas,_ I’m, I’m gonna…”

Cas’ eyes held only encouragement as Dean spilled out over Cas’ chest and they kept on moving, they kept on moving even after Dean could feel Cas come inside of him, until he could feel the way they knotted together – and there was no pain in it, no, never with Cas, it felt entirely natural, and as Dean slumped back down onto the bed Cas stroked at him, weakly. Strange as the position they’d found themselves in was, they lay together like that for a long while, with Cas gently starting to rub circles around Dean’s belly, where somewhere very small inside of him, they had a pup growing.

“I don’t care about what it means for my family, Dean,” Cas said eventually, “Because this is my family right here, and I’m going to take care of you.”

Dean wanted to squirm happily, but he kicked at Cas’ legs instead. “You’re such a goddamn sap, Cas.”

“Oh, I am going to get so much worse.”

Dean groaned.

“Really,” Cas continued, in that perfectly reasonable voice he started with whenever he was laughing at someone, “I’m planning to be absolutely insufferable. I’m going to start holding your hand whenever we walk downstairs in case you trip. I’m going to be there rubbing at your back with massage creams whenever you start suffering through cramps and pains. I’m going to start growling at people on buses if they _dare_ take up a reserved seat that you should be sitting in.”

“I think I can growl at people all on my own.”

“Ah, but you’re not going to _have_ to, not with me around,” Cas told him, grinning now. “I’m going to be completely ridiculous, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me because you’re stuck with me now, Winchester.”

Dean snorted. That sounded alright. “Cas I’m… I’m a little freaked out,” he admitted. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and hell, I’m probably getting a little old for this and Michael’s probably right – I can barely be trusted to look after myself never mind a _baby…_ ”

Cas waited a moment, still rubbing at Dean’s stomach, calming him. “And I’ll still be there too,” he said softly, laying his hand on the mark he’d made at Dean’s shoulder. “I’ll be there with you, Dean.”

*

Sam tried very hard not to listen to anything going on upstairs after he heard Cas come off the phone. He was happy to have his brother back but there were some things that he’d really, really prefer not to hear.

Max looked up at him from his bed on the floor as Sam stood up to wash out his coffee mug. “You’ve had food already,” he reminded the dog, who huffed and put his head between his paws, but sat up again as he heard the phone start to ring.

“Still not anything to do with you,” Sam grunted as he picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Am I speaking to Mr Samuel Winchester?”

Sam cleared his throat and shifted slightly where he stood. “Yeah, speaking.”

“My name is Raphael Devas, and I represent a Mr Michael Novak. He asked me to call you under the belief that you plan on constructing a legal defense on behalf of your brother, Mr Novak’s mate and husband, in his attempt to-”

Sam put down the phone. He just really, really wasn’t in the mood yet. And seriously, Michael couldn’t even have been on the plane long. For fuck’s sake…

*


	12. Absolute Beginners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean opens up to his brother, and Ruby takes Cas shopping

Ruby was smiling in confusion when she marched into the kitchen from work and slammed her bag down on the table. “Why is that car back outside the house, Sam?”

“You mean the Impala?”

“The one that Cas drove off to Oregon a couple of days ago – yes, that one.”

Sam glanced up from his space on the living room floor next to Davey, who was trying to build a tower out of colourful bricks. “Yeah… slight change of plans since you left. Dean’s back too.”

She walked through into the room and sat down on the couch, arms folded. “What about your whole heart-breaking goodbye moment with him this morning? If he’s _back_ I take it that happened.”

“Oh, yeah. He made it as far as the airport and then he finally told Michael to shove it.” Sam grinned. “To be honest I think it’s got more to do with Dean hating flying than anything else, but I don’t care _why_ he’s done it, he’s finally going to get this divorce.”

Ruby rubbed at her forehead, looking exhausted, yet still, luckily, amused. “And his brother-in-law babydaddy?”

“Yeah, he’s back too. And they’ve been upstairs together for a good, oh, three hours, now?”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “What a romance.”

Davey giggled, and Sam started fondly jiggling him up and down on his knee again. “You’re going to have a new little cousin soon, Davey, yeah you are, little man.”

“So I take it they’ll be staying here for now.”

Sam looked up at his wife again, apologetic now. “For now, yeah. That ok?”

She shrugged. “I’m not gonna try asking you to kick them out, Sam, don’t be an idiot. I told you that already.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the best.”

“I know.”

They shared a quiet smile for a moment or two, before Sam grinned and looked back down at their pup, who was trying his best to wriggle out of Sam’s grip. And then he heard Dean on the stairs with Cas, clomping their way down, loudly, making Davey wriggle all the more.

“And here was me thinking you had a touching farewell forever. Now I smell sex,” Ruby drawled without turning around on the couch.

“Really,” Dean smirked, as he passed her by, kissing her hair playfully. “That all you’re smelling off us?”

Sam raised his eyebrows as he watched Cas awkwardly rock back on his heels. “Ok. Wow. When I talked about you guys about mating and how that might help your case along I wasn’t literally asking you guys to march up the stairs and get it done, y’know?”

“It wasn’t really about helping the case, Sam,” Cas intoned, too seriously.

Sam grinned. “Well, uh, congratulations anyway guys.” It was a little strange. They definitely smelt as though they belonged together. And yet, maybe just because he knew it was there, he could still smell something on Dean that wasn’t all Cas’, as Dean sat down on the floor next to him to see Davey, who was holding his arms out wide to greet his uncle. Tentatively, the pup made a few stumbling steps towards Dean, whose face lit up like a Christmas tree. “How’s my little guy doing?” Dean asked him loudly as he swung the pup into his arms. Davey gurgled happily up at him.

“Dean, uh, about the case, that, y’know, hasn’t actually turned up yet…”

“Yeah?”

“I got a call earlier, while you were upstairs? Some guy named Devas on the phone, first name like a ninja turtle…”

Dean stiffened. “Raphael?”

“You know the guy?”

“Michael’s best friend. And lawyer.” He let out a long breath. “Never lost a case, and he’s never liked me.” He smiled half-heartedly. “He must be lighting fireworks right about now. He never thought I was good enough for Michael. Or rather… He never thought I was _grateful_ enough to have him.” Dean shrugged, as Cas glowered, clearly trying to hold himself back from saying anything. “Anyway. What he say?”

Sam shifted sheepishly, uncrossing his legs. “I kinda hung up when he said who it was. What?”

Dean started laughing so loudly that Davey, still balanced against his chest, looked as though his whole body had started to vibrate. “Oh God, that’s fucking perfect,” he managed eventually, wiping away a tear. “I mean especially if you end up standing for me or whatnot…”

“Actually I was gonna say something about that,” Sam said, scratching at the back of his head. “I don’t know if I’m necessarily the best bet for this one. I’m still only a junior partner, and my speciality’s always been criminal law. This Devas guy… I don’t want him ripping me to shreds on this. Not when it’s this important.”

Dean grinned uneasily. “Don’t be an idiot, Sammy. You’d be awesome.”

“But I’ve got friends who could be a lot better suited for this,” Sam continued. “One in particular I’m thinking of, she’s worked a lot on this sort of case before.”

Ruby cocked her head and leaned on her arm, propped up on the end of the couch. “You talking about Charlie?”

Sam nodded, and she smiled. “She’s not exactly your carbon copy lawyer…”

Sam glanced up at her, mock offended. “Are you insinuating there’s some kinda lawyer _mould?_ ”

“Not at all, Mr White and Male Alpha,” she smirked. “Anyway,” she added, frowning now as she stood up and stretched out her back. “I was gonna head over to the shop. We need more food for Davey, and the dog too. Anyone needing anything?”

“I’ll come with you,” Cas told her, nodding as he stood up as well. Sam, as always, suffered through that moment of possessiveness as he watched his brother’s alpha move over towards his mate, before he managed to relax, seeing the apology on Cas’ face. “I can’t help feeling as though I’m not exactly earning my keep around here. You’ve both been so generous.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sam started to tell him, as his wife put a couple of shopping bags into Cas’ arms and smiled down at Sam.

“Nice to have a man’s help around the house.”

“Ruby, I’ve been cleaning all day, even with everything-”

“I asked you to dust the mantelpiece. That has not got done.”

As Cas followed Ruby out of the room Sam felt his brother nudge at him. “That’s you been schooled, dude. Ain’t that right, Davey? Momma’s got Daddy whipped, yes she damn well has.”

“Shut up. Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Sam sighed. “What’s even involved in dusting – d’you need a spray, or a cream or some shit?”

“Dude. You’re talking to the househusband of the year, well,” Dean cocked his head, “Alright, maybe not _the_ househusband, but I made an effort. It got boring in that house all day. Anyway, I can tell you, yeah. You’re definitely gonna want some kinda spray. Seriously Sammy, what the fuck have you been doing all these years?”

Sam smiled, weakly. “Well at least with Cas he’s probably not going to be making you think about things like that all day.”

“Nah. Cas is… yeah, he’s too much of a dork,” Dean told him, smiling down at the baby in his arms. “But yeah. Good guy though. I mean. Obviously.”

“Are you worried you’re rushing things at all?”

“Rushing things?” Dean made a face. “Nah. We… we work, y’know? And c’mon, d’you really wanna talk about this shit?”

“Yes,” Sam said honestly, as he re-crossed his legs. “I didn’t press you about this stuff last time, and just look where that got you.”

“Don’t say stuff like that. You tried, I just wasn’t in the spot to listen.” Dean sighed. “Look, even if the pup wasn’t a thing… I still would have wanted this – wanted Cas. I didn’t want to make him leave. I pushed him away ‘cause I thought that’d be best for him, that I was too broken for him to ever really want.” Dean smiled to himself, and looked back up at Sam, a little awkwardly. “But then he came back. Dunno what he thought he was doing.”

“So you love him?”

Dean looked taken aback. “Dude, you need to see the mark? He bit me on the shoulder as well, the weirdo…”

“Just cause you’re mated doesn’t mean you love him.”

“Well it does this time,” Dean snapped.

Sam pursed his lips, raised his brows again mockingly. “Well _maybe_ you should tell the poor guy then.”

Dean scowled, but as he bounced Davey up and down on his knee, he nodded, slightly. “So. This Charlie girl. She’s good at this whole lawyer thing?”

“Been rocking the divorce courts almost ten years. You’ll like her.”

“So if you’re passing the case on… does that mean you’re worried about this?” Before Sam could answer, Dean cut across him again. “Just… tell me honest, Sammy. How messy is this looking to get?”

Sam shrugged, at a bit of a loss. “Like I say Dean, it’s not really my area. And I know things are gonna have to be easier thanks to you now being mated to the pup’s other father. That’s all looking better, there.”

Dean nodded slowly. “But you’re worried about whatever Michael might pull out of a bag.”

Sam let out a breath. “Yeah. I guess. Like you said. The guy’s loaded. He could make trouble. But really - your case should be solid. No reason why we shouldn’t get through this easy.”

Dean looked a little tortured. Apparently sensing something of that, Davey reached up and snatched at his face, with his little sticky fingers. “Alright, there is something I’m a little… that I’m wondering about. That Michael might be able to use, I guess.”

“Alright, what. You done any jail time recent you’ve not been talking about?”

Dean met his eyes and the laugh died on Sam’s face. “Look, Sam. Michael’s my husband. And he… well he knows shit about me. He knows… he knows I ain’t always been all that sound in the head, y’know? So I guess that could be something he could use. If he tells everyone I’m mental, and he’s the responsible alpha just trying to look after the kid that ain’t even technically his… d’you think he could do it? D’you think he could take my baby away from me, Sam?”

Roughly, Sam pulled his brother into a hug, careful to avoid squishing his pup still caught between them. “He’s not going to take anything. We’re not gonna let him. None of us.”

As Sam held Dean tightly to him, he thought that now maybe wasn’t the right moment to ask after what he meant about not being ‘all that sound in the head.’ Hell, he knew Dean had gone through some times when a bottle was scarcely out of his hands, when he’d only smile when Sam was there to smile for. He knew that. But anything more than that… Dean had never said anything. Not a word. “None of us are going anywhere, Dean. Especially not me.”

And eventually he felt his brother’s fingers clutch gratefully at the back of his shirt, making sure that Sam really was still there.

*

“There seem to be many more brands than I was anticipating,” Cas muttered, as he looked up at the long aisle of baby foods. Ruby gave him a sidelong sardonic grin. “Just wait until you see the diapers aisle. Now that’s a sight.”

“I have worked with babies before,” Cas told her, realising he sounded a little defensive about it. “It’s just never been in this country. In America we seem to have this inane need for the expansion of capitalism, to have every brand possible in competition.”

“You got that right,” Ruby agreed, as she started filling the shopping cart. She at least seemed to understand which brands she was here for. “So which places have you been?”

Cas shrugged. “I’ve been to many different places, for many different causes. I stayed up in Alaska for almost a year, and I travelled around Western Africa for several. Now I’m recently back from the Southern continent.”

“And now you’re home. Was it going to be for good, even before Dean?”

Cas hesitated, as he followed Ruby along the aisle. “To be honest, I’m not sure about that. I thought it would be. But I’ve told myself that before…”

His family were always the thing to make him leave, when it came down to it. As soon as they’d ever found out he was home he’d driven himself away on some excuse, not ready to be what they wanted him to be, and still not ready to disappoint them. And now he’d finally done it, hadn’t he? He’d told his mother everything – soon Michael would know, and Anna, who Cas suspected wouldn’t think much on it, and his father… his father would know.

He felt vaguely ashamed that even as a grown, mated man in his thirties, now expecting a pup of his own, still he craved some piece of his father’s approval. But their father never had much time for him, he’d always been busy, or interested in his older sons. Cas vowed to himself that if he and Dean had dozens of children – and even the thought was paralysing – that he would love them all equally, and give them all the attention they needed, or wanted.

“Me and Sam were going to travel,” Ruby told him, pushing the cart along with her eyes raised absently to the ceiling. “We were gonna go and see a whole bunch of places.”

“What happened?”

“Well, first we didn’t have the cash. And then Davey happened. So we stayed where we were.” She smiled. “Maybe one day when we’re old and retired we’ll go see Singapore like we planned.”

“I’ve been very lucky, I realise that every day.”

“Well-off family, right? I’m guessing they’ll be cutting you off soon, once they hear about this.”

Cas frowned. “They don’t fund me, Ruby. They haven’t for a very long time.” He’d had to fight for a long time to make sure of that. “But… I will need to begin looking for a job, a place to live…”

“Hey,” she told him, gently laying a hand on his arm as she glanced at him with her brows raised. “Quiet down about that. You know me and Sam are happy having you guys staying.”

“You’ve been very kind, Ruby, thank you. But I… I’ll feel, ridiculous, if I’m not able to find something to do to be able to provide for us.”

“I hear you. Hell, me and Sam could have survived just fine on his job alone, but I kept on working part-time, even after Davey, cause I’ve got this pet hate          of feeling _kept_ or something. So I get it.” She smiled. “But I’m not saying I’m against getting Sam to do things for me now and again. And he’s a good giver. Hell, just after we were mated, he went out of his way to bake me a cake, the dumb giant. Good cake though. The guy can bake.”

Cas stopped in his tracks. “Is that… normal? Doing something for your mate… after? Getting them something?”

Ruby screwed her face up in slight confusion, and shrugged. “I don’t know. Sam did. I don’t know about other people.”

“And food… food’s a good gift?” Dean liked food, Cas knew that very well.

“Sure, I guess. Just something he’d like, I suppose.”

Something Dean would like… Dean liked pie, didn’t he? Cas had heard him asking for it in several different places they’d stopped at on the road. “I’ll be… right back,” he told Ruby, as he went marching off in the opposite direction to where he’d seen the bakery section. Frantically, he looked along the aisle, at the gaping holes in the shelves, which at this time in the evening were surely only to be expected. Seeing nothing like what he was looking for, Cas caught the attention of the man clearing up the shelf. “I’m sorry, but where do you keep your pies?”

“Pies?” The young beta scratched at the back of his head as he looked down at the half-empty shelves. “Uh, I think we’re sorta all out…”

Cas huffed in frustration, and turned away, filled with the inexplicable urge to hurt the young man. And yet he wasn’t entirely sure why this was so important to him. He wanted to impress Dean, to make him happy… but surely he’d already succeeded in that, hadn’t he? Dean had chosen him back there in Sam and Ruby’s spare bed, he reminded himself as he gently touched the new mark at his neck. And then again in their shower…

“You found what you were looking for, Cas?” Ruby had pulled the cart up next him, and was leaning against it now, looking distinctly unimpressed.

“No. Do you think… do you think I should try baking as well?”

She looped her arm in his. “Cas, right now I think you should calm down and help me find the cheese aisle, alright?”

“Ok.”

“I get it. It’s pretty fucking scary, the whole mated and parenting thing. I really do get it.”

“When does it start… sinking in?” Cas asked, allowing her to lead him through the store as she started laughing at him.

“Are you kidding me? You never get used to this. Not really.”

Cas let out a breath. “Oh. I see.”  

*

Sam had just finished with getting his pup into bed when Dean heard the footsteps outside the kitchen door, and moments later Ruby and Cas were standing there with him as he stirred the pasta, both of them laden with shopping bags. He was a little disgusted with himself as he felt himself stand up a little straighter at the smell of them – the smell of Cas, of mate, of safety, of _home_. It made him feel pathetic, at how cloying, how needy Cas made him just by standing there, just by being away from him for a few hours. But then he remembered that, hey, if he wanted to feel that way, it was his goddamn right, as Cas’ mate. It was allowed.

Cas gave that stupid little idiot smile as he set his bags down on the kitchen table, almost unbalancing them because he was too busy looking at Dean. The dork.

“Your alpha here wanted to try and find you some cake or something. We’d have been a lot quicker if he hadn’t made us pop into every store that was still open on the way home to try and find it.”

Cas shuffled about sheepishly. “I was looking for some form of fruit pie for you, Dean. I’m afraid I wasn’t able to find any.”

“Well that’s just…” Dean caught the slightly worried look on Cas’ face and melted. When had Michael ever tried doing something like that for him, going looking for something he knew Dean would like, instead of getting Dean something that he _should_ like? “freaking adorable. You sap.”

Cas’ face lit up again. “I wasn’t able to find any pie, but I did pick up some soothing oils and vitamins that Ruby said she found very helpful during her pregnancy.” As he spoke, Cas eagerly turned his attention to one particular bag, which seemed to be filled entirely with medical-looking bottles. Dean tried to stop the sceptical expression creeping over his face, but then he saw Ruby laughing at him out of the corner of his eye and he couldn’t hold it in any more. “You sonovabitch. These musta cost you a fucking fortune, Cas,” he exclaimed, as he remembered about the pasta that was close to boiling over. While he hurriedly turned the gas down, he heard Cas continue to explain himself, calm, yet sounding a little excited.

“They’re all undoubtedly worth the money, Dean. Some of these really do sound amazing…”

“Well why don’t you try ‘em then?”

At the slightly hurt look in Cas’ eye, Dean recomposed himself. “I’m sorry Cas. They look… awesome. They really do.” He snorted. “I guess I can’t help wondering what my Dad’d be saying if he knew I was getting all waited on through this pregnancy shit. And aw fuck, I still need to tell him about that…”

“If you’re going to be taking much more life advice from that dead-beat father of yours, I can’t have much time for you,” Ruby muttered, as she chopped her way quickly through the mushrooms she’d just finished unwrapping.  She glanced up at Dean once, unapologetically, before looking back down at her chopping board. “I’m sorry, Dean, but you gotta know that’s the truth. Don’t be taking any standards for omega masculinity off of him.”

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

She shrugged. “That from what I’ve seen of you both so far, you’re the better man. Now I know Sam sometimes even has problems breaking away from his influence, and it’s bound to be even worse for you. So you tell him about the pup when you want – keep it on your terms, dude. And you enjoy getting ‘waited on’, because you’re going to fucking deserve it. Pregnancy ain’t no picnic.”

Dean turned uncomfortably away from her, to give the boiling pasta another needless little stir. And then moments later he felt Cas’ arms around him, evenly tanned hands draped neatly over his stomach. It was impossible not to relax into that, that scent, that feeling of comfort, of unconditional acceptance. That feeling of belonging to someone, which only increased as Cas gently leaned his chin in the crook of Dean’s shoulder.

“I love you, Dean,” he murmured, too low for Ruby to hear.

Dean badly wanted to bat him away, to laugh at him, to shudder dramatically at the crassness of it. Hell, six years of marriage and Michael had barely ever said it. The two of them had always just taken it for granted – they were mated, they were married, they belonged to one another – of course they were in love. To say it aloud would only make a ridicule of the sentiment. But now, hearing Cas say the words again, all Dean felt run through him as he smiled, smiled _shyly,_ for fuck’s sake, was a small shiver of delight. And he knew that however worried he might be feeling about Michael, and his old college buddy Raphael and whatever it was they might soon be planning together… Dean was always going to have this moment. This feeling of being completely and utterly _cherished._

It was disgusting, and Dean loved Cas for it.

“Yeah. Back at you, you dork.”

Seeming satisfied, Cas gently pulled away, and stepped back to pull his phone out of his pocket. Looking at the screen, he frowned. “That’s odd,” he said.

“What?”

“It’s a text message, from an unlisted number.”

“Oh yeah, what’s it say?”

Cas looked up, uneasily. “It’s a congratulations text. On the pup.”

“But you haven’t even told anyone yet.”

“Just my Mother, who will, of course, have told my family by now, I imagine…” Cas looked back down at his phone. “I wonder if this was the missed call from earlier… Oh.”

“ _What_?”

“The call wasn’t from that number.” Cas swallowed slowly. “The call was from my father.”

*

Cas left the kitchen to stand at the bottom of the stairs, where he knew no one in the kitchen would be able to hear him on the phone. This wasn’t something he wanted Dean to listen to. He’d made his choice, and he was proud of it… but he was a little worried at how certain he might sound about it on the phone.

For a few moments as the phone kept on ringing, Cas really did worry that perhaps the shock of this whole affair had been too much for his father, that his aging heart might have finally…

“Castiel.”

“Father.”

Cas hated, hated, hated the tone he still took on the rare occasions he ever had to address his father. It was so… eager.

“Your mother called me.”

Cas nodded, forgetting for the moment that his father would not be able to see him. He’d be on one of those long golf trips he like to take, because he could never, of course, condone divorce. But for over twenty years he’d scarcely been able to condone living with his wife, either.

“It’s a sin to covet that which belongs to another man, Castiel. And Michael’s your brother, your older brother, Castiel, he’s owed your respect, not this sordid-”

“Dean never _belonged_ to anyone, Father. But if he does, now, to anyone, it’s to me. I’m his mate, the father of his-”

“Don’t be childish. You’re talking about your brother’s omega. And now I hope you're happy that you’ve shamed this family so completely, in a way that not even Lucifer managed. He at least had some form of motive driving him. But all I hear from you is your consistent desire to be a thorn in your family’s side, in your mother’s heart, to be a great _individual._ ”

Cas leaned his head against the banister to the stairs as he allowed his father’s words to continue to wash over him. “I’m giving you this last chance, Castiel. I am an old man, now, I’m dying – I’d prefer not to leave this world with my sons at odds.”

“What would you have me do?”

“Leave this slut that so heartlessly abandoned your brother. Come _home_. And either Michael will reclaim his mate, or he won’t.”

“I don’t know how much you really know of me, Father. But surely you’re aware that nothing, and certainly not some lingering desire for your approval, would _ever_ cause me to abandon my mate, my family.”

“Castiel-”

“I am not your soldier, to order where you wish,” Cas hissed down the line. “I choose my own life. And I have chosen Dean Winchester, and have been fortunate enough to find that he has chosen me. And if, or when, Michael forces us to it, we will appear in court to stand against him, to fight for that.”

“To drag this family through the muck-”

Taking a leaf from Sam’s book, Cas hung up the phone, and, sighing heavily, leaned his head back again. From the sounds coming from the kitchen, dinner was almost ready.

And he’d hung up on his own father, who, for one of the first times in Cas’ life, had called him, personally, on his mobile.

“I heard the end of that.”

Cas turned, and looked up behind him, where Sam was leaning against the banister, looking down at him, and smiling a little sadly.

“Just… spreading the word.”

Sam started walking down the stairs. “You alright?”

“I think I might just have been disowned.” Cas smiled crookedly. “After so many years, I seem to have finally found my parents’ final straw, and have not been invited home for Thanksgiving.”

“Huh. Can’t be easy. I mean, our Dad? He’s never exactly been the best… but I kinda can’t imagine him doing that, completely cutting us off. And I don’t care what Davey ever does in his life. There isn’t something he could ever do that would make me stop caring about what happens to him.”

“Well. I suppose in my family, the name is somewhat more important than the individuals who carry it, to my Father. It’s always been like that.”

Cas started following Sam through the kitchen as the other man clapped a supportive arm on his shoulder. “You’ll do alright, Cas.”

“I will.” And he would. It wasn’t just Dean, although Dean was everything. Cas really had begun to feel as though he’d found a home here, a family.

Now, if he could only find a job…

When he sat down at the table, Dean nudged him. “You good?”

Cas looked back into Dean’s eyes, into his mate’s eyes – his, not his brother’s. Not anymore. Not ever again.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

*


	13. Meet the New Boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlie takes her first case notes, Dean job-hunts, and Cas suggests experimentation.

Every time he walked in and saw the desk Charlie kept in her office, Sam was certain that the number of novelty charms and ornaments perched over and around it had increased by another tenfold. This time he noticed the new framed photo, which for a long while had been her facebook profile, of her extremely impressive cosplay as the Black Widow, and there was also a slightly gory-looking pen-ender shaped like Ned Stark’s decapitated head. She had that pen tucked behind her ear, which made it a little hard for Sam to know where to look when she spun around on her wheelie chair to face him.

“Long time no seeing you, Sam,” she complained as she bounced out of her chair to give him a hug. Sam grinned as he patted at her red hair. “I suck, I know.”

“Like, would it really have killed you and Ruby to make it out the other night? I miss you guys.”

Sam nodded, deprecatingly as he sat down in the chair she’d indicated for him. “Like I was telling you. We had a bit of a… situation, that night.”

She clicked her fingers at him. “Right. Your brother finally showed up. Gotcha.”

“That’s right,” he said, smiling at her.  Charlie always had a fantastic memory – because she really was a listener, which was why she’d been one of the only people he’d ever told about his worries over Dean, and the recent news that he might be coming to visit. He knew, that as one of his oldest friends, she’d care. It had actually been at Charlie’s birthday party, back in Stanford, that he’d first met Jess. And she’d been the first one he’d run to after her death.

“And this’d be the same brother you want me to help out.”

“Dean, yeah. I’ve only got the one.”

“And you don’t want to come to his defence all on your own.”

“Because you’re a lot better than me at dealing with this sort of thing. Divorces, family settlements – you rule there.”

Charlie bobbed her head from side to side, blushing slightly, and Sam knew that she’d be inwardly preening. “I mean I am pretty good. You hear about the Roman Case?”

“You uh, you only kept me updated on that the uh, the entire way along?”

Charlie grinned, and started fiddling with her _Game of Thrones_ pen. “Oh yeah. Right. Well, I did kick some serious ass out there.”

“Yes you did. So I need you to do that again for me. To help out my big brother.”

She huffed, and spun her chair around to bring up something else on her computer. “So tell me then. What makes this so interesting?”

Sam smiled to himself, raising on eyebrow as he chuckled. “So get this, you’ll enjoy this one. My brother, Dean, he got married to this, serious douchebag of an alpha, Michael-”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“-and he shipped them both off to Florida, six years back now. Then a few weeks ago Michael calls me, he tells me Dean’s taken off. Sounding all possessive, but kinda cold about it.”

“I’m with you. The guy didn’t like a disobedient omega. Gotcha,” she told him as she started typing.

“So basically Dean had finally gotten himself out. Of all things it was over the fact that Michael had tried selling Dean’s car but that was always going to be the last straw-”

“What kind?”

Sam made a face. “What?”

“What kinda car?”

“Uh, an Impala. Chevy. The ’67.”

“Nice. Impractical, but nice.” She waved her hands about impatiently. “Keep talking sasquatch. Get to the point already.”

“Fine, fine. So the person Michael tried selling the car to was his brother, Castiel. I’d met him once, at the wedding. Nice guy. Quite the hippy back then.”

“Cool. So what your brother do then?”

“Oh, I’m gonna need you to keep quiet about this part, Charlie.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Sure, sure. Scout’s honour, whatever.”

“I mean it. This bit can’t get brought into anything, it might complicate it.”

Charlie raised her eyebrows and rested an elbow back on the desk. “Dude, excuse me. But have I ever told a soul about that night in freshman year?” She leaned forward to poke him with Ned Stark’s head. “Not. Even. To your. Curious. Wife I haven’t. So you know better than anyone that I can keep secrets. I’m no Peter Pettigrew. Whatever you tell me’s going with me to my _grave._ ”

“Alright, ok! You’re the best.”

“So what did your brother ever do in the last few months that’s as hush-hush as you trying to ride that moose statue-“

“He stole the car, kidnapping his brother-in-law who was inside.”

Charlie deflated, pouting. “Oh,” she said, apparently disappointed. “Fair enough.”

“Luckily Cas is not exactly going to try pressing charges over that one, so we’re leaving it as a a Cas gave him a ride all the way up here instead of Dean holding a gun to his temple for half the way.”

“Smart move guys. So when you say that this Castiel – great name by the way – is cool with this…”

“They’re mated now. And Dean’s pregnant.”

Charlie’s jaw dropped slightly, but it closed as she nodded at him. “Ah. That does make things a bit more interesting. It’s kinda like if _Taxi Driver_ was a rom-com.”

Sam squinted. “No that… that really doesn’t work.”

Charlie huffed out a breath and shrugged. “So anyway. They just want a clean divorce out of all this, right?”

“That’s what all the good guys are wanting, yeah. But Michael wants custody.” His lawyer had called Sam up again the night before, confirming Dean’s fears. Which at least meant that they now knew what it was they’d be dealing with.

“He wants _custody?_ But it’s not his pup, is it?”

“No. I dunno, Charlie, Michael’s always been a weird one. I’m not sure if this is screwed up hormones, or if he genuinely still wants Dean back or if this is him trying to punish them…”

“Huh. What a dildoface.”

Sam rubbed at his temple, trying not to laugh. “Please, please stop saying that. You’re a grown woman, Charlie.”

“And your point is…?”

Sam sat up again, choosing to ignore it. “So you up for this?”

Playfully, she leaned forward and punched him on the arm. “’Course. You know I’m always gonna be here for you, however you need me.” She frowned. “But I am still not seeing the reason you want me on this. You really don’t like this guy. I’d have thought you’d want to take him down yourself, do the big ‘You can’t handle the truth’ lines right up in his face.”

“Actually it was the Jack Nicholson character who... never mind. I’m not saying I didn’t think about it, Charlie. But I needed to be sure we’d win. This is too important.”

“So what makes this so difficult?”

Sam held up three long fingers. “One. Michael’s wealth, and the expensive lawyer he’s hired, who’s never lost a case.”

“I’ve never – well, ok. That’s admittedly… kinda intimidating. And rich, sure, that’s a danger. What’s number two?”

Sam bent one finger down. “When the pup was conceived Michael was still Dean’s only mate. They think it was from back during a heat, and Cas’ rut.”

“Right. So there’s a lot of basic under-the-influence shit going on there. And then there’s the fact that Michael could be considered, in some states at least, responsible since they were married and mated at the time. But there’s precendent for… And – wait, but wait - what state are we even looking at here? Dude, you need to tell your brother to stop moving around so much. It’s confusing for the legal counsel.” She sighed. “But, really, as long as there isn’t any special reason for him to get involved, I don’t see… oh Holy Valar. What’s your number three?”

Sam grimaced. With Dean only just able to confide this to him, he was loath to open up to anyone else about it so soon. “It’s Dean. He’s… Well. Michael knows he’s had some issues with his mental health.”

Charlie turned back to her keyboard. “What kinda issues?”

“The type that makes you want to throw yourself off of bridges.”

“Ah. That kind. So how long ago was that?”

“Back before they were married.” Sam scratched at the back of his head. “But Michael sent him along to a load of useless quacks over the years. And they-”

“They’ll probably talk about whatever Michael’s paying them to. Which sucks for us. Got it.” Charlie leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, smiling nervously.

“So,” Sam asked eventually. “How are the odds looking on this?”

“Well… I can understand why you called me now, anyway…”

*

“So your last place of employment was back in New Mexico, six years ago, that right?” the tall alpha asked Dean again as he flicked through his CV. He was built like a wrestler, and though Dean hated to admit it, the sight of him was more than a little intimidating now that he’d been asked to sit and the man had started pacing.

“That’s right.”

“Mmm. Got your references here, says you were a good-worker.”

“Yup. That’s me.” Dean was getting a little terse. He’d only been a week or so at the job hunt and already he was sick and tired of it, of the endless string of ultimately fruitless interviews. Fruitless, because as soon as he walked in through the doors they smelt him, and were able to smell the pup growing inside him. Dean could hardly blame him for going off him after that. None of them wanted to take on someone they knew they’d have to lose again in a few months. Now this Benny guy seemed like a good dude, and better at hiding it than most, but he was coming round to telling him the same exact thing as all the rest had. Thanks so much for applying Mr Winchester, but you’re just not quite what we’re looking for right now.

Any minute now, Dean reminded himself as he fought down the treacherous bubble of hope he’d let build. Because dammit, he’d really wanted this one. He’d be _good_ at this one.

“So. Tell me Dean. What makes you think you’re right for this job?”

“Honestly? Dude, I’ve been doing this sort of work my whole life, whether I’m being paid for it or not. I like cars. And nobody else is as good as I am at working them out.”

Benny nodded, a smile curling up at the side of his face. “Alright. Show me then. Gordon, the mechanic who just left us, he half finished work on this van, which is due to be getting picked up tomorrow. But trouble is he left without even telling me what was wrong with the damn thing. You get out there and fix it for me and the job’s yours, you can come on in with your bank details tomorrow.”

“Seriously.” Dean was leaning forwards in his chair now, daring to let himself hope.”

“Sure, brother. You help me out with this, and I’ll help you out. When’s your pup due?”

Dean cleared his throat, caught off guard. “’Bout seven, eight months.”

“So that’s what, a March baby? Cute. I’ve got three myself,” Benny told him, leaning back against the desk. “This your first?”

“Yeah. Yeah that’s right. We’re uh,” Dean laughed cautiously, “We’re a bit nervous.”

“Well you ain’t the first and you won’t be the last feeling that way. But just you wait until they’re old enough to be presenting and drinking and going out on dates and the rest of that bullcrap. Now that is real fear.”

“Honestly I am not thinking that far on yet.”

“Happens so damn fast you’ll be having to soon. Anyway. I’ll show you this van. Then if you sort that I’ll introduce you to the rest of the misfits manning this joint.”

“Sounds fine to me,” Dean said, smiling as he followed Benny out of the office, because for the first time in a while it felt like he was moving forwards. Fixing cars? Just like he’d told Meg way back on her little ranch, that was easy. But parenting, yeah. That was going to be a little more daunting.

*

Cas was, obviously, pleased that Dean had found himself a job. He knew how important it had been to him to find work after so many years of Michael making him feel inadequate, and keeping him from what he had a talent for. But damn it if it didn’t put the pressure on Cas all the more. It had only gotten worse, this ceaseless need to be there protecting Dean, to be providing for the ones he loved – and currently, after another day of applying for work with no word back from anywhere, he felt as though he were failing at that.

But Cas had a full, impressive enough CV. Surely someone, even in this jobs climate, had to want him for something more than as a volunteer. Although Cas really was on the verge of starting to go and talk to all of the neighbourhood business owners about any jobs they might have available, feeling like a desperate college student all over again.

Taking another sip of his coffee he saw the dog look up at him again. How many times was it supposed to be getting fed? Sam had told him… For about five hours now Cas had been left alone in the house. Usually, Ruby would have dropped Davey off at his childminder before her half-day shift, but since Cas had been planning to do nothing all day but stare at his laptop on their kitchen table, he had offered to babysit. Because he could probably use the practice, for one.

From the baby monitor on the table, Cas could hear Davey start making that spluttering sound again. “Please. Please don’t,” Cas muttered, staring pleadingly up at the ceiling. But apparently the pup didn’t hear him, or if he could he wasn’t able to understand, or care, because a moment later the spluttering had turned into a full on wail.

Feeling three times his age, Cas stood up and plodded on up the stairs, poking his head around Davey’s bedroom door with some trepidation. Ruby had told him to leave him, to put him back firmly in his cot, if he wanted up after bedtime, because he was getting too old to be given whatever he wanted by screaming. But the thought of that went out of Cas’ head when he saw the little arms, desperately reaching over the cot, saw the little wriggler trying to escape.

“Hey,” Cas told him as he swooped down to pick him up. The wailing stopped, and Davey started coughing slightly instead. “What is it you want?”

“Wan’ Mommy.”

Cas started bouncing the pup up and down in his arms. “Well Mommy’s out Davey, I’m sorry. But she is coming back. I’m the only one you got for now, it’s just – you’ve just got your Uncle Cas – well, sort of.”

Davey started slowly quieting in Cas’ arms, his mouth hanging open a little and his big eyes squinting suspiciously.

“And uh, it, uh, it’s just me because everybody else who loves you, they’re all out being busy and important... and useful. Uncle Cas he’s – he’s not being all that useful at the moment. So he gets to sit around and steal all of your Mommy and Daddy’s PB+J and their coffee and he – I – get to look after you.”

Cas nodded grimly down at the baby, who frowned, apparently uncertain about this string of events. “Now do you want me to do anything for you? I could… get you something?”

“Mommy.”

Cas sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t get her right now for you, but she is coming back later to see you, I promise.”

“Layer.”

“Is there… anything else that you need?”

“No,” the pup told him, in a small voice.

“Ok, that, that is ok. Well…” Cas glanced over at the child’s colourful shelves full of toys and books that lined the room. “I could read you one of your books if you’d like that?”

The pup determinedly shook his head, his dark head of silky hair brushing pleasantly over Cas’ forearm.

“Well I could… I could sing you something? I used to be in a band you know, back in college. But then, I suppose everyone was in some kind of band back in college – or, at least everyone who was useless, like me. I played the bass guitar. Traded it for… you know,” Cas added, making a face, “I can’t even remember what I traded it for anymore, and I liked that guitar. A friend of mine covered it in bee stickers…” Cas cleared his throat, feeling oddly self-conscious. “But I sang back up too. I’d sing you one of our songs but, well, none of them were very good, I’m afraid…”

Davey’s wide eyes kept on staring and staring, although Cas thought that he might also be smiling a little now, smiling up at the silly man who kept on prattling.

“Would you be interested in hearing some Morrissey? I’m aware it’s not terribly cheerful, and that your Uncle Dean would not be very happy to hear me suggest it, but it’s usually sort of dreamy stuff…”

Davey pouted at him.

“Ok. Not Morrissey. Would you like…” Cas increased his jiggling of the baby as he thought. “Would you object to something, jazz-like?”

When the pup seemed to make no obvious objection, Cas started singing.

_‘Breeze drifting on by, you know what I mean – it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me… and I’m feeling good.’_

Davey had started closing his eyes again by the time Cas’ voice had started to protest at how low he was forcing it, so gently, hopefully, Cas lowered him back into the cot. But as he pulled his arms away, the pup made a small fist around Cas’ finger, and Cas felt something in his heart just sort of _tug._

“Right. So. You be quiet. For just another while, until the responsible people come home again. I promise not to come and bother you with any more singing.” And eventually the baby released his surprisingly iron grip on Cas, allowing Cas to finally stand up straight again.

After leaving the room Cas had to take a moment to… steady himself. That pup was nineteen months old. And yet he was still so _fragile._ Surely with his own… Cas would break it, or something, surely?

Cas’ ringtone went off as he started walking down the stairs – blasting ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ as Dean had recently changed it to – and for a moment he was terrified that the pup would start screaming again. But when Davey continued to make no noise, Cas answered the phone, relieved to see from the caller ID that it was his sister on the phone, and not another, more distant relative trying to shame him.

“Anna.”

“I was just checking in to hear how mated bliss is treating you.”

“It’d be a lot better if Mother would stop calling me,” Cas admitted as he eased himself back into his chair in the kitchen.

“Has she been abusing all of her major forms of blackmail?”

Cas  nodded with a smile, forgetting for a moment that Anna couldn’t see him. “Your father has a serious heart condition. I’ve spent my entire life worrying about you. Lucifer-”

“-has already broken my heart. Please don’t be the second of my children to do this. Yeah, she gave me that exact spiel after she caught me kissing another alpha girl back in high school.”

“I’d never seen her so angry at you.”

“Neither had I. Although really Cas, this does seem to put pale to everything. I think she was on the phone to me just after hanging up on you.”

“I suspected as much.”

“… And then, well, I had to call everyone that I knew she wouldn’t because, you have to admit, this is kinda brilliant.”

Cas leaned back in his chair, puzzled. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, y’know. Old friends she disapproves of now. The wayward brother.”

“Lucifer?”

“ _No._ I’m not calling _him,_ ew. I meant Gabriel. I thought he’d find it funny, and I was right.”

Cas felt some comprehension beginning to dawn. “Maybe that was who texted me the other week…”

“You don’t have his number or something?”

“I thought I did.”

“Well why don’t I give you the number that I have and you can give him a call?”

So after he was finished chatting to Anna, Cas dialled the number she’d given him, as usual uncertain how to feel about a call with his older brother, the middle child and only omega of the family. Not that Gabriel had ever seen any of his differences as hindrances – on the contrary, he’d enjoyed flaunting them around the home, and back in school, and then college before he’d left it to get into business full time. His parents had predicted they'd see him running home with his tail between his legs after the first year, but it still hadn’t happened. He’d used the allowance he’d been given to make smart investments, which combined with his talents of keeping friends and knowing too much about his enemies to make him unexpectedly successful.

Cas would not exactly say that he idolised his older brother. They were far too different for that, they wanted different things from life… But. Well.

“Is that my darling baby brother I have on the line?”

“Hello, Gabriel.”

“Someone’s sounding a little sour.”

“I’m trying to be quiet because there is a baby in then  other room I’m trying not to wake.”

“A baby? Man, that was crazy fast…”

“It’s not mine Gabriel,” Cas snapped, aware that he was growling at him. And also that he was smiling. It had been a long time since he had heard his brother’s voice.

“Ok, alright. No need to be snappy, little bro. D’you get that congratulations text I sent you?”

“I thought that was you. You never gave me your new number, Gabriel.”

“Ahhhh, well, for further notice, it’s this one. So. You’re the new family pariah. How’s that treating you?”

“I think I’m handling it alright so far. Did you hear that Michael wants custody?”

“Weirdo, right?”

“Gabriel,” Cas cut in, suddenly remembering something, “Michael always listened to you the most. Perhaps if you could speak to him-”

“No can do little brother. I do not want to end up like you, or like poor old Luci before you. Michael ain’t kind to the family that talks back.”

“Lucifer? Gabriel, what are you talking-”

“I’m gonna have to leave you hanging there I’m afraid. Super important meeting. I’m expanding out to Tokyo again Cas – now tell me that doesn’t sound exciting.”

“Gabriel-”

“Remember the Rugrats’ Reptar park? It’s gonna be looking something like that. Anyway, I’ll have to catch you later.”

“Gabriel-” But the phone line had already gone dead.

*

“So what did you do all day?”

Dean flattened himself out on the bed next to where Cas was unlacing his boots as Cas smiled wryly round at him. “It wasn’t as productive a day as yours, I’m afraid.”

“Benny’s getting me started tomorrow. Nine til five. I’m telling you Cas, I haven’t done a Dolly Parton in years – is it weird I’m actually excited about this?”

“I don’t think so,” Cas told him as he kicked his boots to the floor. “Novelty tends to be exciting.”

“They wanted me to come out with them for drink tonight – completely flew over their heads I’m not supposed to be drinking,” Dean laughed, remembering. They seemed friendly, all of them. And they’d been nicely impressed at the quick time he’d taken to fix up their van.

“Oh, I did try and see about which doctors are in the area. Ruby recommended the practice she and Sam go to…”

Dean groaned, rolling over onto his back. “Cas, I don’t need to see a damn doctor.”

“Actually we’re already late on this one Dean. We should have seen someone as soon as we knew you were expecting.” Dean tried not to let Cas see how his use of the word ‘we’ was still able to bring a smile to Dean’s face.

“Well, we’ve got the internet, and the internet knows everything, and it says I’m fine and that I don’t really need to see anyone until I’m into to the next trimesterwhatnot.”

Cas rolled around to pin him down on the bed. “Dean. Don’t be childish about this.”

“I don’t want anybody… poking around in there until I need them to. Unless it’s you,” he added with a wink.

“I’ll be there with you, Dean.”

Dean concentrated on lacing one of his hands through Cas’. “I know that. But it’s…”

“I got us some leaflets from the pregnancy centre when I went out shopping this morning. We could look over them if that would help at all.”

“You went shopping?”

Cas’ face suddenly lit up, strangely, almost slyly. “Yes. Would you like to see what else I picked up while I was out?”

Dean kicked up at him, lightly. “Yeah. Go on then, y’tease.”

Cas scrambled off the bed and went rooting around the floor for a bag. Reaching into it, Cas slowly pulled something out. A pair of somethings.

“Uh. Cas,” Dean choked out, starting to smile. “Is that…”

Cas let the handcuffs dangle at his side. “What do you think?”

Dean let out a large laugh, which he knew probably sounded false, and laid his head back down on the bed. Oh God, Cas meant well, he had to, but this was all still too soon after Michael, and the way he’d liked to have Dean… Well. It had never been _that_ bad. It had just been that Dean had never ended it feeling in control, not even of himself. He trusted Cas, hell, more than anyone else, but he wasn’t sure he was exactly ready for well, that.

Cas looked a little concerned. “I’m sorry. I should have said something first. I just… saw the shop, and remembered I used to find it kinda fun getting tied up.”

Dean raised his head. “Wait. _You_ want to be in the cuffs?”

Cas shrugged, smiling in slight confusion. “That was the general idea I had. Anything else I obviously would have spoken to you first about it.”

Dean stared at him, mouth hanging open a little, for a long while. Staring at this dorky idiot who was awkwardly staring back at him like he was afraid that he’d done something wrong.

“Dude, I love you,” he told him, and burst out laughing. “But what fucked up kinda alpha are you?”

Cas pouted and walked over to the bed. “The fun kind.”

In the end, they had to leave it at a ‘maybe we’ll do better next time’, and it was entirely Dean’s fault. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t take any of it seriously, and Cas’ exasperated face when he started laughing again only set him off even worse the next time. So Dean ended up settling for kissing him everywhere, and teasing at his knot, and eventually just enjoying the fact that handcuffed Cas wasn’t able to do anything about him tickling under his balls.

“Won’t you at least take off a layer of clothing for me?” Cas asked him dryly.

Dean screwed up his face, and tightened his legs’ grip around Cas’. “Well, I’d have to get you to ask me nicer than that, alpha.”

Cas glared at him. “Please.”

“I dunno, it’s not like it’s worth looking at now,” Dean complained as he took off his shirt. “Look I’m starting to get these little stretch marks everywhere.”

Cas squinted. “Where?”

“Right there, see?”

“Dean, that’s a freckle. And you’re not even eight weeks along. That would be very early to see stretch marks.”

“I saw them, honestly! They were right there this morning…”

Cas laughed at him, but then Dean remembered that his mate was currently still all trussed up and unable to touch him, and Dean made himself feel better by pushing him over into the pillows.

*


	14. If You Be My Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get faced with a few fears and Ruby puts her foot down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m blaming this chapter’s lateness on Michael Crichton, the good weather and my new boss who keeps me too busy all day. On the plus side, the UK government is now officially known to be monitoring google and youtube, so if he cares, David Cameron probably thinks I’m pregnant and thinking about getting a divorce from the research that has been ongoing for this chapter. Wooooow.

“You two do make an attractive couple,” Doctor Barnes commented again as she got the Cas and Dean sitting down. As they sat down next to each other Dean let his eyes flick over at his mate, feeling stupidly relieved when Cas nodded back at him. And then he took a long breath. Fucking hell. He felt like an eight year old kid at the dentist. Although admittedly Dr Barnes herself – ‘Call me Pam’- hadn’t exactly turned out to be the image of what he’d been worried about. She seemed friendly, at least.

“We like to think so,” Cas told he, his solemn tone making her laugh aloud. But then she returned her attention to Dean as she sat down by her computer.

“So how far along are you, Dean?”

“We think it’s about eleven - wait, twelve - weeks now.”

Dean shrugged, smiling as she looked to him for confirmation. Cas, knowing he was nervous about this, was doing his best protective-alpha attempt and was answering everything for Dean so far. Generally, he still treated Dean the way he always had, although there had been a few incidents on crowded sidewalks where he’d gotten a little too indignant towards anyone in Dean’s way. Not to forget when Dean had introduced him to Benny, one night after work… Dean smiled to himself at the memory. Cas had made things suddenly get a little frosty, by basically gearing up for a serious alpha face-off. Pathetic. Benny hadn’t seemed to mind, but it had bothered Dean, and he’d just about bitten Cas’ head off for it when they were alone. He hadn’t gotten a lot resolved, but it had made Dean realise that it was the first time he’d ever been the one to initiate a ‘You’re embarrassing me’ conversation with his mate. The idea that he could have even brought it up with Michael was completely ridiculous.

And so far it still just felt awesome being able to work, to earn money for himself again. Sure, a few of the customers had given him a few double takes at the smell of him – an omega fixing cars in an auto shop was unusual enough, but a pregnant one was basically unheard of – but none of the people he worked with had mentioned anything yet. Well, apart from Garth, who’d said something odd about him being very ‘brave’ just after he’d started. Bit of an oddball, that beta. A loveable one, but a definite oddball.

“So three months along,” Pamela said, smiling widely and jolting Dean out of his thoughts. “And this one’s your first?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Dean told her before Cas could cut in. “We’re new at this.”

“Were you surprised, too?”

Dean spluttered a laugh. “Are you supposed to be asking shit like that?”

Pamela shrugged. “Probably not. I’m just nosy.”

Dean made a face. “Yeah, alright - it was a,” he coughed, “yeah, we were, we were surprised.”

“We didn’t think Dean was able to conceive,” Cas finished for him, leaning forward in his chair.

“Talk about a bump in the road,” Pamela smiled, eyebrows raised. “Were you guys mated then?” she asked, eyes skating over the still fresh looking mark on Cas’ neck.

Dean made a face. “Alright, there’s nosy, and then there’s nosy. But no, no we weren’t.” He flailed his hands about. “That happened… after.”

“Well, congrats guys. Sorry to pry, but it’s sorta my job, especially at this stage. Gotta find out where you’re at mentally in this whole thing as well as physically.”

Dean’s hand tightened slightly around the arm of his chair. He could _feel_ Cas’ eyes on him. “Mentally, huh?”

Pamela waved her pen about absently as she glance down at the clipboard on her lap. “Sure. It’s good to know you’re emotionally healthy enough for all this before your hormones go completely insane. You had much issues with that yet? Morning sickness… anything like that.”

Dean fought down the urge to pout at the probing questions, though he had to admit she had a nice air about the way she did it, it felt more like a normal conversation than anything else. “Couple of times,” he admitted begrudgingly. “But not really.”

“Mostly he just finds he needs to use the toilet a lot more,” Cas offered.

Dean groaned. And this was why he didn’t like seeing doctors. Well. One of the big reasons.

“And he’s started to take an abnormal interest on having ketchup on all of his food.”

“C’mon, I’ve always liked to see a good load of ketchup on a burger.”

“Mmm. But not usually on your pizza.”

“That was-”

“…or on your ice cream.”

Dean scowled as Pamela laughed again. Funny, but he thought he probably loved Cas most when he was being this much of a shit, and all for _Dean’s own good_ , or whatever. It was still annoying as hell though and he didn’t have to like it or anything.

And ice cream topped with ketchup tasted fucking awesome.

“So you’re noticing at least a few changes then, so far.”

Dean nodded, huffing out a breath. “Yeah. I guess.”

She crossed her legs over and leaned back in her chair. “Is it scaring you?”

“What kind of a – yeah, alright. It’s scary. Of course it’s scary. There’s like a whole other little dude in here relying on me. It’s fucking terrifying.” What he left unsaid was that already, what really scared him was how much he already loved how needed this child made him feel – but it would be different this time, he told himself firmly. He had Cas there next to him, and he was pretty sure now that Cas wasn’t going anywhere, so he was never going to end up feeling like he had after Sammy had left for college. Not again.

Funny. He’d had so long with no other purpose other than keeping Michael happy for so many years, and then all this had just fallen into his lap. Or loins. Whatever.

“So you got any thoughts yet on baby names?”

Dean scratched the back of his head, not looking at Cas, because he knew that if he did he’d only burst out laughing. He’d spent most of the other night annoying Cas with all the most ridiculous names he could think of. Apparently Cas found something wrong with a name like ‘Axl’.

“I think we’re gonna wait until we know what it is,” Dean told her eventually, Cas scowling. For a hippy type the guy sure had a major preference for conservative names, which, now that Dean thought on it, probably had something to do with having to grow up with a name like ‘Castiel.’

“Smart plan, guys. Right, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to start launching into the duller questions now…”

As Pamela went on to ask them about their family history in genetic diseases and birth complications, Dean’s eyes continued to flick to the waiting hospital bed. Oh God, she was a nice lady and whatever, and a beta and all, but fuck he didn’t want to do this. He got it – the scan was important, and damn right he wanted to know if the pup inside him was alive and healthy. But would he have to… did she have to…?

As though listening to Dean’s increasingly panicked thoughts, Cas lightly rested a hand on his, letting his thumb gently start making calming circles. And suddenly Dean’s breathing steadied again. He was fine. He needed to get through this, so he would. This wasn’t hard, it was a medical thing, like taking pills. You just needed to gulp it down and get it over with.

In the end it really wasn’t as bad as Dean had been fearing it might be. Cas was right there with him – but thank Christ he hadn’t let Sam come along with him, he really didn’t need his little brother seeing the faces he made during a Pap test. He knew he was being an idiot about the whole thing, but Pamela didn’t make him feel bad for it, she even got him laughing through it. She certainly wasn’t anything like the creepy old gynaecologist that had been his local back in Miami.

And then it was all worth it to have that picture up on the screen, to hear the breath Cas had been holding released when Pamela zoomed in and they could see the clear picture of that magic little dot that meant their pup had a working heartbeat. Dean didn’t object when Cas tightened his fingers around Dean’s for that moment, all Dean could do was smile in relief. Sure, it looked like a little squiggly alien thing right now, but that was their pup, it was healthy, it was alive, it was growing.

“I never get tired of seeing that,” Pamela said quietly, smiling.

 _You’re gonna be so loved, little dude,_ Dean thought at the pup as he put a hand against his stomach, unable still to tear his eyes from  the screen. _So loved._

_*_

“Thanks for coming,” Sam told Charlie as he gratefully gathered he into a hug on his doorstep. She patted his back lightly. “You know I like getting as much work as I can done socially. Especially when you’ve promised me wine. So tell me,” she asked as she followed him into the house, “Has Ruby found the time to catch up with Game of Thrones yet?”

“She still doesn’t want to watch it after the whole Jaime rape debacle.”

Charlie grimaced. “I’ll have a talk with her. I’m all for principles but she shouldn’t have to martyr herself to them.”

“You’re having a talk with Dean first,” Sam reminded her as they arrived in the kitchen.

“I know, I know,” Charlie sang as she spotted Ruby opening the fridge with Davey balanced on her hip and abandoned Sam to run over them, squealing about big the pup had gotten as she stole him out of Ruby’s arms.

“Gimme back my baby, Charlie.”

Charlie continued to spin Davey around in a circle, making him giggle loudly. “But he wants to see his favourite Auntie, yes he does, yes he does!”

Smiling as she rolled her eyes at them, Ruby leaned back against the kitchen surface. “You’re early again.”

“Well, I didn’t have anything to do at home, and I figured I could lend a hand with some of the cooking since I’m being a bad guest who hasn’t brought anything… so where are the more long-term guests – these _clients_ you’ve handed me?” Charlie asked, jiggling Davey up and down on her hip.

Sam shrugged. “I think they’re still out in the garden since it’s so nice outside. Dean’s still feeling a little,” he laughed, “uh, a little fragile. He had his first scan today. For the pup.”

“Oooh,” Charlie cooed, face lighting up. “Do they know the gender yet then?”

“Think it’s still a bit early for that yet. Anyway I’ll call them in.”

Dean’s freckles looked as though they’d been multiplying at an insane rate, Sam thought when he brought them both in to meet Charlie for themselves. Dean was a little awkward around her at first and Cas was his usual, fairly stoic self, but by the time they had the food served he’d lured Cas into an argument on the debatable merits of J.J. Abrams.

“…But I get it, I don’t trust him on casting. I mean Chris ‘pretty boy’ Pine for Captain Kirk?” Dean looked like someone had just made him eat more of Ruby’s salad. “Just… _no.”_

Ruby meanwhile still looked like she wanted to stab one of them. “Can we please talk about something else? Anything, _anything_ else is fine, really.”

Cas nodded vigorously. “I agree.”

“Hey this is serious stuff-” Dean started to protest before Cas cut him off.

“Yes, but we have already given it an hour to pick over, and we did ask Charlie hear to talk about something in specific. How long have you worked in Family Law?”

Dean scowled at the change of subject and started using his fork to stab aggressively at his chicken while Charlie smiled with her mouth full. “Uh…” she managed once she’d swallowed. “Pretty much since graduating. Now I can’t say I’ve got anything like your ex’s superlawyer-dudebro’s record, but I have always been good at… well. At finishing whatever I start and making sure it turns out ok.” She made a face. “But that Raphael guy is weird. I spent the other night googling him, trying to scout out the competition, and that is one strange character.”

Dean huffed as he shovelled another large forkful into his mouth. “You’re telling me.”

“Well actually, Dean,” Sam put in, leaning forwards in his chair, “that’s what it would be great if you could do for Charlie tonight. Tell her about anything we could use to help this divorce go smoother for you.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Give us the dirt,” Charlie summarised cheerfully. “You knew your ex better than anyone, and his lawyer better than any of us. If you have anything on them to make them look bad it could help things along a bit easier for us.”

“What, like Raphael only ever listens to ABBA, he didn’t like the _Lord of the Rings_ and he sometimes calls up prostitutes when he’s feeling bored?”

“ _Really?”_

“Well, I dunno about the other parts – might be true, for all I know – but yeah, the prostitutes part is true. Or it was a few years ago.”

Charlie leaned back in her chair and raised her eyebrows. “Should I go get a pen and paper for this?”

Dean laughed. “No that’s basically all I got. Never knew the guy that well. He didn’t think much of me.”

“What about Michael?” Cas asked in a low voice.

Dean’s eyes raised to meet his mate’s briefly, before he quickly dropped them again to stare at his plate, his jaw now twitching. “Already told you. Michael… there’s nothing wrong with Michael. Stand up society dude.”

“Except for the part where he sells your car,” Charlie reminded him. “That’s going to look bad.”

Sam frowned, nodding. “And was that really the first time he’d done something like that?”

As Dean continued to do nothing but scowl at his plate, Cas moved towards him slightly, putting his hand next to Dean’s. “Dean?”

But Dean stood up from his seat. “Look. Michael wasn’t… there is nothing he’s done that’s going to make him look less than a good husband, good mate, good potential father. So if that’s what we’re relying on then we got nothing, alright?”

“Dean,” Sam started, but his brother had already left the room. Muttering an apology for both of them, Cas followed him out.

Charlie turned a very embarrassed and awkward face towards Sam as she bit down on her lip.

Next to him, Ruby cut another piece of chicken for herself. “Well that was dramatic,” she commented, before chewing, looking distinctly unimpressed.

*

Cas’ first day at his new job hadn’t exactly been what he might have hoped for. But then, the job itself hadn’t exactly been what he’d been hoping for. Having finally given up on finding a paid position in a charity anywhere nearby, Cas had forced himself to search for other work. Charity work wasn’t the only thing out there he’d be able to do, it had just become a comfort zone for him. There was nothing to stop him from applying for other work.

Looking down at his new bright blue Gas ‘n’ Sip waistcoat, Cas thought he might have preferred dressing in that old heavy polar bear outfit of Greenpeace’s. At least in that no one had been able to know who you were, you weren’t given a goddamn nametag to wear, and you weren’t getting your wages handed to you every month by a cartoonishly corrupt corporation…

Cas steeled himself at the counter again and made himself stand up a little straighter. Demeaning as it might feel to do it, he was going to be _good_ at this. This was the real world, he’d always known it was out there for other people, and now he was finally going to have to accept it for himself. And to do that he was going to stop being such a whiny trust-fund child who’d always lived something of a charmed life, and he was going to work his ass off at this. Because they were paying him, and all it took was a reminder of what he wanted the money for and suddenly the day became that much simpler.

Nora, his manager, had reminded him of that when she’d apologetically told him that the toilet had flooded earlier that morning. “I try and keep remembering why I do this,” she confided. “For me, I’ve got a little pup at home that needs feeding. That’s why I do this.”

Cas had nodded and got to mopping the toilet floors with new vigour. He was doing this because they’d promised to start paying Sam and Ruby rent by the end of this month. He was doing this so that they could save for a place of their own, so that their pup would have a garden of its own to run around in. _Dean_ , he thought, _I’m staying in one place, I’m keeping this job for Dean. I’m doing this for Dean._

And that made the day pass much quicker. The thought of Dean not wanting him to leave the bed that morning… yes, that was a good memory. He had been forced to work hard to get Dean happily lying down after his unexpected exit from dinner, but it had been worth it in the end. Worth it to be able to hold Dean, comforting him, even if it still troubled him that he was still certain Dean hadn’t yet told him everything about his marriage, that Dean still might not be prepared to fate his old mate with everything he had. But Dean knew – had to know - that Cas was there to hear it whenever he wanted to tell it, and for now that would have to be enough. The last thing Cas wanted to do was push him.

After work, Cas had just turned on his phone to check for any messages when the Impala rolled up beside him, the window rolled down with Dean leaning out of the side of it, grinning as though nothing had ever troubled him.

“Need a ride, hotstuff?”

“Actually, I’ve been thinking that a walk would do me good…”

“Get your ass in this goddamn car, Cas.”

“Mmm. Hearing you take control, it’s good, I like it.”

“Awesome. Now get in the car.”

Smirking through his exhaustion, Cas walked around the car to the passenger seat.

“So how was your day at work, honey?” Dean asked, batting his eyelashes furiously.

“Wonderful. Well, it was dire, but apparently I get to keep the unform.”

Dean put out his bottom lip, considering. “Well. It would look almost alright if you’d undo a few more of those buttons for me.”

“Oh really?” Cas started to undo the first.

“Yeah, and, yeah you can just… yeah, keep going, yeah that’s right.”

Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s blushing cheek while his eyes were, for once, on the road. “I love you,” he said, softly.

Dean smiled and accelerated on the near-empty road. “I know.”

Cas cocked his head slightly and laid a hand on Dean’s lap, before moving it slowly between his legs.

“Hey. No – no… no distracting the driver.”

“Are you sure about that Dean?”

“I’m pretty damn sure that if you keep doing that then I will crash the car, and if you make me total my own car then I will throttle whatever remains of you.”

“Funny. I was sure I remember something about you being a capable driver…” But Cas removed his hand from Dean’s pants, which had begun to noticeably bulge.

“Great, and now I have to walk in for Sam and Ruby to see this.”

“We could always stay in the car and deal with that in our own time.”

Dean managed to scowl over the small smile threatening to break out over his face. “We’re not doing that, because Sam ordered out for pizza and I am not missing that, thank you very much.”

So they went home. Funny, Cas really was starting to think of Sam and Ruby’s as a home, or at least, more of one than he’d ever thought of anything else for a long time. But then he supposed that this only made sense when he’d spent so much of his life wandering around. Wandering as far as he could get from his family.

His _family…_

“It’s not a difficult question. I’d just like you to tell me when my son will return here.”

At the door Dean turned to Cas, having also heard the voice, and though he seemed to light up in half-remembered recognition at the sound of it, his mouth was still forming a wordless “ _Who the Hell is that?”_

And Cas couldn’t move for a second. But only a second, because he’d never liked waiting on bad things to happen. And it was his Mother in there talking to Ruby, not Godzilla.

“Mother,” he said as they entered the house together, Dean by his side looking both grim and like he’d like nothing better than being able to bolt in the opposite direction. And Naomi Novak turned to look at them with the air of an affronted queen. “There you are. Finally. To think I’d gone to all the trouble of trying to find you here and then have to wait on you. And what on Earth are you wearing?” Her face contorted in horror. “Is that, a _uniform_?”

Cas sighed, choosing to ignore that. “Mother, what was it you came here for exactly?” As he asked the question he was suddenly very aware of Ruby standing behind his mother, looking as though she wanted to beat her into the ground. Apparently having noticed the same thing, Sam put a calming hand down on his wife’s shoulder.

Naomi gasped slightly. “What did I come here for? I came here to tell you to come _home_ , Castiel! I came here to tell you to leave this whore alone before you tear this family apart all over again.”

Cas and Sam both stepped towards her at the same time, but Dean’s voice behind him stopped Cas from saying anything.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me? _Mom_?”

Cas drew in a breath as he turned to look back at Dean, who was smiling strangely at her.

“Oh, I have several things I could say to you-”

“Weird, I know, but I thought I remembered you _wanting_ me to give you grandkids. You really telling me this _isn’t_ what you’re wanting?”

She smiled fleetingly before gritting her teeth together at him. “I don’t know what you did to corrupt not one, but two of my children, but it ends now. Surely you care enough about your pup to want to see it grow up well?”

Dean took a step towards her. “What the Hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you are lucky enough to have a mate, a husband who still wants to take care of you, and who actually has the means to be able to. So make the sensible decision, before I have to watch Michael take another of my sons to court, again. I won’t stand for it.”

Cas blinked. “Again?”

“Ok, that’s enough of this circus show, fun as it’s been,” Ruby said dryly, stepping out from behind her mate. “All respect Ma’am, but I think your welcome’s already been outstayed.”

Cas couldn’t help finding some amusement in the obvious confusion his mother went through at having an omega talk back to her. Strange, considering she’d raised Gabriel, or, at least tried. “Excuse me, but I just flew out here in order to talk to my son-”

“And you’ve talked to him now. So that’s that done with. Mission accomplished, as they say.”

Sam was looking comically confused by the turn of events. “Ruby-”

But his wife put out a long finger his way, wordlessly ordering him to stop speaking. And then she whistled.

Max the Golden Retriever came running to her side in an instant, and seconds later was growling up at the unknown beta in front of him.

“So as I was saying,” Ruby continued, calmly, “I think you should be leaving.”

As Cas helped his Mother carry her bags out of the house, bumping into the pizza delivery man on their way out, it amused him slightly to hear Sam shouting at Ruby in some bemusement, “But he’s a fucking _retriever_ who doesn’t even know how to _sit_ most of the time – how the _hell_ did you manage that and _when_ have you been training that thing? Ruby? You’re teaching me how to do that? Right?”

*


	15. I Never Saw Downton Abbey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean fusses, Sam stresses and Cas makes a mistaken assumption

“Hey,” Benny told Dean as he walked by, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Nice work today. Didn’t think that woman was ever going to take her car and get going, but you proved me wrong in the end there, brother.”

Dean smiled as he slipped his jacket back on his shoulders. “S’alright. I’d be worried too. That’s a damn fine car she had there.”

“Mmm. Not my favourite model they ever brought out but… yeah. You driving your own off home now?”

“Huh, I wish.” Dean leant against Benny’s desk and stretched himself out. “Can’t drive her home yet – I gotta go…” He groaned and looked up at his boss with some amount of shame. “Cas’ got me booked into this fucking pregnancy class,” he muttered.

Benny’s smile was slow, mainly, Dean suspected, because he was trying not to laugh at him. “Dean, there ain’t nothing wrong with-”

“Fucking Hell, I know there ain’t nothing _wrong_ with itI’m just…” He screwed up his face slightly. “I’m not really into the whole touchy-feely…” Shuddering for effect, Dean sagged his shoulders. “Yeah. Thing.”

“Dean, c’mon. I went to along to some of that stuff when Andrea was pregnant with our first boy and honestly they seemed pretty good. It’s like healthy and all-”

“Well I’m betting you guys didn’t book yourselves in to the extra _early_ classes though, because I’m pretty sure that only massively paranoid dorks like-”

“Actually we did book ourselves in early.”

“Ohhhh…”

Benny laughed at him while walking around him to sit at his desk. “I’m joking, we didn’t. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you folks doing that for yourselves. Everyone’s different. And the social side of it is nice, it’s good meeting the other new parents in the area. Hell we still keep up with that nice couple – aw wait.” Benny frowned. “Dammit I even saw them at that barbeque last month…” He shrugged. “Anyway. You’ll probably end up liking it. What with the bump starting to show and all that you’ll probably be glad learning how to…” Benny waved his hand around slightly, “y’know, exercise it…”

“I guess. Is it really obvious now?” Dean cupped his hands around his bulging stomach. “I mean I _know_ it’s obvious, but…”

“Getting vain over it, huh?”

“I am definitely not the vain type… but look, I can’t even fit my batman belt on my jeans anymore - it fucking _sucks,_ dude!”

“You really trying to tell me that’s your biggest irritation right now?”

Dean scowled and got up off the desk. “Yeah, well. Least Cas doesn’t seem to care how I look.”

No, he certainly didn’t, Dean thought, smiling. You’d think a baby-bump was some sorta turn on for the guy the way he kept his hands glued to Dean’s belly all the time. They’d taken to holding whole long conversations like that, whether lying in bed or standing around the kitchen, with Cas’ arms around him, his chin resting in the nook of Dean’s shoulder. It was really weirdly comforting, and made Dean far more likely to talk to him about whatever it was he was trying to bring up. Or, more likely to make Dean feel guilty if he still wasn’t.

For instance, the Michael thing. Cas was certainly still expecting more answers there and yeah, he was still being nice, and more patient about it than Dean had any right for him to be, and it wasn’t that he was pushing… but yeah, he was kinda pushing. Dean had still barely spoken to Charlie about the whole thing (although he had taken the phone off of Sam to talk to her after he’d found out about Community getting the sixth season) and it was getting to Cas that Dean wouldn’t open up even for something as important as this – of finally getting away from Michael. And keeping their pup away from him.

But despite what they all assumed, Dean had almost nothing to tell, nothing he hadn’t already said, nothing useful. But the longer he went on not saying anything about it, the more they all thought he was trying to hide something serious. And Dean knew it hurt his mate, to think Dean didn’t trust him with whatever it was. It was hard though. Much as he loved Cas, and he was happy saying that out loud now, about shouting that out loud in the street if he had to, it was always kinda there at the back of his head, that Cas wasn’t the only one. That he had another mate out there that to some extent he, well, _owed_ something to.

But Michael ultimately wasn’t the one who’d talked him into this early ante-natal class, it was Cas. Cas, who’d be picking him up any minute, who was ploughing on with this job he hated as he kept looking for something better so they could save for a place of their own – because much as living with Sam was great, the close quarters were kinda starting to wear on all of them.

“I’m taking from that…” Benny trailed off awkwardly.

“What?”

“I’m sorry brother, never meant to pry. But I’m taking from that that your ex woulda minded about how you look a bit more.”

Dean held his stare a moment. Great, now even his boss was starting in at him. “Yeah, he probably would have.”

“Have you heard from him at all since he found out about… y’know, his brother?”

“Not a word.” And it was seriously starting to eat at Dean, the silence. It was unnerving. But then that was Michael’s way, wasn’t it? He’d never really liked tackling things head on, and silence from him was a sure declaration of war.

“And this divorce you’re working on… I take it you’re going for a full-on at-fault one?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Not you too. Nah, neither of us were the ideal husband, I guess. So as long as I can just get on out easy that’s all I’m needing. So one of those collabratory-”

“Collaborative?”

“Yeah. That one. Which,” Dean shook his head irritably, “would involve a conversation with him, I suppose.”

“It’s generally expected to be involved, yeah. So the rest of their family kicked up any more of a fuss?”

Dean grinned. “Nah. Not since Ruby got rid of the old witch for us. Cas was a little torn up about that one. I guess she is his _Mom,_ she’s just, you know, going about it all wrong.”

“And I’m guessing you should quit keeping your alpha waiting. Didn’t you say he was supposed to be picking you up in five minutes a good uh, ten minutes ago?”

Dean checked his watch quickly. “Shit. Yeah. Great. Pregnancy yoga time.”

*

Charlie came visiting Sam in his office this time. “Mr-Never-Picks-Up-His-Phone,” she chided as she threw her arms up around his neck after he’d stood up from his desk.

“Sorry Charlie, I was in another-”

“Meeting, yeah, I get it.”

She sat herself down in front of him and scowled half-heartedly. She’d never found it easy to stay mad at him. “So. I took a late lunch for this since I figured we needed a chat. A proper one this time.”

“Right,” Sam agreed, heart sinking deeper down in his chest. “Course. You mean about Dean.”

“Well, yeah.” She started dragging a heavy, imposing looking black folder out of her backpack. “So I filed for your run-of-the-mill Cali, get-outta-there-quick divorce, right?”

“Right.”

“But obviously – You’re office is super boring, you know that, right?”

“What?” Sam looked around. He had a nice framed photo of him and Ruby at their wedding, and a recent snap blutaked to his computer of Davey with his pudgy arms wound around the dog’s neck. Another one of Dean and his Dad standing next to him at his graduation. “Yeah, sure, compared with _yours_ maybe...”

“Right, right, sorry, back on point. _Obviously_ you can’t get one of those quickies if you’re pregnant. And the normal way out takes six months to finalise. By which time the pup’ll be born and we’ll have the whole other issue of the ex-mate’s name on the birth certificate.” She drew in a frustrated breath. “Which is _obviously_ opening up a whole other can of tribbles if he really is going ahead with the crazy grabbing for custody shit… But on the upside I got Dean’s name back to Winchester, so hey there’s that…”

Sam took her wildly gesticulating hands and settled them in her lap. “Charlie. Hey. It’s just another case. And you’re doing… brilliant, so far, ok?” He smiled at her, receiving a tired eye-roll in response. “I knew what the laws were, Charlie, I was just trying not to think about it. And Dean, Cas, they… well they kinda knew…” Well, Sam hadn’t exactly been clearing things up for his brother, yet. But it had seemed important not to worry them, and especially not Dean. Dean was already stressing himself out over enough as it was, and Sam was trying to do his best to persuade him to see someone about the recurring depression Dean swore to him had ‘gone for good’…

“I’ll talk to them both tonight,” Sam assured Charlie hurriedly, at the unimpressed look on her face.

She sighed heavily. “Not to get at your hopefully future brother-in-law? But this could have all worked out a load smoother if he hadn’t told his whole family about the pregnancy. We coulda got through this without anyone knowing and we’d have been outta there like that,” she groaned, as she pouted and snapped her fingers.

“Huh, yeah.” Sam put a hand back through his hair, leaning back in his chair. “Only one who doesn’t know about the whole thing is Dad.” He laughed awkwardly. “And he is not gonna like any of this…”

Charlie coughed. “He doesn’t know about the pup?”

“Dean said he’d tell him when he asked.”

“About…?”

Sam shrugged. “Any of it, I guess. Some sign that he cares about what’s going on with any of us.”

Charlie patted the hand he’d given her comfortingly. “Not always the best there ever was for parenting I guess, huh?”

Sam pursed his lips together, slipping his hand away from hers. “Not exactly.”

“Dean more of the parent for you?”

Sam opened his mouth to agree, but found he couldn’t quite manage it. “Huh, well… He was always there for me, mostly. But more as a brother, though I think with the shitty guide of Dad he was following and all the extra responsibilities he tried taking on that he… well that he thought he was parenting.”

Charlie cocked her head, smiling slightly to show that she was listening, waiting.                Sam tried to laugh, to laugh off what he’d just said, but it came out sounding false, and hollow. “I just mean that I think he looks back and remembers all the times he tried to cook me breakfast, or managed to make it along to my soccer games at school, and not so much the other parts, where it wasn’t just Dad I had to look after when he’d passed out, drunk, but Dean, too. Or when he’d get bored and get moody if I wouldn’t go to the arcade with him when I needed to study, or when he’d drop at that… that ridiculous clown emporium place,” Sam shuddered a little, “just so he could go get off with someone he’d met at school.”

“So he was always more of a brother with too much to think on than a mom or a dad.”

Sam sagged in his chair. “Well… yeah. More that it worries me when he talks about it.”

“How come?” Charlie frowned. “You think he’s still not up to parenting twenty years on?”

Sam waved her concern away with a hand and a smile. “Naw. Dean’s gonna be an amazing Dad. He really does love kids – Hell even if I hadn’t been watching him with Davey the last few months I’d have known he’d be fine. It’s more…”

“What?”

“That Dean’s always been really good about not remembering what he doesn’t want to. That’s the only reason he makes himself any good at lying. He honestly just… he makes himself believe something, and he’ll stick with it.”

Charlie sucked in a short breath and narrowed her eyes at him. “So are you saying I should be pressing for an at-fault divorce here, Sam?”

“Well until we know what Dean’s trying to hide from himself we haven’t really got a thing to go on… and that’s _if_ he’s hiding something…”

Sam was cut off from thinking through what he wanted to say by the phone ringing. He scowled, and held up a finger Charlie’s way. “One second,” he told her, reaching for the phone.

“Winchester and Gallagher, Defence Attorneys, how can I help?”

“Sam. You know what I said about Bonnie and Clyde sticking around as long as they like?”

“Uh,” Sam stuttered, eyes flicking to Charlie who had stretched her mouth wide in mock distress. They both knew the sound of his wife’s angry tone. “Yeah?”

“Well I didn’t know that included entertaining all of Castiel’s crazy horde of whakko relatives!”

“Wait, wait, slow down, you’re saying there’s _more_ showed up?”

“Yes,” she hissed. “And I swear, another ten minutes without anyone else here as a buffer I swear I will set the dog on this one Sam, I mean it!”

Charlie nodded at him. “I think she means it, Sam.”

 “Thanks.”

*

Cas found himself walking on eggshells on the whole drive up to the pregnancy class. Dean wasn’t happy about the whole thing, he knew that, so he’d wordlessly got out of the car as soon as Dean came out of work – late – to meet him, and had let Dean drive. It had seemed safest that way.

But as it turned out, Dean didn’t mind the actual class all that much. In fact he even got Cas to ask a question, and ended up laughing at one of the omega teacher’s bad jokes. His name was Ash, and though Cas had been a little unsure of him at first and how he matched up with the long string of qualifications he’d seen attached to his name, _Dean_ enjoyed his teaching style, which as yet didn’t involve any yoga. “But if you’re looking for that kinda thing,” he told them as the class was ending, “for now you should try taking a look at some of the internet videos out there for it. I hear there’s a cool one on Netflix right now.”

“Hey,” Dean grinned, nudging Cas as they started to file out. “We can hijack Sam’s account for it again.”

“I really don’t think he appreciates the amount of liberties we’ve taken in concerns to Netflix,  Dean…”

“Nah, he won’t mind. It’s healthy and all that. If he’s gonna keep on trying to make me take vitamins, he can put up with getting recommended some more pregnancy movies. Is that a thing now? Pregnancy movies…?”

“You’re certainly in a better mood now,” Cas noted drily as they got into the car.

“I guess I just figured there’s not all that much to worry about, so long as we can leave the whole divorce shit to the lawyers. We’re in the clear now, alpha.” He started humming Metallica to himself as he turned on his phone, putting up no resistance to Cas driving his baby.

Cas smiled, trying to stop himself worrying. Dean hadn’t been acting like he thought they were alright, these last few weeks. He’d been agitated, and snipping at everyone. No, Cas thought to himself as he stared at the road. His Mother’s fleeting visit hadn’t helped Dean feel any better about the approaching  - still only potential - court case. It hadn’t helped Cas either. She’d spoken so strangely about the whole thing, like it was inevitable Michael would somehow get his way…

“What the hell, Sammy,” Dean muttered to himself, putting his mobile to his ear. “ _Five_ missed calls,” he told Cas, as though he was expecting an answer for his brother’s behaviour.

“Heya, Sam, what’s your issue? Set the cooker on fire again? Remember dude, you own a _gas oven._ That means-” He frowned as Sam shouted something Cas couldn’t here, although he presumed it was something of a variation on ‘Shut up’. “Wait, who’s there?” Dean looked slowly back towards Cas. “So, translating your garbage, more of Cas’ family showed up, but it’s not Michael and it’s not their mother, right, gotcha. Well we’re on our way back anyway now, stop freaking out! Be there in five, alright?”

Cas leaned back in the car seat, scowling as his mind went through somersaults. It had to be his Father. His ageing veteran army general alpha father, who’d barely been off a golf course in fifteen years and had a serious heart murmur, along with a load of other complaints that were likely to claim his life in the next five years. Here in California.

It must have been his Mother, Cas thought. After giving up on trying to talk with him herself, she’d sent her all but estranged spouse to deal with him. It had always worked like that when they were pups. Anna would break a window in a game with Cas, and they’d be told off by Naomi, but then she would send them into their father’s office, and they’d be having to hold one another’s hands for support before walking in there. And Cas felt like that now, decades on. Like a scolded child, with a strange desperation to please mixed in with a small amount of pride that this particular misdeed had been enough to gain his Father’s momentary attention. And Christ, Cas had sounded brave on the phone, but he needed to sound even better now – a moment’s hesitation might just about break Dean’s heart. Dean, he thought to himself, looking over at his mate as he drove and repeating the name like a mantra. He was going to be strong for Dean.

Never mind that this state-crossing trip along with the stress of an argument might just be enough to give his father a heart attack…

“Who’d you think it is then?” Dean asked, keeping his voice light. But Cas knew that he could smell the anxiety off of him. Because that had got more refined too, since their mating, that ability to pinpoint, to match smells to the exact emotion the other was feeling. They’d come a long way from when Cas had first smelt him, crouched in the back of the Impala, and only been able to pick up on the scent of distressed omega several blocks from Michael’s house…

“I have no idea,” Cas lied.

Ruby was sitting out on the lawn scratching the dog when they pulled up outside the house. “I couldn’t take another moment in there,” she managed, through her teeth. “How you managed to live with a man like that…” She shuddered, and tried to flop back against the dog, who was attempting to escape in order to greet Dean, slavering.

“I imagine he’s been more than infuriating,” Cas agreed, frowning, though feeling a little afraid. What had put his father in such a bad mood that he wouldn’t be trying to charm a beautiful woman? Although maybe, he reminded himself, that was Ruby’s problem. She didn’t seem to be the to be easily bamboozled by sleazy chivalry.

“You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to,” Cas told Dean, who shrugged.

“I’m in there if you want me there. It’s your Dad, right?”

“I think so.”

“Right. The megadick.” Dean mimed rolling up his sleeves threateningly. “Let’s go do this. Round two.”

“Thank you,” Cas told him softly as they opened the door and went inside, hearing the sounds of Sam, clinking at the drinks cupboard while someone chattered on to him.

“… and I mean I told the dancing tiger lady that we really would need to see some references or _something_ but then she gets down on her knees – and – and I really kid you not here, she-

The man on the couch with the flopping light brown hair flicking down dangerously near his eyes broke out into a wide smile and stood up when he saw Cas and Dean walk into the room. Then he threw his arms wide. “Cas! Come in to me bro.”

“That,” Dean stuttered, obviously taking in the unexpected sight of the short, tanned omega in front of him and being more than a little taken aback. “That’s not your Dad.”

“No,” Cas told him, smiling as he gave his brother a hug. “Dean, this is my brother, Gabriel.”

*

After an hour or so spent in the company of Cas’ older, and Michael’s younger brother, Dean was quite happy to agree with Ruby – the guy was infuriating. But the memory of the stay in his Vegas hotel room was keeping Dean withholding a begrudging gratitude for him, and he had to admit that there was a level of charm the other omega had that was hard not to smile for, however annoying it was. But the little comments about how Dean was starting to show didn’t feel cute off this guy, it just made Dean want to deck him.

“Yeah, I guess it’s nice being back home,” Gabriel told them lightly, as he sat back in his suit and sipped on the whiskey Sam had given him, a variety he’d had to spend several minutes taunting before he’d actually started drinking the damn thing. “Haven’t been in the country since before…” he made a face and pointed over at Dean. “His wedding, maybe?”

“No one ever said why you couldn’t make that,” Dean deadpanned, trying to keep any curiousity from his face. Cas gave him a slightly concerned look. Dammit, Dean really didn’t want to spoil his buzz at seeing his brother, he knew what it was like not to see someone for that long a time… But he’d been in such a good mood like, two minutes ago, and now it was all spoiled because he had to start thinking of the divorce again because why the fuck else would this guy have turned up out of nowhere to say hi?

Gabriel raised his eyebrows, looking amused. Behind him, in his armchair, Dean saw Sam put his head in his hand and start rubbing his temples. “Well to be frank, sweetcheeks, I was at that point quite happy never to see the majority of the family ever again. Especially Michael. And of course I didn’t know you then, hadn’t seen a picture even - _although_ I changed that recently, thanks to the snaps the hotel sent me along… Don’t worry,” he added, rolling his eyes. “Voyeurism’s not my thing, I only saw the decent photos. Promise.”

Cas and Dean exchanged a verging on murderous look while Sam snorted into his own drink and continued to keep himself out of the conversation. Hell, Dean would kill to be able to drink right now.

“When you say especially Michael…” Cas started, looking back at his brother, “what exactly are you talking about, Gabriel?”

Gabriel’s mouth twitched into another smile, though this one lacked the bright enthusiasm of the others he’d been giving them. “And that’s why I’m here. ‘Cause I know you and Anna never knew a thing about the whole mess – you were too busy off being crazy college kids. And I figure it might be useful for you right about now.”

Dean almost reminded him that he could have managed that just as easily over the phone, but he kept quiet. Michael had never talked much about his siblings, bar Anna, and occasionally Cas. Dean had always been aware that Lucifer was doing time for some sort of fraud, and that Gabriel was off travelling, but making a lot more money, and coming home a lot less than Cas. He’d got the impression there’d been more to it – Michael was, after all, the older brother type who loved bragging about his family’s achievements – sorta like Dean, come to think on it. But those two brothers had never really got brought into any conversations, and the people in Michael’s circle had always seemed to understand and respect that. So it never got talked about, and Dean had learned not to ask.

“Your Mom,” Dean said out loud as he remembered, “She said something about this not exactly being the first time Michael had kinda turned on his family.”

Gabriel looked delighted. “She did? My, wonders do never cease. I’ve yet to hear her mention anything about any of it.”

“Any of _what_?” Cas and Sam asked at the same time. As Dean had noticed before, they tended to have a similar amount of patience to run through before they both snapped.

Gabriel waved a hand and put his empty glass down. “Nah, I’ll talk to you about that later. Not really in the mood right now – _far_ too jetlagged, and I’m telling you, standards for first class seating are dropping _dramatically_ lately. How about you come out to dinner with me tomorrow and we’ll talk it over then?”

Dean had a feeling from the almost-glance Gabriel was stealing at Sam that his reluctance to talk about whatever the hell he’d flown all that way to say had more to do with not wanting to say it in front of Sam. Family loyalty not quite so dead as he claimed then, Dean noted.

“You’re welcome to stay here-”

“I’ll be staying at my hotel, thanks anyway moose-man.”

Dean almost laughed to see Sam’s face move so quickly from relief to puzzled offense.

“Gabriel,” Cas tried, standing up at the same time as his brother. “You don’t have to leave now…”

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow, for a free dinner on me at my hotel in SanFran. You know where it is right? And that reminds me, did Anna say something about you still looking for a better job?”

Cas looked over at Dean again, almost for confirmation, agreement. “Yes, he is,” Dean answered for him.

“Huh,” Gabriel said thoughtfully, donning his designer jacket again. “Might be able to hook you up with something a little smarter in that case.”

“There’s really no need…”

“Your mate said for you, and I’m guessing his is the more honest of the answers here. Nice bite by the way,” Gabriel added, flicking a finger up at Cas’ neck, catching Dean’s eye.

“So,” Dean said, as he made himself the last to finally get up out of his seat, “Free dinner, huh?”

Gabriel took the hand Dean was offering him. “Yeah. In this case I figure I might just owe you one.”

Which would have been fine if Dean had thought he’d been addressing Dean and Cas together. But no. This one was definitely aimed at Dean only.

He met Gabriel’s eyes uneasily. “Uh huh?”

“Let’s just say I mighta known something of how my brother thinks on omegas a while before your marriage.” Patting Dean on the shoulder as he left the room, Gabriel said goodbye to his brother and thanked Sam in a ridiculously pompous voice. And Dean continued to stand there, staring at the back wall, until Ruby and the dog came back in the house, Ruby collapsing on the couch and pushed one of their cushions into her face. “No more relatives,” they heard her say through the muffling of the material.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY this is late again – birthday things got in the way, along with research times... Seriously, what is with the misogyny of the US custody system? It is all verrrry difficult to make heads or tails of...   
> And again, sorry if my grammar etc is entirely fucked up – there is absolutely zero excuse for it to be thus, but I am not such a great typer and I tend to skim read everything, including the writing I’m trying to proofread. So hey if anyone fancies giving beta reading a shot gimme a shout on tumblr (sweetsummerchildofmine - or captainangua works there too).


	16. Ten Years Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel has old news, Sam has fresh news, and oils to prevent against stretch marks are found to be useful.

As they waited to be brought along to their table for dinner, Dean gave up on looking around the room in irritable disgust and sighed loudly for the sixth time since they’d started standing there. “I mean you know I’m always down for a free meal, but a free _fancy_ meal?” He gave Cas that wide eyed get-me-out-of-here look again. “I mean c’mon, Sam’s suit doesn’t even fit me, I look like a fucking penguin.”

“Well you make a very attractive penguin.”

Dean humphed and shifted his shoulders inside his suit, which was too tall for him and now also too tight around the waist. He’d had to widen out the pants of it himself at home before they’d left to get it to fit him at all, and though Cas would never admit it to Dean, it did look a little strange. He knew that Dean hated being back in a smart suit because it reminded him far too much of all the dinner parties he’d ever attended with Michael, keeping himself quiet, and well-groomed. And it wasn’t going to help his mood at all, knowing that Michael would be the primary topic of their conversation over dinner. Well, at least Dean would enjoy the free meal, Cas thought, smiling to himself as he looked over at his mate. Recently Dean’s face hadn’t exactly widened, but it had seemed to soften slightly at the edges. There was certainly nothing of the sharp edges to his jawline that had been so prevalent when Cas had first met him, that had helped make the omega look so fierce. His fierce, crazy kidnapper.

Cas frowned as his eyes drifted back into the white-table-clothed restaurant, waiting. It was easier to try and think of Dean instead of tying himself in knots over whatever it was his brother wanted to talk to them about. Gabriel had quite happily not returned to America in the better part of a decade, and whatever it was that had brought him back had to be huge. Maybe even part of the reason he’d never been back. Whatever it was, Cas thought to himself, as a waiter - who really did resemble a penguin - came to lead them through the restaurant, he wasn’t all that sure he really wanted to know.

He’d been just as bad as Gabriel almost for acting as though his family didn’t matter to him, and in many ways they really didn’t. He’d visited Lucifer only once since he’d been incarcerated, he spent half his time avoiding his mother, and he’d been fairly easily stolen away by Michael’s mate. Apart from the occasional one-off pieces of contact with Gabriel, Anna was basically the only one of his family he ever kept in contact with. But… well, it had always felt good knowing that however far away he went, whatever scandal he committed or off-the-wall opinion he held that his family would always be… there. In the background, waiting for him to come home, to see sense, to remind him of the rules so that he’d be able to go out and break them. Strange as it was to think, considering how little time he ever spent with most of them, but his family had been in so many ways the bedrock Cas had built his whole life around, or at least bounced off, like the wall in a squash court. So he wasn’t sure he wanted to listen to his brother now, however happy he was to see him.

As they followed the waiter through the maze of tables, Dean leaned forward to hiss in Cas’ ear. “Dude, more than one kinda knife on the tables. I don’t like it.”

“No one likes it. Dinner parties are competitions to see who can effectively manage to pretend that they do.”

“Huh. That… actually helps.”

“You’re welcome.”

Gabriel looked different, Cas reflected as he caught sight of him at last, lounging back in his chair like he owned the place – except, well, he _did_ own the place, at least partially, so Cas supposed that was probably alright. He had his hair styled very differently than he had at twenty-eight, the last time Cas had seen him in the flesh. He looked more… grown into himself, happy in his own skin.

He didn’t stand to greet them before they sat down, just smiled up at them in that infuriating way of his. Cas liked to see it though. It was rare to see any omega ever assume such a position of power in a room, and Cas was proud that his older brother managed it with such apparent ease. “Gents, pick your seats. I got us some of the house red for the table.”

Dean eyed him suspiciously as he threw his dinner jacket around the back of his seat. “ _Wine_?”

“Yes wine.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “I know what’s good in here, alright? Gimme the benefit of the doubt here – after all, we’re supposed to be _family_ , whichever way you look at it.”

Dean rolled his eyes and called back to the retreating waiter. “Get us a coke as well, alright?”

Comprehension dawned for Gabriel. “Aww yeah.” He clicked his fingers together. “Right. Growing pup not to poison. Got it. Well, _you’ll_ like it Cassie, I can guarantee that.”

Cas smiled, deciding not to remind his brother that he’d never liked red wine of any variety. “Have you been recovering well from your jetlag, Gabriel?”

“Oh hell yeah. First class flying makes everything easier. Especially with hostesses as _fine_ as on that flight out.”

“Oh really?”

“Oh you bet. Those tight little uniforms…”

 Gabriel was more than happy talking about the flight and his work overseas until the drinks arrived and they’d ordered their food, which was unsurprising really – Gabriel was always happy to talk. What was more unusual was that Cas actually wanted to listen, wanted to ask about his life – usually he couldn’t stand that sort of small talk. But Gabriel had always been the favourite of his older brothers, and Cas found himself settling back into an almost childlike routine of finding out what his braver, crazier brother had been doing while he’d been away from home. But Cas was also painfully aware that Dean wasn’t quite having such a good time, just waiting for the real topic of conversation to arise while fiddling with his small decorative starter with his fork. So it was for his mate’s sake that Cas eventually reminded his brother, “But you didn’t fly halfway around the world to take us out to dinner.”

Gabriel put a forkful of his own his own food in his mouth and chewed slowly, eyes bright but cold, as though he was trying his utmost to seem like he was enjoying himself. “I dunno. Thought I might fly out and see if Anna wanted to get lunch. And ‘sides. Had to check this bearer of your child here is good enough for you. ”

“Gabriel-”

“And I wanted to offer you a job. They want a new manager in at reception here, and I said you’d be perfect for it Cassie. It’s good pay.”

“Gabriel, I know next to nothing about…”

His brother waved a dismissive hand at him and blew a raspberry over his words. “You’ll be fine. All you need to do is strut around in a suit and sound like you know what you’re doing. Any gorilla could do it.”

“Hey,” Dean growled, leaning forwards in his chair, his desire to get Cas a better job apparently outweighed by his affront at hearing his mate insulted.

Gabriel looked infinitely amused. “I like it. Michael picked a trophy omega with bite. Idiot,” he said smiling as he popped the last of his tomatoes into his mouth and bit down on it.

Dean looked back over at Cas, ignoring Gabriel. “Is this guy ever getting to the goddamn point?”

Gabriel meanwhile only smiled wider as he picked up his wine glass – a wine Cas was, admittedly, enjoying – and swilled it around to take another long sip. “Oh, someone’s hormones has them somewhat tetchy…”

“Gabriel, please,” Cas tried. “It’s wonderful to see you in person, it is, but it’s difficult for either me or Dean to think on anything else but what you’re not telling us.”

“You don’t even wanna wait until the main course arrives?”

“Nope,” Dean intoned, sitting back again.

Gabriel shoved his plate into the middle of the table, and crossed his arms over the space he’d created. “Huh, impatient much. Alright, alright, I wanted to talk about Michael, the big divorce, the family drama, yada yada. Big surprise, I know.”

“Well with Michael? I lived with him for six years. So what the hell don’t I know?”

“And what don’t I know?” Cas asked, echoing his mate in a quieter tone.

Gabriel flicked his eyes between them both, eyebrows still raised, until, abruptly, they dropped, and he frowned irritably. “Fuck you both, I was supposed to be in Singapore tonight. And I’ve never been there before.” He sighed heavily. “Right. Michael. Well, you already know he’s a ginormous knotface with a permanent chainsaw stuck up his ass, right? But you also get the fact that for him, family’s important. Family’s _everything._ And him and Lucifer were always the same like that, they were just totally different people, so they didn’t think about it the same way.”

Dean snorted. “You talk about him like he’s dead – Lucifer, I mean.”

“Well, to the parents he is, and to Lucifer, that’s basically the same thing. Can’t stand being the family shame when all he ever wanted to do was make Dad proud…”

Dean frowned and looked back over at Cas. “So what’s he even in for again? Money, wasn’t it?”

“Money laundering, yes,” Cas confirmed, nodding at Gabriel. “Along with several other counts of fraud.”

Dean whistled. “He make much out of it?”

Gabriel shrugged, smiling slyly. “Well, yeah. And in that sense it’s probably good for him that he ended up where he did – for now. I mean, I’ve invested that money so much smarter than he ever would have done, and his chunk of that’s waiting for him when it gets out.”

Cas’ brows shot up. “You took the money for – and, wait, you _were involved_?”

Gabriel laughed. “Are you kidding me? I was way too much of a lazy ass back then for that. But I knew. Course I knew. The big idiot told me everything. More important, Michael knew.”

Cas spluttered into his drink at the thought that his sainted oldest brother kept something like that a secret while at the same time Dean said, “Michael turned him in, didn’t he?"

Cas hadn’t thought that far ahead.

Gabriel nodded and pointed an approving finger at Dean. “And the first point goes to Player 1 over here. Yeah,” he said as the waiter arrived to take their empty plates away from them. “Michael turned him in, but that was my fault.”

“It was Lucifer’s own fault…” Cas started.

“I know _that_. Dumb hothead. But the reason he got caught for it? That’s on me, and Michael.”

“So what happened?” Dean asked, face expressionless.

Gabriel sighed. “Well. It started with me, when I was about… sixteen? Yeah, think it was about then. Remember Dad always used to have those great big fancy business parties?”

Cas nodded. “Me and Anna used to be kept up all night by the sound of them.”

“Yeah, you guys were too young to get in, right? But I was, after I turned sixteen. And it was a lot more boring than I’d been hoping. Luci couldn’t make it to that one, so I was stuck with Michael for company. And he was trying to play the young bright company scion and was having serious business chats with all the old folks. So I was basically on my own for that one. Which, is, you know, intimidating for the little hellraiser slut I was back then. So I went for the only avenue open to me and claimed the punch bowl as my own and got absolutely smashed off my face. Which was fun, y’know, getting drunk off of your parents’ expensive booze, but in hindsight it wasn’t such a great plan.”

“So what happened, Gabe?” Dean asked, voice low, like he already knew the answer.

Gabriel flopped flamboyantly back into his chair. “There was this _guy._ An alpha. And he was this alright looking business partner of Dad’s, Michael had been trying to pal up with him all night, so it was great when he started getting me drinks instead of talking to Michael, which was great. Anything to piss off the big brother. But then he starts getting flirty with it – I mean I was basically too gone to notice but he was all over me and I was like, hey this could be fun. I know how to work this.” There was something bitter now at the edge of his tone now when he spoke, Cas noticed.

“So yeah, that was fun, and when he wanted to try and find a bedroom, hell, I went for it.”

“You were underage, and he got you drunk. Gabriel-”

Cas almost had to back away at the glare his brother gave him. “I was already drunk. But I basically knew what I was doing.”

“Gabriel-”

“Leave it alone Cassie. It was almost twenty years ago now, and I wasn’t _raped._ Ok?”

Dean subtly caught Cas’ eye across the table and nodded slightly for Cas to leave it. Cas obediently breathed in and said nothing. If it was what Gabriel needed, then he would respect it. “Ok,” Cas managed, slowly.

Gabriel bit down quickly on his lip before continuing. “Course I thought that’d be the end of it, that nobody’d ever need to know. But as it turned out, couple months later and it was Michael who noticed when my scent started to change. Got the whole story outta me pretty easy after that, and, well, we agreed pretty easy we wouldn’t be telling anyone else.” Gabriel shut his eyes for brief moment. “It’s funny. I’d never been that close to Michael, but I trusted him when he got me into the car and said he would sort everything. Funny thing was, he wasn’t that angry. Actually he wasn’t even a little bit angry. Cause he didn’t really blame me for it, even though it was ‘jeopardising the entire company’s future with my scandalous behaviour’ or whatever, because in the end, I was just an omega slut incapable of making real decisions. It was my biology, and not really my fault.”

“You were pregnant,” Dean murmured.

“And in the space of a few hours after finding out, it was aborted, thanks to Michael. He didn’t ask me if that’s what I wanted, he just put as the only option and yeah, I took it.” Gabriel smiled strangely. “Wasn’t out of concern for _me_ , y’know, just didn’t want to see the company ruined, and the parents’ hearts broken – you get it.”

Cas leant forward. Hell, he’d been fourteen at the time, he’d had no idea. “And no one ever knew?”

Gabriel shook his head. “No one. _Until._ About ten years after it, I was out drinking with Lucifer. And I’d had a little too much and got maudlin.” He smiled sadly, and rolled his eyes half-heartedly. “The idiot’s not even two years older than me but man if he hasn’t always got stupid protective over me. It’s the omega thing, I know.”

“What did he do?”

“Well, first he went and nearly killed that business partner, which, admittedly was oddly satisfying, especially when the dude never reported it after. But then,” Gabriel continued, sighing, “he moved on to Michael.”

“Did he try killing him too?”                                                                                                    

“Nah. See, thing to remember, kid, is that the two of them had always been two peas in a pod. Bestest friends, but soooo very different in how they saw things. Luci just couldn’t understand how Michael had dealt with things all those years ago, and Michael didn’t get why it made Lucifer mad enough to try beat him up. So he gave up trying to understand and called in the cops on Lucifer’s money scam – got the whole issue neatly out the way. So I left the country before he tried to think on how he was gonna get back at me – or, worse, tell me it wasn’t really my fault, seen as I wasn’t capable enough to make my own choices on things. You know what I’m talking about,” he said, smirking at Dean, who’d started flinching not quite imperceptivity enough whenever Michael’s name got mentioned. He nodded tersely back at Gabriel. “So now you’ve come back, stopped running. Why?”

“Excuse me, did I say I’d stopped running? I came here to give you guys some advice – that Michael’s more than happy to turn on his own. And that if he put old Luci in jail just for that, think what he’ll be like to you Cas.”

“But we knew that he… wouldn’t be happy.”

“But my honest advice if that he really does wanna fight for custody for this pup – bolt it to Canada.” Dean raised an eyebrow sceptically as Gabriel continued. “Got a much better bet of everything going smoothly there.”

“Funny, but I wasn’t planning on running from my problems all my life, unlike some,” Dean told him firmly.

Gabriel sourly started tucking his napkin into his shirt. “Ok, cool. Then be brave - stay here and get fried by his crazy lawyer. But you’d be working best if you had something on Michael to spill to the court. Now, considering he doesn’t think omegas can even make decisions for themselves, I’m guessing you probably have something good in there, after what was it, _six_ years of marriage?” Gabriel whistled. “Long time to put off making a stand, wouldn’t you say?”

“Gabriel, that’s enough,” Cas growled, his eyes flicking with concern to Dean.

“And you’ve still not talked to your new mate about it?” Gabriel raised his brows mockingly. “It’s not healthy keeping things bottled up Dean-O…”

Without any warning, Dean stood up and started making his way out of the restaurant, with his very awkward gait thanks to the strained suit and his bowlegs keeping him dangerously near the other guests at their tables.

As Cas made to stand, he felt his brother tug on his sleeve. “Hey, Cas, I’m… I’m sorry. You know I’m not good with… y’know. I didn’t mean to…”

“I know,” Cas told him, sighing, as he watched Dean get further away from him.

“But I meant it about the job – seriously, you’d be good for it. And it’d get you out of that shite work you’re in now. Just until you find something better. Because I know if I offered you a handout you wouldn’t take it. You always were funny like that.”

“You’ll be in town a while?”

Gabriel sighed. “As long as you need me here, I guess.”

“Ok then,” Cas said, as Gabriel stood and he embraced him quickly. “Now I need to go and find my mate.”

“Right. And I’ll just eat all the main courses,” Gabriel told him as he sat down again, looking very alone at the table in a way he hadn’t before Dean and Cas had sat down beside him earlier.

*

Cas was a good ten minutes in finding Dean outside, sitting on the hood of the Impala, looking up at the stars. You’d have thought he’d have learnt by now that the car was always where Dean would come to get away from something, but then, Dean remembered, the guy had only known him a handful of months, mate or no. And some things took time.

More than ever, Dean just wanted Cas to come over and get into the car and they could just… drive. Just keep on driving like they had in the start. Maybe Canada, Hell, why not? Because much as he’d tried to make it sound as though he’d stopped running, it still felt as though he was an animal that had been running too long for that – that even now, as he rested, he was ready to spring if anything at all startled him.

“Dean,” he heard Cas say as he got closer, relief heavy in his voice.

“Nah, its Columbo and I want my goddamn coat back.”

Cas put on his hand on the car next to Dean’s hand – reached for it, but Dean pulled it away. He didn’t feel like being touched right now.

“Dean…”

“I’ll drive.”

In the dark he could hear Cas sigh. “Ok.”

“And your brother’s kinda a douchebag.”

“I know, and so does he. I’m sorry that he upset you.”

“Didn’t _upset_ me,” Dean corrected as he climbed down from his perch and opened up the door to the driver’s seat. “Just didn’t really want to spend any more time around the guy. I’m pregnant, I’m allowed a mood swing or two.”

“I still don’t get why he flew out here all for a nice sense of catharsis or whatever,” Dean remarked again when they were half way back to Sam’s.

“Neither do I, really. Likely he’ll visit Lucifer in jail again before he leaves.”

“Huh. You gonna take that job?”

There was quiet for a moment. “Do you think I should?”

Dean shrugged, trying not to melt for the thoughtfulness of the question. “Its money, ain’t it?”

Cas ended up getting whisked away on an introductory shift that Saturday, while Dean stayed at home with Sam and Davey. He’d considered taking an extra shift with Benny, but thought that he could use the free time to look at houses and apartments online. And pool together the money he needed to pay Sam and Ruby for their second rent.

“I told you already, you don’t need to be doing this.”

“Sure we do. You’re paying bills, we’re benefiting. And this is the amount we agreed on.”

“ _I_ didn’t…”

“Well me and Ruby did.”

Grimacing, Sam took the bills. “Between the two of you, I swear…” He grinned. “It’s crazy, but it’s fun living with the two of you. You never got to meet Ruby much, other than the wedding.”

Dean smiled apologetically, as Davey distracted him by throwing a ball at his head. “You know what it was like. Michael never liked me leaving much.”

“Huh, I guess,” Sam agreed as he swooped over to pick up his son. “Only… you never got to meet Jess much either. And that was mostly before.”

“We never had the money for that kinda thing. Stanford was far, Sammy.”

Then Sam gave him that look he’d been pulling him off since he was old enough to open his eyes. Like he was seeing everything going on inside Dean’s core and he loved, judged and pitied it all in equal measure. “But you were there for me in a heartbeat after she died.”

Dean shrugged and looked at his feet. “Thought you might need me.”

“And I’m grateful. Hell, you know what a mess I was after all that. But… I guess all I’m trying to say is that for years we never saw each other much, except when you thought I needed you. I never got to be there when you needed me, and you never came by when all I wanted to do was just… spend time with you. So… I’m glad we’re getting a little of that now.”

Dean plastered on a smile and made to stand up off the floor. “Yeah, me too, Sammy.”

“…And it means you actually got to meet Davey,” Sam continued, bouncing his pup up and down on his knee. “You never got to see him when he was born, even.”

“Sam, if you’ve got a point with this…” Dean started, feeling more than a little got at now.

“…but now you get to be here for our next one.”

Dean stopped moving. “Wait… next one?”

“Ruby said I could tell you, if I wanted.”

“Sam…” For a moment Dean was still unable to move or think. Another pup to worry over, just what they all needed… But then before he knew it he was pulling Sam, and Davey with him into a large hug. “Congrats, dude, seriously.”

“She only told me this morning,” Sam admitted, a little tearfully.

“You’re gonna be a big brother, little man,” Dean told Davey, who eyed him solemnly with those great big eyes of his. “That is… just awesome. It’s amazing, Sam.”

And it was amazing that they didn’t have to think ahead about fighting to keep their new kid. They could just… go ahead and have it.

With that thought in mind, Dean excused himself fairly quickly and left to lie down in his bedroom. Maybe Sam was right, he realised as he slumped down on the bed. Maybe he was better at knowing how to deal with Sam when something was going wrong for him – not when he was happy, or when Dean had something to worry about. Really, he guessed, that was why he’d never visited. He’d always been this strong older brother, how was he supposed to leave and see Sam when all he wanted to do was fall apart?

Dean guessed he slept, because the next thing he remembered  was the door to the bedroom opening a few hours later with Cas standing in the doorway. “Oh hey,” Dean said groggily, sitting up slightly. “I was gonna try watching that pregnancy Netflix thing if you wanna join me… Oh.”

Now the smell had reached him. Cas was going through a rut again. And Dean really wasn’t in the mood, but hey, Cas didn’t need to know that.

“It… it’s not as strong as sometimes, Dean,” Cas reminded him as he walked into the room and sat down gingerly on the bed beside him. It was true. Since Cas’ mate was pregnant, his biology had calmed down the fierceness of his rut cycles, and they hadn’t been lasting more than a day.

“Well let’s get that dealt with,” Dean told him firmly, smiling.

“Dean… are you sure? If you want to leave that’s fine, I’ll be fine…” But it wasn’t what Cas wanted, Dean didn’t even need to look at him to have that confirmed. Cas wanted _him_ , and the thought of that made it easier than he might have thought earlier to draw Cas into a kiss and pull him down onto the bed.

“Dean…”

“So how was work, honey?”

Cas gave something between a laugh and a snarl as he tugged possessively at Dean’s bottom lip and started pulling at his clothing. “Dean… need you…”

“I need you too, alpha,” Dean murmured, bolstered by Cas’ words. Needed.  It was good to feel needed, he reminded himself as he pulled off Cas’ jeans. But still, he wasn’t quite… feeling it.

“Hey, why don’t we try this different?” He asked, as Cas began to work his mouth down Dean’s neck.

“Hmm?”

“You’ve never knotted my mouth before.”

Cas broke away and looked at him with some concern. “I’ve heard it’s not always… altogether pleasant, for the recipient,” he managed, feverish eyes scanning Dean’s face.

“Try everything once, right?”

So they tried it. Dean had always been good at this, with Michael, and if it hadn’t been for the thought of that he probably would have done well here too. But before he’d even got a good lick around Cas’ knot he was… he couldn’t do it. And all he could feel was Michael holding his head down, and remembering thinking it was lucky he’d never had much of a gag reflex…

Dean gagged.

Cas tried to speak to him, tried to stop him running, but Dean was in the bathroom already, and had locked the door behind him. As he got his breath back he felt bizarrely like laughing. That irritating brother of Cas’ had been right, Meg had been right – Dean still hadn’t stopped running, and he couldn’t see a finish line yet.

 _I’m sorry baby,_ he thought to the pup inside of him. _Daddy’s still a screw up._

Dean stayed in there for a long while, sitting on the toilet seat with his eyes closed. He was so much of a screw up he couldn’t even make other people happy any more – not even in bed. That was a new low, surely. And before it might have been enough to send Dean reaching to hold onto his gun, or a bottle of pills – just to make him feel better, like he had that ultimate control of himself if he needed it, there at hand. But the pup had ripped that last piece of control away from him, because try as he might, it just wasn’t in him to think about ending something he and Cas had made together. _Cas_. Cas who had probably had to finish himself up on his own, and was sitting out there waiting on Dean, still loving him.

No, Dean could never do that to Cas, could never hurt Cas that bad. That just wasn’t in him either.

When Dean ventured out back into the bedroom, Cas was waiting on him, fully clothed again on the bed. “Cas-”

“Dean, I’m sorry. I must be the most pathetically selfish alpha that ever lived. That was wrong. Are you… Dean are you ok?”

Dean sat down beside him, allowing Cas to simply hold him for a moment. “Look, Cas… Michael, he never,” Dean took a breath in. “He never went and _abused_ me or anything, but he… it’s like your brother said. He never thought I was able to choose something for myself. So, more often than not, there just wouldn’t _be_ choice – not in what I was wearing, or who I was talking to, or, or in bed… And that was alright,” he hurried to clarify for Cas, who was staring at him with those great big blue soppy eyes wide. “Because, to be honest, I was with Michael because I didn’t want choice. ‘Cause I was afraid of how fucked up I’d make choices alone. You know that.”

“I know.” Cas started stroking Dean’s hair, and all Dean could smell from him now was a wonderful sense of calm. “And you know that I’m here if you ever want to say any more about it.”

“I know,” Dean choked, as he let Cas lie him down on the bed and stroke circles round his belly. “Cas… just… thanks.”

Cas smiled down at him softly. “So do you want to see what I picked up on the way to work?”

“If it’s more handcuffs again…”

Cas pulled out a bottle from under the bed, and Dean felt slight disappointment and relief all at once. “Is this… some kinda fancy ass lube…?”

“It’s oil for your stomach. Helps prevent stretch marks. Ruby swears by it.” Cas leaned Down to slowly expose Dean’s stomach where he planted a lingering kiss by the belly button. “I know you get vain about that sort of thing.”

“I _do not_ get _vain_ …”

“Yes you do. You’ve been paranoid about stretch marks for months,” Cas said firmly as he squeezed out a full handful out into his fingers and regarded it curiously, before laying his hands down on Dean. “So I guess I just…”

“ _Fuck_ Cas, that’s _cold…”_

Cas smiled and started humming softly as he continued to make the soft circular motions with his hands.

“Is that… Zeppelin?”

“Yes.”

“Huh, you’re learning.” For some reason that made Dean feel emotional all over again as he relaxed into the covers of the bed, the light pressure of Cas’ fingers all he could think on.

“Just… how did I ever find you alpha?”

“You kidnapped me after I tried to ‘steal’ your car.”

“Oh yeah. Right. Well, sorry. But I’m really… I’m really glad I did.”

Cas leaned down to kiss Dean again, this time on his lips. “Me too.”

*


	17. Point of No Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets back from seeing his older brothers, and Dean's house viewing takes an interesting turn.

“I think I remember now why I hadn’t paid him a visit in years,” Cas commented as he slammed the car door shut, as Gabriel got in the driver’s seat beside him.

“C’mon Cassie, he wasn’t _that_ bad…”

“All he had to say about the issue of the divorce was that Dean was too tall an omega for me.”

Gabriel scratched at the back of his neck, pouting as he switched the engine on. “Well, I mean, he _is_ pretty tall…”

“Everyone’s tall for you.”

Gabriel opened and closed his mouth. “Alright, I’ll accept that.”

As they drove away from the prison, Cas sighed with some relief that the ordeal of seeing his second oldest brother again after so long was over at last. But it had been, well. Interesting.

Lucifer hadn’t aged all that well in his time imprisoned, and rarely smiled, preferring to adopt an unflattering expression of moody cynicism, yet Gabriel had succeeded in pulling a begrudging smiles out of him with his veritable bible of ‘Piper Chapman’ jokes.

“I guess I’m… well. I’m glad he’s still inside,” Cas muttered, getting a grunt from Gabriel in response.

But the knowledge that it had been Michael who’d put him there was still strangely difficult for Cas to swallow. Despite what he’d slowly been learning from Dean, it was still disorientating to have the certainty of his oldest brother’s… righteousness, shaken like that. He hadn’t always thought well of his brother, and hell, he _knew_ Michael didn’t always approve of him and his actions, but still Cas had always believed that there would never be anything Michael would put in front of his family. But then, that’s what it had been about, with Lucifer – with Gabriel, supposedly, hadn’t it? All about thinking about what any one of the individuals who made up the fucked up ‘family’ might do to endanger the reputation of the whole…

Was that what it was all about with Dean? Was it all just about control, about saving his own face? Cas shook his head to himself as he watched the miles rush by them. There had to be more to it than that, or Michael wouldn’t be threatening them with a lengthy custody battle. If he was really worried about embarrassing himself and their parents he would have already dropped the issue. No, Michael – in his own possessive, obsessive way – _cared_ about Dean, or perhaps more accurately, cared about retaining what he believed to be his…

Strangely enough, Cas had never thought much into the way Michael thought, or Lucifer for that matter. But they’d both seemed so different when Cas had last known his brothers well – Michael had always been polite and charming, if pretentious, and Lucifer, well, he’d always been so greasily _sophisticated._ And now there he was, rotting behind bars in an orange jumpsuit that made him look pale, and old beyond his years. 

“If I were you, little brother,” he’d said to Cas just as he’d gotten up to leave. “I’d hire a better lawyer.”

“I can assure you that the one we had is going to be more than adequate.”

“Alright, if you think so. But If I were you…”

“Which obviously, you’re not.”

“…which, _thankfully_ I’m not, I’d say - why have a pup now? Why not wait until after you can get the divorce to go through?”

Cas had straightened his back then, and looked his brother in the eye. He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d expected, but perhaps he’d hoped for better, for more from Lucifer. Not that Cas had really deserved much of a welcome. He hadn’t, after all, visited, or written, or called in a very long time.

“Because this is Dean’s choice, and he’s made it, Lucifer. As his mate I support his decisions.”

Lucifer’s mouth had quirked upwards at one end. “Hmm. Only thing is, going up against Michael, you might need to start playing by his strategies. Don’t make it easy on him out of any sentimentality. I learned that the hard way,” he added, gesturing to the rest of the visiting room.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. There’s little ‘sentimentality’ I hold there.”

“And your mate? _Michael’s_ mate? How’s he feel?”

“You know he might have a point, Cas,” Gabriel acknowledged as he stared at the road, as though realising exactly what Cas was thinking about.

“You think Dean should get an abortion he doesn’t want? _You?_ ”

“Leave the guns in the holsters, brother. I’m _saying_ that you guys do have some more options that you’re choosing not to consider. It’s not like this is the only kid you’re ever getting the chance to have together.”

Cas frowned and looked away, refusing to admit the validity of Gabriel’s point. Yes, no pup on the horizon would mean no prolonged divorce, no custody battle. But Cas had grown to love the idea of _this_ child, just like he knew that Dean had.

“But I think Dean needs this one now.”

Gabriel shot him a sideways frown. “You afraid he won’t want you if he doesn’t need you around…?”

Cas whipped his head back quickly to face his brother, as though a wasp had just been buzzing at his ear. “What? No. But I think it’s helping… anchor Dean in a way to this new life. There was a while, back when we were on the road when he…” _Told me about his suicide attempt._ “…when he admitted he wasn’t really sure what he was running away _to_.”

“Huh. Right. So you’re going to slog out a long-haul fight with our big brother rather than picking a simple way out.”

“Well really it’s getting a little too late for that now. And you yourself haven’t exactly been brimming with helpful suggestions, Gabe. I’ll admit that I hoped when you arrived here a couple of months ago now that you might actually…”

“What? Have some magical way to get you out of this situation you walked yourself into? Hell no. I got you a job didn’t I?”

He had done that. And although Cas resented the outfit it required him to wear, he was learning to enjoy it, and Dean did like the sight of him coming home in a fitted suit, almost as much as Cas appreciated Dean still looking greasy from the garage. Although Dean wouldn’t be able to keep that up all that much longer. How far along was he now? Mentally, Cas started a clumsy finger count. Week… twenty-seven? Twenty-eight? Actually, Cas thought, correcting himself, was that them on week twenty-nine now? Six months, Christ… And they still needed to find somewhere to _live_ …

“So,” Gabriel drawled as they started nearing Sam and Ruby’s street. “I reckon I’ll stick around another week maybe. Then I’ll head back.”

“I never asked. Is there anyone… have you get anyone waiting for you back there?”

“Only a lot of lost and confused business underlings, who are apparently incapable of doing a thing without me.”

“Well. You should see Anna before you leave. She’d like that.”

“Yeah… That’d be good. She lives in Austin now right?”

“She lives in Florida, Gabriel.”

“Ah. Got it.” Giving Cas a glimpse of one of his most brightly boyish grins, Gabriel turned back to face the road, fingers thrumming on the steering wheel.

“Are you going to see any of the others?”

“The others…?”

“The rest of the family.”

“Oh _fuck_ no,” Gabriel snorted, parking the car outside the house. “Think I’ll leave those dragons sleeping, thanks. And don’t you tell ‘em I was back, either,” he added, pointing at Cas’ chest.

“I wasn’t planning to. But Gabriel…”

His brother groaned. “What?”

“I wish you’d talk to Michael.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and sank back into the seat. “Now how would that help anything.”

“I think he’d listen to you.”

“No, _no_. Our darling older brother is not going to listen to me, and apparently you haven’t been either. Michael doesn’t listen to omegas, that’s why your Dean’s going to be so fucked up in the head after sticking out a marriage with him so long…”

“Dean is not-”

“Aw c’mon, tell me I’m wrong. The guy had to have been pretty messed up going _into_ a marriage like that, never mind getting out of it. No, like I say, Michael ain’t gonna listen to me, and he ain’t gonna listen to Dean. Dean talks and says get lost, he’s going to hear a pup in the middle of a temper tantrum. But you, Cassie?” Gabriel pouted, and squeezed Cas’ cheeks together. “You big tough alpha like him? He might just listen to you. Maybe. Though it’s probably a bigger risk, I mean look what happened to Luci.”

“I’m not embezzling anything that I’m aware of.”

“But is your record honestly clean as anything? And this is more serious for Michael – it’s his _mate_ you got there – and he might be upping the stakes.” Gabriel sighed. “Which… brings me to my next point, I guess…”

“Alright.”

“Look just… like only if you _really_ need me there when this whole divorce mess comes to a head… then I’ll be there, spewing shit over Michael’s case. You over him any day, alright?”

“Gabriel-”

“No don’t, don’t look at me like that. None of the sappy thank you’s, please.”

“A regular thank you then.”

“Well that, that’s acceptable,” Gabriel grumbled, accepting Cas’ awkward one-armed car hug. “So where’s your mate at? I don’t see that gas-guzzler of his anywhere,” he explained, glancing out at the driveway.

“He’s out with Sam and Ruby, viewing a house.”

“Exciting stuff. Well, I’m off, but like I say, call me if you need me. And I’ll shout before I leave about getting a drink somewhere.”

“Of course,” Cas told him, smiling as he got out of the car.

“Take care of yourself, Cassie.”

“And you,” Cas returned as he watched Gabriel start his car and drive it off down the street, before starting to check his pockets for his keys. Although he’d apparently forgotten them, for the third time that week, this was no disaster, because luckily Sam was in, making his son up some food.

“Davey was hungry, and Ruby wanted some fresh air,” Sam explained, as Cas walked in.     

“They aren’t all that far out, are they?”

“Other side of town, but it shouldn’t have been too long a drive for them so long - the roads weren’t clogged.”

“Oh, good.”

Sam smiled, leaning back against the kitchen surface. “You worrying over Dean? Dude, if there’s one thing that’s not going to stress him out, it’s driving.”

“I know.”

“Coffee?”

“Please.”

Sam patted Cas on the shoulder as Cas sat down at the kitchen table and Sam went to put the kettle on. “So how was seeing your brothers?”

“Interesting. Older brothers… they are a mixed bag.”

“You’re telling me. Wonder how Davey’ll turn out.”

Both men regarded the pup with interest, but Davey only seemed concerned with how much of his meal he could get on his face at once.

“Are you hoping for a boy or girl?”

“I dunno, it might be nice to have a little girl around… but I guess we’re getting that anyway, thanks to you guys.”

Cas smiled. The ultrasound had indeed revealed to them a few weeks back that Dean would be delivering a girl – part of the reason the idea of aborting the pup had seemed so abhorrent to him earlier. Now that they’d really started brainstorming the baby names, the pup had begun to seem like more of a future person as oppose to the abstract concept she’d been. Dean had made a few comments about not knowing the first thing about little girls, but he’d already started internet shopping for dresses, and dungarees, and toys…

Sam put down the mug of coffee down in front of Cas, and sat down next to him. “So has he said anything else about when he’s telling Dad?”

“No, not yet. I think he’s still trying to avoid thinking on it, for now.”

Sam shook his head. “It’s not like he’s dropped all contact with Dad, and the fact that he knows that Ruby’s expecting again… this could be awkward.”

“Well,” Cas said, taking a sip of his coffee, “at least we’ve still got several months before the pup makes an appearance. And then we’ll have Michael as a larger worry.”

“Although it’s not that long now.”

“No,” Cas admitted. “It’s not so long now.”

*

“So, thoughts?”

Dean frowned at Ruby. “Well, we look like a couple that’s about to start going through Hell.”

Ruby shoved him, and Dean realised the implication of his joke was that she was starting to show in a big way. Which she wasn’t, really.

“No, jackass, I meant the house.”

“Oh.” Dean looked around the room the realtor had finally left them alone in. It was a decent sized living room, high ceiling, big couch. “It’s not bad, bit bland though.”

“You were the one scoring anything off the list that looked like it had ‘too much going on.’”

“Yeah, but they were…” Dean groaned, as a sudden amount of back pain started to hit him. He’d been getting that on and off since the morning, but he’d tried not to mention anything. He hadn’t wanted Cas to worry about leaving him alone.

“You alright there?”

“’M’good. Just fucking glad I’m not working today, back pain like this.”

Ruby sighed heavily. “And I am not looking forward to that train wreck all over. I’m only just over the morning sickness again. Except,” she added, “My back never really got it all that bad until early labour. _Then_ oh, you can bet I was not leaving the bed. Had Sam call in sick too that day because no way was not making my own coffee.”

Dean smiled, and went to sit down on the couch. He liked the give, felt like someone had actually lived in this place. But not like it was _too_ lived in – it was good and clean. Dean didn’t feel like he’d move in and have to start taking a bottle of bleach to the place, like he had to some of the few others they’d viewed already.

Although the bathroom would be the final test of that…

The realtor, Bela, she didn’t seem all that happy about his request to use it, but she clearly wasn’t happy with saying no to him either, so she reminded him where it was upstairs with a barely concealed snarl in her voice.

The bathroom was nice. Not all that big, but, again, it was clean, Dean noted appraisingly as he pulled down his underwear and took a seat down on the toilet. Toilet seat was cool, Finding Nemo themed. Cas would probably hate it, Disney corporatism extending even to the crapper.

Yeah, Dean was warming up to this place. And it was large enough for maybe even a baby shower, not that he was sure he wanted one yet. But Meg had told them when she’d called Cas the other night that it was something she’d consider travelling up for, and hey, it could be good seeing her again. He had a feeling she’d like babies.

Dean was too busy mentally _not_ planning this baby shower that he didn’t even notice the blood in his underwear, not at first. But when he stood up to flush the toilet, then… well, then it was obvious.

*

The ringtone that Ruby hated so much, an old Beejees tune, started going off in Sam’s pocket about half an hour after Cas had made it home. Hoping they’d maybe decided that this was the one, and that Dean had stopped being so damn picky about everything he saw, Sam clicked on the answer button. “Ruby – you guys like the house?”

“Aw yeah, the house is fine, real nice bay windows up the front…”

Sam heard Dean come through in the background with an angry, “ _RUBY.”_

“…yeah, so the house is great, but Dean ain’t doing so well…”

“How’d you mean? Is he sick?”

“Uhhh, you could say that… Look, get Cas. It might just be Dean here’s freaking out over nothing or whatever…”

“ _Let me fucking tell you about this nothing over here…”_

“Ok, it’s probably not nothing, in which case we’re hoping this is one of these fucked up false early labours…”

Sam felt his stomach swoop as Cas walked back into the room, looking mildly concerned. “Is this… Ruby, are you saying Dean’s suffering a miscarriage right now?”

Cas looked up in alarm and rushed forward to try to grab the phone out of Sam’s hands. Apologetically, Sam dived out of his reach.

“We _don’t know_ , Ok? That’s why we’re going to the hospital, to talk to doctors and find this shit out…”

“Which hospital?” Cas shouted over.

“I-”

“Which hospital, Ruby?”

“Actually…”

_“What?”_

Over in his high chair, Davey started crying at the sound of the raised voices all around him.

“I think we might have to call an ambulance,” she said quietly.

“Sam, your car keys. Where do you keep them?”

“In the – they’re in the top drawer, Cas - Ruby… hold tight, or call us, something, we’re on our way out, ok? Just… keep Dean calm, keep him ok, alright?”

_“I can fucking hear you Sammy…”_

“I’ll look after him – we’ll be alright.”

Sam breathed out slowly. Six months. Babies were born at under that all the time, right? And they could… they could delay these things, right?

Sam had thought about becoming a doctor, before he’d chosen law…

“Ok,” he sighed, “We’re on our way, and if you… Ruby don’t _you_ ever go scaring me like this.”

“Believe me I’ll try not to,” she said, and Sam was able to hear her eyes rolling. But he could also hear the more unusual sound of Ruby being afraid of something…

“And yeah, tell Dean it’s gonna be alright.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so, this is the last chapter for the next few weeks since I'm off on holiday and am not hoping to find much writing time or internet access while I'm away. So sorry, and excuse the mistakes, tmost of this was written in the post sdcc preview flailing and crying time of the night/morning. I honestly wouldn’t have left it here but I really did run out of time – I’m literally running for a plane now :S


	18. Anybody Seen My Baby?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night in hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..this is me working on things quickly after getting back from holiday - in my defense, I am only two days home...

The whole way through the damn pregnancy  Dean had been thinking of himself in comparison to his Dad, the omega guy who’d done just fine carrying Dean. Now all he could think of was his Mom, so beautiful, even when tears and sweat had started streaming down her face when his Dad had driven her off to the hospital, away from Dean, and he’d never gotten to see her again. And when his Dad came home with Sammy, he wasn’t the same Dad anymore. He didn’t want to play with Dean, and he was barely interested in raising Sam – mostly he’d just wanted to drink, and talk about how all of it was his fault. That he should have carried Sam, that it had been too dangerous for Mary.

It hadn’t been John’s fault, obviously. But if Dean lost his little girl, him and Cas’ little girl, it would be his fault.

Or maybe he’d end up like his Mom, and wouldn’t live to see his pup, and Cas would have to fight to keep her all on his own. She could end up having to grow up with Michael...

It was that thought in particular which had Dean clutch harder at Cas’ hand, to fight harder to stay where he was, when he was.

“Dean, its ok… it’s going to be alright,” Cas was trying to tell him. “The doctors are saying it’s not a miscarriage, this is the baby coming early. It’s not that uncommon in male omegas.”

Dean nodded, smiling as much as he was able. He’d never even looked into this, the possible birth complications. It had seemed amazing enough that he was able to keep a pup even this long, a miracle even, and besides, it had hardly seemed the worst thing on his plate to worry over. He’d been thinking about what he’d have to cope with after the birth, not the actual thing of it.

He hadn’t thought any of this through even a little. Hell he’d thought pain – he could deal with pain, he’d done that before, no biggie. Right.

“Hurts more,” he said aloud.

Cas turned back to face him, looking worried. “What?”

“Hurts more than I thought it would.”

Cas looked like Dean had just tried to stab him and sat down beside him again, weakly.

“Where’s Sammy?”

“He’s outside, talking to the doctor. Ruby’s gone home to look after Davey, but she’s coming back once she gets a babysitter, I think.”

“’K.” Dean rolled his head back weakly onto the hospital bed. “Cas… we’re not ready for a baby yet. No fucking way. We don’t have a house and-”  _and I’m still a mess_ – “and we haven’t even talked that much about names,” he finished lamely, as he felt another contraction pierce his middle.

Cas saw the pain on his face, and stroked his finger’s across Dean’s hand as he frowned sympathetically. “We’ll sort the house. You said you liked that one right?”

“It was ok. Better than the last ones.”

Cas’ lip twitched up into an uneasy smile as he laid his other hand down on Dean’s forehead, stroking his fingers back into Dean’s hair, which he’d let grow substantially since Michael. Dean’s Mom, she’d done that for him when he was ill, he remembered suddenly – stroked his hair like that.

“Well, that’s a good start. And as for names… we could name her for one of your TV characters you like…”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “All the women in my shows have weird ass names. I’m not calling our kid Buffy or Brienne or something.”

“Most of the people in your fairy tale show seem to have normal enough names.”

“Once Upon a – I told you already, I don’t even watch that show, its garbage.”

“Dean. You were commenting on the blonde woman’s outfit again the other night. What was her name again?”

“She didn’t look right outta the leather jackets,” Dean muttered to himself. “She’s Emma.”

“I like Emma. Emma?”

“I could roll with Emma.” Yeah, and his Emma would get to wear badass jackets and walk around like she owned the place whatever sex she turned out to be. If she lived long enough past her own birth… “Cas, what if I -”

“What, Dean?”

“What if I mess up, and we lose her?”

Cas gripped his hand tighter. “Dean, you listen to me. There is nothing you can do one way or another, no choice in your hands to allow you to make a wrong decision here. There is no ‘messing up’. It’s out of your hands entirely. If you like the choice is in… God’s hands. There is no ‘messing up’ – not for you, Dean.”

“But I should have figured it earlier. Cas, I was so fucking stupid, I thought I just had a bit of a bad back – and I’ve never had a bad back, what am I, ninety? I never even thought…”

“There was nothing that could have helped by working this out earlier, the doctors already told me,” Cas said stoutly, his face contorting over the lie. He hadn’t asked a doctor anything like it, and they both knew it. But Dean appreciated the attempt to sooth him, maybe even let himself believe it a little.

“So if we lose her anyway…”

Cas sighed. “Dean. We’re in a very good hospital, and you’re the strongest person I know. If anyone can do this it’s you. But… if something does go wrong and we… we lose her…”

“What, Cas? What the hell do we do then?”

“Then we mourn,” Cas said simply, his blue eyes meeting Dean’s. “We mourn, and we’ll finish your divorce and we’ll find a house, and then maybe I’ll find you a ring…”

“Or maybe I’ll find you one,” Dean put in aggressively, his voice breaking with unwanted emotion.

“…and we’ll keep on working and paying bills and being very boring – though without any boring sex, I think…”

“Damn right.”

“And we’ll live, Dean. We’ll keep living, though we will never forget her. And then maybe one day we’ll try again.”

“And if Michael was right about me the whole time, or Hell, if I’m just too old, and I can’t… I mean I won’t ever be able to…”

“Then you won’t be getting rid of me, not that easily.”

Dean didn’t know he’d been waiting to hear it, but now that he did he relaxed physically back into the bed, a smile breaking out on his face as he gripped Cas’ hand back as though it were some kind of lifeline thrown out in a storm, and if he only held on tightly enough then everything would somehow turn out alright.

*

“So how’s he doing?”

Sam leaned back against the hospital window, his ear squished up against the phone to help him feel like Ruby really was there with him, looking in at his brother and the new mate he’d found, watching them hold on to each other. He’d decided to call his wife now instead of walking in and spoiling their moment.

“I think he’s ok, I just persuaded the doctor to send up the midwives or the… the people, who’re responsible for this sort of thing – ‘cause we’re thinking it’s really coming now, like right now.”

“Christ, Sam. I called Andy to come and babysit-”

“You called _Andy?_ ”

“Don’t act like I’m the idiot, nobody else is free and he was _your_ best friend from college-”

“Which is why I know he’s not responsible enough to look after a pup,” Sam spluttered.

“There’s not any kind of qualification for this job, Sam, he’ll be fine.”

Sam sighed heavily. “Just… just remind him about the whole no pot in the house rule, ok?” He wanted to tell his mate to stay home herself and get some sleep, but selfishly, he wanted her there with him.

His mother had died in childbirth with him, and he’d grown up with that knowledge hanging like a black cloud above his head, despite Dean’s early childish attempts to keep it from him. On some level, Sam had always known that his father blamed him for Mary’s death. For years that had made him feel like some kind of… well, monster really – the way John, and sometimes even Dean had looked at him when they’d been drinking… It had been Jess who’d snapped him out of that way of thinking, who’d made him believe for the first time on more than an intellectual level that it wasn’t his fault. When she’d died, when he hadn’t been there on time to save her from the fire which had claimed her life… Well. Things had become even worse for a time. Not only had he lost Jess but he’d become plagued by the certainty more than ever that there was something… _wrong_ with him, almost like he was cursed.

And then... then along had come Ruby, who’d slapped him out of his ‘maudlin, self-important fantasies’, and had called him out for being more of a baby than Davey when he was born, but there was so much love in her eyes when she said it… But now with Dean in the same, much more dangerous position, Sam needed her there badly, to remind him not to make this all about him, not all his fault, not even if his brother died in front of them…

But no one was going to die. They were both going to be _fine,_ both Dean and his pup.

“…y’know the doctors know what they’re doing, Sam. And things have come on a long way since your Mom’s day.”

“I know.”

“And I’ll be there soon. I wanna see this little niece of ours for myself who’s been causing all this palaver already.”

Sam choked on a laugh. “Thanks, Ruby.”

“I know. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you-” Sam suddenly registered the sound of his brother yelling out in pain.

“-Now, Ruby, the pup’s coming _now_.”

*

Dean wanted to accept every drug they wanted to throw at him, but he was hazy on whether that’d be costing them much more on the bills front, so he refused everything instead. Cas and Sam probably thought he was trying to be tough, brave even, instead of just cheap. Ha.

All those calming pregnancy yoga videos he’d meant to watch more of were all coming back to him, but the actions didn’t feel like they matched up well enough with the real thing.

This was a lot more painful, for a start.

He’d told himself early on that he wasn’t gonna be one of those people in labour who caused bones to break in their partner’s hands from holding onto them too hard, but in the end Cas was just _right there_ and it was too hard to stop himself. He was too busy thinking about his own pain to notice how blue Cas’ hand had started to look.

Breach birth. That’s what it was called, when the baby didn’t know how to get out properly and everything went wrong…

…and suddenly there was a foot hanging out of him. There was a tiny little person’s leg _hanging out of him_.

There was a person trying to get out of him because if she couldn’t now then Dean was going to kill her. Maybe that’s why she’d arrived so early, she couldn’t bear to be trapped inside of him any longer.

And he had to push, except now they didn’t want him to and he was so _goddamn tired_ and he was killing his own child and what the hell did they want him to do now?

Then finally it was all over, and Dean laid his head back on the pillow in defeat because he knew that he’d failed, that their Emma – why the fuck had they tried to name her before they knew for sure she’d survive? – had died before ever opening her eyes because there was still no noise she wasn’t crying wasn’t wailing wasn’t _breathing…_

But then there was a noise. It wasn’t a scream, it was more of an uncertain gasp…

Pup? Hell no, that sounded a load more like a kitten’s mewling, all helpless and tiny and alone…

Letting go of his mate’s hand at last, Dean started trying to sit up, his arms outstretched to hold his child, but they were all talking over him, not listening.

They were taking her away from him.

“Dean, you need to rest…”

“Cas, _where are they taking her_?”

*

Cas stared through the hospital window, looking out at the room full of newborns in glass cases, penned in like reptiles. It was such a familiar scene from so many movies, but in the movies you could always tell which baby it was you were meant to be looking at, thanks to the camera angle, the lighting.

Now Cas was looking at his own child and he could barely even tell… well, he was almost certain he was looking at his pup, anyway…

“They said we’d get to go in to see her soon,” Cas murmured, as much for himself as for Ruby standing beside him. She’d got there about an hour ago now, just missing the birth, but getting there on time to support her mate, who was almost ready to collapse out of fearful exhaustion. Cas hadn’t even noticed Sam’s terror in the middle of everything, but now in hindsight he realised that Sam really had thought he was about to lose his brother.

Cas had stopped thinking like that as soon as he’d made it to Dean’s side in the hospital. To even entertain the thought felt like it might jinx something into happening.

Ruby smiled wearily up at him. “I’m not going to say she’s gorgeous, because I haven’t seen her yet. But I’m sure I will be any minute now.”

“And I’m sure she’ll appreciate the sentiment, thank you.”

“So Emma?”

“Emma.”

She nodded. “I like it. So have they told you when you guys get to take her home?”

“They’re making it sound like at least a month.”

She whistled. “That is tough.”

“And that’s assuming there’s no further complications arising with her breathing.”

Ruby narrowed her eyes at him. “So a lung that’s collapsed twice already. What does that mean?”

Cas sighed, feeling more than ever like _he_ might just collapse. And it wasn’t only from the hours he’d been awake and standing, but for the enslaught of emotions rushing through him all through those hours. He was a _father_ , a father to a tiny little red slip of a pup as yet incapable of breathing on her own…

“I’m not sure yet. But… I think… I mean I _hope_ ,” Cas rubbed at his forehead, “that she’s going to be alright now. A lot of babies go through the same with no ill-effects.”

“Kinda weird not really getting to hold her yet though,” Ruby observed, rubbing a hand absently over her belly while Cas’ shoulders slumped still further.

“Yeah. Weird.”

They stood staring together in silence for a good ten minutes after that, watching the medical staff rush in and out of the room in a flurry of uncomprehensible activity.

Cas had left Dean alone with Sam, and he’d been almost asleep as Cas wriggled his hand out from his. But not quite. “She’s… she’s alive, right? I didn’t dream that, did I?”

“She’s alive, Dean,” Cas had assured him as he’d left the room, finishing the sentence in his head with an ominous _for now_. But now he was starting to feel some cautious hope about Emma’s chances. The doctors didn’t seem any more harassed than he would expect, and nothing about the situation seemed urgent since the birth. Cas’ heart rate had been steadily allowed to slow down again, away from the scents of distress and _wrongness_ in the birth. He couldn’t imagine how the doctors did it every day – the smells alone had been giving him a migraine.

“So. No doting grandparents arriving to visit anytime soon then. I mean. Dean never told their Dad or whatever, and thank fuck that seems sensible to me, and then there’s your _folks_ probably not top of your contacts list for this…”

“Not exactly, no.”

“So do any of the family know yet?”

“I texted my brother, and sister.”

“The arsehole brother but not Michael and not the one in jail?”

“Him, yes. He’s close at the moment, still, though I’m not expecting to see him turn up, at least not yet…”

After another long time waiting, Cas went back to find Dean, as Ruby made to leave for work. He found both brothers asleep, Sam’s legs sprawled out like unruly tentacles from his seat in the hospital chair, and Dean still hadn’t moved from the bed. Even in sleep he was still frowning, and Cas was sharply reminded of their night in a motel together, back when they were still strangers who barely trusted the other not to attack them in their sleep. That, more than anything, might have been when Cas started to trust Dean, that night he listened to him sleep for the first time.

Cas hadn’t noticed falling asleep then, and he didn’t now, either. He drifted off holding Dean’s hand again, in the chair beside him, holding onto his hand again.

*

Sam woke up to the sound of Cas arguing with his older brother. The omega one – thank everything, since the last thing they needed was Michael deciding to show up now.

“…Are you really trying to tell me you don’t _want_ your medical bills covered for you?”

Deciding it wasn’t anything Cas desperately needed him to stay awake for, Sam quietly wriggled to get comfy again in his chair, and get back to sleep, noticing as he did so that Dean wasn’t so asleep as he was pretending either. He’d just winked at Sam, and stayed down, so he had to be feeling a lot more himself by now. Which was a heavier relief than Sam wanted to admit. Much as he’d been the first to complain over the years about the way Dean never took anything seriously enough, and did too much for the sake of cheering other people up, it was good to see some of the old Dean back again.

But both Winchesters had to stop with the pretence when the door was knocked on. _Then_ serious-Dean was back in a heartbeat.

The doctor at the door gave an assured smile to the room, at the brothers who’s just cut off their arguing and the other set of brothers who’d just started sitting up.

“Mr Novak, Mr Winchester?”

The room all replied, “Yes?” in a variety of different tones, making her raise her eyebrows slightly.

“My name is Dr. Mosely, and I’m here to talk you through the neonatal care programme we have planned for your daughter. But more immediately… if you would like to see her, that could be possible for you now. We’ve stabilised her breathing, and successfully have her being tube fed now.”

Sam watched as his brother sat up even further, apparently getting ready to leap from his bed. “So… she’s gonna be ok, now?”

Dr Mosely sighed. “I won’t lie, we don’t entirely know what potential complications might follow today. But for now… yes, she’s about as healthy as we could hope for from any pup born so early. So if you’d like to follow me…”

“Yeah, right,” Dean  said, nodding as he clambered weakly out of his bed, having self-consciously out his jeans back on hours ago.

“And it’s probably best if you don’t go crowding her yet. If you boys could wait outside, I’ll take the proud Papas in on their own first,” she added as Sam got to his feet.

“It makes for good TV at least, I’ll give ‘em that,” Gabriel commented as he and Sam watched from outside the room as Cas and Dean followed the doctor over to their Emma’s particular neonatal unit. “But you’d never catching me going through that.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam replied absently, not taking his eyes from his brother, who’d sat down next to the plastic, and cautiously started to put his hand through to reach for his baby’s. Sam had never seen Dean look so terrified. It really did feel like watching reality TV, like one of those shows where the celebrity gets made to put their hand into a nest of biting spiders. But when Dean held her hand for the first time, the expression changed to one of a different kind of fear. Like he was holding a billion dollar glass ornament and he’d just been told to run across a tightrope wire.

“Yeah. Load a mess. Load a pain. Not seeing all that much reward yet, but hey, good luck to them.”

Sam smiled as he saw Dean’s fingers finally close carefully, but possessively over Emma’s.

“Don’t you?”

*


	19. Little Wing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's almost ready to come home, but Dean's not so certain that he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so very very delayed - there has been a lot of business last couple of weeks and when there has been down/writing time the laptop decided to need repairing. This chapter also involved more research times, which always slow me down.   
> Sooo hope it's all still worth the wait - I am nowhoping to have the whole thing maybe finished with in around a month or so :)

It was strange. No matter how odd she might have looked at the beginning his daughter had never seemed anything but beautiful to Dean, and he could still remember the first time Uncle Bobby had taken him to visit his little brother in the hospital. Sam had looked mostly like a shrivelled up little alien thing, or at least, that’s what he’d told Bobby at the time after he’d come out again.

Then of course he’d asked Bobby if his Mommy was ever coming back home.

He’d given Emma her first bath the other day. All those weeks leading up to something as small as that – it sounded insane, he knew it did. It was just a wash. But it had felt like the most important thing he’d ever done in his whole entire life, concentrating on holding her head above the water, and not letting her drown, but not clutching at her too hard.

It never seemed to go away, and he doubted it ever would, that constant fear that somehow he was going to hurt her. She was just so very, very fragile, and sometimes he had to work himself up to even holding her hand through the neonatal box thing, even after all that work on kangaroo care.

 _Kangaroo_ care. Like what was he? A… well. A kangaroo? But it did feel nice holding her there, comforting to breathe in the new, fresh smell of her, which was just starting to grow in strength, to hear the little mewling noises she liked to make beneath his shirt, to feel so incredibly, overwhelmingly _needed_.

…And then that would start freaking him out all over again as soon as he had to put her back down in what Dean had started referring to as her cell. To feel _that_ level of need, to know that a whole other little person was absolutely _depending_ on him was without a doubt the scariest thing he’d ever experienced. When people were low enough down the food chain to be depending on Dean, and really honestly needing him, not just wanting him there for whatever reason, things, historically, tended not to go well for them.

And if anything at all ever happened to Emma…

“I’m turning into that stressed out clownfish,” he’d told Cas the other day. Cas hadn’t spent much time getting to hold her but every time he did he got this face that was just so perfectly awed but so damn _content_ at the same time. It was almost annoying.

“Who?”

“Nemo’s Dad.”

“Oh. Well. At this early stage that reaction has to be normal.”

 _Not for you_ , Dean wanted to say. But then, Cas wasn’t the one who’d almost killed her back there. He was never going to feel exactly the same way about her.

And Dean was beginning to worry that none of the other carrying-parents in the ward were feeling the same either. It was strange, basically living these entire few months of his life revolving around the ward which no one else could come in with him to, no one but Cas, who was working again. Dean didn’t _need_ to spend as much time there as he did, he knew that. But the hospital had been a trek away from Sam’s place, and it was still a trek from their new place. (It wasn’t the house he’d seen with Ruby, thank fuck. Dean didn’t think he’d have ever been able to use that bathroom again, which would have been awkward if it was the only one they were living with.)

And anyway, Dean had kinda started to enjoy watching life on the premie ward. The new start nurse he’d slipped something from the vending machine to last week; the beta couple who just needed to split up already, and then there was Dr Mosely.

“I think she might have decided to adopt you,” one of the other carrier-parents, Lisa, noted to him the other day after Dr Moseley, or Missouri as Dean had decided he should be allowed to call her by now, had very publically declared him too skinny looking, and ordered him home, which Dean had, equally publically, declined to do.

“That, or call the cops on me. She’d think of some reason for it.”

“A resourceful lady, that one,” Lisa agreed, smiling wide. She had a very pretty smile. She reminded him a hell of a lot of a beta girl he’d dated in high school. Her son, Ben, had been born almost a month after Emma, and he’d not suffered quite as many health complications as she had, so far anyway.

As she fed her pup, who’d been able to start breastfeeding that week, she leant back in her chair. “You’re the only omega in the ward right now though, so she likes keeping you around. The pups all like the smell of you best.”

Dean snorted, but he smiled. He liked the thought of that, despite himself. “Yeah, but still missing some uh,” he coughed, glancing down at her top as subtly as he could manage, “basic equipment,” he finished. “Though mine are getting kinda perky lately. Might be evolution kicking in at last…”

She laughed, after taking a split second too long to catch his meaning. “What, these? You’re not missing out on a lot. Everyone told me to bottle feed anyway. And besides,” she added, losing her smile a little, “you got a good other Daddy for Emma to stick by you.”

“I do that. Don’t mean to pry, but what was it happened with Ben’s Dad…?”

“He wasn’t worth sticking around for. And he would have freaked out something ridiculous if he’d ever known he was getting a son.”

Dean gave her a half-smile, unconsciously glancing back at Emma, sleeping in her cage, making himself watch carefully as her chest rose and fall.

“Yeah, we’re lucky there.”

“And you’re getting to bring her home in a few days, right?”

He really had to head home himself first. He hadn’t even unpacked his stuff, and he knew they didn’t have any cutlery yet, still.

“That’s right. She’s got her own room all set up for her and everything. And now the family can come visiting. They’ve all been biting at the chomp… wait,” Dean paused, as Lisa breathed out another laugh.

The family, that’d be another interesting one. It had been Missouri who’d urged him to call his Dad in the end, which had gone down as about spectacularly as planned.

“You’re telling me you’re pregnant now, with this yuppie brother-in-law of yours’ baby?”

“No, actually-”

“So you’re not.” On the other side of the line, Dean heard his father blow out a long sigh of apparent relief.

“Well-”

“It’s someone else’s.” John breathed out slowly. “You little…”

“What I was gonna say is that I _was_ pregnant with Cas’ pup but since I’ve had the kid now, I’m not pregnant _anymore_. It’s like a past-tense thing.”

“You carried a pup, my grandkid, all the way to term without telling me?”

“Not actually all the way – yeah, had some issues on that front, thanks for asking. But yeah, I guess I did. Name’s Emma. For now she still looks most like Cas, but who knows where the eye colour’s going next. And I would have told you everything if you’d bothered to pick up a fucking phone.”

He’d gotten a couple of ugly looks for that line, like the babies in their boxes inside the ward were already learning how to listen out for bad words.

…And he was really already failing all of the parenting awards. Awesome.

“I called-”

“You called _Sam_ , Dad. You called Sam.”

“Well maybe if you’d left a slightly better impression when you’d left my home-”

Ok, Dean probably couldn’t argue that point. Cas _had_ ended up pointing a gun at the guy halfway through the evening.

“Then maybe you would have called to tell me to run back to Michael, is that it?”

John had hung up, and a day later Sam had told him that John had asked to stay at his place for a few days in a week or so, presumably to see his, now plural, grand _children._ Would that be alright?

Obviously it wasn’t alright, but, well. Dean did regret how angry he’d got so quickly on the phone. Lately he’d been feeling like he missed his Dad being around, missed him being able to teach him how it was all done, how he’d gotten through it alright, or, mostly alright.

And maybe John would turn up at Sam’s whenever Meg came to stay at his and Cas’. Dean felt like that could be an interesting meeting. Cas had said she was coming, right? Dean was having a lot of difficulties listening to people these days. It was hard, and majorly dropping on the priorities list when he couldn’t always remember the last time he’d slept, and the only thing he ever really wanted to be listening to was the sound of his daughter’s breathing, in and out, in and out, still alive, still alive…

*

“Doesn’t seem all that fair you get the same amount of paternity leave as anybody else.”

“Mmm,” Cas answered, not looking up from the computer, where he was scanning pages of the month’s hotel bookings. Things were still looking slower than they should.

“I mean,” Chuck, his immediate underling continued, “it’s got to be much harder emotionally on everyone, and the whole point of paternity leave is that you get a chance to chill with them and bond after they get outta hospital and you’ve not even got to-”

“Thank you, Chuck.”

“And I mean with all this court issue coming up you’d think at least your brother could pull some strings to get you off work…”

“I’ve put in for holiday leave, though Gabriel has said he’ll see what he can do. _Thank you_ , Chuck.”

Honestly, Cas was caring less and less about the holiday issue. He wanted to get out of this job, grateful as he was to Gabriel for getting it for him. And he was beginning to allow himself to hope more and more that Michael would drop the court case once he heard how early she’d been born – autism and all sorts of interesting syndromes, some of which Cas had never heard of before, were still very likely to be on the cards. But he was being stupid, wishing Michael out of the equation, and he knew it. Michael wouldn’t have forgiven him for anything he’d done – his silence was only confirmation of that. And giving up what he still saw as his to someone he couldn’t forgive would be unthinkable to Michael.

Cas was still staring intently at the screen, pretending to be more busy than he was to hope that Chuck would leave him alone for a minute or two when he registered the sight of his brother walking towards him.

Not Michael, thank God.

“Hey, Cassie, lookin’ smarrrrt,” Gabriel noted appraisingly as he punched him, not all that lightly, on the arm.

“Hello, Gabriel.”

“Wow, just couldn’t make that any cheerier, could you there?” Leaning down against the reception desk with his arms folded Gabriel looked up at him, eyes wide. “What’s up? Isn’t fatherhood treating you well yet?”

“Not so much, yet, since I’ve barely seen my own child, and my mate has lost the weight from carrying her far, far too quickly.” Dean seemed around as slim as he had when Cas had first met him, when they’d first left Michael’s.

Gabriel waved a hand that was too dismissive for Cas’ liking. “Ah, they’ll both be fine. From what you’ve said, they’re fighters, they’re bound to pull through alright.”

“Hmm.”

“So’s Anna coming up to see the niece?”

Cas sighed and spinned in his chair to face his brother. “I told her that we’ll be taking Emma home next week and that she can come around and see her then.”

He’d also gotten a call from Meg, enquiring the same, along with asking when Anna might be there. “I mean,” she’d pointed out, “you will have to be accommodating a lot of relatives and all that. Might as well shove a few together, and at least we already know and like each other.”

“Will that be a double bed together you’d be requesting, Meg?”

“If you’ve got a big enough house for it, sure, why not. And, hey, don’t make that face at me. I can _hear_ you making that face, Clarence – do I really need to remind you how you spent your last stay at my place?”

Back in the hotel Gabriel smiled at Cas’ nod. “Awesome. Get to see all the siblings before I leave. Except Michael, obviously. Think I’ll _definitely_ be off before the trial.”

“I imagine that will be good for you. She’ll like that,” Cas said, looking away as he tried to keep the hurt from his face. He’d dared to hope he might have Gabriel around for the trial, for facing Michael, their parents, and not having to do that alone.

Well at least he might have Anna now. She’d always been by far his most dependable, supportive older sibling, even if she was currently furthest away, and he felt like she might be more keen to make a stand against Michael, and willing to sever family ties for his sake.

But he’d enjoyed having Gabriel around these last months.

Of course, that didn’t mean that he’d inspired his older brother with any great burst of courage, or loyalty.

“…So what if I told you I’ve got you this holiday as a freebie, and it’s starting off now?”

Filled with a surge of guilt, Cas felt his mouth hang open. “Gabriel you’ve already-”

“And now I’m doing another thing. I do that, sometimes. Now let’s get outta here before management changes their mind on me, you think?”

A few minutes later they’d left a gaping Chuck behind them and made it out of the hotel into Gabriel’s car and were driving back down the highway.

“So when do you think you’ll be leaving?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Not sure. After I’ve seen Anna, I guess. But the real question is, _how_ am I leaving? Those dipshits back in the Eastern side of things have been getting too complacent without me and I’m thinking if I showed up dropping in on the front lawn in a helicopter, that might just-”

Cas felt his irritation with his brother quickly start to return as he listened to his continued babbling. It was probably partially jealousy. Happy as he was to be learning to settle down, and to do it properly, he missed wandering. He missed that feeling of not having to worry about money, because he was only earning for himself.

And it was frustrating hearing your older brother talk  down to you as though, when you were having to deal with a premature pup and a family feud and learning what a mortgage was, you were still the unchanged baby of the family…

“Gabriel, I’m glad you did come, I am,” Cas said quietly, tearing his eyes away from the view ot his window, “But why did you?”

Gabriel’s eyes widened briefly before dramatically narrowing. “Because I wanted to help out and this is apparently the thanks I get.”

“And so far the only inclination you’ve had to help is to help financially. I am by no mean begrudging that…”

Gabriel snorted at him, and turned the wheel slightly sharper.

“…But I’m well aware that you’re busy and that you could have done that from Asia. But you chose to come here anyway. If there’s something you came for and you’ve not done it… Gabriel you’re leaving in a week, feel free to tell me now.”

“Jeez, you try to do something nice…” Gabriel hissed through his teeth as he started forwards and was quiet for a few minutes. Cas welcomed the silence.

“So how do I get to your place again?”

Accepting the change of subject, Cas cleared his throat. “Actually, if you could drop me at Sam’s that would actually be more convenient. He and Dean’s lawyer for the divorce, Charlie, were planning on talking things over, though I’d said I wouldn’t be able to make it…”

“Ok, the tall brother’s place. Got it. The one with the dog.” Gabriel pouted thoughtfully. “I like that dog. Should I get a dog? I haven’t had a dog in years…”

Gabriel sighed as Cas continued to sit looking at him, fairly unresponsively. “Look. I don’t really think things out, you know that. I guess I felt guilty that I hadn’t been there for you, ever, really, and that your mate needed to go through whatever he did…” Gabriel tailed off, and for a moment started blankly at the horizon. “I dunno. I guess I maybe missed family. In getting involved and, y’know, _invested._ Having someone get invested in me. And I supposed, for a start, I don’t want to be the stranger-uncle to your pup when she grows up. I want to…” Gabriel contorted his face oddly as though the words his mouth was forming were someone else’s. “I want to be a part of her life, I guess,” he finished, lamely.

“I’d like that as well,” Cas agreed quietly, smiling.

Gabriel glanced over at him before rolling his eyes and grumbling something about Cas being a sap.

Gabriel was apparently interested enough in scouting out how capable a lawyer Charlie was to leave his car outside Sam and Ruby’s and come in with Cas. Ruby opened the door up for them, meaning that they were met by Max the retriever, who was being chased around by a toddling Davey, who was screaming out his delight.

“Cas!” Davey screamed as his mother bent to sweep him into her arms. With her free hand she hugged Cas to her, giving his brother a more suspicious glance. “Didn’t know you were coming along too, what happened to work?”

Gabriel shrugged, as though to pretend modesty. “I got him out of that.”

Ruby raised an eyebrow. “Not bad,” she told him, as she led him through to the kitchen, avoiding the dog swerving round her waist with ease. “Though I hope you guys weren’t expecting any food. I think the lawyers have eaten anything.”

“Please don’t call us that,” Charlie corrected her sharply, shuddering.  “It makes me feel so corporatised,” she added as Sam stood up to shake Gabriel’s hands and offer both newcomers seats.

“I wanna sit with Charlie,” Davey protested loudly from the floor where his mother had deposited him.

“Then up you come big boy, but you have to be shhh ok? Grown-ups are discussing battle-plans.”

Grinning, the toddler put a chubby finger to his lips in imitation of Charlie, and, to Cas’ surprise, sat quietly.

“So you’re the lawyer?” Gabriel asked Charlie as he reached for the last slice of pizza that had been left. “How’s this looking for them?”

“Well,” Charlie started, ignoring the pup playing with her earring. “It’s still annoying that we had to move it all forward, but they would have thrown the biggest hissy fit if we hadn’t taken the early birth into account. So the name of the judge to take on the case has been announced and it’s kind of fifty-fifty for us. I like her, she’s cool, and fair, but she can be a little unpredictable.” Charlie pushed forwards a photo forwards. “Her name’s Kali Sharma and she’s an alpha from Illinois.”

Gabriel glanced at the photo and whistled. “She’s hot.”

“Right? But yeah, she’s pretty cool, I think we’ll be alright there. Mostly.”

Cas ignored the conversation’s progression and turned to try to get Sam’s attention. “Sam. Didn’t Dean intend to be here for this?”

“He said he was, yeah…” Sam looked a little worried. “I’m sure he’s just running late, Cas.”

The Dean Cas knew from before wouldn’t have been so late as to have missed the meal. “I’ll give him a call,” Cas decided, aloud, and stood up from his chair.

When he was out of the room Cas dialled in Dean’s number instead of finding it in his phone. Sometimes he found it comforting, knowing he had that most important of numbers memorised to heart whenever he needed it.

_“Hey, this is Dean, if you’re listening to this then I’m too busy to get to the phone, or I’m, I dunno, dead or something. So leave a message and I’ll try getting back to you.”_

As the tone sounded for the answering machine, Cas frustrated clicked to end the call, as he saw his brother’s face peaking out into the hallway from behind the kitchen doorway.

“You needing another ride, little brother?”

*

Dean didn’t remember falling asleep. The visiting times were finishing up again, but he was hungry and the vending machine was looking good, and Cas would be working late, and there was a chance the new nurse, Alfie, might let him in again if he hung around. He thought Emma’s breathing had sounded a little off earlier, and though the hospital staff hadn’t exactly agreed with him on that, they _had_ agreed to check it out. If anything was going on with his pup, he wouldn’t forgive himself if he went home. Hell, if there was something up with her, and he’d ignored it, Michael’s old buddy Raphael would have all the fun in the world swinging things to show how bad at the whole parenting gig Dean really was, and that Michael should take custody. And if that ever happened he’d have to go with her and Michael would have everything he wanted…

“Dean, wake up. Dean, I’m going to take you home.”

The soft, comforting smell of mate, of Cas, filled Dean’s nostrils, nudging him awake. Cas was there, somehow, gently shaking him. Dean had been sleeping on one of the waiting area seats, and ugh, how homeless must he look? Michael’d probably take one look at him and decide he wasn’t worth the effort after all if he was there to see him.

“Cas? Cas what are you… I’m staying here, alright?”

“Dean, no, I’m taking you back home. You’ve barely even seen the new house, you need to come sleep in your own bed…”

“And if Emma’s not still here when I get back?”

“It was Dr Moseley who told me where you are, and she wants you to go home more than I do even. Do you honestly think she’d let our daughter die if there was anything she could do to prevent it happening?”

“No, but I’m supposed to… Dad was never really there all that much for us, y’know,” Dean noted as Cas got him to his feet. “And I can’t turn out like him, I’m not gonna treat our kid like that. Y’know, he always blamed Sam a little for killing Mom, but he always spent more time on him. How fucked up is that?”

“Don’t start me on it. Now can remember where you parked the Impala?”

“How the hell’d you get here?”

“Gabriel.”

“Riiiight. You got him to talk to Michael yet?”

“I’m still working on it.” Cas was giving him a look, like he was trying to work out if Dean had been drinking. He’d thought about it, admittedly, but the walk had seemed too much of an effort, so he’d settled on more coffee rations from the hospital vending machines.

The car journey back home, which was yet to feel like home for Dean, was mainly quiet, until Dean spoke up again. “Do you honestly think that’s gonna work, getting Gabriel to talk to Michael? Gabe’s right, Michael doesn’t exactly make a point of listening to omegas.” He always felt like a grumpy kid, whenever someone else was driving his car, and sometimes, apparently, he started to talk the part.

“He listened to Gabriel, sometimes, a long time ago.”

“Sounds like a solid plan.”

Cas didn’t talk to him for another long while, his mouth had forming into that frustrated line Dean recognised well. He was hurt, Dean could tell, with the way Dean kept talking, and for some reason that made Dean only want to prod at him more. So he said he cared, so he acted so different from Michael, but he’d never really seen all that much of Dean at his worst, had he? How would he cope with that? Wouldn’t that be interesting to find out?

“Gabriel got me three weeks off.”

“Sounds like Gabe’s just got all the answers today, doesn’t it?”

A part of Dean wanted to stop sounding so childish, but it was so damn hard when all he was able to think of was _his_ child, lying alone in her cage…

“I want you tell me what’s wrong, Dean,” Cas told him quietly when they got inside the house. It was so fucking annoying when he did that, and Cas had to know it was – framing a question as a statement, like he was too puffed up with entitled alpha horseshit to have to _ask_ for what he wanted to know.

In answer to his mate’s non-question Dean shook his head, snorting as he started to march up the stairs.

“Dean, please.”

Dean kept marching, but the please cut at his heart. Cas barely ever asked for anything from him.

“Dean, whatever it is I’ve done, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you as much as I should have been but-” Cas’ voice broke slightly. “But I’m here now. And I’d like to listen.”

Sighing out the longest of breaths, Dean leaned against the banister, still not turning round. “Fuck’s sake, Cas, you’ve not ‘done wrong’, I’m just… being a bitch about things, ok?”

“When was the last time you slept?”

“I dunno. Well, just now. But… yesterday, probably.”

“Dean-”

“But this has got nothing to do with how many hours I’ve been clocking,” Dean growled, turning around to look down at his mate at last. “It’s about…”

“Yes?”

“I don’t deserve her, Cas.”

“What?”

Dean rolled his eyes. The concentration it took to manage that was hopefully keeping him from tearing up. “You can’t just nearly kill a person and then be expected to start looking after them. Hell, Cas, sometimes she looks at me, and I’m sure she _knows_ , like she knows how fucking broken I am, and I just want someone else to come along and take this crazy dude away from my daughter, except that I _am_ the crazy dude and I just… I’m going to hurt her Cas, I love her too much and the people I love they-”

“They what, Dean?” Cas spoke quietly – having moved up the stairs to be a little closer to Dean he hardly needed to project to be heard.

“They have a fucking awful time of it! And I don’t want that for my kid, I want…”

Dean stopped talking as Cas pulled him in fiercely for a hug. Dean felt his arms drape uselessly at his sides as Cas started muttering in his ear, “You want everything for her. Which is exactly why you deserve her. And as for these people you love that have done so terribly from knowing you – what are me and Sam to you then, furniture?”

Dean choked a laugh, or, he tried. “Cas, Sam had to get away from me to get a good life. And since you met me I’ve sucked out all your money and all your freedom and made your whole family hate you.”

“Only the family who didn’t already accept me for who I was. It has however brought me closer with Gabriel, and Anna plans on visiting next week with Meg.”

“Both of them together, huh?”

“Meg’s idea,” Cas told him as he started to lead him up the stairs to their bedroom. He’d hold Dean close there – Dean knew exactly how it would go. Dean would fall asleep with Cas spooning him, feeling Cas’ breathing on the back of his neck as he drifted off.

And it wouldn’t make all the worry and the fear and things he felt that he couldn’t even put a name to just go away, but maybe it would start to help with it.

At the very least it couldn’t make things any worse.

*


	20. Paint it Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma is swamped by new visitors, but not all of them are simple for her parents to deal with, and not all of them are expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re getting some Meg POV and some Meg/Anna in this chapter because I need it because reasons. It’s only as much of them as I’ve done previously with Sam/Ruby but their section is skippable if you’re not feeling it. I am also including a little of something people were actually asking for, so I’m not being entirely selfish :)

Sam shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was that Gabriel was almost as excited to be an Uncle as Sam was. Considering the huge welcome wagon the guy had been rolling out for Emma anyway, in the guise of increasingly expensive baby toys and outfits, it only made sense, though at first Sam had wondered if that was just the way Gabriel dealt with something new, by throwing money at it and disappearing. But since he hadn’t yet shown any sign of disappearing, Sam had been forced to start changing his mind on that.

When Gabriel arrived with Sam and Ruby and Davey to meet Emma for the first time, he was carrying a gigantic Tigger doll that was almost as large as he was. Sam watched in amusement as Ruby tried not to scoff at the impracticality of the gift, because Gabriel had remembered to bring something for Davey too – a much smaller Pooh Bear. Since the fear that with the new baby on the way Davey would feel left out, any attempts by others to include their son had been welcomed by Ruby, and she stroked his head fondly as Sam made to knock on the door, with Gabriel beside him hollering in their arrival.

Cas answered the door with a wide smile, and made to hug them as they came through the door, but his brother cut him off from this almost immediately with a firm, “C’mon, Cassie, you know who we’re really here to see,” and walked past Cas into the living room. As Sam, more apologetically, followed him through, he had to grin as he saw his brother, feet up on the couch, bottle-feeding his daughter.

“How’s she doing today?” Sam asked, as his wife followed behind him, cooing uncharacteristically. Even Davey looked a little alarmed at the sudden change over her. Hormones, Sam guessed, it had to be the hormones.

“Ah, she’s doin’ alright. Slept through the night. Mostly,” Dean added with a pointed yawn as Gabriel laid down his gift unceremoniously on the floor and sat down beside Dean, who reluctantly moved his legs off the couch, Gabriel’s eyes fixed on Emma.

She still looked frighteningly small, Sam thought to himself as he watched Gabriel tentatively outstreatch his hand towards Emma’s fingers and smile in something like disbelief.

“Tigger, really?”

Gabriel shrugged, still looking at Emma. “Figured, all the pups get toys they keep their whole lives after they’re born – why shouldn’t my niece have an impressive one?”

Dean gave the doll another uncertain, sidelong glance. “I guess…”

“It’ll grow on you.”

“We don’t exactly have the space for any of that,” Cas put in. “It’s big enough as it is…”

Sam suppressed a laugh, unsure as he often was as to how serious Cas was being, as he watched Ruby push Davey towards Dean’s lap. The boy stared at his cousin in wide-eyed fascination before reaching out to touch her face. 

It was something Davey often did as a sign of affection, and Dean knew that. As soon as he’d had real control over his limbs Davey enjoyed splaying his hands over people’s faces, as though to know them better. And he’d always been careful to avoid eyes – Ruby had made sure of that from early on. So Sam didn’t move to stop him as Davey reached out towards Emma’s nose, not seeing anything alarming or unusual in the gesture.

But Dean did.

“Whoah, whoah, whoah, sport,” he said hurriedly as he jumped to his feet, so quickly that he almost knocked Davey off of his. “Can’t go near Emma. She’s uh… well, we’ll call you when she’s ready for playing around, alright?”

Davey concentrated so hard on staring up at Dean that he fell backwards and continued to stare, lower lip quivering now. He was very good at listening to tones now, and he knew an unhappy voice when he heard one.

Sam knelt down to pick up his son, giving Dean a small glance of _What the hell, man?_ And heard a muttered excuse that Emma needed changed again in response as Dean rushed his pup out of the room.

“Your Uncle Dean isn’t mad at you Davey,” Cas reassured Sam’s son at eye level, speaking to him as solemnly as he did to Charlie about the divorce. “He’s just a little… worried at the moment, but it isn’t your fault.”

Davey nodded his chins seriously before burying his face back in Sam’s shoulder, as Ruby sighed and sat down beside Gabriel.

“Well that was a fleeting introduction,” she huffed, adding, “but hey since everyone’s so baby-focused right now, this one inside me would _kill_ for some coffee…”

*

“So. Are you still planning on leaving after Anna gets here?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

It was the third time that Gabriel had come over to see Emma, and again it was ending with the two of them in the kitchen, drinking coffee, while Dean dealt with Emma. Not that there was always something to ‘deal’ with, but Cas for now was allowing Dean any space he needed to have alone with their pup, getting to feel as though he could finally be doing something for her, protecting her. Although Cas was going to have to talk to Dean about him getting up _every_ time Emma screamed in the night.

“You’re not doing this alone, Dean. I’m off work to help you with this and you got her the last three times now…” Cas had told him at 3am, weakly, the night before.

“I know, I know, but I wanna see her. She could be hungry or something…” Dean told him, already out of bed and at their bedroom door.

“Dean, you know that _you_ can’t actually feed her…”

Dean didn’t even look back at him as he left the room. “I’m tired Cas, but not tired enough to think I’ve actually started growing boobs, chill.”

Cas had followed him, only to have Dean almost snarl at him for having both of them lose sleep – hadn’t he already noticed Dean was up and awake now? Lately it felt like so many of their conversations had ended up there, sliding back into their original rhythm of Cas trying to become more calm even as Dean became more agitated. And just when Dean had first hijacked his road trip, Cas was getting tired of the only replies he received being relayed through snarls and grunts. He missed Dean, _his_ Dean, and hell, he missed _people_ , of living with other people who wanted to talk to him, who were happy to help out when he needed them. Living with Sam and Ruby Cas had worried constantly about what a burden they were being on their lives, and had spent the whole time craving his own space. Now alone with Dean and Emma… it was wonderful, obviously, but it did make it all terrifyingly real. Cas had grown up. The frequently stoned activist baby of his family had a mate and a child who were relying on him: he had a job, a house, a mortgage…

As though reading his mind, Gabriel put down his coffee mug after taking a long slurp of it (Cas still wasn’t sure how his brother could drink something that sweet. The way Gabriel made it, however strong the coffee, it ended up being something more like caffeinated sugar than sweetened coffee) saying, “Well, I figured you might still need me around a little while longer.”

“For the trial?”

“No, dude, fucking hell, I already told you I’m staying outta that whole train wreck. But you need someone around to talk to other than Dean-O sometimes, I’m guessing.”

Cas listened carefully to the sounds of Dean’s footsteps in the room above them before answering. “Dean’s been… acting a little more… distant, recently. And he’s not eating properly. _That_ more than anything, is worrying.”

“Uh-huh, baby stress, or Michael stress?”

“I’m not sure,” Cas admitted, rubbing his forehead.

“So not a whole load a talking going on around here.”

“No.” But it stung to say that, it did.

“The sex still alright though?”

Cas exhaled wearily. “Gabriel, we’re new parents. We don’t exactly have-”

“So that’s a neon-flashing no then.”

Cas rolled his eyes, refusing to deign Gabriel’s comments with replies. After all he couldn’t say he was wrong. They hadn’t exactly been having… well, any, since Emma, somehow. Which made sense. Emma had to come first, obviously. Just like Dean, Cas wouldn’t have it any other way. And just like Dean, the first time she’d smiled, or, at least the first time it had _looked_ like she’d smiled, that had easily made Cas’ week much easier than good sex ever could.

But… He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss a few simple pleasures of their old life. The feel of Dean’s gorgeous lips wide around his cock… Or, even better – his mouth working around Dean. Finding a way of _forcing_ Dean to relax, to laugh again…

“Hmm. Well, at least these are questions you’ll get to avoid whenever you’ve got Mom here.” Gabriel stopped a moment, as though considering how a conversation like that might go, and shuddered.

“Are you staying to meet _her?_ ”

Gabriel gave him a look, and downed the end of his, presumably cold, coffee. “If I’m still around when the proud grandma comes visiting, I’m not gonna be around _here_. If you were smart, you’d be thinking the same, though, I guess you don’t exactly want to leave her alone with the pup. Not sure if she’d try running off with her and filing for custody herself, or stuffing poor little Emma in a blender to avoid the next fallout between her kids. I don’t think she’d _actually_ …” Gabriel added at the torn look on Cas’ face. Cas had been worrying about how believable both scenarios sounded.

“She’s not perfect, Gabe, but… she’s our _Mother._ And she does care, especially when it comes to Emma, I know she will.”

“Until she presents as omega, that is,” Gabriel put in as he picked up his jacket and made to leave.

*

When Meg walked through the arrivals gate at San Francisco, clutching the straps of her worn-out red backpacker’s rucksack, she spotted Anna immediately.

Anna looked exactly the same.

Oh, she’d let her hair grow out, but Meg knew that, from her occasional forays on facebook. And Anna, she also seemed more mature, but somehow younger – it was the way she was sitting there so calm and collected, smiling at the book she was reading like she was sitting outside alone in the sunshine without a care in the world.

Meg’s plane had been so delayed, it was fair enough Anna hadn’t noticed her yet, she reminded herself firmly. You’d have to find something to do when you’d been waiting an hour on someone you hadn’t actually met face to face in three years now and they were an hour late for meeting you. Meg had almost been hoping Anna would be gone by the time she made it in the airport, gone on to Cas and Dean’s without her, but no, there she was. She still wasn’t looking up because Meg wasn’t going to smell the same – and with the hair, she barely looked the same either.

If Anna didn’t recognise her that would be… awkward. Maybe just a little heart-breaking, deep down in Meg’s bitter little soul.

Telling herself to toughen herself the fuck up already, Meg marched over towards Anna, taking a deep breath, ready to take a cough to announce herself, and then found she didn’t have to.

Anna’s face, even without any make-up, honestly looked just like a little ray of fucking sunshine when she smiled. It was almost disgusting, Meg decided as she watched as Anna stood up and carefully bookmark her novel before laying it down on top of her case. “Meg!” she called, pearly whites flashing as she abandoned her seat to run over to Meg and engulf her in a hug that felt so much warmer than what Anna’s skinny little frame looked like it could provide.

“Good seeing you too,” Meg huffed out, amused.

Their whole taxi ride out to Dean and Cas’ new place was full of Anna’s blunt questions into Meg’s life since she’d last seen her, yet somehow she still managed to not talk about Meg’s operation , and without making it seem as though she were actively avoiding the topic. So they talked about Meg’s hair (“I really like it Meg, but do you think you’ll ever go back to dark again?”) and Meg’s commune experiences (“the weed was the only reason I stayed so long, I’m not kidding, it was better than Amsterdam’s”) and eventually Anna’s life – her job as a navy translator which she’d finally gotten out of in favour of language tutoring, her cats that she’d left behind in the care of an ex-boyfriend, and her excitement about seeing her brother again.

“Do you think it’ll be wedding bells then? After they’ve sorted things out with this whole divorce crap…”

Anna frowned. She had a very pretty, thoughtful sort of frown, Meg was reminded all of a sudden. Anna was never going to be a girl cursed with forehead wrinkles at least. “I’m not sure Michael’s going to let things go through all that easy… but, supposing it all works out yeah, Cas is a romantic at  heart. He’s kinda like you that way.”

Meg raised a cynical eyebrow. “Hi, I’m Meg. You have met me, right? Romantic at heart?”

“Aw c’mon. You and my little brother, you’re two of a kind. You’ve got your big _causes_ , you just usually can’t decide which one to stick to.”

“Well, he seems to have found one now,” Meg observed, as the cab pulled up outside the small house in the suburbs they’d been directed to. Anna squeezed her thigh lightly as she pulled herself out of the car door. “And maybe you will too sometime.”

Meg took her time handing over the cab fare before following Anna into the house. Anna had started her thinking, hoping… that maybe the operation wouldn’t matter to her…

Mentally kicking herself for acting the damn ‘romantic’ she’d just been labelled as, Meg thanked the driver and got out.

It was always good and easy seeing Cas, her Clarence, again. He’d put on a little weight, maybe, since she’d last seen him, and she and Anna got to tease him over that and the whole ‘house in the suburbs’ thing. Then of course Cas reminded her that she lived in a farm in the middle of a great big Texan nowhere and Meg had to shut up about it.

Dean was a huge change though. He still looked as though he could use some more meat on his bones, and though he was happy to see her and proud to show off his pup (who looked exactly like every other baby Mega had ever seen) Meg couldn’t help feeling as though he’d retreated further back into his shell instead of prancing out of it.

“He seems kinda quiet, don’tcha think?” she commented to Anna later when they were alone getting ready for bed in the spare room they’d been given to share. The couch had looked awful small, and Meg had volunteered to sleep on the floor instead, but then Anna had scolded her for being silly and had made her share the spare bed with her, since it was, after all, a double. Cas had given Meg a look of _happy you have exactly what you wanted now?_ at that point, but Meg had felt more like her heart was drooping down into her stomach. The way Anna had suggested it … she’d sounded so fucking innocent, as though _obviously_ they would share the bed, they were _friends_ , it would be like a _sleepover._

Ugh. Meg had told Clarence she’d stick around for him for the next week for the court case, and seeing the city sights, but suddenly it sounded like a whole load of effort she really didn’t need complicating her life. She wanted to go back to her hermitage already.

“Who, Dean?”

“Yeah. He’s being all _polite,_ it’s unnerving. Like does having a kid change a person that dramatically?”

Anna sat down at the foot of the bed. It was a very large bed. With the two of them both so small, they’d probably go the whole night long without even touching one another.  “Honestly? He seems really… awesome to me. I really wasn’t sure when Cas told me about the two of them. Really didn’t seem his type. Now though… well he’s all outspoken and sassy and cool. I like him. Funny thinking he was like that all along, underneath.”

Meg’s eyes widened and rolled as she chucked a make-up wipe into the bin. “Fucking hell, he musta been a bundle of laughs back with Michael.”

Anna shrugged. “I barely ever spoke to him. I liked him, but he was very much _Michael’s_ omega, and I felt awkward even holding a conversation… aw sorry, Meg.”

“Don’t you go getting all correct on me now, angelcake.”

Grinning, Anna put both her legs up on the bed and crossed them. “No danger…  Meg? Stop me if I’m being too nosy, alright, but… what do you feel like now?”

“You mean do I feel like an omega or a beta?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

Meg quirked an eyebrow. “Well what do I smell like?”

“Let me check…” Anna leaned in, sniffing very deliberately at Meg’s hair, her neck. “Good,” she decided, “you smell good.”

Throwing any caution she had to the wind, Meg pulled on Anna’s chin, hungrily coaxing Anna’s lips towards hers.

 _Ah,_ she thought to herself, _this, this is what I’ve been missing._

*

“Meg was noticing you’ve been… seeming down, lately.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders as he shoved more dirty washing into the machine, deciding that more could and would fit in there because he didn’t want to turn around and look at Cas. Not yet, anyway. “My Dad’s turning up tomorrow, I’m not exactly going to be prancing about for joy.”

“Mmm. It’s just… Dean, Meg doesn’t always take notice in things other than herself. The fact that she’s mentioned this at all is worrying.”

“So you think I’m getting all depressed again, is that it?” Dean turned around to lean on the now spinning washing machine, arms folded tightly across his chest.

“Dean, you have a long untreated history and-”

“Well I’ve been googling, alright, and it’s pretty damn normal for carrier parents to go through a load of post-natal shit. They all get over it alright-”

Dean could see from Cas’ face that he hadn’t even considered that Dean might be acting more unhappy as a direct result of Emma, he’d just thought it was the same old shit come back to bite him again. _Fuck._

“It’s not that bad, ok? I’m not one of those freaks who… starts hating on their own kid. I want her… safe, and happy, and I’m…” Dean took a deep breath in, “I’m just not always sure I can give her that. But then sometimes I look at her, and you _know_ I love that pup more than anything in the world, but I look at her and I can’t help thinking about how every damn problem we have is here because I never planned ahead on birth control! And I know what a fucking terrible parent that makes me, believe me I know, Cas...”

Cas took a step towards him. He was alarmed, but he was trying not to voice any of it. Cas was good at all that – he wasn’t so big on the whole crazy outbursts. “Well, as you say, these are normal feelings you’ve been going through, Dean. So there are a lot of things we can do – a lot of professionals who are there to help…”

“Oh, no. Hold up there, alpha.” Dean started gesturing with his hands, slowly, as though he were conversing with an idiot. Maybe he was. A gorgeous idiot he’d never deserved, but an idiot. “I’m not seeing any more shrinks. But if I ever thought about it, it would be way after we’ve settled the divorce out, ok? You think Michael doesn’t already have enough ammo to prove I’m too crazy to care for a pup?”

The raised voices set Emma off again in the next room. She’d been so quiet all morning…

“Perfect,” Dean exclaimed, glaring at Cas like it was all his fault. Dammit why wasn’t it all Cas’ fault. How dare his mate _care_ about his mental health? Dick.

It felt as though Emma didn’t stop crying until that time the next day, after his Dad had been round to visit. That had obviously made Dean look like a stellar new Dad of the year, trying to hold Emma out to Ellen and Bobby and his Dad, and having to _explain_ how pretty she was, when she didn’t have drool and vomit stains all down her chin.

“She’s got your nose, I think,” Ellen offered.

Dean smiled at her, glad for the hundredth time that afternoon that John hadn’t showed up at all, but with his oldest friends in tow. “You think?”

Bobby squinted. “Uh… I guess. She’s a lot smaller than you as a kid – I guess that comes from the whole early birth thing though, huh? Any… side effects of that?”

Dean shook his head. “Not exactly. Just some scarring from the IV stuff going up her arm, and some breathing issues that they think’ll sort them out in the future.”

“But they won’t be able to rule out any sort of mental difficulties or eyesight problems for years, we got told that with Sammy,” John put in from his space on the couch. “Had to get the kid checked out for autism a lot when he was little, but they never found anything.”

Dean nodded, trying to say as little as possible to John. He didn’t want to start anything, and he didn’t just want to go along with agreeing with him. He wanted to say that he wouldn’t give a fuck if Emma grew tentacles _,_ he still wouldn’t think there was anything _wrong_ with her, and he knew that saying that like that would only rile his old man.

“Thanks for letting us come up and see the pup,” Bobby said as they were leaving that day, though they’d be staying for the next week over at Sam and Ruby’s, much to Ruby’s frustration.

“You know you and Ellen are welcome out here anytime you like. You guys and Jo, you know that, right? You’re family too.”

“Speaking of family,” Bobby added, lowering his voice, “thanks for letting your Dad come over as well. I know things ain’t always been brilliant between the two of you, what with the two of you drinking so much back whenever you lived together… But at least one of you got that habit kicked in the end, right? ‘M’proud of you boy, not that I’ve got a right to be, really. You got away from that sack of polished shit you married, and it’s all working out for you now.”

Dean plastered on a grin which stayed stuck on his face until he’d waved them all off. Kicked the habit. Right. Well, he _had_ , with Michael, and then again when he was pregnant, but now, well. Now they had a drinks’ cabinet, and storage space, and caffeine wasn’t always going to cut it when he needed to be awake and cheerful about it _all the damn time._

Fuck, they really were taking his kid away from him, weren’t they?

It wasn’t that he didn’t have faith in Charlie, because he really did. She seemed not only like a really cool person, but also a woman who always knew her shit back to front, in whatever subject it was you got her talking on. But the fact was the character she was trying to shine up for court was none other than the stellar asshat known as one Dean Winchester, and knowing everything there was to know about him was not going to help her out.

“Michael’s dildofaced lawyer pall? He’s going to be trying to make you look bad, a bad husband, potentially a bad parent,” she’d been explaining to him when _she_ turned up with Sam to meet Emma for the first time. “Now obviously he’ll have to do that with but fact, but putting it all together he can make it _sound_ like he has a point, if this guy’s as half as good as people make him out to be.”

“The ol’ razzle dazzle,” Dean supplied, leaning back in his chair.

“You got it,” Charlie chirped, before grimacing. “Now, as far as I know, as far as you’ve told me, all they’ve got is ongoing depression and proof that this was not something which existed solely inside your marriage. We also have you running off for no discernible reasoning – now, did you steal anything? I know about the car.”

“I didn’t take anything that wasn’t mine.”

“Awesome, but see, there’s another thing. Nobody else knows about the car, making it sound like you’d planned this out with Cas – that you guys running off together was premeditated, if you like, and with no concern for Michael sitting at home worrying over his poor lost omega. So, I’m not gonna lie, this bit looks bad. But you’re not trying to run off with all Michael’s money in this divorce, you just want out, so I don’t see how it should be a problem.”

“We told you you’re the best already, right?”

“Not enough, no. I should tell you that if you _want_ to make off with everything he has I’m up for a long-haul gig.”

“I’m good thanks,” Dean laughed, for what felt like the first time in weeks. “I love you.”

“I know. Now let me hold that baby’a yours again.”

“You can’t take Emma as payment for the lawyering, y’know.”

Charlie pouted unhappily, not looking up from Emma’s wide blue eyes. “You sure?”

“Yup. Otherwise I’ve got no reason to keep off work.”

“When’s your leave ending, anyway?”

Dean’s face squirmed uncomfortably. “Officially, it has.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nah, I wish. But I got a pretty… understanding boss.” Which was putting it mildly. Benny had insisted on letting him have as long as he needed off, though he’d _eventually_ have to stop paying him for it. Benny had even left the part-time option open for Dean in case that suited him better – he really wanted Dean back in his garage, even if Dean hadn’t worked out if he wanted to work at all again, yet. It could make him look bad for the divorce, just now anyway. A working omega carrier parent.

Benny had acted pretty chill about the whole thing, but Dean had seen he was disappointed. Sometimes it was great, feeling so needed by so many people , and sometimes it just made you want to curl up in a ball and abandon them all, since, hey, they’d probably be better off anyway.

*

“It’s really nothing short of tragic that the first time I’ve seen you in almost a year, Anna, is because of your brother…”

Cas watched as his sister squirmed under their mother’s gaze, feeling as though he should step in to say something, but also feeling childishly relieved that for at least a moment Naomi Novak’s never-ending manipulative tirade was not being focused on him. It wasn’t easy with only the two of them there, but it would have been impossible with Dean around, fussing around even letting his mother-in-law touch Emma never mind hold her, as she was now, so he and Meg had been sent out on a shopping expedition.

“…and for a reason like this as well…” Their mother sighed pointedly. “It’s not that I’m not thrilled to hold my first grandchild in my arms, I only wish the circumstances could be different. Don’t look at me that way, Castiel. This is the first real relationship you’ve ever had, and it just _had_ to be with your brother’s mated husband.”

“Mother, we agreed already that if you came around to see my child you would not disrespect Dean.”

“It’s hardly disrespectful when… well. This custody battle, harrying as it is for me, hopefully will succeed in taking away at least some of his power over Emma. Whether I see her with you or Michael, I care little, but I would like to see her raised away from her omega father if at all possible. From what Michael has admitted to me after living with the man for years, it may not be safe for him to be around a child.”

Cas had to concentrate very hard on stopping his hands from balling into fists. This was his own Mother, he should feel something more for her than an instinctive desire than to protect Dean from her.

“I met Dean several times while he was married to Michael, and now again recently, Mom. I’ve never noticed anything about him that seemed unsuitable for having a pup – he’s one of the most caring guys I know.”

Across the small living room, Cas passed his sister a grateful smile.

Naomi took a deep breath in and looked sympathetically over at her only daughter. “Happily, you’ve never had much experience of the mentally diseased in your life, Anna, but I can tell you from conversations with your older brother, it truly is shocking what those who seem perfectly quiet and normal…”

“What has he said?” Cas asked.

“Considering that this pertains directly to the court case you’re both, regrettably, involved in, I couldn’t possibly act as though I’d chosen sides. Impartiality in parenting is key.”

Before Cas could say anything else, he heard the front door open and Dean call in that the shop had been closed as Naomi stiffened in her chair at the sound of his voice. Predictably, Dean immediately made to where they were, to where his pup was, and Cas had to watch his face harden as he saw Naomi still sitting there.

“You’re still here then?”

Cas’ Mother’s jaw tightened considerably, but it wasn’t until Meg followed Dean into the room that she reacted verbally, after sniffing the air suspiciously.

“Hey there, Mrs N,” Meg drawled.

“What are you?” Naomi eventually asked in horror, before turning to Cas. “Freaks, freaks and drug dealers, that’s who you’ve always been most at home with. And you believe you can provide the best of homes for my grandchild?”

“I think you’ve overstayed your welcome again now, Mom,” Anna said coldly, standing up. “That’s my girlfriend you’re insulting there.”

Though the fallout was awful and head-ache inducing, it may have been worth it for the look of his Mother’s face.

*

Dean thought he was dreaming at first. It felt weird enough to be a dream, getting to finally take some peace and quiet for himself now that the house was suddenly emptied for the day, and the baby was quiet. He hadn’t bothered getting changed yet, he’d decided to chill around in his shorts with no t-shirt, but when the doorbell chimed he went to answer it without putting anything else on. After all, it was probably the ladies back from their sightseeing, or else Cas had forgotten his key. Again.

But because he’d decided in his head that it would be Cas at the door, and there could never be any denying the similar scent and appearance, it took Dean far longer than it should have to realise that it wasn’t Cas at the door. It was Michael.

Michael smiled as Dean opened the door – it was a cold, polished smile, but not an unusual, or a particularly unfriendly one for Michael. “Ah, Dean. Glad to see I do really have the right house number.”

“Well. Uh. Well you do,” Dean managed eventually, finger clutched at his wooden front door.

Michael laughed at him shortly. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked, already with a foot through the door. “I feel as though I should meet this pup all the fuss has been about, and check on how you’ve been doing,” he explained as he started striding through the hallway, as though he already knew his way around, acting like he was just one more polite acquaintance come to pull a Christmas Wise Man on them.

“She’s sleeping at the moment,” Dean told him. Already it had infected him, this inherent need to please. His alpha – but not, not really – had walked into the room and so he would follow him and speak to him civilly and answer his questions and not even think about not giving him what he wanted.

Through apparent lucky guesswork, Michael quickly found the kitchen where Dean had left his daughter sleeping, and took a seat, after politely waiting a beat for Dean to refuse him.

Dean remained standing, standing on guard next to Emma. “So what the hell are you doing in my house?”

“Isn’t it my brother’s house?”

“And mine. And Emma’s.”

“Sweet,” Michael told him as he started to chuckle. “So may I hold her, Dean?”

“Uh…” _No. No you can’t. Back the fuck off or I’ll…_

“She’s not, as you feared, sleeping, or I wouldn’t ask. I imagine her sleeping pattern is far from regulated.”

“You could say that.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that.” He seemed genuinely sorry, and he probably was, or, at least as genuine as Michael could ever be,

“Well I had help.”

“Of course,” Michael’s said smoothly, as though the ‘help’ they were discussing had nothing to do with his little brother. “I’m glad to hear that Castiel has apparently still not abandoned this current passion of his. I have to say, this is the longest I’ve ever seen his attention captured for to such degrees. I am impressed, although hardly surprised. You are, of course, incredible, Dean.”

Dean snorted, still trying to think of a way to get Michael out of the kitchen, out of the house, away from Emma.

“You are. You’re absolutely amazing, and I can see that you make an incredible father,” Michael continued, standing again and walking towards Dean. “I always knew that you would,” he breathed, suddenly, very, very close, his fingers raised to stroke over the bites on Dean’s neck, his bites. And he smelt like mate but he didn’t and Dean just wanted to scream at him, to force him away, but he was so, so very tired of fighting for everything, against everything…

“Dean.”

…And there was the real smell of mate, there in the kitchen doorway, and shame washed over Dean like a power hose.

“Cas,” he croaked, begging out for rescue, for forgiveness for what had almost been there.

Michael moved slowly back away from Dean and Dean saw the two brothers, the two of his mates, both standing side by side almost, for the first time. Cas was a little shorter, as Dean knew very well, and right now, Michael seemed entirely alien in temperament to Cas. Where Cas was shaking all over from what Dean knew was the strain of not punching his brother in the face, Michael still seemed calm. Calm like a stalking reptile.

“Castiel,” he said, curtly, “I suppose I’ll be seeing you soon, little brother.”

His eyes were so very, very cold. How did Cas manage to hold that gaze so well?

“I expect you will,” Cas agreed, as he let Michael walk out beside him and back into the hallway, back out the front door. Michael was gone again, and if it wasn’t for the hurt look in Cas’ eye, pleading for a comprehensible explanation, and the scent of him still hanging on the air, Dean could almost go back to pretending that Michael didn’t exist at all.

*


	21. Defending Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Divorce courtroom dramas are about as fun as they sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while again, just back into the University work and a whole lot of shit was going on, so not a load of time to spare for writing at the moment unfortunately. Especially when said writing involves RESEARCH :/ and as per, excuse the mistakes, most of it was written in the middle of the night, and as usually nobody reads over it than me, who always thinks there's nothing wrong with it until AFTER I post it :) And guess who had Elbow’s Grounds for Divorce in her head the entire way through writing this chapter?

Meg woke up to Anna kissing her neck.

A pleasant experience, that. If every morning for the rest of her life started out that way she’d be ok with that. Yeah.

“You sleep?”

“Eventually. They were arguing till around… two, maybe. Then there was crying which, well, I’m hoping was all Emma’s.”

Meg laid her head back on the pillow as she ground her teeth together loudly. “Well I hope they sorted something the fuck out already. That was the last chance for it.”

“Do you think they would do it? Break up I mean?”

Meg closed her eyes tight for a minute. She’d been having such a nice dream and everything and now she was awake and it had to be divorce day and with the two idiots upstairs still hurting each other. “Maybe. If they’re dumb enough. But they shouldn’t, since they’re the real deal if anything’s it.”

“And it’s upsetting the pup,” Anna murmured in agreement. “But I still don’t really get why they’re mad at each other in the first place.”

Meg sighed again. They were mad at each other because Dean had been a bit of a coward when it came to his ex and Cas wasn’t really getting how or why, because he’d never in his life really had to be afraid, not until now, and Dean was going to lash out because that was all the idiot seemed to know how to do. Which was going to make Cas even more mad and even more upset because his mate genuinely wasn’t making any sense…

“I dunno,” Meg muttered eventually, and clambered out of bed. Time to go watch a bit of reality.

*

Dean was playing with Emma’s baby mobile when Cas came in and found him. They’d found her this colourful handmade one back when she was still in hospital that Cas had picked out and Dean had been forced to admit was pretty awesome. There was this giant bee with shiny wings, and a little blue dragon, and a curly haired cupid holding out an arrow ready with a big shit-eating grin on its face. Dean didn’t think much of that one. It looked far too damn smug about something all the time to be trustworthy.

Emma gurgled contentedly as Dean sent the mobile spinning again, with some jet-plane sound effects to go with it. It was good seeing her happy. These last few weeks he was sure that she’d been picking up every worried look, every anxious, frustrated smell from him, so after all his research on what an environment like that could do to a pup her age, the last couple of days he’d been determinedly happy whenever he came near her. He didn’t want her to start flinching whenever he tried picking her up one day because all she associated her omega daddy with was bad feelings. So Dean was _happy_ right now, he was happy and he wasn’t thinking about Michael or Cas or the divorce case…

“Dean.”

Dean took a deep breath in before turning around. _Happy._ Happy. He was being happy for his kid just like that fucking song that never seemed to leave him alone.

“Heya Cas. Work suit lookin’ real snazzy on you.”

Cas looked down at himself awkwardly, pulling at the lapel on his coat as though he’d already forgotten what he was wearing. “Thank you. You also look good smartened up.”

“You saying I don’t usually look smart?” Dean quipped as he got back on his feet, grin plastered on his face crumbling slightly at the edges despite his best efforts.

A smile twitched at Cas’ lips. He looked so damn tired. “No. I’m saying that this also looks good. On you.”

“Well, I… thanks, Cas.”

When the hell did they suddenly get so awkward? Dean wondered, as he bleaky reminded himself that this was better than the anger. At least this was sorta half way to cute, and it wouldn’t scare the pup.

“So,” Dean started, trying for a smile again, “We ready for this?”

“Well, no, we’re not,” Cas admitted, honest as ever. “But maybe we can start getting better now.” Suddenly Cas wasn’t talking about their day in court any longer. He was talking about them, the two of them, and how broken they were. How Dean had managed to screw up that one good, solid thing in his life, and, worse, how Cas still wasn’t blaming him at all. Even after all the tears and the angry words they’d flung at one another last night, Dean had still woken that morning with Cas’ hand on his back, fingers not quite grasping, but clinging on hopefully.

After everything Cas still… believed in him, loved him, accepted him. And that scared Dean more than anything – later on and Michael would be showing the world, and Cas, especially Cas, just who Dean Winchester really was…

“I’m sorry, alright?” Dean blurted. Since Michael, he only ever apologised to Cas, Dean realised. He’d always been terrible at it, Sammy had always used to bitch on about that when they were kids.

To Dean’s relief and frustration Cas’ face slid, in that near-imperceptible way he had, into happiness, into hope. “Dean, you’ve nothing to be sorry for. I pushed you too hard, I know that-”

“And I haven’t really pushed myself at all when it’s come to Michael. You keep being right about that. And you’ve just… you’ve just been _there_ for me like a dumb idiot when I hurt you again and a – and I’m insulting you again. It’s… it’s all I know what to do and I’m sorry for all of that shit. Because you don’t deserve any of it. And then later on today you’ll be hearing from Michael all the reasons you won’t deserve me – so hey, sorry it’s too late to take back this,” Dean joked, pointing at the bite hidden by his shirt sleeve on his shoulder.

Cas looked aghast as he walked over towards Dean. “I would never want to… to take that back, Dean. I want to feel that you belong to me as much… as much as I do to you, but I never… Dean, I would never want to find that you were somehow out of my life again. Nothing you could do would ever make me want that.”

“Huh. You’ve not heard any of this shit Michael’s gonna pull outta the hat yet.”

“You’re scared my brother’s going to make me think that you’re insane.”

“Basically, yes!”

Cas smiled at him, like he was a kid who’d done something stupid. “Dean, I already know all about your insanities, and I love you for them as well.”

“Well… then you’re a dorky sap.”

“So you tell me,” Cas agreed as he crossed over and gently laid his hands on Dean’s arms, as though he were coaxing him into a dance.

“Cas…” Dean was keeping his eyes down. He didn’t want to see any more of his mate having that irritatingly unshakeable faith on his face, he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Would you like us to push for a restraining order as well as a divorce? I’m sure Charlie would be accommodating on that front.”

Dean laughed, because Cas had framed the question as a joke, but he couldn’t help wondering. No more Michael turning up unannounced acting entitled to something from Dean – Dean wouldn’t need to find a way to deal with him, he’d just never be there…

“I think we’ll manage without.”

“Are you going to be alright seeing him today?”

Dean winced slightly. It was hard not to feel as though Cas was asking less from concern and more out of worry that he couldn’t trust Dean around his former mate.

“Sure. Let’s go get the dick to fuck off already.”

*

Gabriel turned up about twenty minutes before Sam did, entirely unannounced, and in a suit instead of one of the Hawaiian shirts he’s lately been favouring. “We’re a little busy at the moment, Gabriel,” Cas sighed as he opened the door, his brother already sauntering through into the house.

“I know _that_. That’s why I’m here, you flying knothead.”

Cas closed his front door very deliberately before following his brother into his kitchen. “You’ve changed your mind about talking to Michael.”

Gabriel shrugged. “Ugh, you could say that, I guess. I’m coming with you at least, so I suppose I’ll have to see the asshole. Anna still here?”

“She’s upstairs getting ready. Meg’s staying behind to look after Emma, so Anna will be coming with us.”

Gabriel shook his head fondly as he glanced at the ceiling. “She was always more ballsy than the two of us put together when it came to standing up to Mom. Till recent, I mean. Obviously you’ve kinda gone and stolen that spot for good now. Unless, I dunno, I try opening a brothel again.”

When it came to meeting Michael and his Mother outside the courthouse, Gabriel was less agitated, and more… acting himself. When he saw them walking up the opposite side of the steps he grinned widely, and gave a little wave over at them, although made no motion to go over to speak to either of them. Cas would have loved to enjoy the surprise and frustration on the faces of his most estranged family members, but he was too busy keeping an eye on Dean. Which was difficult when he simultaneously did not want to appear the jealous alpha dick doing nothing but keeping watch over his mate. He just wanted to be there for Dean, that was all.

Although since he also wanted to punch his oldest brother in the face, several times over, it was probably sensible he wasn’t looking at him.

But now _they_ were walking over towards them and he was going to have to look at Michael.

“I wasn’t sure whether you’d be here for this, Anna,” he said, smiling, as though she’d flown all the way across the country just to see him. Next to him, their mother stood hugging her crossed arms tightly to her chest, which seemed an odd sight considering the heat of the day, her eyes looking weary and irritable.

“Sounded like it might be a show. So here I am.”

Michael smiled, and moved forwards to embrace her, despite her clearly defensive pose. For the thousandth time in his life Cas wondered if his brother was deliberately antagonistic with people or simply obtuse. Perhaps it was both. It seemed hard to see how anyone could miss how uncomfortable Anna looked as Michael’s arms wrapped around her, yet Michael’s face did appear sincere… And then his eyes turned to Dean and Cas was certain that he had to be putting something on. He had to be.

“Dean. Good to see you again so soon.”

Michael looked at Dean the same way he had when Cas had walked in on them both in the kitchen. Cas had never felt so angry, so hurt or protective in his life as he had when he’d seen his brother’s arms lingering around his mate’s waist, leaning in to take with entitlement what Michael clearly still felt belonged to him – right _there_ , in Cas’ home, with his pup left sitting there next to them. Cas hadn’t even been certain who he’d felt most mad with: Michael, for barging in their like anything they owned would always remain his by default; Dean for that moment of weakness, of fear; or himself, for blaming Dean just a little, and worse, for being unable to protect him.

So to see that assured look back on Michael’s face now… it was disturbing, to say the least.

Because when Cas had walked in that night they’d smelt like mates. And Michael’s scent had lingered with Dean’s, confusing Cas every time he was around him. It was an intimate _Dean_ smell, one he wasn’t, could never be, could never _want_ to be included in.

Today there was no confusion. Dean had prepared himself for this, Cas knew that, and it felt amazing to see how it showed. Dean stared at Michael with an arrogance which was almost reminiscent of Michael himself as he told him, “Not really. But hey, here’s hoping you enjoy this ‘show’ as much as we’re planning to.”

“This circus, I presume you mean,” Naomi muttered. “That’s what you’ve turned this family into, a damn circus.”

Before Cas could say anything, Gabriel stood forward to stand at his side. In the light of day Cas suddenly realised just how much smarter both of his brothers looked in comparison to him, in his badly ironed work suit.

“I thought you always said I did that, Mom” Gabriel put in, pouting.

“And appropriately enough, _you_ appear only for drama, but never a Christmas, never a Thanksgiving,” she rebuked coldly. “You never even told me you were in the country – now you show up unannounced for _this_? To laugh at your brother’s misfortunes?”

“Well, maybe I’m just here to try and stop him wrecking the life of another one of my brothers.”

“You all seem to wreck everything just fine on your own,” Naomi muttered as she turned away and began marching up the stairs, with apparently no interest in having anyone follow her. With an apologetic glance back at Cas, Anna hurried up after her and gripped her arm, helping her up the stairs.

“You’ve upset her,” Michael noted to Gabriel.

“Oh right, well spotted, bro. You gonna try giving _me_ a hug now?”

Michael frowned, finally seeming taken aback. When Cas had asked Gabriel to talk with Michael this hadn’t exactly been what he’d had in mind, but at least it was _affecting_ Michael to some degree.

“We going in already?” Dean muttered at Cas’ side.

“I think so.”

Cas looked at Michael, feeling the nonsensical urge to try and make amends with his brother, to offer the idea that whatever happened in that courtroom, nothing would change. But everything had already changed, so there was nothing to say, and all Cas did was nod awkwardly before starting to walk on up the stairs.

“And Dean?”

Cas bit down on a curse as they looked back to see Michael still standing still, smiling. “I hope you have no cause for regret.”

“Go to hell already,” Dean muttered and led their way upstairs into the courthouse.

*

It felt strange to be sat in a courtroom and not be sitting in the Defense attorney’s chair, Sam mused as he took his seat in the row behind Dean, as Gabriel slid into the space next to him. He felt so irritatingly like a spare limb, hearing Charlie repeat to Dean what Sam knew she’d already talked him over a million times: things that Dean would know from his relentless viewing of every TV courtroom drama like that he should always use her to say something, not speak for himself; and more technical issues, like what she was expecting the order of day to go – starting with the confirmation that the omega of the marriage wanted to leave it, and that this was contested by the alpha. It would be an entirely different story were it Michael pushing for divorce. As it was Michael was still officially _contesting_ the divorce in the first place. And it already looked bad that they’d left Florida before having this child Michael claimed custody over, and only pressing for divorce here. Hopefully the judge would look favourably on Dean’s case thought. Sam had heard mostly good things about her…

“Hey Sammy, how long you think this whole thing’s gonna go on for?”

Sam turned to Gabriel and shrugged. “Could even be years, at a push.  But since Dean’s not pressing for an at-fault play unless he has to, it could be interesting. Depends a lot on how things start off today. It should be a simple enough case in Dean’s favour, but Michael’s got one helluva lawyer…”

“Yeah, I recognise him. Douche. So it could be a while then,” Gabriel confirmed, deflating slightly.

“I wasn’t really planning on staying more than today. But yeah. I guess it’ll go on as long as it has to.”

They briefly had to stand as the judge, Kali Sharma, walked into the room, her eyes scanning them all with something that might have been arrogance or simply disinterest.

“Yep. She’s stunning,” Sam heard Gabriel groan beside him quietly as she motioned for them all to sit. “Whadaya think the chances of her being persuaded to hurry things up a little are?”

“We’re still talking about the _judge,_ right?” Stunning wouldn’t have been the first word coming to Sam’s mind. More intimidating, with that whole alpha assurance which had never come so naturally for Sam himself.

“Uh, Duh, Mooseman. But yeah, I dunno if I can stick around for all of this either, and I might have something to offer to help us along, like I was telling whatshername, the Bradbury lady.”

Sam stopped caring about keeping his voice low for a moment. “You’re going to speak up about something? Why didn’t you say so at the start?”

Judge Sharma gave Sam a death glance from her seat and he pressed his lips back together instantly, feeling as though he’d just de-aged twenty years. He gulped down on his next words and looked at the ground until she’d finished with her calling to order lines before muttering as quietly as he could possibly manage, “Does Cas know?”

“No, he doesn’t. And he probably won’t need to if things don’t get messy in the custody battle part since no character smearing’s necessary till then since your brother’s too nice or too scared to try running off with all Michael’s money. And keep your voice down, the scary lady’ll look at us again!”

“Thought you said she was ‘stunning’.”

“Stunning _and_ scary. Never said the two had to be mutually exclusive.”

Everything started off fairly straightforwardly, so far as Sam’s experience of divorce trials – which admittedly was pretty limited to what he’d seen on TV before – informed him. The basics got pushed through slowly, although Sam was feeling quietly hopeful by the end of it. Charlie had that wonderful way of speaking when she was in court which made whatever it was she was saying sound like the only reasonable interpretation there could be.

Sam hadn’t heard her use her ‘lawyer voice’ in a long time and he wasn’t sure if he felt proud or jealous hearing it again now, especially since it seemed frustratingly simple to hear Charlie summarise the case. Dean wanted to leave, he’d given birth to his new mate’s pup, and was happy to prove her parentage through a paternity test if necessary. They had a life here, a home, jobs. Dean wanted nothing from Michael but the divorce, which Michael was still unreasonably refusing him.

And then Raphael stood up. He also had a very convincing ‘lawyer voice’ but in his case, Sam doubted that he ever used any other.

“…my client’s primary concern is that Mr Winchester was not when he left, or is currently, in the position to make such a critical decision. In fact my client would like to use this as an opportunity to draw attention to several long-term mental health issues which…”

Gabriel caught Sam’s eye, asking the silent question of, _We were expecting this, right?_

Sam nodded, keeping his eye on Raphael Devas. They _had_ been expecting this, exactly this, for Michael to claim that Dean still wasn’t in the right mind to leave his husband, or to think of raising a child. But the angle they were coming in at with it… that was a little surprising. Because what it made it sound like was that they were trying to blame everything on Cas. Sam hadn’t really expected them to take that line too far, it was surely too much of a risk for them. They would need to launch as full a character attack on Cas as surely as they would Dean now…

“…and particularly in regards to any custody disputes, my client does not feel comfortable knowing as he does his mate’s emotional instabilities, leaving a child which his instincts convince him is his own, in Mr Winchester’s care.”

Sam breathed out as he heard the other lawyer get through the sentence. They _had_ known exactly what Michael would be arguing, but Raphael just sounded, and Michael _looked_ so damn sure, sitting there at the front with his arms crossed over his chest… And apparently Dean hadn’t been so aware of how quickly things were going to go sour, because Sam could hear his brother angrily starting a muttered, “You goddamned sonova-” before Charlie laid a quick soothing hand down on his arm.

Sam too was finding it hard to repress the urge to voice his feelings on things so far. He wanted to groan loudly because man, was this going to be a long day…

*

They started off getting at Dean, and that was a hell of a lot easier for him to deal with than when they were getting at Cas, later. At least most of what they were saying was true, it just stung a bit having to make his family and friends hear all about it in detail. And Dean hadn’t quite thought through just how many doctors he’d had over the years until Michael paraded them all out in succession.

Charlie had told Dean about how fucked up it would be in terms of patient confidentiality, but that it had already been blurred since it had been Dean’s alpha who had paid for the sessions. And in the best interest of a pup in a custody battle, almost everything became ok to talk about.

Dean had to admit he was almost relieved that Michael had got Raphael to cut those corners for them already. It meant there wasn’t the same amount of waiting around and freaking out. But he was irritated that the one shrink he’d actually gotten along with alright hadn’t been persuaded to make an appearance. Dean figured that if they’d actually dragged Dr Gadreel Wilson up to California instead of just making the poor guy send up his notes, he might have actually been able to help with how sympathetic Dean sounded. It had probably had something to do with the guy being another omega of a similar age, Dean thought to himself as they started reading out the guy’s file on him, surprised there was as much as all that to say. He’d only seen the guy for just under a year, before and after he and Michael were first married, before Michael jetted them off to Florida.

“…Were Mr Novak not leaving the state, I would have recommended continuing sessions with me…”

 _Of course you would have, more money for you,_ Dean thought viciously at the shrink who wasn’t even there as Raphael read out an email Gadreel had apparently sent Michael. Surely _that_ was breaking all kinds of confidentiality shit, even if Michael had paid for it, right? But Raphael was smiling slightly as he read through it and Dean knew he’d have come up with an answer for that. Raphael always had an answer, and he’d always been quick to cut Dean off from speaking. He could feel Sam’s eyes at his back, could feel all of their eyes on him, but squirming was only going to make things look worse for him.

“Generally I found him beset more troublingly by severe insecurities as oppose to instabilities, however there is also a great deal of destructive energy in Dean which I think he fears, and which the sleeping tablets and antidepressants I’ve prescribed will be unable to help with. Though I feel we have made great progress through our sessions, Dean remains incredibly closed emotionally, and what he does admit reveals a sometimes quite disturbing worldview. I would recommend continued counselling, and medication, and for his alcohol intake to be capped for the foreseeable future.”

Raphael lowered the print out back onto the desk and looked up at the judge. Dean tried not to look at him, or at Cas, or any of them who were all looking or trying their damnest _not_ to look at him. And this was from the first shrink, the nice example, who wanted to make a thing about what a giant fucking alcoholic Dean had been.

…And the judge was looking over at him. Awesome. Perfect.

“ _Were_ the medication and counselling something which were continued, Mr Winchester?”

Raphael opened his mouth, and without turning around to look at him she reminded him that she’d asked Dean. Well, that was something anyway. Might not have expected it from an alpha judge.

Charlie waited for a nod from Dean before standing. She knew all of this, they’d had to talk this over, gruellingly, one too many times lately, but again it was kinda nice to be consulted.

“Yes, your honour, although it was some time until a new psychiatrist was found, and after a period of a year, both he and his mate felt that he was no longer needed to depend on his antidepressants.”

And that was all they really got asked about that because Raphael still had the other shrinks to showcase, and one of them, Dr Metatron, who Dean remembered with venom, had showed up in person, all the way from Florida, at Michael’s expense. Michael who kept on staring at the back wall as though waiting for it to reveal all the questions in the goddamn universe.

Dicks. All of them.

“…Mr Novak, oh, I mean Mr _Winchester,_ of course,” the beta simpered on the stand as Dean became unable to think about anything else except how his hands would feel closing around the shrink’s throat.

“…we began sessions with one another shortly after a… well. An _incident_ which had occurred in their home a short time before, some years ago now.”

Dean wanted to groan. Shit. He hadn’t told Charlie about that, had he? He’d forgotten all about that, had tried, so damn hard, to forget all about that and its aftermath of ‘sessions’.

“Can you explain the nature of this ‘incident’ for the court now, Dr Metatron?”

“Certainly. As best I understand it, Mr Winchester attacked a colleague of his husband’s over some imagined slur. He had been going through a highly stressful period and a lot of old anxieties had resurfaced…”

Michael had been so understanding over that one. But really, Dean hadn’t thought much about this because he hadn’t really considered it a _symptom_ of anything. It was just a pretty rational response to some drunken knothead groping you in your own home, insulting your way of speaking and telling you to fix him up another plate of sandwiches. C’mon, he’d never even broken the guy’s nose.

“…I quickly found that my patient still held on to a disturbing amount of homicidal impulses buried from his youth, but most particularly that he still contemplated suicide…”

“He’s fucking lying, Charlie,” Dean muttered, almost spitting in her ear. Cas was looking over at him in alarm.

“About which part???”

“I hit that dude, because he was a dick. I did not say any of that shit to Dr Transformer up there that he’s saying I did.”

“Right,” Charlie said, nodding, before jumping up like a jack-in-the-box to object, and correct, and cast aspersions on how Michael had even got the guy here like a badass. Because all the time she was speaking Raphael looked so pissed off and it felt awesome to watch.

But then Dean had to get up and speak on it, and the ninja turtle lawyer had to ask him the first questions. _I’m not breaking,_ Dean thought over and over to himself as Raphael smiled at him, asked him, if Metatron was wrong and this was not the last time Dean felt so badly about himself, then when was that?

_This morning._

“Not since before I met Michael.”

“Obviously if you were currently suffering anything detrimental to your mental health you would see a medical advisor about that.”

“Obviously.”

“What about the reason you originally left your husband, almost a year ago now. Did that have anything to do with-”

“That had nothing to do with my mental health, and everything to do with how my husband had been treating me.” Dammit, why was it still so hard to form that sentence, to look anywhere near Michael as he said it?

“Treating you?”

“He’d just sold off some of my property. It was another show of how much like his property Michael considered me.”

“Ah, but property rights for omegas within a marriage in Florida-”

“I don’t think Mr Winchester was trying to begin a property dispute with your client, Mr Devas, I believe he was simply answering your questions as to what he was feeling at the time he left,” the judge asserted smoothly.

Raphael recollected himself before continuing, giving her an unimpressed stare.

“And your state of mind when you called my client shortly after you learned you were pregnant?”

Charlie had had Dean work on this one. He knew the answer to this, so now all he had to was to not look at Cas. “Pretty upset, pretty desperate, pretty scared,” he deadpanned eventually. “I’d just figured out I was pregnant, and the alpha, Cas, didn’t know. I wasn’t sure then if he’d want to know, and I figured if I went back to Michael the pup would have somewhere to grow up. And then I changed my mind over all that, because I figured me and my pup, we were worth more than that.”

“And how was it that you met Castiel in the first place?”

Charlie jumped up for that one. Irrelevant to the proceedings, blah blah. But the judge let it go through anyway, so Dean had to wrack his brains remembering what they’d agreed was their story.

“I’d seen him before, briefly. But the morning he turned up to buy my car, I’d already left, and hitchhiked when I saw my car driving by. We got talking, worked out we were driving the same way.”

_And why the Hell didn’t I think of that at the time instead of the whole loaded gun plan?_

*

Things got better for Dean when it was Charlie asking the questions. His jaw wasn’t clenched so tight, he was able to almost relax a little, Cas noticed with relief. It was all pretty basic stuff he knew they’d talked over before, trying to ask how much Michael had been contributing to Dean’s unhappiness through their marriage. Cas only wished his mate would believe what he was selling a little better.

And he didn’t like the way Michael kept glancing over at them. At first Cas wondered if he was looking at Sam, but no, he was definitely staring at Gabriel, thinking over something. Was he worried about something Gabriel might say, interested even?

Cas clutched hard at Dean’s hand when his mate came back and sat down beside him. “Well done,” he murmured, and saw the corners of Dean’s lips twitch into a small smile as he had to watch Michael walk up to the stand, displaying so much more confidence than Dean had.

Again, Raphael was asking the questions first, which quickly became frustrating when Michael was asked to relate what he’d observed of Dean’s depression from their first meeting through their marriage. Which was a…colourful account to say the least. Cas wasn’t always able to keep his hand from clenching into a fist as his older brother spoke on and on about Dean’s increasing confidence though his time with Michael, and Dean’s suicide attempt, and how he’d always seemed to depend on Michael. Most of it was true, but not the way Michael told it, Cas deduced, and was glad when Charlie started turning it all back on him again, much to the judge’s irritation, and queried how much of Dean’s attraction was in his vulnerability.

Dean was trying very hard not to squirm at that, Cas noticed.

But then it all got turned onto Cas himself and the feel of the whole day changed again. He didn’t feel nearly so defensive as he had when they were picking Dean apart, but it was still disturbing, with his Mother sitting there, listening to Michael relate his feeling that his younger brother had always held a malicious jealousy towards him, and that this was the real reason he had ran off with Dean. He also brought up all the stories he could from Cas’ youth which showed him off as an idiotic, irresponsible drug addict, which would mostly have been humorous to listen to if he hadn’t known how dangerous the lies could be.

Especially if he wanted to make it sound as though Cas had kidnapped Dean. Again, it would be ridiculous if it wasn’t so worrying.

Michael wanted custody, yes, but what he really wanted was Dean to come back, and Cas to be punished for what he’d done. How better to do that than to make it sound that Dean, the poor depressed omega, had been taken advantage of by his brother in law, and dragged away from his loving mate? And didn’t Michael just make it sound _heart-breaking_ as he stood up on the stand and waxed lyrically about wanting a better life for his mate’s child, and some reassurance that his mate was in the right state of mind to be filing for divorce in the first place, and that either of them were safe around the younger brother who’d always despised him.

But the sincerity in his bearing fell through for just a moment as he walked off the stand after the judge announced the court would adjourn for another week. Because although he wasn’t smiling exactly, his eyes lit up as he passed Cas by, a promise for revenge laughing in them.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this ends kind of abruptly, but there wasn't really a better place since the next chapter is planned out pretty neatly in my head. This one was a lot of set-up for the next one really :)


	22. Jester Stole His Thorny Crown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The court case is finished with at last.

“Yo,” Gabriel sang as he walked in through Dean and Cas’ front door.

“Well that didn’t take too long,” Dean commented, as he leant back in his chair, pushing off from the kitchen table with his leg. _His_ chair. For now. Unless Michael won his case and Dean was heading back with him to Florida because the dick had his pup.

But for now Dean could be chill. It wasn’t court day yet and Emma was finally asleep and Anna had baked pie. Why had he never talked to Michael’s sister who hadn’t lived all that far away? She was pretty awesome. And she baked pies that were even better.

“She’s even more beautiful up close,” Gabriel sighed as he sat down at the table in the chair next to Cas.

“Who?”

“Kali.”

Cas turned in his chair. “You’re on a first name basis with the judge in Dean’s divorce case?”

“Yup. Not that she knows yet, but we’ll get to that.”

“You didn’t get sent up there to-”

“Hey, hey, hey. Nobody _sent_ me, and I went up there with a clearly definable ulterior motive in mind. And I did what I said I would. Court day’s switched to tomorrow. I don’t have to delay that flight home to turn up.” Gabriel held his hand up hopefully for a high-five, looking at Dean with a grin. But all Dean could do was smile queasily at him. He _had_ wanted this over and done with, but at the same time… Well, he’d also like to live as long as possible in denial that any of it was happening in the first place.

“Sister, I have been left hanging in the quest for a high five. Relieve me.”

A few moments later and Anna, laughing, did a sweep around the room to slap her older brother’s hand, before returning to her spot in the next room on the couch next to Meg, where they were bitching over _Project Runway_ re-runs.

“Thank you,” Gabriel called after her, before turning back to look at Dean. “Ok. So I get that you don’t seem all that thrilled, but hey, here’s something that’ll make your life even better. Michael had been there before me – he also wanted it moved forward, apparently.”

“What? Why?”

“Kali did not say.” Gabriel suddenly looked a little grim. “I am worried, about Michael.”

“I think we trust Charlie to-” Cas started, as Gabriel dismissed his words with a waving hand.

“… And to be honest I’m more worried about him losing than winning. I’ve never seen Michael lose, but I can’t imagine he deals with it well.”

“Well,” started Cas, his eyes rolling upwards as he seemed to think back, “there was that one time when I was twelve…”

“He doesn’t,” Dean said at the same time. That was Michael’s thing. He didn’t lose. He may not win immediately but he’d always do… something to make it work. That was really what was worrying him, because like Gabriel he couldn’t actually envisage Michael losing, so he still literally couldn’t see past the court case yet. If they won, which he was still hopeful they’d be able to… what was life supposed to look like after that? They’d just be so terrifyingly free to do whatever they liked, to be happy, hell, the pressure to be that happy if they won tomorrow was already crushing on Dean…

And he’d already decided he wasn’t going to overthink it. Right.

“Well I am heading to bed, I think,” Dean announced, stretching his arms up above his head and yawning. “Long day tomorrow and all that. Oh, and Sam called, he won’t be able to make it in. His boss has gone all Nazi ogre on him, but then I guess I have been making him miss a lot…”

“Have you heard anything from Benny lately?” Cas asked as Dean stood up. His eyes were wide and innocent, but Dean rolled his, knowing what his mate was getting at. And they weren’t going to start on that subject again. “Matter of fact, no, I haven’t. But thank you for asking.”

Cas’ mouth twitched, almost into a smile. He knew Dean didn’t want to think about whether or not he wanted to work when he wasn’t even sure he’d still be living in the state after tomorrow. “I’ll go warm the bed up,” Dean told him as he clapped a hand on Cas’ shoulder when he passed and left the room to wander up the stairs. But he didn’t go immediately to bed: first he went to go and see his sleeping pup. It was partly this whole custody mess that wasn’t helping things, Dean knew, but he couldn’t shake the niggling feeling that he was going to lose her. That someone was going to take her from him, that he’d fail to look after her properly, that he’d come up to see her one night and she wouldn’t be lying there in her crib, she’d just be gone.

“Nobody’s taking you away, alright?” Dean murmured, more for his own benefit than hers. Hell, Emma wasn’t even awake. But it was making him feel better slightly. “Michael’s only after you cause’a me, so if you’re going back to Florida… then, then so am I. And nothin’s ever gonna get to hurt you, or make you feel bad, ‘cause see, I’ll be there, and I won’t let them, alright?”

Emma shook a little arm in her sleep. It felt like a nod, even if Dean didn’t believe what he was saying. That was almost _why_ he was saying it. Because if he told her often enough that he could protect her, then maybe by virtue of repeating it, it would end up true. And even if Michael did drag them back South with him then Dean wouldn’t let her go through any of the shit he had, of feeling like he wasn’t worth a damn but for the scraps of kindness Michael would throw at him. But he’d felt so shit about himself _before_ Michael, so maybe it didn’t even really count…

And it was ten hours before the court started up again.

But obviously he still wasn’t thinking about that.

*

“Thought you said you’d warm up the bed for me,” Cas reminded Dean when he final made it upstairs to bed, after checking in on Emma, who seemed to be for once sleeping soundly. Gabriel had wanted to stay up playing more card games, but Cas had declined, having already got his brother to talk to him a little about what he wanted to hear, which was whether he’d be speaking in court against Michael. Admittedly all he’d really gotten out of that conversation was a reluctant confirmation of the fact, but Cas was happy enough to leave it there, being pretty certain that this wasn’t a time Gabriel was holding information back just to reveal it more dramatically in his own time. It was mostly that, as Gabriel told him, “If I’m going to talk about this shit, I’m saying it once. I’m not laying it out straight for you twice in two days, so I figure I’ll save it for when you need it.”

“Gabriel… thanks.”

“Ugh, don’t be stupid. You’re my little brother, and we’re both Michael’s. It’s basically our _job_ to make _his_ life hell. Time to bring back the natural order.”

“Well then, thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome. You want any more of this whiskey before I head off?”

“No, thank you. I was going to go up and check on Dean, try and get some sleep. But you don’t have to go, feel free to stay here, though I know it’s not what you’re used to.”

Gabriel stood up. “Yeah… my hotel beds are a hell of a load comfier than your couch. ‘Sides. Apparently there’s something to do with the accounts my secretary wants me to look over tomorrow…” He shrugged and made a face. “…But I think I’ll save that till tomorrow. Or maybe the day after, when we’ve sent Michael packing and don’t need to celebrate the fact.”

“I hope so.”

No matter the others’ confidence, Cas was still terrified. This was his entire life on the line, that his brother had placed on the line. He and Dean didn’t even really have any sort of _plan_ for what they would do if they lost – that they couldn’t be away from Emma was about the one certainty they had. But they would have to contest things, again and again until it was a victory, and hopefully that wouldn’t cost them too much of Emma’s infancy.

…And suddenly all Cas wanted to do was hold onto Dean and make sure he was ok, that the two of them still fit together in bed the same way they always did. But when Cas walked into their bedroom, Dean wasn’t even changed, he hadn’t taken off his boots yet, and he was sitting up in their chair, bottle of Jack Daniels beside him, staring at his laptop screen.

“Yeah, not as tired as I thought I was yet.”

“Dean… I thought you said you’d start slowing down with the drinking.”

“Yeah, I did.” _And_? Being the unasked ending to his sentence.

Cas sighed. “Dean, I’m not my brother. I’m not going to try and tell you what’s best for you, or, or how to behave…”

“Well I should damn well hope so.”

“But if this is because you’re feeling worried about tomorrow,” Cas continued, ignoring Dean’s snorting noises as he went to sit down on the bed, “then I hope this, drinking alone in a dark room, isn’t what you think is the only thing that will help. Because I’d like to be there for that too, to help with the fear. Because I’m afraid too.” Cas gulped down. “I trust Charlie, and I think Gabriel has something to say which could change everything… but I’m terrified.”

Dean finally looked up at him, and smiled wearily. “Maybe I am tired,” he admitted as he shut his laptop off and left the whiskey on the table to join Cas on the bed. He crawled over the bed on his hands and knees, awkwardly, before touching his forehead against Cas’, their noses compressing against each others’, and then he lay down, wriggling into the crook of Cas’arm.

Then he huffed out a sigh, just as Cas started smiling. “That was weird, wasn’t it.”

“I liked it.”

“You’re turning me into such a fucking sap, alpha.”

“Good.”

“So talk to me. You’re freakin’ out. I’m freakin’ out…”

Cas started moving his thumb in little circular motions over Dean’s arm. “There’s a lot in danger. Just… thinking of Emma living with him for even a short time…”

“But we’ll be enough. We’re always enough, ever since I carjacked you. Remember that bar fight?”

“Well, thanks to you it wasn’t ever a fight. More of a face-off.”

“I dunno, more like thanks to me you’re still _alive._ ”

“I still believe I could have beaten them eventually.”

“Oh right, _yeah._ Tell me again about that hippy martial arts class thing you took when you were in India?”

“It was actually fascinating, Dean…” As Cas tried, again to explain what Gatka looked like, felt like to practice, to his mate, buried in against him. Until, a few minutes in, Cas realised that Dean’s breathing had slowed right down, and that he’d fallen fast asleep. Smiling fondly, Cas extricated his arm from around Dean, and laid him gently down onto the pillow. But when he pressed his lips lightly down on Dean’s forehead, his mate’s eyelashes flickered, and alert green eyes were staring back at him again. “’M’awake.”

“Clearly.”

“Yup. Eyes open and everything. We were talking.”

“And we’ll have time to do that again.”

Dean looked down again, exhaled loudly. “Sure we will.”

*

Dean really hadn’t known what to expect when Gabriel got up to speak up for them, to speak out against Michael. Hell, it wasn’t exactly like he’d known the guy all that long, or a load about him. The guy was a bit of a shit, had a crazy shit past and guilt complex thing going on, and he was crazy rich.

But he also knew the guy loved Cas and Emma to bits, so he was safe.

Dean obviously knew the whole Michael making him get an abortion story already, but it was interesting seeing the reactions from everyone else – Anna clearly hadn’t known anything about it, she kinda had this almost-crying face on the whole time Gabriel was talking. Naomi though, she was like a statue through the whole thing, as though if she kept staring at the back wall then she could pretend to herself that no one else was there with her, that her omega son on the stand didn’t keep trying to catch her eye.

“See, my main concern in seeing my older brother as a father,” Gabriel continued, trying to come back to Charlie’s original posed question, as he leant casually on the wooden frame of the stand, “is the same reason I support Dean getting away from him. He doesn’t hold respect for omegas, not in the way he demands respect for himself. The fact that he does not respect the autonomous decisions of omegas scares me in thinking that my niece is yet unpresented – but what if she presents and she ends up omega? What happens then?”

“Do you have anything else to support this… fear?” Charlie asked him.

Gabriel nodded, becoming more serious by the second as Dean sat there hating himself for praying that whatever he had to say was completely traumatic, because it would look all the worse for Michael.

“After my first teenage… liaison,” Gabriel said eventually, an almost-smile twitching his mouth up for a moment, “I started going out a lot. And then Michael, my concerned older brother, he was always interested in knowing where I was going. To keep an eye on me, I guessed, at the time.” Dean noticed Gabriel slid a slight glance at the judge then, who nodded, almost imperceptively, for him to continue. He inhaled slightly and went on: “But then he started saying things like, so hey, you’re out tonight. You know who else is out tonight? My buddy Jim or Craig or Billy. Good friend of the company, family’s big investors, and they might be interested in putting some money into this new project I’ve got going on… only might, because I hadn’t slept with them yet.”

Dean felt Cas squeeze his hand as he looked over at Naomi, who still didn’t look shocked or particularly upset by anything Gabe had been saying.

“So this was some sort of arrangement your brother put together when you were…”

“Sixteen, seventeen. Not of age, for where we were, if that’s of interest.”

Raphael stood up. “Your honour…”

“You’ll get your turn to talk to him. For now I’d sooner hear him say his bit,” the judge growled, and Raphael sat down, looking reluctantly chastened. Beside him, Michael had a… strange expression on his face, Dean noted, feeling free to stare at his former mate now his attention was on Gabriel. He’d undoubtedly expected Gabriel to bring this up, but that was all Dean could be sure of. He had no idea how Michael was really reacting.

Gabriel cleared his throat. “The ‘arrangement’ was basically I went out and let these guys sleep with me, and Michael would make money off of it, eventually. I was the only omega in the family, and to Michael, I was soiled goods now, and free game for using how he needed me.”

Raphael was then allowed to stand up, and questioned again that this was consensual, although admittedly underage, sex they were speaking of. Gabe shrugged at that, a little uncomfortable now. “As it goes. Michael just acted like this was all I could do, that this was all I was good for, that it was partly saving my own inheritance or whatever, since this was how I was keeping the company good. Then later he threatened to tell my parents and everyone about my “shame”, or whatever. I left home after _I_ told Mom, Hi Mom, by the way, good to see you again so soon.”

“So you admit you were never forced into doing anything? That there is a possibility you could have been mistaken in your brother’s intentions?”

“Yes, and no. No I was not forced into anything. That’s not Michael. He’s not an idiot. But my point is that he started seeing me as a commodity, a tool in his rise through the business ranks once he figured I was ruined. I was underage, and I guess you could say emotionally blackmailed. But the point is still not about me, or what Michael put me through, it’s about how he might treat my niece, were she under his care, and presented as omega. And I think it would be easier on everyone if we never found out and left the pup with her parents. Don’t you?”

“Thank you Mr Novak, for your opinion. However, when I say that you could have mistaken your brother’s intentions, I mean is there not a simpler explanation of him merely introducing you-”

“No. But if we’re going to do the whole what you _personally_ remember about me, ninja turtle, do you want me to go there for you?”

“That’s some intense staring,” Dean muttered. Cas nudged him and kept looking up at the stand as Raphael followed up with more questions but largely seemed to be backing down. And by the time the judge called a break, it felt like they’d already been through enough to have won the thing already, and several times over.

*

Cas sat down beside Gabriel on the steps outside the court, thinking that their suits would probably be grey with dust by the time they stood up again, but couldn’t find it in himself to care, and he doubted his brother would either.

“Gabriel-”

“Don’t.”

“Alright. But I… I want you to know I am grateful. Both of us are.”

Gabriel smiled wearily. “You’d better be. I don’t talk about sexual history times in public. I allude, but I don’t go explicit. So yeah, you owe me one.”

“And I do for then. Gabe-”

“You were a kid. I was an idiot. And Michael hasn’t changed a bit, which is why it’s gonna feel so satisfying when you call me in a couple of hours and tell me I won you this shit.”

“You’re heading out?”

“I got that stuff with the accounts or whatever to sort, I have a flight to book and I don’t really fancy running into Michael, or Mom again any time soon. Call me a coward but-”

“Never, not after today.”

Gabriel pointed a finger down at him as he stood up. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

After he watched his brother walk down the stairs, his gait seeming to get lighter the further he moved from the courthouse, Cas stood up, trying now to brush of some of the dust from his pants, before going to find Dean, who was still sitting with Charlie.

“Feeling confident?” She asked Cas as he walked over to them. He shrugged.

“I feel your opinion’s more likely to hold weight there. What do you think?”

She exhaled quickly. “ _Well._ Your brother certainly dropped a well-timed bombshell there against Michael’s ability to care for a child, and his claim was always the weaker, so we’re looking alright at the moment. But…”

“Always a but,” Dean muttered.

“But there’s still this whole aspersion they’re trying to throw over you guys, that you know, Cas kidnapped you when you were all crazy and helpless. I mean, we can’t really dispute that…”

“Well we’re very clearly a happy couple,” Cas tried. “And Dean has an independent life from me, he works, or he did, and there’s our family who’ve seen us together, and we’re mated…”

“And Michael could match all that,” Dean finished firmly. “Even the mating thing – I mated with Michael, didn’t mean _that_ was something I wanted, so of course that doesn’t _have_ to mean I’m happy or whatever…”

Charlie nodded, but Cas had frozen, thinking. “Dean. Michael’s mating bite wasn’t something you _asked_ for, not something you wanted?”

“No! Fuck, I mean we were dating or whatever, but it wasn’t something I was running into even so. I mean I was relieved afterwards but we didn’t exactly talk it through. Michael’s more the old-fashioned minded, _claiming_ type, so…” Dean shrugged. “And now we have this whole mess.”

“But Dean,” Charlie breathed, apparently torn between sympathy and deep frustration. “That actually counts for a whole load.”

“What, like for the case?”

“Dean, that’s basic consent bullshit he was breaking right from the start! Of course it counts! Everything counts and _you should have told me sooner_ , but also, hey, _thank you,_ for telling me now, since now I can go bossing this for you.”

“This really changes things around?”

“What did I _just say_?”

*

Meg got the call in from Cas earlier than she’d been expecting. “You won, right?”

“Yes!”

“Ok, ok, that’s awesome, but please do not shout so loud, I don’t want you waking the baby up via the phone. She’s only just asleep…”

“Emma! You should bring her here, and come here yourself, we might go out to dinner to celebrate…”

“And I’m taking it by that it’s me as well as the pup that’s just been invited, right Clarence?”

“Of course!”

“Right, well I’ll see you in at this courthouse in like under an hour, alright. Well done and everything. Give your mate a friendly I’m-pleased-for-you punch from me, would you?”

In the end, she had to give Dean that herself, although after she’d handed him over his pup obviously. She hadn’t exactly been the world’s bestest babysitter but she knew better than to drop said baby on marble flooring by carelessly holding it in one hand.

“Nightmare over now, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, finally looking a little less happy-shellshocked now that his pup was back in his arms. “I guess so now.”

“Clarence told me you guys decided not to push the dick on recompense shit. How come? Sounded like you had a keen lawyer.”

“Hell, she’s like some kind of scrappy bulldog once she gets going, I swear. She woulda tried her best to throw Michael in jail and have me walk off with all his money but uh,” Dean chuckled as he rocked Emma back and forwards. “It seemed like a whole load more effort than it was worse to be honest.”

“Dean.”

Meg raised her eyebrows so high they must have almost disappeared into her hairline as a man who looked like an older, meaner Cas walked up behind Dean.

“Hey, it’s knothead number one,” she noted, nodding slightly at Dean, warning him to turn around. She didn’t trust guys like this even in a public enough place like this.

The knothead in the fancy suit held out a hand. “Pleasure. You must be the… individual involved with my sister.”

“We’re thinking a June wedding,” she quipped, not taking the offered hand. “And you’re not invited,” she added, thinking that he was looking far, far too calm for a guy who’d just lost the family he’d flown all the way across the country and had his reputation decimated for. Unless he was just always this collected. Ugh. He’d probably found a use for algebra after high school and had never been drunk in his life.

“Dean,” he started again, Dean still not looking at him. Meg sent every brainwave she could muster flying in his direction to tell him to find some fucking courage already, because this was pathetic.

… And then at last Dean looked up.

She could see what Anna had meant immediately. Dean had been _quiet_ in that relationship.

“So you completed your crusade.”

“Yeah we did.”

Michael sighed. It was a prolonged, self-pitying sort of sigh. “I must apologise. I went… about this abhorrently.”

“Yeah, alright. You did. And I mean, you were a serious dick to Gabe…”

“I don’t deny that. And knowing Gabriel as I do… I knew he would say what he did. So I knew that it would be unlikely I would win… I can only hope I did not disrupt your new life too greatly.”

Dean didn’t answer, he only raised an eyebrow. Michael smiled slightly, apparently finding something fond in Dean’s expression. Meg almost felt close to feeling bad for him then, simply because of the depth behind that little smile. He really did care about Dean, she realised.

Not that _caring_ excused a thing, she reminded herself and started tapping her foot on the floor.

“I had some of your things sent up to me,” Michael said eventually. “Just a few things I know you’d have preferred not to have left as you did.”

“Awesome,” Meg said, before allowing Dean a word in. “A decent person mighta done that almost nine months ago now, but each to their own, I guess.”

Michael shot her a death glance so quick she thought she might have imagined it. “If it would be convenient, and acceptable, I want to have a moment alone with Dean, my husband, still, before we sign those papers. Perhaps if you’d accompany me to the car park, I could hand you over your things and we could… talk, ensure we understand one another.”

“Well no one gives a flying fuck what you think-”

“It’s alright, Meg. I’ll be five minutes,” Dean told her. “Just tell Cas where I’ve gone.”

She wanted to tell him he could go to hell along with his old mate, and that he was coming back with her to the rest of them, but she saw that look on his face and she couldn’t. He wanted this, maybe even needed this. He’d never really got to properly talk things out with Michael, she remembered, he’d just sorta shouted things at him and ran. Maybe he did need this.

“Five minutes.”

*

“Cas, where’s Dean gone?”

Cas lowered the phone in his hand. “Sorry, Sam, I’ll talk to you later,” he apologised as he hung up, still trying to remember as he did so if there was anyone else they knew who still needed to know the news that he and his mate were finally _free_. Assumedly Sam would tell Ruby, and Dean would presumably want to tell Benny himself, later…

“ _Cas.”_

“Meg went to find him, she wanted to bring him Emma.”

“Well Meg’s back inside the courthouse again and she’s been trying to find you. And she has no pup. And we need Dean here to finish signing the divorce papers…”

“I’m sure he’s just… has anyone seen my brother?”

“Gabriel left in the break, didn’t he?”

“No, no, I mean Michael…”

Cas scanned the courthouse steps again. No one was around anymore.

“Have you tried calling him yet?”

“No. Not yet...”

The phone cut them directly onto Dean’s answering machine and Cas started to feel fear start to eat at him again. They’d finally been allowed to be so happy, for just a moment there…

They were looking around the courthouse for half an hour when Cas went out to check on the Impala, which was still in the car park. With no Dean and no Emma, around or outside of it.

Cas was filled with the sudden impulse to hit out at something, anything, but knowing that when he found Dean he’d kill him if he’d laid a hand on Dean’s car, he started walking back, quicker this time, to use up his energy. And all the time he was just reminding himself over and over that Dean was fine, Emma was fine, and this was all just some kind of ridiculous misunderstanding…

But then his heart plummeted in his chest when he walked back into the courthouse, and there were Charlie and the judge talking to some uniformed cops. Surely things weren’t so serious… had they found a body already?

_A suicide note?_

But Dean wouldn’t, Dean was better, he was _happy_ now, most of the time…

And he’d kill before he let Emma come to any harm, he would hardly just walk off with her in his arms and…

So when the first cop walked over to him and said what he did, Cas was almost relieved.

“Castiel Novak?”

“…Yes?”

“You’re under arrest for-”

Relieved though he was, Cas did really feel like punching something then, some _one._ Or collapsing. Maybe then he’d wake up.

“For _what?_ ”

*


	23. Nothingman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is so done with all of Dean's in-laws. All of them.

Sam was still doing his utmost to compartmentalise things in his head when he walked into the police station and asked to be taken through to see his client. His _client._ If he thought about Cas as anything other than that at this point, he was going to start shouting at people again, and if there was one thing that didn’t give off the impression of ‘reasonable lawyer’, it was that.

But so long as he kept a lid on things, and avoided thinking of Dean for another few minutes, there was no reason that everything wouldn’t go well. Just so long as he kept remembering to breathe, imagining what Ruby’s face would look like if she was standing there with him. She’d be exasperated that he was worrying so much, Sam reminded himself as he followed the cop, Lieutenant Mills, she’d said her name was,  through to see Cas.

The first thing Sam registered as he walked through the door was that Cas looked like he’d just been dragged through hell by his shirt collar. His tanned complexion seemed almost green, his hands were knotted, fingers rubbing each other raw with anxiety, but when he raised his head to greet Sam, Sam was struck most profoundly by the fire burning from his eyes, which reflected the unmistakeable scent of an alpha that was _angry._ Sam made a living as a defence lawyer, he was used to the smell and how to ignore it without it riling. But maybe it was because no one had given him any answers yet and because he was angry about exactly the same thing that he pushed some of that back at Cas.

“Cas. Where are Dean and Emma?” He tried hard to keep his voice low, if menacing, but it was too difficult to stop his voice growing louder, and breaking, when Cas didn’t immediately answer and only continued to stare at him with those big Novak eyes. “Where’s my brother?”

Cas looked as though he wanted to snarl at him. “Don’t you think that if I knew…”

“What? You wouldn’t be sitting here in jail?”

Cas glanced away, and when he spoke it was through gritted teeth. “Don’t you think that if I knew I would have told you as you walked in?”

Feeling like his strings had been chopped, Sam took a seat down next to Cas. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m just… What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t know. They haven’t let me see Gabriel yet, but I’m almost sure he’d never… alright I _am_ sure he wouldn’t have done something like this, or, at the very least not so _obviously_. This feels, clumsy, wrong,” Cas continued, shaking his head slowly. “And not Gabriel at all.”

“So Michael.”

“Again, I have not had a chance to speak to Gabriel, but I know it’s what he’d insist.”

“Well, what do you think?”

Cas raised his eyes to meet Sam’s. “I believe in coincidence, but not enough to support a scenario like this. Michael loses his chance to get Dean back, to get revenge on me, and suddenly Dean’s gone and I’m being ‘punished’ anyway,” Cas huffed, flopping back in his chair.

“You’re not getting punished for something you didn’t do while I’m here in your corner.”

Cas’ eyes flicked back to him. “Finding Dean and Emma is the priority for you right now.”

“Believe me, I’m not letting that slide, but Dean’ll kill me when he gets back and you’re sitting moping in jail somewhere,” Sam said firmly, opening up the fancy leather folder Ruby had picked him up on his last birthday. “And for now I can help you – finally, you need my kinda legal help. Besides, there isn’t a hell of a lot more I can do about Dean. Not that Charlie isn’t doing her best to hack… well, everything, trying to see about seeing where Michael is…”

“Aren’t they at least reported as missing yet?”

Sam shook his head, lips pursed in frustration. “Nope. They’ve barely been gone three hours, if that, Cas. No cop’s gonna want to go chasing that, especially ones who’re following this on the word of someone they’ve just arrested. If this is Michael, he’s planned this out well.”

Cas grunted. “Well. That’s Michael. Sam I - ” Cas slumped back in his seat again, overwhelmed and exhausted. “I’m not even sure I understand what I’m arrested for yet.”

Sam smiled grimly. “That, at least, I can help with.” He glanced down at the limited amount of information he had sitting in his folder and breathed out. “Ok. So get this. Summed up… Gabriel’s a money-launderer, and you’re his accomplice. You’re working for him now too…”

Cas started shaking his head again, eyes wide. “I’m not even sure I understand what money laundering _is._ ”

Sam wanted to say something like, “I know, right?” but wondered that might sound a little insulting. Cas hardly needed another knock to his spirits. So Sam sighed heavily in what he hoped only sounded like sympathy, and not stress. “My best guess is that Michael actually somehow has… a person inside, close enough to Gabriel to know his account details, and Michael used them to put money in _to_ Gabe’s company. Since it usually takes a while for people to freak out about _more_ money they probably used it without even realising it was there.” Cas’ eyebrows were slowly raising like Sam had started speaking to him in another language.  “…I dunno. Working theory.”

“So I’m his… accomplice?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t they need some… proof of that?”

“Well, see the thing is they _have_ proof, Cas. Someone’s like hacked your emails or something… Yeah. Still trying to work out how they managed that. I mean I’m guessing you never wrote anything to your brother about money you didn’t steal in the first place… and it just looks insanely suspicious that Gabe comes all the way out here, gets you a job, and then a tonne of time off from it, and then he keeps helping you out with loans-”

“Because he’s my brother, of course he has.”

“But then so’s Michael. And look how that’s working out.”

Cas glared moodily at the table. “Well I would, if I knew where he was ‘working’.” He looked back up to Sam again, blue eyes shining. “Sam, for all I know he’s cracked, and he’s taken my mate and my pup away and dumped their bodies-”

“He’s not,” Sam said firmly. “He won’t have done …that. That doesn’t make any sense and Michael… he’s sensible, isn’t he?”

Cas raised his arms limply in frustration. “None of this situation seems sensible to me, so I’m not sure about that anymore.”

*

When Dean woke up the first thing he was able to think coherently was that he knew this road they were driving down. And they were driving back East. They.

Dean shut his eyes quickly again. He was still asleep, he could still be asleep, and maybe this was all some kind of fucked up dream after all. One where his hands were bound and he was slumped in the passenger seat of an unfamiliar car. With Michael driving the car.

Oh _fucking_ hell, Michael.

He really had married a psycho, hadn’t he?

Suddenly Dean felt his heart almost stop beating. Never mind Michael. There was Emma to think about, Emma who should have been the first place his thoughts went to. But Emma was still here, Dean told himself, slowing his breathing again. She still _had_ to be here, Michael wouldn’t have hurt her, surely. He might have joined the psycho buddies club but he wasn’t reigning president yet.

If Michael _had_ hurt her…

Unless he’d left her somewhere for Cas to find, and was only taking Dean on whatever crazy adventure he had planned for them… Dean forced himself to open his eyes again, and, ignoring Michael calmly adjusting the direction of the car, looked back in the backseat. And there was his pup, sleeping in an unfamiliar pink car seat.

Dean let out a slow quiet breath as he felt something within him harden, grow colder, fiercer, in a way he never had around Michael before – because now all the stakes had shot up miles higher. Emma was his pup, his almost-everything, and now a basic psychopath had her in his power, just like Dean had sworn he never would. And with that realisation, as easily as that, the last vestiges of that enforced, carefully structured wall of self-loathing, submissive biology and misplaced loyalty all crumbled down together, and Dean finally focused all that rage at the right target. The man driving the car.

“You… you _chloroformed_ me, you fucking _sick_ sonavabitch.” Michael made no response to Dean’s shaky phrasing other than a mild smile, as he continued to stare out at the road. More than anything _that_ roused Dean’s anger. How _dare_ he pull the same smile he’d use for not sticking up for Dean in some kinda society event when Dean had turned half the room against himself with a wrong word, a smile of sort of apathetic amusement which meant clearly, _you’re on your own now_ – like kidnapping Dean in _way_ less of a decent way than Dean had tried so briefly with Cas was on the same level as Dean committing some societal faux pas…

“Like what the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t stand losing _that_ badly that you tie me up and throw me in your car, dragging my pup along with me? Who in fucking hell do you think you are?”

Michael sighed. “Your mate. Your real mate, Dean. And I’ve finally had enough of your behaviour, and your tone, so I’m taking you home. Assuming you would want your pup with you, I catered to that too.”

“Oh, oh that’s _awesome_. So you bought her a shitty carseat, you’re the wannabe father of the year. Did you chloroform her too?” Dean asked scathingly, his heart pierced with very real fear. What would that even do to a kid her age, with the breathing issues she had?

“No, she fell asleep around about Bakersfield. I’m not a monster Dean.”

 _Bakersfield_. “How long have _I_ been asleep?” What was Cas going to think? He’d just disappeared in that car park, because he’d been _that_ much of an idiot to think that hey, worst that could happen is he’s gonna say some shit which is gonna upset me, and best case I get my stuff back. (From what he could tell none of his stuff was in the car). But it was Michael. Dean should have realised there was always going to be a worst case scenario he hadn’t thought up.

Michael sighed again. “Around five hours.”

“ _Five-_ ” Dean had to suck a breath back in, he was so angry. For the first time he would have tried to hit Michael if his hands hadn’t been too tightly bound together. “You psychotic fucking _douchebag_. I leave and get to actually go and be… _happy_ without you and you freak out about that so damn much that you come at me like you’re starring in a fucking Patterson novel. Well here’s the thing, genius. You ain’t. Not by a long shot.” Even saying the words felt like lifting a huge weight off his chest. “You ain’t something that just _deserves_ everything you ever wanted just because you _exist_. No one gets that. Life’s more difficult than that.”

Michael frowned, looking as unsurprised as he did irritated, and brought the car to a halt. “I can’t talk to you when you’re speaking this much bile, Dean. I’ve never heard you talk like this before, and I expect I won’t have to after you’ve had another rest.” Dean saw him go into the bag at his feet for _that_ piece of cloth.

“Oh right, so you’re just gonna keep on drugging me until I’m dead, s’that it?” Dean asked, with mounting panic, as he glanced back at Emma. Through some miracle, she was still sleeping. Good. He hated the thought of her having to watch this.

“You – you think Cas is gonna let you just drive off with me? Like never mind what you’re drugging _me_ with, what the fuck are you on?”

“None of my brothers are going to be an issue for us. Not anymore.”

Dean felt his whole body go cold. _He’s killed Cas,_ he thought with terrible, hysteric certainty, as the cloth in Michael’s hand was forcibly pressed up against his face, with his attempts to bite at the hand proving pretty useless, and he blacked out wondering if he really was alone in this.

But then he thought of Emma, and remembered that Dean on his own was just gonna have to do.

*

If there was one person Cas wasn’t expecting to see when he was facing prison, it was his mother. One whiff of a scandal was usually enough to send Naomi Novak in the opposite direction. But there she was with his sister, in the police station office speaking to Sam, looking so much more older, and so much more tired than Cas thought he’d ever seen her. It had been a long time before he’d attempted to work out his Mother’s age, but now he set about it again, and realised she had to be approaching sixty now. Strange, the age seemed to suit the woman out there, only half Sam’s, admittedly formidable height, but not the Naomi he’d seen less than a day ago in the courthouse.

Sam, for his part, looked more than a little confused at whatever Naomi was trying to say to him. Sam used the same sort of uncomprehending look that Dean did, Cas had noticed, it was a sort of awkward glance to the side, as if to ask the person next to them, even if there was no one there at the time, what they thought of this piece of unbelievable information. Perhaps they’d got into the habit as children around one another, Cas mused, bitterly wondering whether or not Dean was alive to be making faces of any variety. He had to believe that his mate and pup were alive, or he would crumble, but he couldn’t stop his mind running through all the possible and impossible scenarios, each one more horrible and less likely than the last. That was supposed to be the point of prison, Lucifer had told him once, on his first visit to see him. To make you so bored all the time you had nothing to do but look inward – or at least, that was the concept. For some it worked, and usually they were the innocent ones, Lucifer had finished, with a rather self-deprecating smile.

Maybe that was why their mother was here now. Perhaps she had weighed the thought of all the scandals likely to come from today and thought that bailing him out and seeing him thoroughly lawyered up for any following trials would be the lesser evil of suddenly having to explain away three of her five children rotting in various jail cells scattered around the country.

With that thought in mind, when Cas looked up at her when she was standing in front of him at last, he was careful to keep his face blank. It was partly her fault after all. If she hadn’t helped introduce their eldest son to his idiotic view of the world revolving primarily around his own entitlement  then maybe none of any of this would have had to happen. “Come to place bail for me, Mother?”

Her stance was fairly regular and upright, but he thought it looked as though her eyes might be shining. With tears? Surely not. Perhaps from the sheen of her rage, that seemed more likely.

“No. I’ve come to clear your name,” she said, and pulled out a blue ring-binder folder, smiling, a little bitterly.

“So can you explain what this is for me, Mrs Novak?” Sam asked, hovering around her like a moth at a lamp.

“Yes, I can,” she said, handing it over. Sam seemed surprised at the weight and almost dropped it. “These are documents I pulled from Michael’s desk last night. I worried he might try something… melodramatic, so I went looking for a hint to see what that might be. And I found this. He’d planned to see you and Gabriel in jail even if you lost your case.”

“I suppose, if it worked for him on one brother…”

Naomi did not meet his eyes, but smoothly slid them to the floor. “Lucifer was out of control. You and Gabriel have done nothing wrong, or at least,” she added sniffing, “nothing illegal, or nothing that can be proved.”

“But what’s he done with Dean and Emma?” Sam growled, asking the question Cas had been screaming out mentally for a few moments now.

“As far as I know, he was going to bring them home with him. By car, as it would leave his ma- would leave Dean,” she caught herself, “with less chance to throw a fuss.”

“Michael talked this over with you?” Cas asked, standing up slowly. “So what, you thought you’d plan this out with him, and now you’ve had a change of heart?”

“Michael told me nothing. What I know I know because I retrieved the file from his hotel room, and from looking at his emails.” She ignored Sam’s rising eyebrows and kept staring at Cas, seeming more tired by the moment as she continued speaking, choosing her next words very deliberately. “I don’t want Michael to be the cause of any more fallout and divisions within our family.” She took a deep breath in. “And I’d like to take this moment to reach out to you, Anna, and say that I do give my… support, if not blessing to the relationship you seem to have found yourself in.”

Anna smiled, pursing her lips lopsidedly. “Thanks, Mom. Never needed it though. I’ve never been one of the boys, that way.”

Naomi nodded stoutly, accepting this, and turned her head up to look at Sam again. “You can get my sons off with this information.” It was not a question, Cas realised, almost fondly. Either Sam Winchester would prove useful to her now, or he would not, and she would find them new, more expensive lawyers.

Sam nodded back at her, without her same assurance though. “…Yes. But more pressingly than that, I need you to be able to say what you know about my brother to the police here. If Dean’s been taken by force, or by some form of coercion, they need to know everything they can, and immediately.”

Cas watched his mother take a deep breath, steeling herself to set the cops on her eldest, most beloved child. “I can do that. Michael is not acting sensibly, and he has my only grandchild.”

 _Ah_ , Cas thought, catching his sister’s eye. If they were ever in any doubt as to their mother’s motivations, they could usually be certain that it had something to do with preserving the family legacy in the best way possible. Usually it was something Cas enjoyed railing over, but now it was something being exercised for the sake of his daughter, he thanked his mother profusely for all her hopelessly old-fashioned bigotry and obsession over family. And he would tell her that aloud, too, he decided, if he could only remember how to use his tongue. For now all Cas was able to do was nod, hopeful that he might have his family returned to him soon for the first time since his arrest.

*

“Audi. R8 V10.”

Michael looked over at Dean suspiciously apparently uneasy that his first words since he’d woken up again were the make and model of the car. Because Dean knew he was right about this one, had been certain for the last five miles…

“Yes.”

Dean mentally high-fived himself and smiled weakly. He’d decided he was going to have to play nice, for Emma’s sake. Michael was probably more than a little unhinged and he’d never seen, until a few hours ago, Dean play anything _but_ nice – submissive, quiet enough, helpful, nervous – _nice._ And Dean was cringing painfully thinking that it was taking a very direct threat to his pup’s life to force him out of that, but he was going to make up for all those years now. Because now he was just _playing_ nice. He didn’t have to think nice as well.

“I’m going to have to stop and change Emma’s diapers at some point, Michael.”

“Done, when you were asleep. I’m not entirely useless, Dean,” he told him with a grin Dean wanted to slap off his face more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. But again, tied up, so not really all that feasible. The thought of Michael laying a hand on his pup, even for such a practical purpose…

“Well what about feeding her? She’ll get hungry.”

“I thought we might do that again after she woke up.”

As though having just been given some insane sort of cue to speak, Emma started spluttering. By the time Dean had turned himself around she was howling, enraged that the world was leaving her hungry and unheld in an unfamiliar environment. Dean took a sharp breath in, trying to hold back from shouting something. He was playing nice, and he’d spent his entire marriage to this guy doing that. It couldn’t be so hard re-remembering how to go about that. “So when you said that ‘we’ would feed her when she woke up…”

“I meant I, Dean,” Michael said as he found a place to stop the car again. “Though I don’t doubt that in time I will be able to trust you again.”

“Oh yeah, how’d you figure that?”

Michael left the front seat and reappeared next to Emma in the back, and the sight of his so close to his pup had Dean unconsciously start rubbing again at the bonds keeping his arms together. C’mon, they couldn’t be that strong… or maybe they were thanks to Michael’s life of boy scout training…

“Because though I’m still not sure why you left, I know why you stayed away,” Michael said calmly as he held out Emma’s bottle to her. “You found another alpha to look after you, one that looked enough like me, but was not me. You were going through a difficult enough time with Emma here, and you were understandably… confused. But since I’ve now removed the chance for any more confusion, you should, at last, revert to how you were before.”

“When you say removed…”

“My brothers are currently facing imprisonment for their crimes.”

“What, the crime of standing up to you?”

Michael almost smiled. “No. Different crimes.”

 _Bullshit,_ Dean thought, but forced his mouth into a smile. When _he’d_ been involved in kidnapping someone, in kidnapping Cas, it had been Cas’ willingness to get along with him had got Dean to start letting him go. Not that Michael was doing anything like Dean had. Dean had been so damn desperate to get out, and it hadn’t been about Cas at all. But this, this was all about him, and making sure he was effectively controlled.

“Well what about _my_ brother?” Dean hoarsely managed eventually, almost afraid to ask.

“Oh, I imagine he’s fine. I expect he’s very busy, and very worried about you. But once he knows you’ve changed your mind-”

“He’ll rush out to Florida and make a big scene,” Dean finished, mouth feeling dry as sandpaper. “But if you let me call him now and explain…”

Michael slammed the door as he got back into the front seat. “I’m not a fool, Dean. I’m not going to let you call Sam about this, not yet.”

Dean licked at his lower lip nervously. “But you’ve got Emma, I’m not gonna do anything dumb. I just don’t want my little brother stressing over me, and making everything worse. And besides. Like you say, what am I trying to get back to now?” _Because you think I only wanted to stay away from you because of Cas. Couldn’t be anything to do with you, or what I wanted…_

Michael regarded him strangely, head cocking to one side in a manner that made Dean think first of Cas. “Alright then. As you say, I know you won’t do anything ‘dumb’, when I am the only person currently able to care for your pup.”

“Right.” So he couldn’t say anything obvious. Right, right…

Dean watched Emma stare at him as he listened to Michael dial Sam’s number, and silently vowed to her that he would get them out of this. Somehow, he was getting them out of this.

*

“It’s Michael,” Sam said aloud, with some shock as he regarded his ringing. Cas was at his side in seconds _._

“Well answer it, Sam!” Cas growled impatiently, but Sam could see the panic on his face. Sam looked up at the cop they’d been working with ever since Naomi had told them what Michael had been planning for Dean, Henrickson, he’d said his name was. “Is there any way of tracing this call?”

The cop shrugged apologetically. “We’re not exactly prepared for that, this ain’t exactly CSI here. But put him on speaker and we’ll see what we can do.”

Nodding grimly, and trying to ignore Cas, Sam answered the phone. “Michael.”

“Guess again, Sammy.”

Cas gripped tightly at Sam’s arm as Sam tried to stutter out a reply. “ _Dean_. Dean are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Emma’s fine, don’t worry about us.”

“Don’t-” Sam just about had to smile for that. “Well too bad, I’m worrying. So. Michael’s there, huh?”

“That’s right. We’re… uh.” Sam listened to his brother swallow and felt something squeeze at his heart. “We’re taking a drive.”

“We did wonder about that.”

“Yeah. Kinda… tied up our differences, you know? It’s just I think I was maybe a little hasty thinking on divorce without talking it through with Michael first. Uh, tell… tell Cas that it’s like that time I needed space back in that bar out in Texas. Yeah, it’s… it’s like that. I just need time to talk to Michael. We… we got a lot we need to sort through, y’know?”

Sam watched Cas’ face carefully before he said anything else. Cas had started to nod uncertainly, apparently remembering, working out in his head whatever it was that Dean was talking about.

“…Alright Dean,” Sam said eventually. “So whereabouts are you?”

“Well I think we’re just about to cross over into Arizona.”

Sam listened as Cas cracked his knuckles.

“Coming from L.A., I’m guessing?”

“Yeah… uh, I’m losing signal here, Sammy. Talk to you soon, alright?”

“OK,” Sam said, as he heard the line go dead. He took a steadying breath before he turned to Cas. “So what happened in this bar in Texas?”

“A group of men tried intimidating Dean, I got involved, Dean ended up having to pull his gun to get us out of there.”

“That’s… just perfect,” Sam muttered in frustration. Of course things weren’t simple, why would they get to be simple? And Michael probably cut Dean off because he was getting too specific with directions. So they _were_ coming from the L.A. direction…

Now what they needed was some kind of car chase, which Sam figured would cheer his brother up, if he knew.

*

“I told you not to go into specifics, Dean.”

“And how suspicious was he going to be if I didn’t answer that? C’mon, I had to say something.” _Play Nice,_ Dean reminded himself firmly, and smiled wearily. “Like I said, I’m not about to do something stupid. Not on purpose at least.” He tried to get Michael to see the smile he was giving him, he was trying so damn hard with his old charm now and Michael wasn’t even looking at him.

“Look, is all of this even necessary now? I’m not going anywhere, not without Emma.” Because that’s all Michael would fear, not Dean fighting back, just that he’d try to run.

“You tell me, Dean, is this necessary?”

Michael’s eyes were cold, but open to be convinced, Dean judged with relief.

“No. Alright I know I’ve not exactly been acting all that… sensible this past year, I’ve screwed you about something ridiculous, I haven’t been home and… yeah, everything. And I’m sorry about that,” Dean said, having to think about the effort he was putting into every word, they all tasted so jarringly _wrong_ in his mouth, “but we’re gonna have to get over that somehow. Besides, I’m kinda needing the toilet already, and you can hardly walk me into a service station with my hands and feet still tied, now can you.”

“I was thinking I’d just carry Emma in with me and we’d wait outside for you.”

_You… dick._

“Alright, so is that gonna be your lifetime strategy to keep me with you? Emma?”

“Well it seemed to work well enough for my brother.”

Dean had to catch himself before letting his mouth swing open, and stay hanging like that. “Ok, you’re right. It kinda did. But now you’ve got me back, and I’m not going anywhere this time.”

“You’ve told me that once before. I would like to be able to trust you Dean, I want to be able to trust my mate, but you’ve made that very difficult for me.”

“Yeah, I know. But… I’d… I’d like to start making things easier on you again.”

Michael raised an eyebrow, and Dean felt fear clutch at his gut. How far was he willing to go for his kid? For himself?

“I’ve… I’ve missed you, I can… I can admit that now. And I know you saw that when you were there at the house. So I know you know.” Dean took a breath in. He had Michael’s attention now, completely, even if he still wasn’t really looking at him. It was almost too simple. This was the ultimate response Michael was expecting from him, all Dean had to do was literally just play into the guy’s expectations. And hell, did he know what Michael expected, wanted to hear. “You always said, you always knew about how bad I needed… yeah. Cas... your, brother, he never got it. He never really got _me_ in the same way you did – I mean how could he, really? Nobody knows me better than you, Michael, nobody. And, hey maybe that was what scared me a little. Because you knew all about me, about how much I… I depended on you, needed you to keep me plugged all day long for you, because you know how empty I always felt without you in me, with me, telling me what to do. Is it any wonder I’ve been acting so messed up?” Michael was glancing over at him now, again, still waiting to be convinced. “You weren’t there, how was I supposed to know how to act? And everybody else was there telling me something different… And I couldn’t handle things anymore. And I’m sorry about that.”

Michael breathed in. “I hope you’re sincere in that, Dean, I do.”

“Michael is it asking too much for…” Dean looked away as though embarrassed. “No, I’m sorry, you’re driving.”

“What is it Dean?”

“I just… I missed you,” he finished lamely. “And I’ve missed having your hands on me.”

Oh no he hadn’t, but it looked as though his attempt to convince Michael of the fact may have been working. He was slowing down the car again already.

“I cannot forgive you so easily for what you’ve put me through, Dean.”

“And I get that,” Dean offered eagerly. “I get that, I do. But I’ll do anything to get you to take an apology. I can have more pups, your pups, I don’t have to speak to anyone else ever again, not if you don’t want me to. Nobody but you. And we can finish up this car journey and get the flight home and I won’t moan about it even once, I won’t…”

Michael’s seatbelt was off now, and Dean was able to fight the urge to squirm away from him only by thinking of his pup in the backseat, who was being too quiet back there, and needed to get away from her crazy ex-stepdad already.

“I just want you, I just want to be able to be good for you again, that’s all,” Dean finished, his voice breaking slightly. With any luck, Michael would assume that was coming from emotion, and not fear.

Michael moved one hand to Dean’s chair, and the other to Dean’s leg, his fingers curling possessively just above Dean’s knee. Dean didn’t want to look up into his eyes, but eventually he made himself do it, and felt like Michael was analysing him with them, diagnosing him. Apparently he saw something inside Dean he approved of, at long last, and moved his hand from Dean’s knee, to start stroking at Dean’s crotch instead. Well, stroking was the wrong word entirely – Michael grabbed, and then snaked his hand under Dean’s ass to pull the omega closer towards him.

There was no point in trying to keep his breathing steady now. Michael was on top of him now and it was all Dean could do to keep himself together, to remind himself that he could do this goddammit – he could do it and he would.

 Michael’s hand was rubbing back and forth at the seams on Dean’s jeans, still showing no inclination to untie Dean. Dean realised then that he might have to do something without the free use of his limbs. Something _now_ , because it just wasn’t worth waiting on Michael to touch him again, _never again_ , that was what he’d decided all those months ago…

Dean twisted his hips around and raised his feet, and kicked Michael in the chest, hard. It had been the last thing the alpha had expected and he went flying back in shock and pain. Meanwhile Dean was still seatbelted up and he was a fucking _idiot_ , and as though acknowledging the fact, Emma started howling again. Because there was no taking that back now. Dean didn’t know what Michael was thinking from here on in, what his plans were, his thoughts were for them, but at least now in this moment, Dean had surprised him. And maybe he could still use that.

He wriggled out of his seatbelt as he tried kicking out at Michael once again, this time aiming for his head, but apparently his ex hadn’t been all that shocked for all that long, and managed to get a grip on Dean’s still-tied ankles. Dean was definitely fucked now…

“I so badly wanted to give you a chance, Dean,” Michael sighed, barely making himself heard over Emma’s continuous wailing. “I wanted to believe that you’d seen that much sense, at least. But apparently-”

Dean managed to pull himself up then by some insane reservoir of will and anger and come flying at Michael’s face with his fists, cutting off whatever it was Michael would have said to him then. It wasn’t a punch with very much force behind it, but again, Michael hadn’t been expecting it from him, and he’d been too busy holding Dean’s legs to defend himself from the rest of him. As soon as Dean’s ankles were free of Michael’s grip, Dean started kicking at his knees, sliding his way out from under his seatbelt and coming at Michael with his fists again. And no matter how Michael tried to stop him now, he just kept on coming at him.

“I’m not your fucking _property,_ Michael, and I sure as hell ain’t your fucking mate. Not anymore.” As Michael tried grabbing at Dean’s waist, Dean got a good grip at his neck by throwing his arms around him, and bashing Michael’s head again and again against the steering wheel. “You feel that? That means that neither me or my kid have anything to do with you. Because we’re worth fucking more than another trophy on your goddamn _shelf._ ”

“Dean-”

“No! You don’t get to talk to me anymore. I was _happy_ , alright?”

Dean was dimly aware that his daughter’s crying was growing quieter, that Michael’s growls were turning into smaller groans. And there was blood on his face now, all over his nose… Dean pushed his face, weakly now into the dashboard one more time, as he panted in exhaustion, just for good measure. But Michael was definitely out of it now. His road trip home had been rudely cut short. But even if Michael wasn’t conscious, Dean still felt like he needed to keep speaking to him. “You never knew me. You knew me as some sort of… little tragedy that you got to keep that way forever, because that suited the way you wanted to live your life. And I honestly swallowed all your bullshit because I never believed I was anything better than what you wanted me to be. And one day I’m gonna be alright just… _living_ without needing someone to give me a role to fill. But you ain’t gonna be there to see it, you sonavabitch.”

Letting out a long ragged breath, Dean collapsed against the car door. Now the question was, would he be able to work a phone without the use of his wrists?

“What d’you think, pup? Think your old man can work a cellphone?”

Emma stared back at him, and her mouth seemed to twitch. Dean believed it was meant as something like a smile of belief. So maybe he wasn’t the ideal Dad for Emma in many ways, and he was still a little screwed in the head. But at least now he knew for damn sure that he could protect her, when it counted.

And then as it worked out, it wasn’t all that difficult to work out Michael’s cell, despite his disadvantages. What should have been more difficult was deciding who to call first, considering Cas was supposedly locked up, and Michael needed the hospital, needed locked up or something - but as it happened, calling 911 first never even occurred to Dean.

“Michael?” The sound of his mate’s voice was everything Dean needed then for… for validation he hadn’t realised he’d been craving and Dean leant back more of his weight on the door as he imagined Cas’ face answering the phone. He must have been so damn worried…

“Cas, s’me.” Dean took a deep breath in, because suddenly he just wanted to sob, to collapse into his mate’s arms. “M’ok. We’re… we’re going to be ok now.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who's followed/supported this story so far - the next chapter is so very cheesy i am calling it the camambert chapter in my head, and that's for all of you :P


	24. Love and... Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some experiences better are better the second time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Camembert chapter.

_Epilogue_

There was a karaoke. Of course there was a karaoke.

“Nobody’s forcing you to sing, Sam,” Ruby had pointed out to him as she’d gotten changed that morning. After several months of deliberating, she’d settled on the figure-hugging navy dress which had been her first choice, and Sam’s unerring favourite. Which wasn’t to say she hadn’t also bought several other outfits, in case she had, ultimately, changed her mind.

Sam looked up at her darkly from his seat on their bed. “Wait for it. Dean will. Or _Charlie_ will _._ ”

“Speaking of. Jo’s not bringing a date today, is she?”

Sam narrowed his eyes, but eventually gave in to smile and walk over to her, draping his arms over her shoulders like a shawl. “I thought we talked about the matchmaking.”

“Mmm. Well, I’m sure you’ll have said something about it… once.” She spun around slowly and cupped his face in her hands. “But I remember you saying something else when Kristy was born… and I am pretty damn sure that was a promise, Sam, something about doing whatever I wanted for the rest of our-”

He cut her off by pulling her lips up towards his, and rubbing his hand up through her dark hair. She was wearing her best perfume…

“I remember.”

She poked a finger at his chest, and backed away, smiling, to look in the mirror again. “Hmm. Make sure you do. And you mussed up my hair, genius.”

“It looks good that way.”

“Well you’ve gotta say that. And I’d prefer to look like a million dollars, not like I just crawled out of your bed.”

“Well that one’s definitely your best look.”

“If I went by what you thought was my best look, Winchester, I’d be turning up to your brother’s wedding naked. And that’d be even worse seen as it’s his _second_. People aren’t supposed to have second weddings, so they gotta start acting like they’re sorry about it a little.”

“And what screams ‘sorry’ better than a karaoke,” Sam deadpanned, leaning against the door. But as much as he’d like to moan about it, he was happy that Dean was going so all-out to do whatever he liked for today, without a hint of apology. Hell, Sam was just honestly _happy_ for his brother, and he’d much rather see him get married with a karaoke and wearing the ridiculous green tuxedo he’d found himself than… well, than ice-sculptures.

“…Or whatever he has planned for the honeymoon, which I still think is gonna be something like Vegas,” Ruby continued as she fixed her earrings. “And I know you know, which, you _know_ , bugs me no end.”

Sam’s only response was a small, teasing smile.

“I still don’t see why you can’t tell me,” she grumbled, pouting as she walked over to him, putting her hands on her hips.

“Because he thinks you’ll tell Cas.” Dean and Cas had decided to split the planning of the wedding, keeping some parts secret from each other, or, at least, trying. Cas had taken on the choice of the first dance song, and Dean had taken on the honeymoon planning. It seemed to Sam although his brother may have picked the larger straw there – all Cas knew so far was that they were leaving straight after the reception was over.

“What, does he think I can’t keep a secret?” She raised an eyebrow and snorted, loudly. “Ugh, your brother’s an idiot. Why would he tell you and not me?”

Sam coughed out a laugh and raised two fingers which he proceeded to lower one by one. “One, because I’m his brother. And two, because I’m his best man.”

Ruby snorted again. “ _Best man_. The omega of the guys getting married still gets a _best man._ You’re all such weird-ass liberals.”

Sam kissed his mate again on the forehead. “So we’ve been told.”

Ruby pulled away from him and made to walk past him out of the door, smiling.

“And uh… It’s not Vegas.

She narrowed her eyes at him as she shook her head. “You’re a dick. And a tease. ”

“Mommy said a bad word again!”

Ruby drew a deep, long-suffering breath before turning round to look at her oldest child, who was looking up gleefully at her from his seat on the stairs. “Sometimes Daddy leaves Mommy no choice in that, Davey,” she told him sternly. “And you musn’t say anything to anyone about those times because…?”

“’Cause then they’ll say you’re bad and that _I_ must be bad too and they’ll take me away to live with the other bad little boys, so I won’t get to see Maxie or Kristy or you guys again.” Davey mumbled moodily to himself, crossing his arms over his chest in a very obvious imitation of his mother.

Sam wasn’t sure whether to laugh or have a talk with his wife about the emotional manipulation that had recently become such an essential weapon in her parenting arsenal, but then his son started scuffing the back of his new shoes and Sam found an easier thing to intervene over. “Hey, hey sport, don’t go ruining your new shoes,” he reminded Davey as he went to sit down beside him on the stair. “You get a super important role to play today, so we need you to look super important. And that means that your shoes should still be looking shiny, pageboy.”

“Pageboys are way more important than flower girls, right Dad?”

“They’re _both_ very important. Uh… but you’re the only pageboy your uncles have got. If Emma or Kristy aren’t looking their best, I guess that’s more ok, because the other one’s there to make them look better. But if you lose the rings…” Sam made a disappointed face. “Well that wouldn’t be pretty bad.”

Sam felt the back of his head whacked hard all of a sudden. “Stop scaring him,” Ruby told him. “Everything’s gonna go great, Davey, don’t listen to your Dad, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Besides. Emma is definitely the most important today since she’s the daughter of the people getting married.”

“Why couldn’t you guys have got married after _we_ were born?” Davey grumbled, as his mother stared speaking over him again.

“And you’re going to make your cousin feel very welcome when she’s staying with us, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Davey said, looking at his feet. “But that doesn’t mean she gets to be Batman every time we’re playing pretend. Or Elsa or…”

“This sounds like a long list of ‘cool’ characters.”

“…or John McLean…”

Ruby’s head spun to look at Sam. “What are they letting that kid watch?” she muttered at him, like he would know. Sam only shrugged, smiling.

*

It was ridiculous to be nervous about marrying someone that you’d been happily mated to for a good four years now, Dean reminded himself for the umpteenth time that day. It was funny, but he hadn’t even exactly been nervous before his first wedding, he’d just sorta been resigned to how things were going to be. And Michael had needed him to be happy, so he’d been happy.

Thinking of Michael… it was strange these days, since it no longer felt like poking at a scab, it was finally something Dean could just acknowledge without having to dwell on it. Knowing that he was still locked up probably helped with that. At the time, when they’d had to have the whole family get involved in a whole new long-lasting court-case just after the divorce had been settled, Dean had wondered whether it was really worth it, just to lock Michael up. He didn’t feel much of a threat, not right after his failed kidnapping attempt, but afterwards, when Dean still woke up in the middle of the night and needed to run through to check Emma was still sleeping in her bed ok, it was good that Cas had something as soothing as reminding Dean of how far away Michael’s prison was to send him back to sleep. So, yeah. It had been worth it, in the end.

Emma already knew some of the story. Dean wanted to avoid an all-out information dump on her later, so he was telling her the story in bits and pieces, and every time he told it, it would flesh out a little more. She liked his stories, enjoyed how the ways he liked to change them for her all the time. For his part, Dean had realised his daughter was far more likely to listen to him if what he was telling her included a few more werewolves and demons than were strictly necessary.

“You look like a very handsome prince,” she told him solemnly from her stool in the corner of his room. Her legs weren’t anywhere near touching the floor, and she was swinging them back and forwards vigorously for lack of something to do.

Dean turned and crouched down in order to smile at her. “You think?” She nodded firmly. “Well I think you look like a proper princess.”

“I look like a murshmallow,” she corrected him, pouting slightly.

Dean’s eyes widened in mock surprise. “A _marshmallow?_ Does that mean I have to eat you _all up?”_

A coy little smile started tugging at Emma’s lips. “No…”

“No? You sure about that, princess?”

“ _Yes!_ ”

“Yes I have to eat you all up in one gulp?”

She squealed and jumped down off of her stool. “NO!”

“Oh, I dunno about that…” Dean started saying as he gave in and started chasing his daughter around the room, her poufy little ivory dress flying out behind her and making her clumsy, so it was easier than it usually was to swoop down on her and lift her into his arms. One day she’d be too big for him to pick up, he realised, but buried the thought because _that_ was painful. He would love her whatever size or age she was, but she was just seemed so… precious right now, Dean thought as he breathed in the smell of her, his ear bashing against her glasses as he drew away to look at her still giggling face. She’d grown into Dean’s sandy hair, but it was Cas’ blue eyes that stared back at him, so full of laughter, and trust in the man holding her.

“So you gonna be good for Uncle Sammy and Auntie Ruby while we’re gone?”

She nodded, slowly, clearly giving the question some serious thought.

“And no terrorising their dog this time. Max isn’t a pony, Emma.”

Emma pouted, but nodded again. “Daddy,” she asked as he lowered her back to the floor.

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“When you and Papa met…?”

Dean started fixing his tie in the mirror, for the umpteenth time. “Uh-huh?”

“Did you always know you were gonna fall in love with him?”

“You mean was it love at first sight?” Dean laughed, briefly remembering holding a gun to Cas’ head from the back of the Impala, feeling a shiver of shame at the memory. “Uh. No. No I don’t think either of us got that, sweetheart.” 

“Oh.” Emma processed this slowly. “But soon after though?”

“Yeah. Pretty soon after that.”

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

Emma clasped her hands behind her back and swayed gently back and forwards. “If Uncle Gabriel fell in love, and he had babies…”

“Uh-huh?”

“Would he still bring cool presents for me?”

Dean laughed aloud. “I swear to God kid, you are going places.” He crouched down to get a better look at her again. “Look, no one who loves you now is ever gonna love you any less. And if for some reason they did then they ain’t worth it anyway. Ok?”

“Ok,” she mumbled eventually.

There was a tentative knock at the door behind him, and a familiar cough. “Uh, they’re all ready for you,” Sam said, his daughter at his heels dressed the same as Emma. Of the two of Sam’s children, Kristy was the one to best remind Dean of Sam at that age. Same floppy hair and wide puppy eyes that she already knew full-well how to use.

“Awesome. We ready for them, my midget flower queens?”

Enthusiastic cheers met his question, along with a wry smile from Sam. “So you nervous?”

“What? No friggin’ way.” Dean grinned. “Got the father of my kid, my mate, and the guy unlucky enough to be in love with me standing out there waiting for me-”

“What, all three of them?”

Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother and took the hands of his two flower girls to start leading them out the door. “Yeah, you’re hilarious. Wedding night orgy, why not.”

Sam directed his eyes angrily at their daughters, apparently not impressed, as usual, with the way Dean tended to talk around them. “So no nerves at all then?”

“Dude, what the hell do I have to be nervous about?” Dean smiled, “I’m happy, alright?”

“Good,” Sam told him as he slapped him on the back as they started moving down the hall together. “I believe you this time.”

*                                                                                                                         

At their high table at the reception, later, Cas leaned in towards his mate to breathe in his scent. He certainly smelt happy. “Everything’s alright for you, so far?” He asked softly in Dean’s ear.

Dean snorted, and pulled Cas towards him in imitation of their earlier kiss at the alter. Dean had shaved very closely, Cas noticed again as he put his hand on his mate’s chin, pulling him closer. All these years and he never stopped feeling _lucky_ whenever he had Dean in his arms, or when he looked down at their daughter, so healthy, with nothing but poor eyesight that could nod to the complications of her birth. Despite everything they’d had to go through, they were fine now. They were much better than fine. Cas worked for himself now, and after a couple of years of therapy and time at home with Emma, Dean had taken his job back with Benny, who, as his friend, had found space for him in a part-time position back in the garage.

They never had crazy amounts of money but they never had to worry about it either. Cas’ constant restless need to be moving on somewhere else, to get away from himself and be someone new wasn’t there anymore, and Dean… Dean was also happier in his own skin now. But whenever they had a problem, they talked about it, having finally learned that it wasn’t all that close to rocket science after all.

As Dean pulled away, his hand lingered on Cas’, gently fingering at the new ring he’d not long placed on his mate’s finger. Cas had made what Dean called “a huge friggin’ deal” over the issue of ethically sourcing the gold for the rings, and in the end they’d picked out silver rings instead. It had been the only thing Cas had made a fuss over, but considering he was now involved in running his own charity it had been important to him. Admittedly, his work had absolutely nothing to do with gold-mining, it was actually a charity he’d set up to help the vulnerable runaways and homeless who ended up on the San Francisco streets for a variety of awful reasons. It was a small, but very effective office Cas ran, made up of a mix of volunteers and full time workers like himself, and several of them had made it along to the wedding. As Cas looked down at the tables in front of him he saw Hannah and Inias smiling over at him in their seats next to some of Dean’s colleagues, and Balthazar, who had also made it out from Portland. Without a date, Cas noted, though he suspected that this was something of a strategic decision made on Balthazar’s part.

It was Balthazar who kept trying to catch his eye during Dean’s, rather stilted, and slightly awkward speech, but it was with a smile of approval that he was looking over at Cas, a glance that was meant to say, _Nice catch._

“...So I’m kinda making a big mess of this, but basically what I’m trying to say is that… Well. We, uh, we went through hell to get to where we are now, but if we _wouldn’t_ have ended up here for some reason without all that… well then I wouldn’t go back and change a thing.”

Under the table, Cas gripped Dean’s hand tightly in support until he sat down again, when he enveloped him in a large hug. Dean tried to act like he wasn’t wanting one but Cas could feel the grip on his jacket as Dean briefly clung tightly to him.

Having Dean and their brothers’ speeches, both of which had been lightly to extremely embarrassing, verging always on the latter end of the scale for Gabriel, it was time for Cas to stand up and deliver his own. He wasn’t nervous, but he was a little worried about how violent Dean’s insistence that he was ‘a sap’ would be afterwards.

But then if Dean thought this was bad, he should just wait until the first dance track…

“Uh, hello,” Cas started with as he stood up, Dean still breathing heavily from the trauma of his own ordeal in the seat beside him. There were a few good natured laughs at Cas’ briefly hesitant expression, and Cas allowed them before trying to move on.

“I’d, uh. I’d just like to thank everyone again for taking the time to be here today. We’re aware that some of you have travelled a long way and gone to a lot of effort to celebrate with us today, and I just hope you all know how much we appreciate that. Which is, uh, which is a lot, in case you were wondering.” Cas took a deep breath and smiled shyly around at the room, seeing Meg raise her wine glass to him as he did so, an ironic little smile playing on her own lips. She and his sister had still never said anything about mating or marrying, but they were living together at last, and they seemed happy. And whenever Anna brought out new paintings, Cas would always recognise her muse as his old friend immediately.

After clearing his throat again, Cas continued, very aware that Dean was staring at him. “As many of you will know, Dean and I didn’t exactly meet in the most conventional manner. And I think that a major reason for that is because Dean is… well he’s not a conventional man, much as he’d like to think that he is. Dean is… well Dean is something very special. I’d travelled most of the world at that point of my life when Dean… hijacked it so completely and I can say with confidence that no experience before that had ever changed me, or opened my eyes, in anything like the same way. So I need to thank him too, for that. And for our daughter, Emma,” Cas added, pointing along the table to where their pup was wriggling in her seat, “who has managed to bring so much joy into our lives, I also have to thank Dean. And Emma herself, for that matter. I am glad that we waited for her to be old enough to enjoy this day with us before we went through with it. Though of course when I say that _we_ waited… Again I have to thank Dean for the idea of today. When Dean asked me to marry him at New Year, I did mainly use the time before replying to wonder why we hadn’t already sorted that out already…”    

“It was a sappy speech,” Dean confirmed later when they were walking out to start the dancing.

“Are we speaking about your speech or mine?”

“Hey, mine was totally respectable,” Dean started protesting as the first sounds of their first dance song started playing. “What is this?” He asked Cas as they took up a casual and slightly clumsy dance hold and stepped out into the middle of their friends and family. Cas saw Balthazar start hovering around Dean’s old family friend Jo, apparently waiting for the moment to ask her up to dance.

“I know this though,” Dean muttered in annoyance, just before his eyes widened in sudden recognition. “Wait, you fucking _dork_ \- really?”

“That took you a while,” Cas noted as he spun Dean out, humming along to Zeppelin’s _Going to California_ as he did so, trying to taunt his mate. Dean grabbed him close in response and kissed him. “Just… thanks, alpha.”

“Are you getting ‘sappy’ on me now?” Cas asked as he watched  as he saw other people start join them in the dancing, of John Winchester taking Cas’, now very much divorced, mother up for a dance. She looked almost as confused as Balthazar did when Jo went dancing off with Charlie – Ruby would be pleased, Cas thought with a smile as Dean managed to catch him off guard and dip him.

“Shut up and dance with me properly already.”

*

It didn’t take all that much to get Sam drunk and out on the karaoke stage singing Bon Jovi with him. Still the tallest guy Dean knew and his little brother was still also somehow the biggest lightweight he knew.

“You got that all saved, sweetheart?” Dean asked as he high-fived his sister-in-law after Dean walked and Sam stumbled down off the stage. Ruby smiled and held up her phone in achievement while they both watched her husband’s face drop.

“No…”

“It’s all on facebook in five minutes time,” she confirmed, not even looking up from her phone as she swung her legs from the table, reminding Dean of his daughter earlier.

As Sam ran over to her to uselessly start pleading and imploring, Dean laughed and picked up someone else’s beer – what the hell, it might have been his, they all looked the same – and went to find his pup. The crowd had thinned now, and it was easy enough to find her, chasing her cousins and Benny’s kids around the dancefloor.

“You almost ready to go home with your Uncle Sammy, baby?”

“Almost,” she said, drawing out the word.

“Well they sure seem excited to bring you home with them,” Dean assured her, as he glanced back over his shoulder where Sam and Ruby were still fighting over the phone. “Have you seen your other Daddy? I need to make sure he’s all ready for _our_ big trip.”

Emma shook her head. “He still doesn’t know yet about where you’re going,” she giggled as she put a finger to her lips.

Dean took her hand and squeezed it. “And we’re gonna keep it that way long as we can… Hey, there he is!”

Emma broke away from his grip and ran into Cas’ waiting arms. He spun her around his head several times, crowing about how heavy she was getting before putting her down again. Dean walked over at a slower pace and crossed his arms over his chest.

“And how did you enjoy the party?” Cas asked her, in that solemn way he had of talking to her.

“I liked the cake. Uncle Gabe says he’s gonna buy me a pony next time he’s here.”

Dean laughed as he watched his mate’s face blanch completely. “I’m thinking he’s not talking about an actual pony, sweetheart, but, uh, we’ll talk about after we get back, alright?”

“He meant it,” Emma insisted, pouting. “Are you leaving now?”

Cas looked up at Dean, a smile tugging at his lips and Dean was again filled with the fear of disappointing him. They hadn’t exactly had a lot saved for a honeymoon, so Dean had been forced to go ahead with the planning with the thought being the bit that counted as his mantra.

And then there was the fact that Dean really, really, hadn’t wanted to take a flight.

“You so keen to see the back of us already?”

She shrugged. “You said you were gonna leave after you made Uncle Sammy sing, and you did that already. And I’m kinda sleepy now.”

Dean bent down to pick her up with a smile. “Then let’s get you off to bed, baby.”

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“You’re gonna miss me?”

“Every single day.”

“And you are comin’ back.”

“I’m sure we’ll be counting the days, Emma,” Cas assured her.

Emma thought this over for a moment before nodding, apparently deeming this acceptable. She was so used to being the centre of their world Dean often wondered what it might be like if they gave her a sibling one day. Would it change her life as dramatically as his own had changed after Sammy was born? Much as they’d started to talk seriously about more pups, Dean worried about that sometimes. He liked seeing her for everything she could be on her own. But then again, sometimes you got to make little siblings sing karaoke against their will. Things balanced out.

“Ok then.”

*

“Is the blindfold really necessary, Dean?”

Cas had just bumped into his third mysterious object. Although Dean had been leading him by the hand the entire time, wherever he’d brought Cas had many things to bump into. In fact Cas was starting to suspect that they were in their garage…

“Just be cool for two more minutes, babe.”

“Babe?”

“Shut up, I’m feeling romantic.”

Cas smelt Dean come closer to him and felt his lips brush against his cheek. Dean still smelt nervous, Cas realised as he heard his mate move away and start bashing things about.

“You know, whatever it is you’ve set up, Dean, I will enjoy it.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Though I hope that wherever we are ending up tonight I have the space and time and opportunity to eat you all out without any interruptions. That’s my only request in all this.”

Dean laughed, a little awkwardly, and moved forwards to take off the blindfold. “Judge for yourself.”

They were standing in their garage, and Cas was looking at the Impala. The car had been so rigorously cleaned that it gleamed brightly even in the low light of the garage. And hanging off the back there was a sign…

“Finally married,” Cas read.

“So, yeah. I might have you beat on the sentimental card. I just thought… well, you’ve basically seen all the interesting places out there, but you never did get to finish your all-American road trip properly and… yeah we didn’t exactly have a load saved for much else…”

“Dean, this is perfect,” Cas told him honestly, as he snaked his arms around his mate’s waist, unable to stop his face from breaking out into a grin.

“And uh,” Dean coughed, and bit his lip to keep himself from smiling, “as for your uh, request? Well I think we’re probably left with the less than  classy option of backseat car sex since the first place I thought we could stop is, well, it’s kinda ages away…”

Cas closed his mate’s mouth with his own, pulling Dean’s whole body towards him by the one hand he had laced through Dean’s hair, and the other on his ass. Drawing his face away again after gently teasing at Dean’s lower lip, Cas smiled. “Well, I have been told that we’re not exactly classy people.”

Dean snorted. “Speak for yourself, alpha. I sweat class.”

Cas sniffed at his neck. “Funny, I don’t smell any.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Get in the damn car already.”

“Aren’t you going to at least ask me in at gunpoint?”

“If you keep this up, I might.”

“You are feeling romantic tonight,” Cas noted as he got into the car, wordlessly understanding that he would be sitting in the passenger seat. A moment later and Dean was sitting down beside him.

“Ready to get back on the road, alpha?”

Cas smiled and leaned back in his seat. “Wherever you want to take me, Dean.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, thank you so much to everyone who was commenting/supporting this story all the way despite my exceedingly slapdash approach to grammar and spelling etc, etc. Without all the encouragement I got for this along the way, this story would definitely not have turned out as long as it did, or finished at all.  
> …Speaking of which I’m gonna try and get back to my long-abandoned girl!Dean fic, but smaller fluff ideas MAY get in the way of that. (Also if anyone wants to hit me up with prompts for fics or ideas of timestamps, feel free to tell me in a comment/find me on tumblr (either sweetsummerchildofmine or captainangua works) and shout at me via askboxes to write things. I like writing things.)  
> Again thank you so much for reading, HUGE hug for anyone who made it this far, you are all amazing, and if you liked it please tell me because it is guaranteed to brighten up my day :)


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